I Never Knew I Had A Choice [Chapter 7 and Chapter 8]

In last night dream Mikhael and I did a beautiful creative project to plasmate how to pursue this ministry of new albir, this ministry of growth in communion, as we create human, eclesial and civil family according to His plan. We plasmated how God call us to create sacramental family as the Holy Family of the New Albor does, incarnaring together the living Eucharist, casting again, but this time we casted a Sparkling Holy Family of the New Albor, the same way we casted hands yesterday. Then, we painted the figures living charity gold, and then we splashed metallic transconsecration to the figures… but not only to the figures: we also splashed metallic transconsecration (remember: metallic color is unity of being and act, and also growing together in comunnion) to the hands we did yesterday. Both projects are connected: as we create sacramental family as Mary and Joseph did, we incarnate the Eucharist as loving family comunion, as growing together in communion (the casted hands) as the family-beacon God call us to be. Mikhael explained me that both created Eucharist embracing the gift of the Holy Spirit they were called to embrace to help Jesus to grow, to learn to walk as He does… After we casted and painted everything we put the sparklers in the Sparkling Holy Family of the New Albor (we did a little bit of wire art for doing that) and we also walked in the beach with sparklers. At the moment of the sparklers being lit up I had flashbacks of all we have shared as family, with the whole Holy Family of the New Albor, and it was beautiful to see it all again, including Caramelo, and the moon. At this moment I was so joyful I tripped over and fell… Mikhael smiled luminously, as luminous as my new albor eyes, and help me raise again, as we hugged…

-He will always raise you up, my beautiful princess of Heaven…

You may not understand the meaning of those words. There is a song, sang by many, but I like Josh Groban version, called “You raise me up”. Mikhael sang it to me and we danced together… I have heard that song thousands of times along these years. I love it. Well, Mikhael explained me that Jesus learned to be a raiser from Saint Joseph. That is the way Saint Joseph incarnated the consecration of the living Eucharist: in the same way our Mother of New Albor is a conceived, Saint Joseph is the raiser, the one who taught Jesus how to raise when he was learning how to walk as a man, and how to raise the Eucharist as He was called to as He delivered Himself to the Church.

So, that is for me relationship: growing together in communion, spark new life that grow in communion, as Mikhael said, accepting unconditionallly the gifts that the Spirit brings to create home as whole new heart, as beacons of His new life that grows in communion, painting with more and more seeds of living charity a new albor that helps everyone in thr family to be santified in His Love.

Yes, that is a relationship for me: be santified in His Love.

Yesterday, when I went to take the forced medications my progenitors force me to take as part of their abuse and body control, my progenitor female said me, almost screaming, “Hello” (Hola). She did that almost screaming because I was hearing music with audiophones, precisely for not hearing her (and I didn’t hear most of what she said, but she almost screamed the “hello” and I did heard that) or the progenitor male… but I really didn’t hear “hello”. What I heard was what I hear everytime they speak to me: I hate you for existing. You heard it right, that what they always tell, whatever thing they tell: “I hate you for existing, for being who you are”.

After that hello they caused me severe stomach pain, increased pee (I had to woke up to pee at 11pm) and also, in the exact moment I woke up the neighbours in the hate house did gun machine sounds. Do you understand now why I understand “I hate you for existing” when she says “hello”? All what they do is hate you. She doesn’t speak like or love when she speaks. She speaks hate, physical pain and death, and an absurd nauseous insistance in controlling you, especially controlling my body.

I a true relationship, what you say when you say “hello” is “I am grateful for your existance, I love you, thanks for being who you are”. That is the way to speak life, to speak love, to speak mercy, to speak peace, to speak a respect that in words of Mikhael is almost reverence, because you can see God-Love-with-us in the presence of the other… and raise Him up, the same way the Holy Family of the New Albor raised Jesus over and over again as He learned to walk, to become who He was called to be, the living Eucharist we are all called to be.

At around 8:30 am in the morning I had a severe vomitting attack in the school, along a coughing attack. I could barely breathe due non-stop nausea and vomitting, besides coughing with estertor. I first vomited transparent, then vomited the breakfast (carrot cake and coffee). I knew I had to go, becuase I was also having diarrea issues since the morning. Yes, the toxic gassing is so severe right now that I have symptoms along the day, ouside the house of tortures, like it was in this case. What I did was go to the medical center I should be going (but don’t go because I am tired of lying and be the cow) and took a lab order I had in stand by, and went to the lab to make me labs. If it is thyroid what they are making unstable to cause all this, it will be easily known right now because the labs had the thyroid tests, including antibodies.

This was my urine sample. It is a other very recurrent symptom: increase of peeing, causing transparent pee. My last urine before that sample was less than an hour ago.

What I suspect is that their toxic gassing is making very unstable my whole inmune system, causing all kind of inmune reactions during the day. Only the inmmune system could be cause such broad spectrum of symptoms during the day. That include problems with lungs innmune system, because I am having stertor cough since about four months ago, and that is clearly caused by their torture.

If they kill me, it will probably be like it happened today: not being able to breath due vomiting, so either you try to breath between vomiting/cough/nausea (usually I do that walking, but today walking caused me even more intestinal/stomach pain) or you asphixiate with your own vomit. Yes, as cruel as it sounds, those are their most recurrent simptoms.

I wrote this at 5:10 am, prior even writing about the dream:

“They had been causing stomach pain (upper abdomen pain) the whole night, including now that I woke up (since 4:30 am). Its the maslow pyramid: they want you to focus in physiological instead of focusing in the self actualization of the dreams with Mik, that was beautiful. Whay they di yesterday at 11 pm when they woke me up with pain (making noises of gun) is also Maslows pyramid: they want to cause you feel unsafe. 🙃 The “hello” of the progenitor was attempting to make feel unloved… I explain this because it is not rate to them cause “several” unfocus in the pyramid.”

This is the great thing about knowing psychology: it helps you to be better prepared to deal with torture and psychological manauvers to hurt you… and so you don’t let ANYTHING to unfocus you from keep growing until becoming who you are called By him to be: a Church that is mother of a very numerous family of living stars of heaven that shine brightly above us.

As I ended writing that, the progenitor female entered the room to say “I hate you for existing again”, asking me very unnecesarily if I am “well of health”, (she NEVER asks me if I am well of ANYTHING, I say this just to let you understand the whole social slavery scenario), knowing perfectly she had caused me today be sick and be in pain. Of course, when you ask someone you are torturing and causing suffering and sickness if you are “well of health” what you are telling him or her is “I hate you for being healthy… I hate you for being who you are… I hate for being here (on earth, alive)” As a matter of fact, as I am writting this, while she said that, I went to pee in 25 minutes intervals, fully transparent pees. She is saying that she is asking is you are “well of health”, at the same time that gasses you with toxic air that cause you increased peeing. Do you see the deep hate in her actions?

You know? They actually dissuaded me from studying psychology when I has in high school. The progenitor female told me a false story about my progenitor male: she said that my progenitor male wanted to study psychology, but because it is so low paying, she dissuaded him to study accountant, but he never passed his revalid, so she was “responsible” of his lack of money due lack of stable employment… Now I understand: it was a false story to dissuade me from study psychology, so I would better prepared to identify their control/criminal/hateful psychilogically abusive pattern…

You get their hate game, right? Sadly, you pray for everyone, but you also see, there are some that only have hate in their hearts, and you can’t choose for them, they choose that for themselves.

Today we celebrate Saint Joseph, that as we dreamed, he is raiser. He is alsp raising me up right now. He also is a guardian of virgins, protector of the living Church, and I am virgin of heart, so lets him be protector of this living Church, His living Church, that beats in me.

Today we also celebrate the international day of happiness. Yesterday Mikhael told me that what makes me more happy is communion, growing together in communion (and when you do that you radiate more and more light) so lets keep choosing to be joyful as we keep choosing to be a light. Lets keep raising each other up as Saint Joseph teaches us to do it, choosing to keep growing together in communion as we begin chapter six and seven: relationships and the other one that I still don’t know which one is. Yes, today I will make two chapters because I have no school nor work (I already made the lesson plans), nor Tournament of Champions to see (I only have a half of episose remaning to see). I have plenty of time to do two chapters [the progenitors throw a door when I say that].

Because I vomited this morning, I will take two vivarin now to be more focused. Coffee/caffeine helps me to be more focused in my readings and writings. So, by the power of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and the holy caffeine, lets start chapter 6: relationships.

“The challenge of forming intimate relationships is the major task of early adulthood”. Well, I had never seen examples of intimate true relationships around me, and that since child. That is something that have called the attention to me since very early: the lack of intimacy between my parents, and in the family in general. Intimacy is not valued except if there is interests involved.

“When we avoid intimacy, we diminish ourselves”. Despite not having a single one relationship that I can consider intimate, trust me, I don’t avoid intimacy. I had been simply isolated in such extreme I can’t have intimacy with no one because I am not allowed to.

“We can enhance our lives greatly by caring about others and fully savoring the time we spend with them”. I totally agree with this. I would say: enjoying communion.

“To bring about change, we ourselves must change rather than insisting that the other person change”. Sorry, sometimes the others are the one who need to change. I am not saying I don’t have things to change, everyone has. But there is a LITTLE difference between improving behaviours that are post traumatic and improving behaviours that are… CRIMINAL AND ILLEGAL, like happens around me. You get the point. What is true is that no one can’t force ANYONE to change. I can’t do anything to force a change in people who have demonstrated they don’t want to change. You let go them emotionally and psychologically, although you still are forced to interact with them socially and psysicallly… and keep moving on the best way you can.

“As you read the remainder of this chapter, spend some time [4] thinking about ways you experience intimacy in your life. [1] Are you involved in the kinds of relationship that satisfy you? [2] What are you willing to do to improve your relationships? [3] What are your view of a meaninful relatioship?” Easy here, too many questions at the same time. 😂 1. Well, my relationship with my students does satisfy me, they are great kids, although sometimes unruly, but its normal for their age. I love to teach them. My relationship with God (with Jesus Charity, with the Holy Family of the New Albow, with Mik..) also satisfies me A LOT, its the meaning and direction of my life. Besides those two kind of relationships, I have no other relationship. I am deeply isolated socially due my progenitors’ control. I can’t have relationships online (in dating sites) fue their hacking, nor in the parish (they collaborate with their abuse), nor with doctors and professional (I am not believed), nor in the family (they all collaborate in their abuse…) nor with neighbours (they also collaborate in the abuse…) and technically, I can’t have a real relationship with my colleagues due needing to lie constanly to cover up the reality of my social slavery… so… well. technically, the issue here is not a satisfaction issue, but not having relationships that should be there in someone of my age. 2. I can’t do nothing to improve relationships due the social slavery. 3. A meaningful relationship is someone in which you can be who you are, with “heart nakedness”, and also share yourself as you are, growing together in communion. 4. My ONLY way to experience intimacy in my life right now is literally through dreams. That was the way Saint Joseph “knew” Mary: fulfilling God dreams. The same happens with me.

I do agree with all your qualities of a healthy relationship. I would add one more to them: you both strive to put God and sacramental fraternity first in your lives. Without that, there is no intimacy in my relationships. That “vínculo” [link] is the strongest intimacy link one for me.

Here are the photos of the qualities mentioned in the chapter:

“Overall, good lovers are sensitive to their partner’s needs and desires, can communicate their own desires, and are patient, caring and confident” Well, I have never known this from anybody except God.

I do agree with your guidelines for adressing conflict and controntarion effectively. I admit: I do like good fights… I mean, healthy fights. Lets call them confrontations and not fights, for the sake of good growth manners. I would be in the WWE of this kind of fights 😂.

Here are the photos of the guidelines given by the book.

“We learn from our parents how to deal with the rest of the world”. I correct you: I have learn from my progenitors how NOT to deal with the rest of the world.

Just as I wrote that my progenitor female sent me money to “make me medical labs” (they know is not for that). Talking about control, they do practice intellectual control also: controlling what you read and your information sources. She waited me to enter into the section of “communicating with your parents” to sent me the money, with the message “God bless you forever”. Yes, they do like to play with the word “blessing” (what they are saying with those “blessings” is exactly the opposite: “God is NOT blessing you”. They threw a door furiously when I wrote that). It is not the first time that happens that I am reading something and they play with notifications/calls/noises arouns when I am reading a specific part of the text/Bible. Here you can see the screenshoots of what I wrote, marked down and her notification (notice the time differences).

How they can be doing this? They couldn’t get this book from Amazon, its too short notice, I bought it too recently. What they did was taking photocopies of the book while I was out at Costco. I actually expected this to happen. Lets keep choosing to forgive and choosing to be a light. We continue with the chapter.

I jumped the whole section of gay and lesbian relationships. I knew the ideological would come sooner or after. Here it is. It is not discrimination: it is against my religious freedom beliefs. I actually would read it if you have also a Christian relationship section. I see the book doesn’t have a Christian relationship section. That is the norm: ideologically imposse ideology of gender. I am sure more recent editions of the books also include transgender relationships/identities. There is no need to add that to a book about personal growth.

Don’t forget this: I had been tortured and I am being tortured for standing for family and marriage according God’s plan.

“Marriage is a relationship that generates change through dialogue”. Good change is always generated in communion.

The best way to avoid terminating a relationship is walking together in the same direction (communion direction). When this happens, there will be changes, of course, but the direction remains the same.

“At times, people find themselves in relationships that are emotionally or physically abusive, yet they are hesitant to leave these relationships”. People, I have tried to leave the abusive relationship with my progenitors during years and years. I had never been allowed to have my own life, my own body, my own mind.

“Not all abusive relationships involve physical violence. Subtle emotional abuse over a period of time can also erode a relationship. Remaining in such a relationship generally makes it difficult for an individual to want to reach put and form new relationships”. People, in my case, the relationship with my progenitors is gone, is non-existant beyond social slavery. If it wouldn’t be due the social slavery, I wouldn’tbe related to them. That is the extreme toxicity of this torture place. I don’t belog to them, but they insist to control me as if I were his/her posession… as if human beings could be a possession. No matter how powerful you are, you can’t possess human beings. A truly powerful person knows how to honor everyone’s dignity.

“Coping wih ending long-term relationships” The hardest part for me when breaking with my 7 year boyfriend (and a few extra years of economic dependance besides the 7 years) was breaking with the emotional codependance. That took time. I needed to learn how to love myself first to break that codependancy.

“How much self-disclosure and honesty do you want in your intimate relationships?” If you are not self-reveal your heart fully in an intimate relationship, with complete heart-nakedness, if you want to called that way, don’t enter into the intimate relationship.

“As you look at various television shows, keep a record for a couple of weeks of the message you get regarding marriage, family life, and intimacy. What are some common stereotypes? What gender roles are portrayed? What myths do you think are being presented?” Something is sure: sacramental marriage is not on fashion (de moda) right now. If you believe marriage can be possible only between a woman an a man you are a bigot, you are not heard and you are not represented, as this very book demonstrates when they don’t mention sacramental marriage/Christian marriage as a whole section, as they do with gay/lesbian CIVIL Marriage (not sacramental). The disrespect to Christian/Catholic/Biblical marriage is absolute. You are not allowed to live your biblical principles without being harassed and considered “hateful”. Curios thing here is tha the true hate is around me, precisely opposing to marriage and family according to God’s plan. No one considers being against Biblical marriage and family as hateful, but look around me and tell me if this is not extreme hate.

By the way, as I am writing this I am going to the bathroom about once per 45 minutes, as average. The shortest had been once per 25 minutes; the longes once per hour. That means: I am being gassed as I write all this. I am literally giving testimony of Biblical family and marriage as I am being tortured.

This is the end of chapter 7. I need to go to the bathroom and rest before starting chapter 8: becoming the woman or man you want to be.

Here you have the scales of chapter 7

Because I needed to charge the iPad, I didn’t wrote the toughts/comments about this chapter in the iPad: I wrote them down in the pages and took pictures of the pages… but prior beginning to share these pictures, I will share a very general comment about the whole chapter and topic.

Do you know why I say “become the best PERSON you can be”, or “becoming the PERSON you are called to be”? Because the call to grow in communion until becoming the best you can be is for EVERYONE, regarding whichever sex you are.

I was surprised to see the word “communion” in this chapter. It is the first time I see it mentioned in psychology, in non-christian literature. I was also surprised to see it as a femenine “trait”. I think the call to communion is for every human being. As a matter of fact, when I talked that yesterday with my guardian angel, he said that is a call to every human being, we are called and wired to enjoy communion.

There are certain traditional gender roles with which I don’t have problems with. I don’t have a problem to associate being a man with the three PPP: protector, provider and procreator. I don’t see any problem neither with associate being woman with being more emotional than men (I don’t think that means being irrational) and being a mother. However, there are other traditional roles that must be changed. Example: men can be emotional, or a man doesn’t need to be the sole breadwinner of the women chooses to work or needs to work. So… tradition is not totally wrong, nor totally right, and I think that is healthy: there are things that must be changed and there are things that must remain. There must be equality of POWER between men and women, which doesn’t mean EQUALITY OF GENDER ROLES. That means: there will be gender roles, and that is all right and even healthy, biologically, ontologically and socially speaking. Ask a neurologist: women and men’s brains do NOT work the same, and so we are BIOLOGICALLY wired to do certain taks easier according to our gender. Yes, there must be equality of power, no gender is more or less than the other, but that doesn’t mean that gender differences between a man and a woman must dissapear completely: they will always be there, and it is healthy and even normal to be so. A woman is wired to be a mother; a man is wired to be a father: you can’t be a mother if you are a man; you can’t be a father if you are a woman. Also, you will expect to see fewer woman in construction jobs and more woman in teaching careers and careers that involve “communion”, as you call it. Does that mean that a woman can’t work in construction? Nope, if she chose to and have the physical condition to. Does this mean that a man can’t work as teacher? Nope, if he is willing to work his “communion” skills. That is all right. There is nothing wrong with gender roles, they are meant to be there, but not as a constraint, but as a “complement helper” (ayuda para la complementareidad: we all have out talents to serve according how Gid create us, and women can serve better in certain ways, and man can serve better in certain ways, without anyone being less than other).

That being said, let’s begin sharing the photos of chapter eight, with comments and scales included.

Here are the answers to the questions at the end of the chapter eight.

“Write down the characteristics you associate with being a woman (or femenine) and being a man (or masculine). Then think about how you adquired these views and to what degree you are satisfied with them”

I actually prayed this last night, in last night’s dream: men are “raisers” and women are “conceivers”. Although this vision has stron biological repercussions, the rooth of these “femenine and masculine traits” is first of all spiritual: the Virgin Mary is the “conceiver” of the Eucharist and saint Joseph (and eventually Jesus himself) are the “raisers” of the Eucharist. Mary helps Jesus to “conceive” himself as living Eucharist. Saint Joseph “raises” the Eucharist as He helps Jesus to raise and walk as He is called to, until becoming who He is called to be… Jesus raises the Eucharist raising the altar bread as He gave Himself raised in the cross. I can agree if you say my vision of masculinity and femeninity are not traditional or common, guilty accepted. 😂

“Men and women are challenging traditional roles. Based on your own observations, to what extent do you find this to be true? Do your friends typically accept traditional roles, or they tend to challenge society’s expectations?” My fourth grade studenrs had a huge brawls on march 8 (womens day) because two boysof the group said that women were weak, unnneeed and only worthy because they could be at home and raise children. The fourh grade girls… well, almost kill the two boys, and they both had to apologize. What I mean is: our youth generation is clearly more conscious that traditional gender roles must be challenged, and it is happening, we are challenging the unhealthy roles. As I mentioned in a few of the comments, I have boy students that are quite emotional, I have boy students who have no problem touching each other (well, to fight with each other, but they do touch each other quite often 😂 without problems… and I also have a boy that is quite a hugger in fourth grade, and he is amazingly boyish, without problems with giving hugs) and if I teach to my boy students those masculine stereotypes be sure that I would be fired as teacher. Buth, as I explained earlier, gender roles don’t need to be bad and they will always be there, and its fine. Probably, besides a pediatrician, teachers are more conscious than any other career that boys and girls develop differently and have predominant skills which they develop easier than the other gender (read very carefully what I said: I said develop “easier”, that doesn’t mean that the other gender can’t develop them too). Gender differences are not an enemy. Its who we are as human being: female and male God created them. What is wrong is gender inequiality in the sense of giving more power to man or giving more power to woman. Both are called to grow in communion and fraternity. Don’t make the gender roles issue a sex war, because it shouldn’t be seen that way. They do need to change, the healthy way, not the “sex-war” way. We compliment each other by nature, and it should be that way also socially.

We are done with chapter 8. 🙂

This is all for today. Happy Saint Joseph day and happy happiness day! Let’s keep choosing to be a light! 😁

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s