I Never Knew I had a Choice [Chapter 9]

During almost the whole last night my dogs were tortured. They didn’t stopped to gasp, to cry, to have high heart rates… I only slept until 11, a little bit, another little bit at 2 and another little bit at 3. They are literally trying to kill dreams with torture, not letting me sleep… but dreams was what we got most beautifully during last night dream. By the wayl it happened something that has happened before when they have done this: chunks of sleep and dreaming felt a lot longer than you would imagine from a half an hour. That means: the sense of time is quite flexible in the dreams. Something that was physically half an hour in the dream felt a lot longer. Yes, it has happened MANY times. It is not the first time they have caused sleep deprival, although it is true that last night was one of the most severe sleep deprivals rhey have caused. One of the dogs peed, vomited and defecated during the night, and his pee was SO transparent I couldn’t see it, although I did felt the wet floor with my feet. That is something that was also caused to me (I also peed during the night and had very light yellow pees).

So… in last night dream Mikhael asked me how to plasmate God’s work pursuing His dream… We have a dream… In everyone beats a dream of God Love, a beautiful dream of self-giving and communion, and everyone is called to plasmate that dream as the living work of Love we are called to become through giving to each other as we are meant to, letting us be defined by Love, letting Love define the work of Love that we incarnare as we give ourselves as we are meant to. Sexuality is only one way of many we have to give ourselves, a way that is meant to be inside a very concrete context: marriage between a man and a woman, open unconditionally to grace and life. However, there are SO many dreams to plasmate when we are unconditionally open to grace and life! There are so many forms to concrete this living work of Love, this living work of Art, this Fiat Amor! For those who doesn’t know it, Fiat Amor is the story of a princess who learns to walk thanks to Jesus Charity. The detail is important in what I am going to explain next.

Everything in us is meant to be defined by Love, not only sexuality. Example: Those so called “conversion therapies”, which I have defended before, are wrong. You can’t change only your sexuality, you choose to let Love embrace you… and that can mean both heal an homosexual tendency, in case it was caused by trauma, or actually sanctify your homosexuality with a chaste way of life, it it is a birth homosexuality (you born that way). However, you should not define yourself as “homosexual”. You are a son and daughter of God. The same applies to EVERYONE. What defines us is His Love, not our sexuality, nor our sins, nor our past, nor our falls, nor our gifts and charisms… what defines us is who we are in His Heart: people of the alliance (pueblo-familia de la alianza) called to plasmate His living work of New Albor… yes, I said: “living work of New Albor”, not living work of Love. As a matter of fact, you can say both: a living work of New Albor is a living work of Love. A loving work of New Albor is a work that plasmate God’s self-giving dream for your life. As we plasmate His living work of Love, plasmating our whole personal formation according to His plan as we give everything to help to be, help to do, help to grow, help to glow and help to bloom in more and more communion, we also plasmate God’s dreams for our life… and thar was what we did, in a way you wouldn’t expect…

[I am being caused to cough with stertor as I write this. Yes, I am being tortured while I write this…]

Well, we used a wood art palette as an art canvas to plasmate God’s dreams for my life, a New Albor living work of Love. It was literally a new albor, actually: it was a way in the middle of a sunflower field, with a new albor behind. It had a gold siluette pf me with Jesus Charity walking… I had painted something like this before, in wood, (it was not a wood palette, I had never pained in a wood palette as a canvas) with crayons. Not with Jesus Charity and me, but it was a field of sunflowers with a new albor behind. It was done with hot crayolas (I paint with crayolas and a hot spoon to blend the hot crayolas). That painting dissapeared along the years… and it was the main illustration for the Fiat Amor Love story.

Mikhael appreciatted my art. He simply asked me a single question: “you are going to paint only you and Jesus Charity?”

I looked at him with surprise: yes, why? That is how Fiat Amor was written.

He moved his head and kind of hesittated with a smile: well, now we know there is a whole Holy Family of New Albor besides Jesus Charity: there is a Saint Joseph of New Albor and there is a Our Lady of New Albor, that would be plasmated in you… and there is Caramelo… and there a a bunch on unruly kids you teach and “rule” (poner en orden, hacer vida el orden de la caridad…) that can be plasmated as brothers and sisters, because Mary is and you are meant to be mother of maaaaaaaaaaany brothers and sisters… so plasmate at least a boy and a girl as sign of your numerous, very numerous people-family of the new albor [he handed me the gold paint to expand the siluette I painted]

[Note in this paragraph: I received a few minutes ago a meditation that explains this very beautifully. Yes, Our Lady can be “plasmated” and dwelling in us… The quote talks about Mary “breathing” in us”… Here is the meditation screnshoot]

I looked at Mikhael with a look of “Its hard to believe you, but I’ll do what you say…”

Mikhael spoke, even if I only looked at him: “let Him raise you (déjate levantar), let yourself be raised as He meant you to be raised. Let Him raise you as He wants to raise you”.

I smiled at him: Fiat Amor then…

Fiat Amor is a whole way of walking like He walked, like our blessed Mother and Saint Joseph also walked: fiat mihi secundum verbum Tuum, fiat mihi secundum caritatis tuam… and that is also fulfilling His dream, letting Him to raise us as the living work of New Albor we are meant to be, giving new life as we are meant to give it, letting us be defined by the everlasting fecundity of Love.

So, what I need to add to the Amazon wishlist I am filling for my students (and that is quite big) are wood art palettes, the biggest possible, so they can paint their dreams there. I have already added paint, brushes and even palettes, but I need them the biggest possible. That detail is important. 🙂

By the way, the work of New Albor ended splashing silver and gold paint, transconsecrating the work as the Holy Spirit transconsecrates our hearts into living Eucharist: in unity of being and act, of work and words, of hands and heart… that is how we are meant to give ourselves in unity to the Holy Spirit: as living Eucharist, creating home, Church and Humanity that creates living heaven, that creates living Eucharist… glowing as the living beacon of new life that grows in communion that we are called to be, incarnating more and more His sacramental fraternity…

There is another detail in the new albor work of love that is very important. I will explain it later, in the car, and then in writting.

I am right now in the first floor of the house, preparing my stuff for the day and letting the dogs out. Among the things the progenitors left as objects of social exploitation (objects that are meant to be there to exploit me psychosocially) are these mugs that are from the Discovery of America:

What they are saying with that is “New Fraternization doesn’t exist, this is not for the whole Americas (yesterday the EWTN family prayer was about praying for the Americas and I wrote in the contemplative prayer that we are meant as Americans to pursue this New fraternization, transformating this colonization era into a Universal Declaration of Love (the Universal Declaration of Fraternal Rights, and the end of all kinds of colonization in the Americas, including the end of the political status of the last political colonial territory: us, Puerto Ricans), the family evangelization project (new humanization, new ecclesializatiom, new fraternization, new evangelization, new familiarization) doesn’t exist”. We all know it exists. We all know this family evangelization project began well long ago, in the beginnings of the colonization era, the Holy Family of the New Albor waiting patiently until transforming this whole colonial mess, that is not the way we are meant to evangelize a Christians, into a new fraternization that is not only part of a family evangelization project, but part of a whole new era for the three Americas: an era of new fraternization that puts an end to the colonization and slavery era, walking together as equal brothers and sisters in communion direction.

That was not the only thing they left. They also left a Britta water filter. Even they know it: pure water is flowing on and on to purify this Charca. To understand what I mean with Charca, you need to read La Charca, a novel of Puerto Rican literature that describe the cruel hardships of our historical colonial past.

May the pure waters of the Holy Spirit flow, overflowing everything with new life that grows in more and more communion. 🙂

I just got my labs results from yesterday. My thyroid antibodies are high, everything else is relatively normal. This would confirm my theory: the toxic gassing is causing inmune dissorders.

Right now I am in a bakery, tasting a great breakfast (a sandwich of eggs, ham, cheese and garlic butter in traditional Puerto Rican bread, plus coffe and orange juice, what is a luxury for me) and now I can explain the detail I still need to explain about the new albor living work of love painting.

In that painting there must be a detail, any, that is spiral. The spiral plasmates the communion direction we are all called to follow as equal brothers, as equal citizens, as free, equal, full of dignity, saints, fullfilled, joyful, loved, called, consecrated chosen brothers and sisters we are called to be. Tomorrow we celebrate the day of abolition of slavery, and now it also should become the day of abolition of colonization; a day of new fraternizationin which we celebrate growing together in communion, walking together as brothers and sisters that are equal citizens, plasmating together Patria viva, Iglesia viva, humanidad viva…

After all this being said, lets start chapter nine, that is about sexuality, clarifying that besides depriving me from sleep my progenitors are torturing me with severe intestinal pain (7 of 10, ten being the most intense pain) as I complete the reflections and comments of this chapter.

I will do with this chapter what I did yesterday: share the pictures of the pages in which I wrote comments/reflections/yellow marks

Here we go…

From the “What I can go from there?” section at the end of the chapter, I am interested in answering the first question… but it is not pertinent to everyone to know, it would only be pertinent by the spouse/boyfriend, when God calls me to have that conversation.

I consider sexuality a beautiful topic to be talked, in the right context, with the right person, in the right moment… and with the right intimacy. There is nothing shameful in sexuality, rightly lived. It is a beautiful self-giving gift Gid gives to the human being, making them co-creators and co-collaborators of the Trinitarian communion.

Let’s keep choosing to be a light!

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