Es curioso como cuando Dios Amor quiere plasmar una revolución, no lo hace con las armas. No: lo hace con una alianza esponsal, haciendo familia humana, eclesial y civil según Su plan. Lo hace con una alianza de Amor. En el Antiguo Testamento hizo lo mismo: al liberar al pueblo de Israel, lo hizo con una alianza. En el Nuevo Testamento somos llamados a amar como Cristo Amó a la Iglesia.

En este Día de la Constitución hemos de reconocer algunas verdades. Esta constitución, tal cual está escrita ahora, es un slavery constitution, y necesitamos ser liberados de la misma forma que el pueblo de Israel estaba esclavizado y fue liberado siguiendo el nuevo camino que Dios Amor le proponía: una alianza. La alianza que ha de cambiar la constitución de Puerto Rico de una constitución colonialista a una constitución del nuevo albor es esta alianza de la caridad: hacer posible una sociedad de hermanos donde todos pueden resplandecer como estado del nuevo albor, como estado de ciudadanos iguales, con igualdad de derechos y deberes respecto al resto de los ciudadanos estadounidenses… pero esto no se queda en Estados Unidos. Esta liberación de la colonización es una liberación continental, poniendo fin a la era de la colonización de las Américas para comenzar la era de la nueva fraternización de las Américas, compartiendo juntos un mismo sueño Americano: que todos puedan convertirse en la mejor persona que puedan ser, que todos puedan crecer, resplandecer y florecer como hermanos iguales, dignos, plenos, santos, felices, libres, amados, consagrados a vivir la caridad… porque esta consagración a vivir la caridad, esta consagración a hacer posible la sociedad más fraterna posible, es una consagración que no solo cambia la constitución de Puerto Rico y de Estados Unidos: cambia la constitución de todo el continente Americano, constituyéndolo reino del nuevo albor que hace vida la comunión del reino de los Cielos. Así somos llamados a transformar todas las violaciones de derechos humanos y todas las atrocidades de nuestra historia: construyendo juntos Reino del Nuevo Albor donde todos los americanos caminemos como hermanos iguales, cultivando juntos un growthfull harvest de semillas del nuevo albor que crecen más y más plenamente.

La actual constitución, el Estado Libre Asociado, está condenado a desaparecer porque perpetúa el colonialismo y las violaciones de derechos humanos de los puertorriqueños en la isla, manteniéndolos como ciudadanos de segunda respecto a los ciudadanos en Estados Unidos continental. De ahora en adelante tenemos que hablar de una Patria Nueva, de una Patria del Nuevo Albor, de un estado del nuevo albor, de una Constitución del Nuevo Albor: “We, the equal brothers and sisters of Puerto Rico…”

No, que no nos asuste usar el inglés para escribir una Constitución que sea bilingüe, escrita tanto en inglés como en español: “Nosotros, los hermanos y hermanas de Puerto Rico”… Eso somos: lugar de unidad de culturas. Llevamos en nuestra sangre ascendencia africana (esclavos de varias zonas de África), europea (españoles y otros inmigrantes europeos), americana (indígenas taínos y ahora también somos estadounidenses)… Somos puerto rico en nueva fraternidad, y habemos puertorriqueños que hablamos inglés y puertorriqueños que hablamos español. Por eso, como pueden notar, en este blog post uso ambos idiomas.

No nos podemos conformar con una política y una cultura que sistematize que haya ciudadanos de segunda, ciudadanos a los que no se les reconoce sus derechos humanis sistemáticamente. Esto aplica igual a los niños abortados, a los enfermos terminales a los que no se les brinda ayudas para vivir con dignidad hasta su muerte natural, y por supuesto, a todos los niños a lo largo del continente americano a los que se les niegua la igualdad de oportunidades educativas, y, por supuesto, también aplica a los puertorriqueños, mantenidos como colonia a la fuerza. Primero fuimos colonia de España. Luego, sin voz ni voto, pasamos a ser colonia de Estados Unidos. El coloniaje tiene que acabar. La era del coloniaje tiene que acabar, para comenzar una nueva era de nheva de nueva fraternidad. Las inequidades tienen que desaparecer. La dignidad de todo ciudadano americano tiene que ser reconocida incondicionalmente y con equidad.

“Yes, we can grow best”. Ese es nuestro sueño americano, hermanos: “Yes, we can grow best”, “Sí, podemos crecer más”, “Sim, podemos crescer mais”, “Oui, nous pouvons grandir plus”, “Wi nou ka grandi plis”, “Heẽ ikatu jakakuaave”, “Arí astawanmi wiñayta atisunman”… y no lo escribo en lengua maya porque no lo encontré en Google traductor, pero este sueño Americano aplica a todos en América: todos somos llamados a ser la mejor persona que podamos ser, allí donde estemos. Tenemos aue hacer posible que no haya emigración o que, si la hay, no sea escapando la pobreza extrema o la violencia extrema. Tenemos que liberar a las naciones americanas de la era del coloniaje, de la imposición del más fuerte, de la violencia de las armas… para unirnos como hermanos que hacen posible que todos puedan crecer como la mejor persona que podamos ser, con equidad de oportunidades de crecimiento. Lo que Simón Bolívar hizo con la fuerza de armas, emprendiendo la revolución de la independencia americana, nosotros lo hacemos con fraternidad, emprendiendo la revolución del nuevo albor, uniendo a nuestros países americanos de tal forma que dejemos atrás la era del coloniaje y prosigamos a la era de nueva fraternidad como reino del Nuevo Albor. Somos llamados a ser el Nuevo Continente, no porque seamos el continente nuevo para el viejo mundo, sino porque encontramos, juntos, nuevas formas de crecer, nuevas formas de cultivar growthfull harvest.

Puertorriqueños: esta es nuestra identidad cultural dada por Dios Amor, somos los que abren caminos de unidad de culturas, somos los que abren caminos de encuentro, somos los que hacen visible los caminos que Dios Amor abre para que su plan, concebido desde los comienzos de la colonización, nos lleve a lo que somos llamados a ser hoy: estado del nuevo albor, nación del nuevo albor, reino del Nuevo Albor, haciendo visible los prodigios y el poder de Dios Amor que nos llama a ser Su ícono vivo como jibaritos luz, como jibaritos del nuevo albor que dan testimonio de como Él es Jesús Caridad que hace nuevas todas las cosas, todos los corazones y toda la historia, transformando todo, también horrores, genocidios y atrocidades de lesa humanidad, en irradiación de nueva vida que resplandece en el Amor. Es muy probable que el pueblo taíno fuera el primer pueblo indígena extinto de las Américas. Para comienzos tempranos del 1500, alrededor del 1530, ya hay historiadores que les consideran extintos, y el descubrimiento de América fue en el 1498. Eso es una atrocidad. No solo se trató de las enfermedades, también se trató de trabajos forzados e incluso de suicidios forzados: no tenían más remedio que suicidarse paea escapar de los colonizadores. Se puede considerar que la extinción de la población indígena de América en la era de la colonización ha sido el genocidio más atroz que haya visto la humanidad. La sangre taína que aún tenemos en nuestras venas nos vincula a una gran responsabilidad: a dar testimonio de como el colonialismo y la violencia ya no son el camino de descubrir nuevos mundos y nuevos caminos de encuentro. Los caminos que hemos de abrir son caminos de alianza, caminos de paz, caminos de fraternidad. No es casualidad que esta alianza del nuevo albor llegara al lugar donde llegó. El primer obispo que llegó a las Américas llegó a Puerto Rico. Dios Amor está enmendando la historia con Jesús Caridad, y no solo me refiero a mi propia historia, o a la historia de Puerto Rico esclavizado como colonia: también me refiero a la historia de toda América. Somos Suyos. Somos Su reino del Nuevo Albor.

Finalmente hemos aprendido la lección: todos somos ciudadanos iguales, no se puede tolerar ciudadanos “de segunda”. Por eso hoy, día de la Constitución, los puertorriqueños somos llamados a celebrar nuestra nueva Contitución del Nuevo Albor: esre “We, the equal brothers and sisters of Puerto Rico…” pone fin a toda una era de colonización de todo un continente y abre un nuevo horizonte de nueva fraternidad para todos. Ahora no se trata de una revolución de independencia: se trata de una revolución del nuevo albor, resplandeciendo como la familia luz que somos llamados a ser, revolucionando no con armas, sino haciendo vida la alianza de la caridad como nos corresponde hacerlo: haciendo familia humana, eclesial y civil según Su plan, haciendo posible una sociedad luz donde todos resplandezcamos como hermanos.

Así pues los puertorriqueños necesitamos celebrar un día de nueva fraternización, que ponga fin a las divisiones, odios y violencias xenofóbicas contra Estados Unidos y sea el comienzo de una nueva constitución del nuevo albor que celebre no solo la nueva fraternización entre Estados Unidos y Puerto Rico, sino la nueva fraternización de toda América. El signo de la nueva fraternización es un lazo hecho en el dedo con cordón de los colores del arcoíris, alianza de paz. El #nuevafraternizacionchallenge es poner esta foto en el social media, contando un gesto de fraternidad que se haya tenido para cultivar la nueva fraternidad, especialmente entre culturas, pero todo gesto de fraternidad a quienes tenemos cerca ya es un gesto de nueva fraternización. El hilo que Mikhael usó en sueños para proponer esta imagen (el dedo con un lazo) como señal de nueva fraternización tenía los colores de todas las banderas de América (so he said). Ya no usamos las manos para pelear guerras contra colonizadores, sino para unir, para fraternizar. Si no se puede usar el lazo en alguna parte de la mano (el dedo, la muñeca) se puede usar como wearing accesory (como broche, por ejemplo).

Como podrán notar en la historia que contaré a continuación, ese hilo es un hilo mágico. Los vínculos que nos unen no son una limitación a nuestra libertad: nos hacen más libres. Los que piensan que Puerto Rico es más libre independiente se equivocan. Somos más libres cultivando unidad con Estados Unidos y también con nuestro legado Latinoamericano, siendo el primer estado bilingüe, haciendo honor al legado cultural que hemos recibido de nuestros antepasados, uniendo culturas. Los puertorriqueños somos fraternizadores por legado cultural: desde siempre ha habido unidad de culturas en Puerto Rico. Creo que no llamaron a Puerto Rico “Puerto de las culturas” por error de traducción. 😂 Tanto así hay unidad de culturas entre nosotros que la mayoría de mi sangre ni siquiera es española, ni africana, ni taína: la mayoría de mi sangre, 34%, es portuguesa, en algún momento hubo emigrantes portugueses en Puerto Rico y yo soy descendiente de esos emigrantes. Si tienen curiosidad de saberlo, aquí pueden ver la ascendencia cultural de mi sangre, vista por un test de DNA, tanto el porciento global como el porciento heredado por cada progenitor.

No, no hablo ni pío de portugués. De hecho, no hablo la le hua de ninguna de esas ascendencias, salvo la de England (1%) y la de España (31%)… pero así somos los puertorriqueños, tenemos de todas las culturas en la sangre. Tenemos naturaleza de fraternizadores hasta en las parrandas y en lo de fiesteros. Esa es la identidad del jibarito del nuevo albor, con su vestimenta llena de splashes de colores: fraternizador, sea cual sea el idioma que hable, sea cual sea el color de su piel. Hay jibaritos de todos los colores, y como ya mencioné, hay puertorriqueños que solo hablan inglés, puertorriqueños que hablan solo español, y puertorriqueños que son bilingües.

Como maestra de English as Second Language (ESL) intento que mis estudiantes aprendan inglés dentro del contexto bilingüe, sin negar la importancia del español en nuestro contexto cultural… y eso fue precisamente lo que hice con lo que voy a compartir a continuación: una pequeña historia bilingue titulado “The Kite With the Magical Thread” (“La chiringa con el hilo mágico”). Lean la historia, ya sea en el blog post o en la presentación Powerpoint (mejor). La historia está a continuación, en inglés. En la presentación de PowerPoint puesta al final del blog post la pueden leer bilingüe.

My Beloved Students:

I call you “beloved”, as Jesus called His disciples. Here I am, as a teacher of English who seeks to imitates the teacher of all Christian teachers, Jesus. Welcome, beloved students, to a new year to grow together as the best person we can be! As you can see, the door of the classroom is incomplete. It has a sun, it has coulds, and it has the motto of our class: yes, we can grow best! However, it is missing something. It is missing this (I show them yarn and white paper kites with their names written, ready ri be drawn by them). I wish to start this new year with a beutiful short story that doesn’t has an author, its anonimous. Its title is “The Kite With the Magical Thread”

The Kite With the Magical Thread

Once upon a time there was a father and kid that attended a kite-flying festival. When the little boy saw the sky filled with multicolored kites, he was overjoyed.

He looked at His father.

—Dad, can I have a kite too? Can I fly a kite too?

—Of course, son.

The father headed to the festival’s shop, which was located in the Morro. The kites where being sold by a Jibarito. When they were going to buy the kite, the Jibarito asked the kid if he wanted the magic thread to fly the kite.

—A magic thread?— said the kid

—Yes! It helps your kite soar higher and higher.— He winked at the father

—And why it is a magical thread?

—It is a rainbow thread. It has many colors. Each color is a connection that help you soar higher and higher.

The yellow color thread is your home, those who help you most to soar higher and higher.

The blue color thread are your relatives, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousings… they also help you to soar higher.

The red color thread are your friends, who also help you to soar higher.

The orange color thread is the school community, your teachers, custodians and classmates, who also help you to soar higher.

The purple color thread are your neighbours and people in your barrio that help you soar higher.

The pink color thread is God and your Church members that also help you soar higher with their prayers.

The green thread are the community people that help you soar higher: your pediatrician, the police, the people at your favorite bakery, every jibarito of new albor that you find in your way…

You see: there are MANY people who are helping you to soar higher and higher, there are many connections that help you soar more and more, soaring to heights unimaginable to soar if you weren’t given this magic thread that helps you to grow more and more as the best person you can be.

—Look at this thread, kid, it is full of rainbow colors, if is full of people who have help you to soar like the kite will soar in your hands

The father smiled at the jibarito.

—I want that magical thread, dad! I want the kite to soar higher and higher!

He bought for his son a kite and a roll of magical thread.

The kid began flying his brand new kite with his brand new magical thread at the Morro. His kite soon soared high into the sky, very high into the sky. The thread was ver colorful and vivid.

—Father— the son remarked after a time —The thread is beautiful, but it appears to be preventing the kite from flying higher; if we break it, the kite will be able to sail even more higher. Are we able to break it??

The father smiled and used a pocket knife to cut the magical thread. It suddenly became black.

—The jibarito didn’t told us that the thread would turn black if we cut it!— said the kid.

—Son, now see what happens to the kite when you cut the magical thread- the Father said

Initially, the kite began to rise in altitude. The son was overjoyed by this. The kite, however, gradually began to fall. It quickly descended onto the Morro’s wall. The young kid was surprised when he saw this. He had cut the kite’s string to allow it to fly higher, but it instead crashed to the ground… and the magical thread turned black.

—Father, I assumed that after cutting off the string, the kite may easily fly higher and freer— he said to his father.

—Why did it fell?

–Son— the father started— At the zennit of our existence, we frequently believe that some things bind us and hinder us from achieving greater heights. When the wind slowed down, the magical thread, full of colors connected to each other, helped the kite stay higher, and when the wind kicked up, you helped the kite go up higher in a suitable direction through the magical thread. We are not more free due lack of “threads”: we are more free when we have a clear direction to pursue our dreams and become who we are meant to be.

The kid listened in awe.

—When we cut the magical thread, it colorful life became black death, and the kite came apart since it didn’t had the support it was being given through the magical thread—

The son knew he had made a mistake, looked for the kite and made a knot where the thread was broken. Suddenly, the whole magical thread looked colorful again, full of life.

The father smiled

—All those colors connected, son, are people who will help you to soar higher. It is a responsabilitity to let us be bound with others, but they will help you to soar higher and higher, with the best freedom of all.

The father and son soared the kite again higher and higher.

—And what freedom is that one, father?— The kid asked

The father hughed his son while flying together the kite:

—The bound of Love, the freedom of choose to be bounded by Love as we soar higher and higher connected with this magical thread.

The kite soared higher and higher.

—I won’t break this magical thread ever again!

And the kite kept soaring to new heights with Love.

Life Lessons

As you can see, all kites need a thread to get the direction they need to fly higher and higher. No kite can fly without a thread, beloved students. We all need connections, we all need help to become together the best person we can be, we all need a thread to fly higher and higher. We need to stay together as family, as equal brothers and sisters.

Please, see your family and your teachers at school as that connection that helps you to fly higher, soaring to new heights with God’s Love. We are here not only to get a grade, but also to soar to new heights with His Love, working hard to achieve our dreams and growing more and more until becoming the best person we can be. You all are an amazing kite, and only you can fly this flight. Only you can choose to soar high… but you need to learn to achieve the correct direction to soar a high as you can. And that is what we are going to learn here, with God’s help and also with the help of your family: what is the direction to your dreams, what is the direction that makes possible that you all become the best person you can be. Yes, students, grades are important, but we are not here only for the grades: we are here to become who we are called to be. As the front door sign says: “be the light God meant you to be and you will set the world in fire”. I am paraphrasing Saint Catherine of Siena, one of the most amaing saints of the Church, because she was a simple lay woman with an amazing intelligence, a powerful and bright voice in an age when woman’s mind was not listened too often.

The fact that God has provided us with a school, with a family, with friends to support and help us to grow as the best person we can be, especially during tough time, encourages us more to reach new heights. We sometimes believe that if we weren’t bound by our responsabilities we would fly higher. That is not true. Connections are bound to responsabilites, and the earlier you learn that, the better. Responsabilies like making the homework and making the writting assignments and memorizing verbs are connected with the English class, but there are many other responsabilities connected with your growth as member of a society and a family and even as member of a living Church, like spending quality time with your family, worship God at church and in prayer, neighborliness, friendships, and so on… Those responsabilities are part of your connection, are part of this thread (show them the yarn thread) that help you to soar higher and higher. Trust me, you will fail without a thread, you need connections, you need responsabilities, and in this classroom you will all be considered to fly the highest flight possible, soaring to new heights with His Love because the sky is the limit, as another cloud says.

No one flyes alone here, beloved students. We all got a thread. We all got a family, a teacher that loves you and will make the best to help you become your best and tive you the best direction to your dreams… but you need to assume the responsability that this connection brings, doing always the best you can be, choosing always to grow as the best person you can be, because heaven is for real, as the other cloud says. We are not here just for a grade, we are learning to walk towards the directions of the ultimate dream of every Christian: heaven, beginning to live as in Heaven on earth. Call it “Kingdom of New Albor” if you want to. We are builders of the kingdom of Heaven on earth, and we all have a connection to fulfill, learning to walk and fly in the correct direction: walking like He walked.

I am going to give you a paper with a thread glued and five more threads. You will glue those threads in the paper and will write over the thread who the thread is, who are those connections in your life that make you soar higher and higher, helping you to walk in the right direction. It can be mom and dad, a sister or a brother, grandparents, a best friend, you know who they are. I took the freedom of writing my name in the thread that is already glued, because you can count on me as one connection that will always help you to find the best direction to your dreams and to your best growth possible.

The yellow thread is your home, those who help you most to soar higher and higher. The blue thread are your relatives, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins… they also help you to soar higher. The red thread are your friends, who also help you to soar higher. The orange thread is the school community, your teachers, custodians and classmates, who also help you to soar higher. The purple thread are your neighbours and people in your barrio that help you soar higher. The pink thread are your Church members that also help you soar higher with their prayers. The green thread are the community people that help you soar higher: your pediatrician, the police, the people at your favorite bakery… you see: there is MANY people who is helping you to soar higher and higher, there are many connections that help you soar more and more, soaring to heights unimaginable to soar if you weren’t given the help to grow that you are being given as a blessing. The higher you reach, more people will see you, and more connections are created… until you accomplish your duty to your family, your relatives, your friends, your teachers, your neighbours, your community member: soaring new heights becoming the best you can be.

Don’t fear the responsabilities that connection brings: they are like this kite thread, will help you to soar more and more, soaring to new heights with His Heart. Let His heart guide you, let Him be your first and clearest direction. Incarnating His Word requires responsabilities, but is the most beautiful adventure you could ever imagine. The same way, this class will bring responsabilities, but be sure of this: we will grow together, working to become the best person we can be, and that is an awesome adventure too. Trust me, this is a class you won’t ever forget, and I don’t mean the irregular past tenses you can’t forget neither. Learning English as we become together the best person we can be opens many doors to many beautiful big dreams that grow more and more as you bloom more and more, and that is a beautiful thing to witness. That is my reason to be a teacher: to see you bloom more and more, to see you soar higher and higher in the direction of your dreams, soaring like a kite that flyes higher and higher in the winds of the Holy Spirit, with our help as thread to find the best direction to your dreams.

So, if you are ready to assume a new responsability in your life, if you are ready to soar to new heights more with His Love, more and more connected to His Heart, get a thread, get your paper kite, color it beautifully, glue the thread and fly it in the door, putting the kite in the door, wherever you like. Consider that kite in the door with your name writen on it your class contract: I agree to help you soar to new heights with my lessons and threads, and you promise to do your best and become the best person you can be, like a kite that keeps soaring to new heights with His Love.

Welcome to your English class, beloved students!

Soaring to New Heights With His Love

Hasta aquí lo que escribí para el primer día de clase de mis estudiantes. Hay muchas lecciones que se pueden sacar de la historia, yo solo resalté algunas. Por ejemplo: de la historia podemosmaprender que todos volamos más alto volando unidos por el mismo hilo, realmente todo Puerto Rico es una chiringa que vuela más y más alto en la medida en que somos más fraternizing… De la misma forma que el cuento “The Kite With the Magical Thread” explica a los estudiantes como hay muchas personas tras su vuelo alto en el cielo, tras sus logros, y que esos vínculos traen responsabilidades, sobre todo la responsabilidad de convertirse en la mejor persona que puedan ser, en el ciudadano luz que son llamados a ser… nosotros también, como puertorriqueños, como jíbaros del nuevo albor, somos llamados a asumir plenamente nuestro vínculo con Estados Unidos, con todas las responsabilidades y aspiraciones que ello conlleva. Ya es hora de soaring to new heights with His Love y ocupar finally el lugar que nos corresponde ocupar como estrella en la bandera de Estados Unidos. Hemos de ser hermanos, hemos de caminar juntos como hermanos iguales, vinculados como el hilo mágico de la chiringa, lleno de color y de nueva vida que resplandece en el Amor, convirtiendo todo en nuestra historia, también las atrocidades que han sucedido de parte y parte, en la apertura de un nuevo camino, abierto por Dios, para unir cultura, para ser no solo Puerto Rico, sino también puerto de encuentro de hermanos, puerto de encuentro de culturas. Yes, we are called to be who we are called to be, new fraternizers, soaring to new heights with His Love.

Be the light God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire. Happy New Fraternization Days, everyone!

Let’s keep growing together in communion! ☺️

Recuerdo una ocasión, relativamente al principio de mi quehacer “profesional” en Servicios de Terapia Educativa Girasol.

Todas las mañanas me levantaba más temprano de lo necesario para hacer mi oración contemplativa. Tomaba café y luego hacía la oración contemplativa en la cama. Todos los días, sin falta, sentía dolor intestinal al hacer la oración contemplativa, pero eso no era todo: también sentía dolor intestinal en la escuela, al llegar, en concreto, después de tomarme el café que compraba en una cafetería cercana a la escuela. Como las molestias intestinales de la oración contemplativa me daban también tras tomar café, comencé a oensar que los hermanos progenitores envenenaban el café y que el café que compraba en la cafetería estaba también envenenado. No se me pasó ni por un minuto por la cabeza que fuera el aire acondicionado del salón lo que estuviera provocando las molestias intestinales en la escuela, con estudiantes dentro del salón teniendo flatulencias también, pero eso no me llamó la atenció, no sé por qué. Sencillamente no me cabía en la cabeza que fueran capaces de gasear a estudiantes por gasearme a mí. No sospeché nada, incluso cuando la maestra de español me dijo: “el aire acondicionado de mi salón se puede apagar, el tuyo no”. Ya daban por sentado que sospecharía de los aires acondicionados.

En fin, en ese día en concreto tuve tantas molestias intestinales a primera hora que tuvr que ir al baño a evacuar poo, cosa que no suelo hacer en las escuelas, por razones obvias: toma más tiempo, y es importante que los maestros estemos en nuestros salones. Lo recuerdo bien. Fue a primera hora, poco después del café mañanero. No pude resisitir tener que ir al baño a evacuar. Y evacué MUCHÍSIMO y súper apestoso además. No había spray de olor… pero supuse que a esa hora de la mañana no habría muchos estudiantes para ir al baño, aún no había pasado la merienda. No había baño para maestros: yo usaba el baño de los estudiantes, que era gender neutral, lo podían usar niños o niñas por igual.

En fin… justo al salir entró un niño de séptimo grado que luego sabría aue estaba siendo claramente explotado. Su T1 esa esposo del maestro homosexual de ciencias, y hacía preguntas solo para humillarme por mi falta de conocimiento. A ese estudianre me lo encontraba en el tren a las 6 am y una vez me preguntó quien era “esa”. Se refería a la Virgen de la Guadalupe. Tardé mucho tiempo en hacer las conecciones. Sencillamente no te imaginas que la magnitud del abuso psicológico e institucional que pasó en ese centro educativo sea posible.

En fin, como decía, el niño de séptimo grado comenzó a gritar que había una oeste horrenda, que quien había cagado ahí, y todos habían visto aue había sido yo. Otra maestra, que claramente participaba en el esquema de explotación infantil, intentó calmarlo (tenía T1 por “comportamiento desafiante”) diciéndole que la mierda no huele a flores. Yo no sabía donde meterme. Tenía que evacuar… y aún no lo sabía, pero esa evacuación había sido provocada adrede, forzada con toxic gassing. Yes, inside a room with students. The students were gassed too in order to gas the t

teacher. Yo, inocente, sencillamente me sentí mal por toda la pestilencia de mi evacuación, que recuerdo que fue extraordinariamente enorme.

All the people who read illegally my social media, including the authorities, knew what was happening, even if I was not conscious: I was being gassed and tortured, and that those students were being gassed and tortured to along me.

It doesn’t mattered. Authorities have their own agenda to fit. Their own narratives to show. Their own image to protect.

Nobody cared about a bunch of students, some of them unable to defend themselves and be conscious of what was going on, being gassed with toxic gasses that were intented to affect the teacher, but if that meant gassing the students too, it doesn’t mattered to anyone, nor the authorities, nor the school administrators.

Memories like this are in my head, quite clear. How students had been abused along the years, simply to abuse me. I was the target.

Students are still abused, but nobody cares. Everyone has their own agenda to follow.

Estamos en un mundo donde se juega con las necesidades, y lo hacen de ambas partes.

De parte de los hermanos progenitores, juegan con todas, con absolutamente todas, de forma cruel y despiadada. Necesidad de comida, de aire, de espacio personal, de seguridad, de afectividad (saben que amo a los perros y por tanto le causan enfermedades a los perros), de autorealización… No digo “de ego” porque siendo bien honesta, ego no tengo ya. Sencillamente soy víctima de tortura, se me fuerza a existir como víctima de tortura y eso no ha cambiado en más de 10 años. No solamente se me fuerza a exisitir como víctima de tortura: se me fuerza a ver como niños y mascotas son torturados sencillamente para torturarme a mí.

Más de diez años, diez largos años, en los que el Papa supo de lo que está pasando aquí, los presidentes supieron que está pasando aquí, la FBI lo supo, hasta una persona que se hace pasar por defensor de derechos humanos hackeo mi computadora, violando la ley tanto como lo hacen mis progenitores, y lo supo…

Y la crudísima realidad, puesta bien de frente, es que NINGUNO puso stop a la tortura. Ninguno dijo la verdad. Niguno me informó. Ninguno aplicó rule of law. Ninguno hizo lo que se debe hacer no solo éticamente, sino en conciencia.

No solamente NO pusieron stop a la torturay no me informaron a mí misma que estaba siendo torturada: se pusieron a jugar diverting games, para mover la atención de lo que estaba realmente pasando, haciendo desperdiciar recursos afectivos e intelectuales en smoke bombs, en información que era sencillamente provista como diverting or even plainly fake information. Se pusieron a jugar social media wars… que aún persisten.

De hecho, no puedo tener social needs neither. Todo social media que use, Pinterest, Instagram, Google/Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, You Tube… todos serán usados para manipular información y para proyectar que ciertos needs serán satisfechos.

Pongamos dos ejemplos.

Este es un anuncio de Twitter. Asume que necesitaré alivio para dolor pélvico por relaciones sexuales. Están jugando con el need de afectividad. Quieren proyectar inconscientemente: tendrás relaciones sexuales.

Esto de generar fake futures unconciously lo han jugado por años. Aún recuerdo cuando iba a la playa pensando que me iba a ir por los tweets que ponía LightWorkers. Llevan AÑOS proyecting false futures.

Ahora vayamos a You Tube, la segunda red social, de tres, que aun sigo usando. La primera es Twitter.

Esto fue lo que puso You Tube en el comentario de un video que ellos mismos pusieron, un video que sencillamente vi porque necesitaba distraerme, y ya no vuelvo a ver videos fuera de mi espectro de canciones porque ya se sabe que van a jugar con los comments (no tengo opción de usar un You Tube con los comments disabilitated by deffault)

Estan queriendo decir con ese comment: Eduardo Verastegui no te esta diciendo aue te ama, te lo muestra. Una vez más, estan forzando una imaginación de matrimonio que en mí ni está ya, ni me interesa ya, y hasta ya me da asco pensar. A la misma vez, juegan con el need de intimacy and needing a family. It is tremendously cruel to do that.

Saben cuantos años esa persona abuso de mi intimidad, right? Cuantos años se puso a leer mi computadora y devices, exactamente como lo hacen los hermanos progenitores, sabiendo que era torturada con toxic gassing, y no solo no dijo nada, lo disfrazó?

Stop it. No importa cuanto necesite a una familia, no volveré a cometer el error de volver a entrar a una relación simply because I am needy, knowing he is not only the wrong person: he is a violator of human rights, and a very proven one.

Lo siento, if actions speak louder than words, what he did was violating human rights and was also illegal. Not only that: the did NOT told the truth about the torture about I was enduring, and never showed that he “so loved” me with the supossed actions you proyect.

You Tube, sabiendo que no deseo ver ningún tipo de información, tanto de Sound of Freedom como de Eduardo Verástegui, puso este clip en mi You Tube app, aunque no paro de dar not interested a clips de Sound of Freedom o de Eduardo Verastegui. Esta vez es un poco más creepy todavía, porque lo hacen mientras estoy siendo torturada en el cuarto: me están provocando un dolor de cabeza tal que cualquier coraje puede suponer una vena rota en la cabeza, así que procuro mantenerme calmada (ninsiquiera puedo permitirme indignarme ante el social trafficking que estoy siendo forzada a tolerar) y sencillamente borrar el clip de mi You Tube, tal cual se ve a continuación:

Recuerden lo siguiente: todo lo que aparece en mi social media/adds es handpicked. No es un algoritmo: se pone ahí adrede. Además de eso, lo hacen justo cuando estoy siendo torturada físicamente en el cuarto por los hermanos progenitores y sus compinches, wherever the toxic gas control is. You Tube knew I have a headache, lo dije en un live hace momentos ago. So las dos cosas collide: la tortura física y el social trafficking, el forzarme a ver lo que no me interesa ni quiero ver, y a la misma ve ser torturada físicamente.

Tengo que descansar, no puedo escribir por la tortura física, me duelen los músculos del brazo.

[En algún momento quedé dormida por el toxic gassing. Me desperté una hora después].

You Tube no es el único que proyecta la temática de Eduardo Verstegui. Luego de haber escrito todo lo anterior Twitter claramente ignoró mi posición respecto a Eduardo Verastegui. Pusieron en Twitter un anuncio de ropa atlética masculina. Díganme, ¿para qué me interesa la ropa masculina, sin ningún hombre en mi vida? ¿Debo asumir inconscientemente que hay un hombre atlético en mi vida, de la misma forma que en su momento dije que me atraían los brazos atléticos y fuertes?

Aquí está el anuncio. De esta misma forma han jugado mind games por años, proyectando cuanta mentira se les hubiera ocurrido proyectar.

Este otro anuncio, visto en endi, juega con la necesidad de tener una familia, de disfrutar tiempo en familia, cuando la realidad es que llevo unos quince añs siendo isolated socially, besides tortured, y ninguna autoridad —eclesial o civil— dijo la verdad o impidió la tortura o el social isolation. Incluso colaboraron con él.

This other add is an add of hunger, while at thr same time you force me to stay in a hell house were I am not given money to buy food. This means: you project yourselves being anti-hunger, but in reality, you promote hunger, forcing me to stay where I will suffer hunger due lack of money to buy food: the progenitors denied me the money for buying food.

I am tired. I am tired of being abused, tortured, and also forced to see content I dont have to see and I dont agree to see. I know that what my progenitor do is inmensely wrong, but what the authorities have done, concealing the torture for years and years, including the pope, is inmensely more wrong than that.

When Auschwitz was discovered it was not concealed nor denied. An army was sent to put an end on it.

This is what you did not do here.

Now that I do have more time to think, because I only have Twitter to scroll… the reality slaps me in the face over and over again. Yes, in the dream we spoke about being sent in the middle of the deep violence, and deep darkness… that comes from both sides.

I would have loved to say: my goverment acted honorably, people in the authorities did what they must, they stoped the torture as they knew it, they provided me with the resources to recover my life…

I can’t say that. Those very same authorities that were suposed to defend me, now we know, were corrupt. They not only not stoped what was going on: they collaborated with it.

So, here we are. Unable to stay, unable to go. Everyone forcing their influence wars to control influences and minds… no one acting according to the rule of law, and according to simply… humanity.

Everyone got their agenda to comply, their dates to project, their adds/tweets/ to place. You got even movies to promote, placing Sound of Freedom tweets in my feed even when I muted those words in Twitter. No one cares about rights, about decency, abour honorability, about humbleness.

This is a giant Truman Show, everyone with a role to comply, everyone with a false reality to project to the world, para satisfacer sus propias necesidades de ego o de su agenda… without no one caring about truth, and God, and humankind.

Not even the Pope of a Church I can’t say I belong as it is on Earth… not even him says he truth, he even play with fake news deliberately. He, the Pope, doesn’t tell the truth deliberately. What kind of Church is this?

It is 6:54 in the morning. These words are to wake up my mind, to organize thoughts of the “awaken world” as anyone would do with a conversation when you wake up. I can’t write dialogues anymore, nor dreams, they are being exploited in the social trafficking that is being practiced, but not recogniced as even existant. If you search in Google, in You Tube, in Pinterest… the expression “social trafficking” does not exist. But it had being done against me during a lot of years, using social media to project lies deliberately and to place information that is deliberately false, like fake news designed to divert attention.

Meanwhile, he food I eat es meager and meager and meager… simply because I don’t have the right to have the need of food. I don’t have the right to have the need of air. I don’t have the right of personal space of privacy. My dogs don’t have the right of health, neither do I, none of us can go and get the health attention we need: we are going to get the health attentions you want us to give, not the one what we need.

Meanwhile, in the other side, they will keep playing with projecting a romantic relationship and a marriage. They will keep playing with adds of lavish homes and luxurious vacation. They will also keep playing with adds of things they know I, or the dogs, need to merely survive.

Nobody sits down in the situation room and simply does what an honorable person would do: stop the mind stalking, stop the social trafficking, tell the truth to me and to the nation, recognice the horrors that had been done, both by the goverment and by the terrorists that live in this house and those who collaborate with them, and apply rule of law accowdingly, not only upon the terrorists and torturers, but also upon those who denied the truth and concealed the truth along the years, including the Pope of a Church that, as I said, I cannot longer say I belong as it is on this Earth.

There is another memory that is quite clear right now in my mind. It happenednin Saint Thomas Aquinas Catholic School, right now closed. I was cleaning the classroom to leave, because I renounced the job as soon I had enough evidence in my Facebook to prosecute the responsable of the institutional negligence and harrassmen. There was a single step still needed to be done: clean the walls. If I cleaned the walls, I would be breaking the student’s dream, because as they were forcing me to do things, the drawings of their dreams must be broken to leave the classroom clean on time. I simply went to the director and said that due medical reasons I couldn’t do that part of the job. I hoped that meant I would be allowed to go home. Nope. She forced me to stay in the classroom as someone else came and broke the student’s dream on the wall. That was a very gruesome thing to witness: the own school breaking their own students’ dreams, one by one. I even made a live showing it. As all these things happened… no one stood for truth. No one stopped the torture. I needed to resign and keep going to school over school, tortured and gassed over and over again.

I am not speaking anything about my dreams, but I will say something about last night dream to give context to this text.

Mikhael looked at me and asked a very deep question. He asked me if, after all I have seen and endured in the Catholic Church, I could remain Catholic. I breathed deeply and cried: no, I can’t. You know it. I can’t remain Catholic after this. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I can’t remain Catholic. The Gospel is not being lived. They tortured people, including kids, in God’s name, and ecclesial authorities remained silent. Truth is not being told. Not even… by the Pope. You know it. I can’t remain Catholic, but I don’t know what I am neither. And you keep appearing to me… why?

Mikhael smiled me tenderly: because it would be horrible to remain the same Catholic after this. It would be gruesome to remain the same Church after this. You gave the correct answer, do not fear: you can’t remain Catholic… because the Church can’t remain Catholic in the same sense after these attrocities and abuses. You are right: you can’t remain Catholic and God doesn’t expect you to remain Catholic… in the same way than before. Truth must be known. The wolves won’t win. The good shepperds will.

Without giving more details than necessary, let’s say that the new wine overflows, always overflows, and the cross keeps being elevated as this revolution of new albor transforms everything into radiation of new life, the same way the alliance of new albor is being elevated too… and that is not a show, its a radiation of true new light, true newness of the Spirit.

I am feeling drooling as I write that. Physical torture is still going on as write this, the one that you have denied during more than 15 years.

There is no truth room in the White House, I guess. Not in the Vatican. Or may be truth is the elephant in the room, the ignored but evident elephant in the room.

But, as Moulin Rougue says: the show must go on. Your show, not mine. That is all you care about, both ecclesial and civil authorities. Your image, your appearances, your projections, your audiences, your fake news, your social media control, what fits your fixated agenda.

So, let the show go on as if nothing happens, as you have done during years and years while children and pets were abused and gassed cold bloodely, along with me. Did I mention you have pretended and still pretend to be human rights defenders? Ahhh, yes, I did. I can’t stop your social trafficking neither, as I am unable to have recogniced rights by any side. But this is your show, authorities, not mine, although you exploit my life so your show can keep going on.

Do you realize the thousands of times you had to tell the truth, to act according to rule of law allong all these years, more than 15 years? Do you realize how much torture I had to endure, and still endure, simply because you chose to remain silent? I just fall asleep while writing due toxic gassing. The torture is still going on.

This an amazing find in You Tube. I am scrolling You Tube because to keep me awake after the somnolence that caused the toxic gassing, I need intellectual activity. I found that video of “reframing negative thoughts” and buffed. I quitted it inmediately.

That, exactly that, is what you had been doing the last fifteen years: “reframing torture”, “reframing toxic reality”, “reframing gruesome violations of human rights” with toxic positivism, with diversions of attention, with false projections… never assuming responsability as authorities, never being accountable of with you did not do and you were ought to do, never telling the truth as it happened, never stopping cruelty and hate, never informing everyone of what is going on, of how even children are being tortured…

Do you know the direction of your “reframing”, authorities? Hell, the place of no truth nor love. Truth must be told as it is, no matter how dark it is, because once you onow truth you can choose the light and radiate the love you are called to radiate. It is also a matter of basic decency and human rights. People desserve a social life based in the truth, not in a giantic reality show.

Para colmo de males, en lugar de asumir responsabilidad por sus actos y dejar de practicar social trafficking y de manipular el contenido del social media, te ponen “stop being emotionally triggered”, haciéndome a mí responsable de lo que en primer lugar es responsabilidad de las autoridades y del social media: not respecting my boundaries.

I have the legit right of not being used for social traffkicing. I have the legit right of being told the truth and people know about the truth of what is happening here and the abuse and torture I have endured. And yes, I have the right to be angry at moments for the authorities that do not act according to the rule of law and basic decency. Don’t tell me I decide how I feel when you are the ones who decides if I have rights or not. In this moment, I don’t have them. Feeling is a human characteristic, but you can’t have the luxury of human feelings when, in the first place, your human rights are not recogniced, and not only that: the authorities, besides not recognicing your rights, turn your life into a social reality show.

Another very common move in You Tube is putting videos that alude to a “depression”. How they do it, it can vary. This is one example

I have told you many times: I am not depressed. I am being abused. I am being socially trafficked. I am forced to exist s a victim of torture, never being able to be free. I am slaved to two people who will to whatever it is at their hands to destroy me psychologically and to cause me disabilitating harm. That is not depression. That is being a prisoner. But you keep projecting depresion and all kind of mental health diagnosis… except the very one I have: Post Narcissistic Abuse Stress Disorder… but that perspective is not according to your show, right? My own perspective has no value in how my own story is seen. Its conpletely your show, instead of being, simply, my faith journey and how I have survived abuse. According to the authorities, I am forced to be the victim, always the victim, there is no exit from the abuse.

Darte cuenta de como has sido explotada y abusada, en todo el sentido de la palabra, a lo largo de los años, con todo el aval de las autoridades perrinentes aue debieron haber detenido el abuso no es fácil. Han sido años de explotación económica donde se ha usado el dinero como herramienta de control, incluso negándoseme dinero para comida. Han sido años de explotación médica y legal, recibiendo tratamientos psiquiátricos a la fuerza una y otra vez sencillamente porque los doctores hacían lo que mis progenitores querían, siendo despojada absolutamente de toda identidad personal y jurídica, y siéndoseme negados servicios médicos que sí necesitaba. Han sido años de explotación sexual, en el sentido de que toda mi vida sexual era observada y explotada, sin mi consentimiento. Han sido años de explotación profesional, en los que se han explotado mis funciones profesionales para explotarme psicológicamente y para torturarme, tanto a mí como a los niños a los que intentaba enseñar in such gruesome circumstances. Han sido años de explotación biológica de tu cuerpo, siendo torturada una y otra vez, con todo el conocimiento de las autoridades, que sabiéndolo igual lo permitieron. Han sido años de explotación social, tanto por parte de mis progenitores, parientes y colaboradores, como por parte de las autoridades que se pusieron a jugar mind games con el contenido de mi vida social, especialmente en social media, en lugar de hacer lo que toda autoridad legítima haría: arrestar, aplicar estado de justicia y de derecho y decir la verdad como corresponde ser dicha. No, no es fácil perdonar el hecho de que has sido esclava social toda tu vida… y además permitido por las autoridades que debieron defenderte. No se trata solo de personar el hecho de que se han cometido atrocidades con mi persona y a mi alrededor, con niños que fueron explotados para explotarme a mí: es que ambas partes volvieron la tragedia en un reality show en el peor sentido del término, jugando con la realidad como si fuera un espectáculo social… sin darse cuenta que a esa que dejaban sufriendo, a esa a la que le mataron el perro, a esa a la que le causaban dolor, torturas, isolation e injuries adrede… era un ser humano con identidad propia y derechos humanos que en ningún momento se respetaron. De hecho, esos derechos humanos se violaron sistemáticamente. Quiero decir: se creo todo un sistema de dehumanización, que incluía colaboración de autoridades… exactamente como pasaba en Auschwitz. Nadie se escandalizó, Nadie dijo “basta”. Nadie dijo la verdad mientras se torturaban a niños, ni nadie reconoció lo que estaba sucediendo mientras mataban a mi perro. No. Yo nunca tuve el suficiente valor como persona como para valer más que sus agendas y hacer que todo el horror se detuviera en el momento en que estaba pasando, no cuando le diera la gana a ustedes de montar otro espectáculo más para hacer damage control. Literalmente, es esclavitud social. Es aborto social. Es ver como todo el valor de tu vida social y de tu persona depende de otros, no de ti misma, de tu inherente dignidad como ser humano.

Entonces en You Tube aparecen videos como este: “focus on God, not in your problems”.

Eso es lo que hacen las autoridades para “reframing” el hecho de que se han permitido atrocidades que fueron ilegales en todo el sentido: en lugar de asumir responsabilidades y detener la tortura, intentan “desviar la atención” a… whatever. En estos momentos lo hicieron a Dios, proyectando que debo cambiar mi ”focus” a Dios. Guess what? En el sueño de anoche Dios mismos me dijo que fuera BIEN clara denunciando los crímenes que se han cometido, tanto por los torturadores, tanto por las autoridades civiles, y tanto por las autoridades eclesiásticas. El tiro de cambiar el “focus” a Dios se les fue por la culata, porque Dios mismo es el aue está diciendo: tú nunca debiste haber sido forzada a estar aquí. Permitir esto, y especialmente permitirlo en Mi nombre, es un horror del que Yo no soy parte”. Esa es la estrategia más común del social media: desviar la atención del horror de lo que ha pasado a cualquier tipo de “focus”: projectar vida familiar, projectar turismo a lugares exóticos, projectar casas espectaculares y realtors dispuestos a ayudar a comprarlas, projectar productos de perros, projectar una vida perfectamente feliz, projectar cualquer tipo de positivismo tóxico, proyectar historias de santos… Projectan absolutamente de todo para desviar tu atención del hecho de que estás siendo torturada, de que estás siendo forzada a permanecer donde estás siendo torturada a sangre fría, sin siquiera suficiente comida, con un perro que necesita atención veterinaria urgente porque también fue torturado…

No se puede pretender controlar la realidad con falsas projeciones. La verdad es. La verdad no necesita falsas projecciones, la verdad es, se muestra tal cual es como realidad.

¿Quieren ver la realidad en estos momentos? Don’t focus in the God you fabricate. Focus in the God that is telling: this is awfully wrong. What you are doing allowing this for 15 years, for a whole life, is afwully wrong.

Mientras tanto, aquí está Minnie. She was tortured. La última vez que fue al veterinario fue hace tres semanas atrás. Estaba perfectamente bien. Ahora tiene una horrenda infección de piel que no es la primera vez que tiene, es de hecho al menos la cuarta vez en el mismo año. Claramente los progenitores se la provocan, sea con el toxic gassing, o sea infectándola directamente (sí, así de buenos son con el bioterrorismo).

Look at her tummy very carefully, and ask yourselves in what kind of “God” are you focusing: in one who wants you to allow these attrocities, or in one who simply thinks “positively” and says “focus in Me” blindly, without taking in count the injustice that is going on.

What Minnie has in her chest is a wound of at least three inches wide, four inches long. That, besides the infection in her tummy, and a mass in one of her elbows. I tried to wash her, because she has a very foul oddor. She didn’t allowed me due pain. Yes, she is clearly in pain right now. Yesterday, she was not. Whatever she has, is progressing. I won’t be given money to take her to the vet. They themselves caused this, but the progenitors are giving me no money right now, not even for basic things or for things that they themselves cause.

That is what you want me to ignore when you project “focus in God”, people? You have done the same “social exploitation trick” during years and years, shifting the attention to “God” instead of focusing in the cruelty and the hate that have and must be stopped.

No more, authorities, no more. Realtity is now what you construct: it what unfolds departing from truth. You can’t pretend to build a whole social reality founded in false projections. And yes, God is Love that makes all things anew, but for sharing that truth you must tell the whole truth, telling also about the atrocities and the injustice that had been allowed during years and that can be forgiven thanks to His grace, not due nothing else. I am absolutely sure of this: I can’t forgive this on my own, not this, nor the many other attrocities that have happened along the years.

There was one forced hospitalization that was quite different of all others. It was in Pavia Hospital in Santurce, one of the several I had there. In that hospitalization I chose to remain silent because I was not being heard. The social worked took me apart and told me I must talk. I said the truth: I was being abused by my progenitors, and if I wasn’t going to be listened, I won’t talk. For what? What the hospital did was horrendous: they filled the whole hospitalization report, which they didn’t wanted me to see and tried to not give me, with all the things my progenitors said. What I told about their abuse appeared nowhere in the report to the judge. Anything of what I said about the abuse I was subject to didn’t appeared in the report, at all. I was given medications by force even with me not speaking, so they couldn’t have evidence of psychosis. It didn’t mattered: they injected me the highest dose possible, without me speaking a word, and without being given the choice of not being injected. I rememebr that instance quite well. The doctor didn’t told me in the doctor visit that I was going to be injected. The nurse simply came to my room and told me that I had an injection. That besides the haldol I already took by mouth. The overmedication in all these hospitalizacions was brutal. I remember not being allowed to go to the room (and the bed) to sleep due the secondary effects of all these cocktails, so I had to sleep in the floor because I couldn’t avoid the somnolence caused by the meds they gave me. The room was locked by the nurses, I couldn’t go in, and they refuse to open it because I had to be outside, but I was too sleepy to be outside. That happened in the Pavia Hospital too, in door of the room that makes a corner in the right side of the psychiatrical wing, that is shared with men and women. I wrapped me in my prayer blanket and simply slept in the floor. It was a very dehumanizing moment. I did mentioned I was overmedicated. They didn’t care. Keeping functionality had never been one of the priorities in forced hospitalizations.

The first time they injected me haldol, a very high dose of haldol, besides what I was given in pills, my neck literally twisted to a side and my period blood changed color. That was in the Federico Trilla, the hospital of the University of Puerto Rico School of Medicine Department of Psychiatry. Last time I was there I was injected haldol simply because I told I was being abused by my progenitors. They wrote “religious delusions” in my hospitalization report even if did not mentioned God in my conversations with doctors not even a single time: once again, in the hospitalization report was writen what the progenitors told, not what I told. Once again, they did not wrote what I told about their abuse… but this hospital was different, because they were responsible of me receiving three years of “psychosis rehabilitation program” in which I was coerced to believe what my progrenitors said. Yes, you read right: there were psychiatrists coercing me to believe the reality that my progenitors were projecting me, and the doctor doing this was the director of residents of Psychiatry, it was not a nobody. Well, in that last hospitalization the chief psychiatrist was one of the doctors who treated me in that “psychosis rehabilitation program”. I recognized him and I had no idea of why he still had a medical licence after what he did with me, but I did dare to speak with him directly, and told him that psychiatry has social factors, psychiatrycal conditions can be caused by social factors only… and he totally diminish the social factors, telling me that if I had what I have (psychosis, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder… and whatever else I had been diagnosed, because they keep adding in every forced hospitalization) biological factors must be involved, what I had was biological, not social AT ALL… That was a chief of psychiatry talking, denying at all the importance of social factors in psychiatry, denying that all I had was social induced… Once again, my voice was diminished, but this time was done by a chief phychiatrist of the Department of Psychiatry of the State School of Medicine. Once again, he was not precisely a nobody, but still I dared to speak.

That was not the only time at all my voice was diminished by a psychiatrist. Now I will talk about the first forced hospitalization in the Capestrano Hospital. It was a horrible hospitalization. There was even toxic gassing causing diverse effects. The toxic gassig was in the room. Once I went out of the room, all the symptoms disapeared, including racing heart. The curious thing is that they waited me being injected by haldol to start to cause the gassing effects, mimicking it with haldol effects (something my progenitors also wanted to make, and that is why I was so oppossed to forced injections) but the pattern repeated: once you changed spaces, the symptoms were gone. That was also the hospitalization in which I had marks of blood being taken, but I was not taken blood in that place when I arrived. I had a bruise in my hand caused clearly by blood taking, but when I arrived the blood was taken from the elbow, I had the band aid. The hand wound didnt had band aid, and I wasn’t even conscious when it was taken. I asked the hospital staff to take pictures of the bruise of the hand as an injury caused in the hospital without explanation. They totally refused to keep evidence of the huge bruise: “we don’t make that here”. But the voice diminishing came at the exit of the forced hospitalization: the psychiatrist forced me to correct me “progrenitors” to “parents” and also, put a medicine in the hospitalization forms that I never took during the hospitalization, an antidepresive. I refused to take it and insisted that he didn’t gave me it in the hospitalization. Nobody believe me. Once again, my voice was diminished.

Now let’s talk about how my voice was diminised in the first forced hospitalization, in Panamerican Hospital. They were the first ones who diagnosed me with “schizophrenia” due believing the food was poisoned and telling my progenitors didnt understand me (as I saw it at that moment, the abuse was lifelong, I did not knew about the gassing torture yet, but I did mentioned the false roosters game). Everything was staged, they even had someone to lend me a “dog diary” book, because I wrote a diary during the hospitalization. I told them the truth, and they simply believed my progenitors. Whatever I said, it didn’t mattered. I told them repeatedly: I am overmedicated, I don’t feel well. They told me: it was normal that the medication lowers the blood preassure… Well, in one of the exits to recreation, I couldn’t keep standing and I collapsed in the middle of the whole recreative area, that was like a huge zone with recreation stuff, like a basketball court under roof. I remained there, without being able to stand, half unconscious, for several minutes. Nobody came to help me. When I reported the incident, they said: its normal, your blood presure can fall. I repeated: I am overmedicated, I was in the floor several minutes. Once again, I was ignored. Once again, my voice was diminished. I had more episodes of not being able to stand, and they keep ignoring my voice and my body.

Now… let’s talk about APS. As soon I realized the doctors of University of Puerto Rico RCM were collaborating with my progenitors, I requested to the medical plan to change mental health provider to APS, the mental health provider to the poorest in Puerto Rico. They have an office in Bayamón to which I was assigned. As a matter of fact, my progenitors tried as long as they could to me remain connected to RCM, but I refused. I thought that I would be heard in APS. I was assigned a psychologist and a psychiatrist… but I was unheard too. When I talked to the psychologist about the control I was subject from my progenitors, including not giving me money for food, she said: “law is law”, meaning I must obey the forced hospitalization law even if my progenitors were being abusive. The psychiatrist talked with my five minutes, never decreasing the amount of medication, and overmedicating me too, giving me both injected and pill haldol. There was one time he asked me why I wasn’t going outside the house, and I told him I didn’t had the money to do so, my progenitors gave me no money to went out. He didn’t care about my answer. He put me anti-anxiety medication. Once again, my voice was diminished. No matter which mental health provider I chose, they will simply refuse to hear me and refuse to acknowledge the abuse and torture I was being victim of. This APS psychiatrist even did gaslighting, telling me in one of the last visits that he told me I didn’t needed haldol pills of I was injected. No, you never told me that. He tried to me doubt about the version of reality due his gaslighting.

Finally, let’s talk about INSPIRA, the mental health provider I currently have. Yes, I changed mental health provider again in an effort of npavoiding RCM and APS. I told them: I need a psychologist to proove the abuse of my progenitors. They stopped psychologist appointements basically after the first one. But there was one that was very gruesome. A psychologist called me… with a scale to complete. I told them very clearly: I dond’t need a scale, I need a psychologist to talk about the abuse I am being subject to. The psychologist insisted in doing the scale, and that was absolutely so dehumanizing for me. I am being abused and what you offer me is a scale? I told the truth: the spychological abuse and torture of my progenitors was so horrible they make me feel I should suicide myself to escape it, because no matter what I do, I can’t escape their abuse. I don’t want to kill myself, and I won’t do it, but they make feel that the only way to escape their abuse is killing myself. After saying that to the psychologist, I was hospitalized by force again. I told about the abuse to the psychiatrist in the hospital, and he hospitalized me, but not due abuse, but due psychosis. I saw the papers where the reason of hospitalization was stated as “psychosis”, not abuse. Once again, I was considered mentally ill for telling the truth about my progenitor’s abuse. During the whole hospitalization I received no suicidal thoughts treatment, nor I was heard. I dealt with that by my own. Once again, everything was extremely dehumanizing (I has being denied the help I needed to keep my abusers out of my life and to overcome the psychological scars of their abuse), my voice was diminished and truth was nowhere to be found. The hospital didn’t mentioned my abuse allegations in the hospitalization reports neither. If they don’t mention the abuse allegations, I can’t claim anything upon the judge that oversees the case.

So, as you can see, there had been many instances along these years in which I had been tried to being forced to keep my mouth shut in this gigantic Truman show. Sometimes it was not exactly the psychiatrist or the medical authorities who tried to keep my mouth shut and be submisive with the abuse of my progenitors. Sometimes it was a judge, making comments about how forcing me to take my meds was like “brushing my teeth daily” (I haven’t brush my teeth daily due lack of safe water or simply due lack of toothpaste). Other times, it was the police, like the police that came to my bedroom (yes, a male police officer came into my bedroom) in the first forced hospitalization, telling me that I had no more than five minutes to pack because “he had other people to help” (he was mimicking the formative tasks of the theology of light/integractive personal formation model: helping to be, helping to do, helping to grow, helping to radiate… there was a time were they played a lot around me with the word “help”). Other times was the ambulance personel, not answering my questions, or simply not acknowledging what I was telling. By the way, I forgot to mention: the progenitors hacked ALL my devices in ALL my forced hospitalizations, so I lost internet connection as soon I got into the ambulance. The stopped me from expressing in social medial my feeelins and my thought about what was happening. I think that only the last hospitalization I didn’t had connection/charging problems, but I was not allowed to use the iPad while waiting to be hospitalized by force. In the hospitalization prior to that one I has in a place where I couldn’t charge the iPad. In all the others forced hospitalizations, and we are talking of about seven forced hospitalization, my progenitors tried to shut my voice also in social media, not allowing me to have internet from the moment I was got into the ambulance, and shortly after the hospitalization too, the devices took their time after the hospitalization to regain internet. I couldn’t make calls too, I once tried to call FBI while I was on the ambulance and the call didn’t go through neither. My devices had been that controlled all the time: they choose when and how allow me to use them, and when they do allow me to use them, they sabotage my creative work or my connection/communications. I commented this device hacking to the doctors and they simply took it as psychosis. Once again, my voice was diminished, twice: by doctors, and by progenitors, who hacked the devices to avoid me express myself during the process of being hospitalized by force.

There was one hospitalization that, as soon I could get the phone working and I had the space to talk, the very same day I was discharged from the hospital, I called the FBI in United States. Why? Because I had tried to denounce the situation to FBI San Juan four times, in diverse ways, to no avail. Well, I filled myself with courage and called to an FBI phone number that was for cases in which the life was at risk. I even neded an interpreter. I explained my situation: my parents are gassing the room with carbon monoxide, and other things I don’t know, they are narciss… wait, I think I didn’t reached the point to explain they are narcissistic. FBI agent simply said they didn’t deal with this kind of cases and hung up. That was my last time trying to get help from the federal authorities. I was simply unheard. Once again, my voice was diminished, even unto death. No one, nor authorities of law and order nor doctors in emergency rooms of forced hospitalizations, listened when I talked about the toxic gasses being used in my rooms, even if I gave especific details and offered to show evidence, especifically mentioning that “it smelled garlic sometimes, it also smelled rotten sometimes, the test for carbon monoxide was positive and the progenitors broke the CO2 detector machine putting a sticker that said «well done»”. The FBI were not the only law and order authority who ignored my plea of help. When I flew coerced to Miami, and I was clearly abused and exploited in my sister’s apartment also, I tried to seek help with Miami Police Department, believing they would help me. I was wrong. They didn’t believed me. What they said was: take your medicines. Once again, my voice was dimished. Because I did not “collaborate” with my progenitor and my doctor sister abuse, I was flown by force to Puerto Rico be hospitalized by force, again.

I did inform in other instances to the FBI the abuse of children around me… but the FBI, who did nothing, was not the only ones who I seeked help with that. As many people may know, Puerto Rico has what the Catholic Church call an “Apostolic Delegation”, because we are not a country of our own, so we don’t have a nuncio. Well, the highest ecclesial authority in Puerto Rican Catholic Church is the apostolic delegate, who depends directly to the Nunciature of Santo Domingo, to which Puerto Rico depends. Well, I managed to have an appointment with the apostolic delegate after what happened in both the first Catholic school where children were abused (there were two catholic schools in which children were exploited) and also while leftist ideological imposition was rampant at the school of theology I was studying at, were several seminarists of the island studied too. It was, once again, worthless. Nothing was done with the children abuse and with the school of theology. Once again, my voice was diminished. I never was able to reach the Nunciature of Santo Domingo, I didn’t had the money to fly over there, but I did informed of what was going on in the school of theology to the next nearest bishop of the territory were the abuses of the school of theology where happening: the bishop of Arecibo. The school of theology of the Bayamón Central University is in territory of the Archbishop of San Juan, and when I tried to talk with the secretary of the Archbishop, who was one of my professors at the facultyof theology, the diminished my voice, once again. My postures were not according his ideology. He was in the school of theology, he knew what happened, and did nothing. He ignored my voice, both as Catholic, and as theology student.

Yes, many people have tried to shut my voice, many times. As all these things happened along the years, you, authorities, knew all, but chose that your agenda has more value than the dignity of a citizen and than stoping the attrocities that were happening. You kept going with your giagantic Truman show, no matter what, not even if children were being abused, not even if I died due torture (whatever it was due induced suicide or induced cancer due toxic gassing), not even if any of the dogs died, as it happened. You knew, authorities, I couldn’t defend myself in any way, nor legally, nor domestically, because I couldn’t move with any relative, they had always been part of the abuse too. The progenitors knew they had full control of my existence, thanks to your inaction and even collaboration in some instances, like when the doctors collaborated with them. They wanted to own not only my life and my body, like if I were a slave to own, but my voice, they wanted to destroy my voice. As a matter of fact, all the objective of my progenitors with the forced hospitalizations they caused was simply to leave my voice unheard or ignored due being crazy: who would trust or hear the truth of a schizophrenic mentally ill person? That was their main objective: diminish my reputation with their false projections, diminish my identity as person using the law to hospitalize me by force and loose my juridical personhood, diminish my voice with several psychiatrical false diagnosis that make questionable the truth of what I say.

I do forgive you all… but I won’t keept my mouth shut, even if I you force me to remain tortured and socially slaved. I can’t. I have a Christian duty of give testimony of light, of how God is Love that can makes all things anew, of how Jesus Charity can truly make hearts anew… but you can’t give testimony of light if you your tell the truth, the whole truth, including the attrocities that are being transformed into radiation of new life that grows in communion. Yes, the atroccities commited by my both progenitors and the authorities have been many, and they must be told, so we can transform them into a radiation of new life that help us to become the living work of Love we are called to be, the nation of love we are called to be, the state of new albor we are called to be. We are not called to be a social reality show: we are called to be a new albor.

I forgive you, but this is your show, not mine. While you have been playing mind games and power games, I had been focused in adoring God and in developing the theology of light and the integractive personal formation model. I just remembered when I went to the Kennedy Space Center to study the nature of stars. I flown to Florida due being coerced to participate in an activity of college classmates, an activity that was out of my budget and I had to ask money to my ex boyfriend, that expected sex in change… but I also went to the Kennedy Space Center and did my research for the theology of light. It had always had been that way: you have your agenda, I have my own agenda according to God’s will. As the postcard that I got from the Kennedy Space Center said: Failure is not an option. I put that postcard in the YouCat page that talks abour marriage. My progenitors moved it to the page that talked about homosexuality. I moved it back to its place… and then it got lost, but the message still remains: Failure is not an option. Truth must be known.

Of course, don’t count with me to hide the attrocities of any side… but enjoy your show if you can, folks!

Remember something. As the song that I was hearing while being forced to take the flight from Miami to Puerto Rico says: you may silence me, you may silence me, you may silence me, but the cross forever speaks.

Remember that, everyone, especially my progenitors and relatives: the cross forever speaks.

If we want to be truly the land of the free, there can be no freedom without truth. Truth is the foundation of a society where everyone can be who they are, who they are called to be and who they intend to be. Without truth, there is no social foundation for communion and growth, and without growing together in communion, we can’t soar to new heights with His Love. Lack of truth is a root for corruption and undergrowth, in a land that is meant to be fruitful in His Love, bearing the fruits of giving light to the Word with more and more humbleness and docility to the Holy Spirit, cultivating this land of the free with more and more unity to His Heart. If we are not free our hearts can’t become the land of the Living Word, incarnating more and more the Word as we become a whole plantation of new life that grows in communion, a whole land of new albor whose light is for everyone to see and embrace. If we don’t cultivate truth, we will become lost in undergrowth, unable to bear fruits of joy, plenitude and communion that creates new life in Love, for Love and with Love, as out Heavenly Mother and the whole Holy Family of New Albor teaches us as incarnated Truth that helps us grow more and more and more, until becoming together the best person we can be. There is no space por undergrowth in a heart fully open to the Truth of the Living Word, as our Holy Mother was when she said “fiat”.

Truth will be known. Justice of Heaven will be served, not only to me, but also to the hundreds of children and vulnerable adults you abused along the years.

Yes, the cross forever speaks.

PD: Mi progenitora dejó esto en el cuarto justo después de publicar este post, en claro mimicking a la palabra “truth”. El brand slogan de este producto es “believe in truth”.

Caminando juntos como Él caminó: una teología de la luz

La luz es un elemento básico de nuestra existencia. Necesitamos luz para ver. Necesitamos luz para la vida, para que las plantas puedan tener fotosíntesis y la cadena alimenticia pueda comenzar. Necesitamos luz intelectual para conocer. Necesitamos luz para crecer y el mundo no sobreviviría sin mujeres que den a luz. Todo cuanto somos comenzó con una gran explosión de luz: el Big Bang, o sea, decir que somos polvo de estrellas, polvo de luz, no es una exageración. Además, la mismísima Biblia comienza con la luz: fiat lux.

La luz nos revela la visión de todo cuanto nos rodea y de todo cuanto somos. De la misma forma, una teología de la luz nos revela cuando Dios es encarnado, vivo, en la medida en que nos encontramos con Él todos los días y permitimos que Él sea visible a través de nuestra formación personal, encarnándole con todo cuanto somos, hacemos, crecemos, irradiamos y florecemos en familia, como hermanos y hermanas, creciendo juntos en comunión, a la usanza de la Trinidad. En la medida en que caminamos como Él camina, viviendo como Él nos llama a vivir, nos convertimos más y más en la obra viva de Amor que somos llamados a ser, en el ícono vivo del Amor de Dios que somos llamados a ser en virtud de nuestro bautismo.

Esta teología de la luz no nació entre teólogos de carrera, ni según cánones académicos. Esta es una teología viva, hecha día a día, pulso a pulso, caminando como Él caminó, amando como Él ama. De hecho, esta teología nació en medio de una horrenda persecución de odio a la fe, y en medio de horrendas torturas y violaciones de derechos humanos, atentando contra la Iglesia viva. Esta teología de la luz ha sido como un nuevo albor en medio de una gran oscuridad… y ese nuevo albor ahora es un amanecer que irradia más y más nueva vida que resplandece en comunión. Sí, somos llamados a ser luz del mundo en toda circunstancia, dejando que el Espíritu lo transforme todo, absolutamente todo, en irradiación de nueva vida en el Amor, en la medida en que nos convertimos en la Eucaristía viva que somos llamados a ser.

¿Como plasmamos esta teología de la luz? Irradiando luz tal cual somos llamados a hacerlo: haciendo familia humana, eclesial y civil según Su plan, creando hogar, Iglesia y humanidad que resplandecen en comunión en la medida en que plasman el ícono vivo de Su Amor que somos llamados a ser juntos, caminando juntos como Él caminó.  ¿Cómo plasmamos Su ícono vivo? Siendo Su ícono vivo como familia que sirve a Cristo Amor, que proclama con sencillez y pequeñez la alegría y el inmenso asombro del Amor de Dios, caminando juntos como Él camina, adorándole como Él desea ser adorado, con todo el crecimiento, consagrándonos a vivir la caridad hasta que todos puedan caminar como los hermanos y hermanas que somos llamados a ser, como la luz única que todos somos llamados a irradiar convirtiéndonos juntos la mejor persona que podamos ser, levantándonos y resplandeciendo juntos como nueva familia del nuevo albor, como estado del nuevo albor, como nueva nación del nuevo albor, consagrada a vivir la caridad, consagrada a crear una nueva era de nueva fraternidad donde todos puedan crecer y resplandecer y florecer de acuerdo a nuestra dignidad inalienable de hijos e hijas del Creador.

Este texto no se supone que sea una exposición académica de la teología de la luz. Tengo una mente demasiado pequeña y sencilla para eso. De hecho, intenté estudiar teología dos veces, y las dos veces fracasé y me metí en problemas. Una facultad era conservadora, y la otra liberal. En ninguna de las dos pude desarrollar la teología de la luz. Los palos me han caído tanto de derechas como de izquierdas.

Este texto se supone que sea un breve testimonio de como eta teología de la luz se encarna en todo lo más cotidiano de mi vida de tal forma que toda mi existencia se ha convertido en un Fiat Amot, en una historia viva de Amor: fiat mihi secundum caritatis Tuam. Soy Su princesa del Cielo, y cada paso que damos mientras caminamos juntos como Él camina es para construir Su Reino en esa tierra, el reino que Él nos llama a ser juntos, un Reino de Comunión, un Reino del Nuevo Albor, dejando atrás todo tipo de acaridad, de afraternidad, de colonización, de esclavitud, de odio, de violaciones de derechos… para caminar como hermanos iguales en dignidad y en nobleza de corazón, cada cual irradiando con su carisma la luz que es llamado a irradiar como las estrellas del Cielo que somos llamados a ser.

Este texto, en realidad, presenta la teología de la luz como un dar a luz a la Palabra concreto, dándole a luz como Jesús Caridad plasmado en nuestra formación personal de tal forma que también damos a luz al pueblo-familia del nuevo albor que somos llamados a ser.

Compartiré esta teología de la luz como filosofía de vida, presentando las respuestas a algunas preguntas de mi filosofía de vida, pues esas respuestas ya son testimonio de luz. Como dije, no pretendo hacer un texto académico, sino presentar la teología de la luz tal cual se ha encarnado en mi historia y en mi hoy a hoy cotidiano.

Comencemos con las preguntas.

¿Quién soy ahora y cuales son los factores más importantes para ser la persona que soy ahora?

Soy una princesa del Cielo, soy un ícono vivo del Amor de Dios vivo y encarnado que está en constante proceso de plasmación, en la medida en que correspondo más y más a la gracia, en la medida en que vivo más y más el carisma sacramental de mi bautismo que me hace capaz de amar como Él ama, capaz de plasmar en toda mi formación personal una imagen viva que hace visible el Amor de Dios vivo y encarnado. El factor más importante de la persona que soy en estos momentos es el encuentro cotidiano con Jesús Caridad: el contemplarme con Sus ojos, el dejarme abrazar por Él, el dejarme sanar por Él, el dejarme ayudar a levantar y resplandecer por Él, el dejarme renovar la mente por Él, el aprender de Él a caminar juntos como Él camina… Si tengo que resumir en un solo factor lo más importante para ser quien soy hoy, lo tengo claro: ese factor es el haberme encontrado y el seguirme encontrado con un Dios Amor vivo y encarnado que hace nuevas todas las cosas, todos los corazones y toda la historia, dejándome interpelar por Su Palabra, dejándome informar, conformar, transformar, reformar, performar por Él… Yo sé que esto va a sonar escandaloso, pero ni siquiera me planteo explícitamente dar testimonio del Amor de Dios. O sea: sé que soy llamada a dar ese testimonio, como luz irradiada con la vida… pero sencillamente vivo el Amor de Dios, y el testimonio sale solo, sin que yo lo planifique. La teología de la luz no se trata de fabricar una historia: se trata de dejar que Él cree la historia de Amor que somos llamados a vivir y en la medida en que la vivimos, damos el testimonio que somos llamados a dar al estilo de los primeros cristianos, dando ese testimonio en primer lugar de forma doméstica, con nuestra familia, pues es en la familia que la formación personal se plasma como el ícono vivo del Amor de Dios que somos llamados a ser. Al influencer que pretenda “controlar” la influencia de su testimonio cristiano, le advierto que al Espíritu Santo no se le puede controlar y realmente todo es obra Suya, nosotros somos Sus servidores, y nos basta vivir la historia de Amor que somos llamados a vivir para cambiar el mundo evangelizando como nos corresponde evangelizar: encarnando el Amor de Dios que nos ha tocado y al que hemos contemplado, que se ha dejado tocar y ver.

¿Te lo has preguntado alguna vez, estimado lector? ¿Te has preguntado si te has dejado encontrar por un Dios Amor vivo y encarnado, en la oración, en los sacramentos, en la Palabra, en la fraternidad, en el Magisterio, en la formación personal plasmada de tal forma que Él vive más y más en Ti? ¿Qué clase de fe es esa que no vive el encuentro con el Amado en lo cotidiano, que no se maravilla y se sorprende ante las gracias derramadas constantemente para que sea Cristo quien viva más y más en mí, parafraseando a San Pablo; para que sea Dios Amor quien viva más y más en mí, para que sea Dios Luz quien viva más y más en mí, parafraseando a San Juan?

En un mundo donde todo se planifica para tener target audiences, máximum expusure, máximum reach… sí, puede escandalizar saber que un evangelizer no es exactamente un influencer, sino que es alguien que se encuentra día a día con el Amor y al compartir ese encuentro con el Amor puede influenciar a otros con su luz… pero el fin no es influenciar, es dar a otros gratuitamente lo que gratuitamente se ha recibido, porque ese Amor es tan y tan grande que no deja de desbordar gracias que son para ser compartidas. Es la paradoja del Amor de Dios: mientras más te encuentras con Él, más lo das, y mientras más lo das, más te encuentras con Él.

¿Quién soy ahora? ¿Qué influencias han contribuido a la persona que soy hoy?

Ahora soy, según Su mirada, realeza del Nuevo Albor, princesa del Cielo, llamada a servir compartiendo el gran Amor que he recibido, de tal forma que todos se sientan incondicionalmente amados, de tal forma que en la medida en que hago posible una mejor comprensión de la persona a la luz de la Palabra hago posible una nueva sociedad de la persona, una nueva cultura de la persona, un nuevo continente de la persona, plasmando más y más teología de la luz viva. La teología de la luz propone que somos llamados a irradiar el Amor de Dios al convertir toda nuestra vida en una obra viva que encarna el Amor de Dios, plasmando a Cristo Amor en toda nuestra formación personal. Así pues, soy una “artista personal”, concibiendo la formación personal de tal forma que podamos plasmar a Cristo Amor en ella. En orden a hacer posible esta plasmación, concreté un modelo de formación personal integractivo con fundamento bíblico que vienen del Shemá Israel, pero están en el Evangelio, en Lc 10:27: «Amarás al Señor tu Dios con todo tu ser (integración), con todo tu mente (acción), con todas tus fuerzas (realización) y con toda corazón (proyección), y a tu prójimo como a ti mismo (Conección)». El modelo integractivo de la formación personal tiene 5 procesos: integración, acción, realización, proyección y connección. He profundizado ese modelo de forma viva por años, y ahora me corresponde profundizarlo científica y teológicamente, porque para que haya teología de la luz es fundamental plasmar el modelo de formación personal que haga posible encarnar la Palabra como obra viva de Amor, como ícono vivo del Amor de Dios vivo y encarnado. Así pues, eso es lo que soy ahora: una plasmadora de la formación personal de tal forma que el mandatum novum se encarne en nuestras vidas haciendo familia humana, eclesial y civil según Su plan. Para llegar a esta nueva concepción de vida las personas más influyentes lo fueron Mikhael, al que conocí desde muy niña como mi ángel de la guarda, San José del Nuevo Albor, Nuestra Señora del Nuevo Albor, Jesús Caridad y mis peludos, todos ellos: Caramelo, Minnie, Princesa y Poppy. De hecho, Princesa en estos momentos, mientras escribo esto, está a mis pies, durmiendo plácidamente. La lealtad de todos estos peludos a lo largo de estos años me ha enseñado mucho de hacer familia en unidad a la Trinidad, junto al ejemplo de toda la Sagrada Familia del Nuevo Albor. Hemos de ser tan dóciles al Espíritu Santo, seguir fielmente al Maestro y confiar tanto en el Padre de la misma forma que Princesa está durmiendo a mis pies en estos momentos.

¿Cómo son los factores del amor y de la intimidad en mi vida?

Bueno, como podrán imaginar, no son los ordinarios. Tras toda una vida siendo abusada de todas las formas posibles por mis progenitores, ni siquiera tenía una idea de qué era intimidad y amor más allá de la que Mikhael me enseñó durante la infancia… hasta que Jesús Caridad llegó a mi vida y lo cambió todo. Esa gran necesidad de ser amada tal cual soy fue saciada hasta los bordes, incluso siendo pecadora de las grandes. Él también erradicó todo miedo a no ser capaz de amar o a ser incapaz de ser amada, porque me hizo conocerme tal cual soy ante Dios, no ante quienes me rodeaban. Todo el proceso de concepción de Jesús Caridad comenzó aún ignorando lo que han hecho mis progenitores a lo largo de mi vida. El comienzo de Jesús Caridad fue una profunda crisis de fe: ¿puedo ser católica y ser creativa? Al contemplarle en la Santísima Eucaristía expuesta comenzaron a contemplarse íconos que poco a poco tomaron la forma de un “Jesús Amor”, de un Jesús que sonríe y que extiende los brazos con una lámpara, re-escribiendo nuestra historia a la usanza del “Ven, Espíritu Santo, renueva la faz de la tierra” de Pentecostés. Sí, todo esto ha sido como un nuevo Pentecostés, un nuevo derramamiento de carismas y del fuego vivo de Su Amor. Ese es el significado de Amor para mí: dejarnos convertir por ese fuego vivo de Su Amor en la Eucaristía viva que somos llamados a ser, haciendo más y más vida Su consagración en más y más unidad de manos y de corazón, de ser y de acto y de palabras y de obrar a Su obrar. Me siento sacerdote, y profeta, y reina… y lo digo con toda la humildad de quien lo ha recibido todo del bautismo. No se trata de desafiar la enseñanza de la Iglesia católica respecto al sacerdocio: se trata de seguir el ejemplo de nuestra Señora del Nuevo Albor, que fue la primera en hacer vida Su consagración por potestad del Espíritu Santo, al formarle en su seno, al encarnar la Palabra de la misma forma que lo hace un sacerdote en la consagración. Ese es mi sacerdocio: el sacerdocio de hacer vida Su consagración al encarnar toda la formación personal como Eucaristía viva, de la misma forma que la Sagrada Familia del Nuevo Albor ayudó a ser, ayudó a hacer, ayudó a crecer, ayudó a irradiar y ayudó a florecer al Niño Amor como la Eucaristía viva que era llamado a ser, como el Cristo Amor que hace nuevas todas las cosas, todos los corazones y toda la historia. Esta llamada, por supuesto, es parte de mi vocación eclesial femenina a hacer más y más vida Mi maternidad sacramental formando a la Iglesia viva como el ícono vivo del Amor de Dios vivo y encarnado que es llamada a ser, haciendo progresivamente más y más vida Su alianza. Mi actitud ante lo masculino no es de competencia patriarcal, sino de complementareidad: somos llamados, juntos, a encarnar Su Eucaristía, el hombre desde el sostenimiento y la mujer desde la formación. La sexualidad es una comunión de personas con la que una pareja casada sacramentalmente encarna la Eucaristía al hacer vida la entrega de Su cuerpo y de Su sangre de la misma forma que la hace vida un sacerdote en el altar. Ambas entregas se hacen una si se contempla a la parroquia como familia de familias, con familias que sirven a familias de tal forma que todas puedan formarse y sostenerse como la iglesia doméstica que son llamados a ser, todos colmados y hasta borrachos del Amor de Dios. Sí, de los primeros discípulos decían que estaban borrachos cuando en realidad estaban desbordantemente llenos del Espíritu Santo. Es parte de mi misión como madre sacramental hacer posible que cada iglesia doméstica pueda vivir el amor y la sexualidad como una entrega que desborda este nuevo pentecostés de forma creativa y viva, viviendo con pasión el mandamiento del amor y el último mandato de Jesús:  “Ir al mundo entero y proclamad el Evangelio a toda la creación”… lo que en estos días puede leerse de otra forma: “Ve a tu familia y proclama el Evangelio a todos los hermanos… Ve a tu barrio y proclama el Evangelio a todos los hermanos…” Si cada cual hace eso, abarcaremos a toda la creación en menos tiempo que un ciclo lunar, contemplando juntos esa luna bella como la Eucaristía viva que somos llamados a encarnar consagrados a vivir la caridad en todo lo que hacemos, pues nos conoceremos como sus discípulos por como nos amamos, emprendiendo juntos el proyecto de evangelización familiar que somos llamados a emprender ayudando a ser, a hacer, a crecer, a irradiar y a florecer resplandeciendo juntos en más y más comunión.

¿Qué lugar ocupan la intimidad y la familia en mi vida?

Para la teología de la luz todo gira alrededor de plasmar la obra viva de Amor que somos llamados a plasmar de acuerdo al carisma recibido, y en mi caso, es un carisma doméstico: la alianza de la caridad vivida como una invitación a vivir la caridad en el día a día doméstico cotidiano. ¿Cómo soy llamada a vivir la caridad en este aquí y en este ahora, viviéndola en más y más correspondencia al Cielo? Esta pregunta es clave, porque si se trata de un carisma doméstico, es para hacer familia que cumple la Palabra, que sirve al Señor, y no podemos hacer familia que cumple la Palabra sin hacer familia centrada en la gracia que se le concede para vivir la caridad en toda circunstancia, también en el matrimonio y en la crianza de los frutos de la unión matrimonial. ¡El matrimonio hace fructificar la caridad de tantas formas bellas! No podemos negar la renovación que el Espíritu Santo está emprendiendo con esta consagración: hemos de dejar que el Espíritu se manifieste con todos los frutos que desee dar a la iglesia doméstica. Este es el tipo de matrimonio y familia con la que sueño: una en la que el Espíritu Santo fructifique, una donde cada cual, como don del Espíritu Santo, haga vida el carisma recibido para ayudar a ser, a hacer, a crecer, a irradiar y a florecer a imagen y semejanza de la Trinidad, dándole toda la gloria a Dios Amor. Para mí la intimidad es un regalo para regalar de la misma forma que Cristo se entrega a Su Iglesia: para dar nueva vida infundiéndole Su Espíritu Santo. Es curioso, porque se supone que alguien como yo tenga muchísimos problemas para entregar la intimidad, por el abuso que ha habido a mí alrededor y por la falta de ejemplo de como entregarla. No siento que eso vaya a ser un problema para mí llegado el momento, si es que encuentro la persona a la que Dios me llame a santificar como esposo… pero lo que sí creo que será un problema para mí será el tema de crianza, porque he aprendido tantos malos ejemplos que probablemente necesitaré mucha fuerza y gracia del Espíritu, además de ayuda profesional, para desaprender esos malos ejemplos y ser la madre que estoy llamada a ser. Mikhael ha sido muy claro en esto: no hay renovación imposible para el Espíritu Santo, si nos dejamos conducir por él, y no dudo que me será posible dejar todo vestigio del abuso en mí atrás y convertirme en la madre sacramental que soy llamada a ser.

Para la teología de la luz no te conviertes en el ícono vivo del Amor de Dios que eres llamada a ser de un día para otro. Realmente es un proceso que dura toda la vida, y para el cual recibiremos toda la ayuda del Espíritu Santo necesaria para emprenderla, aunque también hemos de procurar toda la ayuda profesional que sea necesaria cuando sea el caso. No hemos sido creados para crecer, resplandecer y florecer solos. Lo digo porque hay personas cristianas que piensan que solo con oración todo se resuelve. La teología de la luz no funciona así. De hecho, integra profesionales de todas las disciplinas integractivas: humanidades, ciencias sociales y humanidades. También aplica la biología y la medicina en la naturaleza orgánica. O sea: esta teología no es una teología “aislada” en las ciencias religiosas, sino que es interdisciplinaria por naturaleza, porque la formación personal es interdisciplinaria por naturaleza.

Hago esa salvedad para que se entienda: no está mal para un cristiano el pedir ayuda profesional para superar un escollo en su formación personal que le impide convertirse en el ícono vivo del Amor de Dios que es llamado a ser. Eso no resta fe a su oración: la enriquece.

Si bien necesitaré ayuda para superar los vestigios de toda una vida de abuso por parte de mis progenitores, no deja de ser todo un milagro que valore la vida familiar como la valoro: como un santuario del Amor de Dios, incondicionalmente abierto a la vida y a la gracia que viene del Espíritu. La vida doméstica, la vida familiar, ha de ser como una ofrenda agradable a Dios, como un altar doméstico donde todo se ofrece para gloria de Dios: ¡viva Cristo Amor! Toda la vida doméstica ha de ser Cristocéntrica: por Cristo, con Él y en Él. Como iglesia doméstica somos llamados a ser Iglesia viva, fiel a Cristo-cabeza. La mujer está llamada a hacer vida la entrega de la Iglesia a Jesús, y el varón está llamado a hacer vida la entrega de Jesús a la Iglesia. Juntos nos plasmamos como el ícono vivo del Amor de Dios que somos llamados a ser, transconsagrando toda la formación personal en Eucaristía viva desde el día a día cotidiano que encarna la caridad de Su Corazón.

¿Cuáles son mis pensamientos acerca de la muerte y el sentido de la vida?

La muerte no es el final. Somos llamados a la luz de la resurrección. De hecho, en la medida en que irradiamos en esta vida la luz que nos corresponde irradiar, convirtiéndonos progresivamente en la estrella del Cielo que somos llamados a ser, ya comenzamos a participar en la luz de la resurrección. Toda la vida nos prepara para ese encuentro definitivo faz a Faz con el Amor. En la tierra habrá personas que nos muestren, con más o menos perfección, la faz de Jesús… pero en la muerte lo encontraremos sin velo sacramental, tal cual es, y ese encuentro será el más maravilloso que hayamos podido imaginar. No hay que temerle a la muerte, ni al sufrimiento que pueda conllevar morir. Es sencillamente un paso a la vida a la que somos llamados: la vida eterna. Hemos sido creados para la eternidad, y a la eternidad del Amor somos llamados, todo nos conduce al Cielo que comenzamos a crear en esta vida al crear Eucaristía. Ese es el centro del sentido de la teología de la luz: ser Eucaristía viva, convertirnos en más y más icono vivo de Su Amor, llegando a ser las estrellas del Cielo que somos llamados a ser, la luz que somos llamados a ser para hacer más y más visible Su Amor al mundo. No hay nada que yo pueda valorar más que esta alianza de la caridad que me mueve, como compromiso vital, a convertirme más y más en la luz que soy llamada a ser en la medida en que me convierto en la pastora doméstica que soy llamada a ser para conducir al pueblo-familia que Él me encomiende a la plenitud, a la alegría, a la santidad.

Realmente yo misma no he tenido problemas extraordinarios en contemplar esta alianza de la caridad como sentido de mi existencia… el problema estriba en que los otros me dejen vivirla como me corresponde vivirla. De hecho, a los comienzos de la alianza de la caridad, la escondía, porque había personas que pensaban que imitaba su compromiso de fidelidad, cosa que era falsa, pero me hacía sentir fatal. En otras ocasiones, las más, ha habido personas que envidian un compromiso tan profundo y bello, e intentan sabotearlo de todas las formas que podían… Por supuesto, también ha habido “struggles” en aprender a hacer vida lo que la alianza de la caridad significa, sobre todo el tema de la castidad… pero ha sido Jesús mismo, a falta de otra persona, el que me ha enseñado a tener un puro corazón y encontrar el sentido de mi existencia en Él, en darle más y más a luz en mí. De hecho, uno de los sentidos de “teología de la luz” es el dar a LUZ a Dios Amor-con-nosotros. Si quiere verse de esa forma, la teología de la luz es eminentemente feminista. El haber dicho “fiat” a dar a luz a Jesús Caridad es el “turning point” más importante de mi vida: desde que vivo la vida para darle a luz, nada, absolutamente nada, es igual. Hasta la alegría es más compartida, más profunda y más viva. Todo es una historia viva de Amor, transformándolo todo, hasta la tortura, en irradiación de nueva vida en el Amor.

Nunca dejaré de estar agradecida del hecho de que al momento de yo comenzar a plasmar la teología de la luz y el modelo de formación personal yo aún no era consciente, ni tenía la más mínima idea, del abuso y tortura al que estaba siendo sometida por mis progenitores y parientes sociópatas-narcisistas. Toda la contemplación de la teología de la luz, que también puede llamarse “theology of home”, comenzó sin yo saber de la crueldad inmensa que me rodeaba. Fue la forma en que Dios Padre quiso enseñarme a crear hogar de una forma que nadie a mi alrededor podía. Así aprendí a ser profeta: profetizando con la vida el Amor de Dios encarnado allí donde hacía falta más. Jesús Caridad se convirtió en la influencia más importante de mi vida: el maestro del Corazón que me enseñó todo lo que sé y soy… y con el que me volveré a encontrar un día, cuando Él diga, y sé que puede ser cualquiera de estos días, y estoy felizmente preparada para ello.

¿En quién me quiero convertir? ¿Cómo describes tu futuro con otros? ¿Cuáles son mis planes para mí misma?

Toda teología es un dar razón de nuestra esperanza. La luz de la resurrección no deja de ser nuestra esperanza al plasmar la teología de la luz, siendo el futuro más brillante que contemplamos: un día seremos uno con el Amado, un día le contemplaremos tal cual Es y no cabrá más alegría en el corazón. La teología de la luz plasma ese encuentro en este aquí y en este ahora, en la medida en que nos plasmamos como el faro vivo de conversión que somos llamados a ser para irradiar Su Eucaristía viva, como el ícono vivo de Su haz encendido que somos llamados a ser. Mi futuro con otros, sea cual sea ese otro, pasa por ese “dar razón de nuestra esperanza”: compartir con todos la alegría y el gozo del encuentro cotidiano con el Amado, encuentro que se hará definitivo en la medida en que nos convirtamos en la luz que somos llamados a ser, en la medida en que vivamos el Cielo en esta tierra, en la medida en que sembremos más y más nueva vida que resplandece en comunión, más y más semillas del nuevo albor, sabiéndonos elegidos para irradiar una luz que nadie más irradiará, sabiéndonos enviados como apóstoles del nuevo albor para pescar con redes de caridad encendida que conectan al mundo entero en redes de caridad viva que nos mueven a un auténtico progreso, a un auténtico desarrollo que crea un mundo más humano, que crea una humanidad más familia.

En eso me quiero convertir, en la Eucaristía viva que ya soy y en el faro vivo que somos llamados a ser como familia del nuevo albor, como familia que es casa viva de conversión, irradiando más y más conversión al mundo, para que todos conozcan la alegría y el gozo tan grande de ser uno en el Amor: “que todos sean uno, como el Padre y Yo somos uno” (Jn 17:21). Me quiero convertir en el ícono vivo del Amor de Dios que somos llamados a ser como enviados a irradiar Su luz, como discípulos del nuevo albor, como profetas de la familia, pues Jesús Caridad es patrón de la iglesia doméstica y patrón de la lucha ante la destrucción de la familia por la violencia de la ideología de género, el transgenderismo y las ideologías de izquierda como el comunismo, el socialismo y el marxismo. En eso me quiero convertir: en faro vivo que irradia conversión de todo cuando nos impida resplandecer como la familia sacramental que somos llamados a ser, de la misma forma que el faro de Jesús Caridad irradia el modelo de formación personal plasmada en familia, a imagen y semejanza de la Trinidad: ayudar a ser, ayudar a hacer, ayudar a crecer, ayudar a irradiar y ayudar a florecer resplandeciendo juntos en más y más comunión.

No tengo muy claro que se supone que sea futuro para mí, pero tengo claro que camino por fe, no por visión, y aunque no vea el futuro, sí que le creo a Mikhael cuando me dice en sueños que futuro es precisamente el título de este texto: caminar JUNTOS como Él caminó. La palabra “juntos” no estaba al principio del texto, vino después. Sea lo que sea que el futuro sea, es “togetherness”, es caminar juntos como Él camino, es amar juntos como Él amó, es crecer juntos como Él nos llama a crecer, como Eucaristía viva… sea lo que sea, es juntos, es haciendo vida esta alianza que ha cambiado mi vida para siempre en historia viva de Amor: fiat lux, fiat Amor, fiat pax, fiat fraternitas… fiat mihi secundum caritatis Tuam. Hágase en nosotros según Tu nueva humanización, Tu nueva eclesialización, Tu nueva fraternización, Tu nueva evangelización, Tu nueva familiarización… Sí, todos somos llamados a convertirnos en familia misionera, en familia de discípulos, en familia consagrada, en familia que sirve a familias, en familia-faro que es casa de conversión, casa de oración, familia formadora de iglesias domésticas que hace vida Tu Orden de la Caridad, en primer lugar ordenando todo el corazón a vivir la caridad…

Por su puesto, para ser familia formadora es necesario profundizar el modelo integractivo de la formación personal a la luz de la Palabra y también a la luz de la razón… y eso también es parte del togetherness del futuro: unir mentes para establecer una estructura de formación personal que haga posible la plasmación de toda la formación personal como ícono vivo del Amor de Dios. Eso es lo que “veo” en el futuro: el desarrollo del modelo integractivo de la formación personal y la redacción de la Carta de Derechos Fraternos Universales, la Declaración de Amor Universal. Esto no tengo que hacerlo necesariamente yo, pero definitivamente es parte del “togetherness” del futuro, parte de mi servir a la iglesia doméstica como familia formadora de familias.

Otro ”togetherness” que veo en el futuro es la redacción del FamCat, el Catecismo de la Familia, de tal forma que las familias puedan formar a sus hijos en la enseñanza católica siendo los padres, como ministros sacramentales que son, como ministros de crecimiento en comunión que son, los primeros formadores en la doctrina católica, pero en una doctrina católica viva, estudiada en diálogos de preguntas y respuestas hechas de corazón a Corazón, para que los niños aprendan a encarnar la fe, no solamente a recitarla.

 Sí, sea cual sea el futuro, ese futuro es “togetherness”, es caminar juntos como Él caminó, construyendo Su reino del nuevo albor en esta tierra, haciéndolo vivo y encarnado al emprender día a día el proyecto de evangelización familiar, acogiendo nuestra misión eclesial de irradiar el Amor de Dios desde el crear hogar, desde el crear Cielo, desde el crear Eucaristía viva formándola como lo hizo la Virgen María: ayudando a ser, ayudando a hacer, ayudando a crecer, ayudando a irradiar y ayudando a florecer resplandeciendo juntos en comunión, a imagen y semejanza de la Trinidad, haciendo más y más vida la fraternidad sacramental que se nos ha sido dada para plasmar al hermano al que somos llamados a santificar como el ícono vivo del Amor de Dios que es llamado a ser, plasmando una liturgia de la luz encarnada, a la usanza del beato Charlie, al que le debo la salud de mis intestinos torturados: vivimos para esta luz, vivimos para testimoniar la luz de la resurrección plasmada viva en nuestra formación personal, como un manto de Turín vivo, como una tilma de Guadalupe palpitante… Vivimos para esta noche de luz que nos plasma como el reino de los Cielos que somos llamados a hacer presente como reino del nuevo albor donde todos puede crecer conforme a la dignidad dada por Dios para que todos caminemos juntos como hermanos, caminando juntos como Él caminó, encarnando el haz de Dios, haz de luz y haz de hacer lo que nos corresponde hacer como cristianos que caminan en la luz.

Hacer vida este proyecto de evangelización familiar ha sido el propósito de mi vida desde que elegí decir sí a la vocación de dar a luz a Jesús Caridad, y eso no cambiará en el futuro, suceda lo que suceda. Consumar esta consagración a vivir la caridad es el sentido de mi existencia, dando más y más a luz a la Palabra, dando más y más a luz a Jesús Caridad, dando más y más a luz a Su pueblo-familia del nuevo albor. Lo que sí ha ido cambiando es que he ido profundizando más y más el significado de ese proyecto, y seguramente seguiré profundizándolo más en el futuro, lo que lo convierte en una aventura apasionante: vivir para hacer vida la entrega de Su cuerpo y de Su sangre de tal forma que Su Eucaristía Viva se siga consumando a lo largo de la historia, encarnando Su historia de la salvación como historia viva de Amor. ¡Fiat Amor! Hágase en nosotros según Tu Corazón, aquí estamos para dejanos plasmar humacéntricamente, Cristocéntricamente, Amorcéntricamente, persocéntricamente y charicéntricamente como Tu ícono vivo, bendecidos por Tu haz, por Tu ternura, por Tu humildad, por Tu paz, por Tu misericordia, por Tu alegría, por Tu plenitud, por Tu nobleza…

Hasta aquí las respuestas a algunas preguntas que encarnan la teología de la luz con sencillez, como un dar razón de mi esperanza en el día a día, como una filosofía de vida que se encarna a la luz de la Palabra. Como dije al principio, no quería hacer una exposición de la teología de la luz como algo académico, sino como algo vivo, como una forma de seguimiento cotidiano al Maestro, explicando en breves palabras como somos llamados a dejarnos informar juntos, conformar juntos, transformar juntos, reformar juntos y performar juntos por la luz del Amor de Dios. Hemos de darnos a conocer como discípulos de la caridad, como discípulos del nuevo albor, en la medida en que nos convertimos en la obra viva de Amor que somos llamados no solo a ser sino a compartir con el mundo entero para que el primer anuncio siga siendo escuchado: Dios es Amor, Jesús es Caridad, que se sigue derramando a la humanidad, que desea que todos se salven, porque no viene a condenar sino a salvar, dándose a conocer como Jesús Caridad, como Cristo Amor que hace nuevas todas las cosas, toda la historia y todos los corazones, en la medida en que nos dejamos irradiar por el haz de Su Espíritu y nos dejamos transconsagrar en sacramentos de Su Amor, haciendo vida Tu alianza, que es reconstrucción, transformando todo culto a la muerte muerte y todo aborto social en irradiación de nueva vida que resplandece en el Amor al hacer vida la victoria del Amor como tierra de la libertad donde todos pueden caminar como hermanos, como tierra de la gracia que vive el encanto, como reino del nuevo albor donde todos pueden resplandecer como la estrella del Cielo que son llamados a ser.

On the Formation of the Person: An Integractive Model of Personal Formation

When Charles Darwin wrote “On the Origin of the Species”, he wrote the most important idea in the history of humanity. He explained, with the scientific evidence of his observations, the process of the evolution of all the species. That evidence was collected for many years through experiments with animal species until the evidence was clear and the evolution theory was born. “On the Origin of the Species” does not only explain the evolution of animal species: it also explains the evolution of humankind as a specie.

But what happens if I tell you that the human person is not meant to only evolve as a specie? What happens if I tell you that the evolution theory explains only partially the evolution of humankind as humanity? Exactly: we are not meant to evolve only as human specie. As human persons, we are called to progress as living humanity and develop a progressively more human society as we keep forming as persons. Yes, we form as persons. We don´t only keep evolving as specie: we keep forming as persons. But… how the personal formation works?

Let´s first define personal formation: the process of becoming who we are, who we are called to be, and who we intend to be. This process begins from the moment of conception, and happens to every human being, to one degree to another. As far as we have human DNA, our personal formation is meant to progress throughout all our existence on this Earth as we also evolve and develop as a human specie and human culture.

How these personal formation processes are structured? If you observe several person´s progress through a lifetime, you will notice common patterns, elements that are common to every person´s process of becoming who they are, who they are called to be, and who they intend to be. I call those common elements “integractive model of personal formation”: a model to define common structures among the personal formation progress of all humans. This integractive model is like a DNA of the human personal formation: defines common processes of the human personal formation of every homo sapiens alive, each one according to their own natural dimensions.

Think about this for a moment. Through the years and centuries, science had developed many resources to study the human being as a specie, especially as a human body with medical sciences. The repercussions of the DNA structure in the human body are still being studied… but who studies our progress as persons, who studies how we all become through life the persons we are? This field needs deeper study because if you observe carefully, there are common elements in every person´s formation processes. There is a huge repercussion in structuring a personal formation model that defines these common elements, so we can provide person-centered perspectives in everything we do and research, from science, medicine and psychology to technology, engineering, and business sciences. As a matter of fact, the deepest social development crisis of our days is our lack of knowledge of the notion of the person, the notion of its inherent dignity and the fraternity that bonds us all as human persons.

Yes, there are revolutionary repercussions, in the good sense, in defining a common structure of personal formation. As example: a medicine that knows how to treat persons, not only patients, will affirm the dignity of the human being as it should, not using medicine against the personal formation structures and respecting those structures as the patient is treated, including the nature of the personal formation.

The model that I have structured on the formation of the human person is called “integractive model of personal formation” because the word “integractive” joins the words integration, action, realization and projection, the four first processes of this personal formation model. The fifth process, connection, is quite new. It has been structured with the help of both contemplation and observation of these common elements that we all share as we become who we are, who we are called to be and who we intend to be.

In the integractive personal formation model there are, as I have already mentioned, five main processes: integration, action, realization, projection and connection. The integration process is given by nature, or by God for those who believe in God. We can´t change the nature of personal formation, but the dimensions of personal formation do influence each other. The action, realization, and projection processes change progressively, as we keep maturing as persons. The connection process is a development process: it creates a culture centered in personhood, cherishing the gift that each person is, and how we are all called to perform in a way that creates a more human humanity for all. Let´s deepen each formative process.

Integration elements describe how we are informed according to our own nature, informed from within. Even in the biological sense that is true: we form from inside a womb. From studying and applying with all its consecuences the integration of the nature of the human personal formation we achieve a new humanization. There are common properties and principles in the information of the personal formation that can´t be violated or separated among each other, because they are necessesarily together, they influence each other. I have condensed these properties and principles in this table:

Integration (Personal Nature)
	Properties (orange sticks)		Principles (pink sticks)
	Organic Dimension	Onthological Dimension	Filial Dimension
1	Hierachical Property: every human body is ordered hierarchically.	Ens Property: every human entity is a being.	Humanization Principle: every human subject is called to become more human.
2	Nutritive Property: every human body is capable of obtaining energy that he or she needs to susbsists.	Res property: every human entity is a thing.	Autonomy Principle: every human subject is called to determine by himself or herself.
3	Regulative Property: every human body is capable of maintaining his or her internal equilibrium towards the environmental changing circumstances.	Aliquid Property: every human entity is something.	Equality Principle: every human subject have the same rights and duties.
4	Reproductive Property: every human body is capable of replicating himself or herself. Sexual reproduction requires a female gamete and a masculine gamete, and supposes a longer maturation time related to asexual reproduction.	Unum Property: every human entity is a unity.	Complexity Principle: every human subject is called to act according to what is determined by his own or her own discernment, departing from what they know from reality.
5	Evolutive Property: every human body evolves maximixing his or her survival.	Verum Property: every human entity is true.	Totality Principle: every human subject is responsible for the totality of their personal being.
6	Progressive Property: every human body grows, develops and matures progressively through life.	Bonum Property: every human entity is good.	Solidarity Principle: every human subject is called to contribute to the common good according to his or her possibilities.
7	Sensitive Property: every human body reacts to changes and interacts with the stimulus that surrounds them.	Pulchrum Property: every human entity is beautiful.	Subsidiarity Principle: every human subject is called to develop all his or her talents to the best expression possible, assuming everything that he or she can by himself or herself.

The second formative process is action. With action, the progress stages begin: these stages do change progressively, as the person matures through his or her life. As you study and apply with all its consequences this personal formation process, you help to do a “new domestication” that in the eclessial sense, it would be a “new eclessialization”.

To explain what I mean with “new domestication” you need to read the amazing quote of the Little Prince about it:

“To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you domesticate me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world…”

But if you domesticate me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life . I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the colour of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have domesticated me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat…” The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. “Please, domesticate me!” he said.”

― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Our action as persons is conformed with certain common elements: factors and expressions. The factors of the actions are elements that conditionate the action. The expression of the action are traits of our conformation. Yes, our actions constantly conform us as we are, as we are meant to be and as we intend to be. For Christians, the role model per excellence of our actions is Christ: we conform all our actions more and more Christcentrically as we mature. For those who are not Christians, there are many and plenty role models to choose as conformation models.

Here is the table that enumerate the factors and expressions of the action.

Action (Personal Behavior)
	Factors (conditions of conformation) [3 axis]	Expressions (traits of conformation) [green sticks]
Factor 1	Thoughts: originating action according to your ideas.	Expression 1	Motivation: originating action with a purpose.
Factor 2	Emotions: originating actions according to your sentiments.	Expression 2	Disposition: originating action with an attitude.
Factor 3	Skills: originating actions according to your abilities.	Expression 3	Signification: originating action with a meaning
		Expression 4	Volition: originating action with a will

The next formative process in the integractive personal formation process is realization: after the action, we are realizing ourselves constantly as we keep transforming ourselves in who we are, who are called to be, and whom we intend to be, each one according to their own natural dispositions. The study and application of the implications of this formative process helps to grow a new fraternization: a reality where everyone is recognized as a brother and a sister, called to radiate as a person a unique light that no one else will be able to radiate. The realization of every human person has certain common elements: it has causes whose movements in unity have an impact in reality, in the reality context where the person is, and it has emanations whose directions keep transforming action. For a Christian, the realization of our personal formation is clear: becoming more and more the image and likeness we are, the living image of God-Love-with-us we are called to be and do intend to be with a holy life, being humble instruments of grace, growing together in direction communion.

This is the table with all the impacts and emmanations of the realization.

Realization (Personal Reality) [Axis movement, must move in unity, they can’t break the unity among them]
Causes (impacts of transformation) [organized movement of the three axis moving together in unity]		Emanations: directions of transformation.
Cause 1 movement	Creating Communion: generating gifts through sharing who we are.	Emanation 1 (horizontal direction)	Actuality: grow as who we are
Cause 2 movement	Creating Family: generating bonds through engaging ourselves as we are.	Emanation 2 (vertical direction)	Potentiality: grow as who we are meant to be
Cause 3 movement	Creating Fullfillment (Creating Joy): generating values through inspiring growthfullness through how we are.	Emanation 3 (circular direction)	Intentionality: grow as we consciously intend to grow.

The next formative process of the integractive personal formation model is the projection: creating a project of life that reforms us constantly as we become more and more who we are, who we are called to be and who we intend to be. Our life project is in constant reformation as we keep maturing, and so it keeps perfecting more and more as we reform more and more as persons. We will be reforming until our last breath, according to our inherent dignity. As we study and apply more and more the implications of the human person projection, we help to radiate a new civilization of Love, or seen with ecclesial view, a new evangelization. The common elements in the reformation of every person are the keys, which are the objectives of the reformation, and the emissions, the criteria of the reformation.

Here you have the table with the objectives and the emissions of the realization that keeps reforming more and more through the life.

Projection (Personal Vitality, Personal Project of Life)
Keys (objectives of reformation)  [the four cross extremes, the beige pieces at the end of each cross, the radiation of the crosses]		Emissions (criteria of reformation) [cardinal points direction of the radiation of the crosses´s movements]
Key 1	Vital Identity: cultivating yourself as a project according to what you love and dream	Emission 1	Primacy of Beauty: esthetic criteria, arts
Key 2	Vital Vocation: cultivating freedom projected as you serve in a concrete way	Emission 2	Primacy of the Right: ethical criterial, moral
Key 3	Vital Communication: cultivating self-giving that projects new life.	Emission 3	Primacy of the True: rational criteria, logic
Key 4	Vital Perfection: cultivating plenitude projected joyfully	Emission 4	Primacy of the Good: benefit criteria, pragmatics

Finally, you have the fifth formative process: connection, performing in such way that we are all connected in a new era of new fraternity as we perform the new fraternization we are called and intend to perform, in which the dignity of every person is affirmed and bloomed. This fifth formative process literally connects all the formative processes with formative tasks that makes possible that every person can achieve become the best person they can be, harvesting a new culture of the person, a new culture of life. As we embrace these formative tasks as formative duties, we connect society as a communion of persons. Its our duty to develop as a more fraternal society as we become the best persons we can be.

In this table are all the formative duties of the connected personal formation:

Formative Tasks (Community formation) [connection with other integractors]
Helping to Be	Integration	affirming the articulation, the revelation and the manifestation of the nature every human person, according to our inherent personal dignity.
Helping to Do	Action	affirming the orientation of the acts of every person according to our inherent personal dignity.
Helping to Grow	Realization	affirming the realization of the growth of every human person according to our inherent personal dignity.
Helping to Glow	Projection	affirming the transformation of the glow of every human person according to our inherent personal dignity, so everyone can become the light we are all called to be.
Helping to Bloom	Connection	Helping to bloom as we performing in such a way that we help every human person to be, to do, to grow and to glow according to our inherent human dignity.

Besides the five formative processes of personal formation, the integractive model has another very important element that brings cohesiveness to the whole model: the Universal Declaration of Fraternal Rights, or Universal Declaration of Love. Have you ever noticed that the Universal Declaration of Human Rights lacks the word “love”? We need an Universal Declaration that affirms the right of every human being of be recognized, progress, and develop fraternally, unconditionally loved as who we are, belonging to a family, all together part of the humanity as fraternal family. Although writing something like this would require collaboration of the competent authorities, this is an sketch of how these 14 fraternal rights could be written.  

Universal Declaration of Fraternal Rights [the 14 caps that give the whole structure cohesion]
Article 1	Family Institution (Definition of Human Family)	Everybody is called to grow in family, no one Will be denied to live and grow as family, growing unconditionally loved, according to his or her inherent human dignity.
Article 2	Family Planning
Article 3	Parenting (Raising Children)
Article 4	Family Constitution (dependant members of the family, old people, disabled, adults family members that live at the home)
Article 5	Family Home
Article 6	Family Education
Article 7	Family Health
Article 8	Family Economy (work, family subsidies, family support)
Article 9	Family Freedom (Civil Freedom, Religious Freedom, Freedom of Emigration, Expresión Freedom).
Article 10	Family Convivence (Domestic intimacy, social life, cultural life, domestic communications)
Article 11	Family Integrity (Security of all family members, including pets, guaranteeing the safety of domestic violence victims and vulnerable family members, either vulnerable minors or vulnerable adults)
Article 12	Family Patrimony (Inheritances, private property)
Article 13	Family Politics (Asociations and family representantion, participation in political life)
Article 14	Universal Application of these rights	These rights are going to be applied to every family, whatever its race, religious denomination, political afiliation, nationality, etc.

Until here, this is the whole integractive personal formation model. This is what I have contemplated and observed as common elements of the personal formation of the human being, how we all become who we are, who we are called to be, who we intend to be.

All that I have written in this text is an attempt to write a scientific text, without excluding faith, affirming my premises in both contemplation and evident observation. As John Paul II said: “Science can purify religion from error and superstition. Religion can purify science from idolatry and false absolutes”. I am being as brief as I can because I know that something like an integractive personal formation model is something that must be discussed from many interdisciplinary perspectives in order to be published in its final form. So, this is an invitation to whoever reads this to defy their notions of personhood and reflect on the common elements in everybody’s personal formation and how to structure those common factors in a systemic way that also gives space to each person’s uniqueness and preciousness. Observe and contemplate carefully: how people become who they are, who they are called to be, who they intend to be?

I titled this text “On The Formation of the Person” mimicking the title of Darwin’s “On The Origin of the Species”. Why? Because I did this the same way he did: with very careful contemplation and observation of the “specimens”, but this time the specimens are not mere species: they are persons. There is a beauty and a grandeur in the dignity of the person that you can’t contemplate in any other specie. There is a beauty and sacrality in personhood that deserves to be preserved, known, and always respected and cherished as our most precious treasure as humanity. The survival of humanity doesn’t depend only on the survival of the species: it also depends in our progress and development as the most human civilization we can be, recognizing each other as brother and sister with equal dignity… and we can’t achieve that without making it possible that every person can become the best person we can be, growing together as human family that grows in more and more communion, embracing the personal formation’s processes in such way that we achieve as humanity the development we need to grow as the family we are, as the brothers and sisters we are called to be, as the new civilization of Love we intend to be. For doing this, it is essential to embark in a journey deep on the formation of the person, deepening as a structured model how we form as a person, so we can preserve for generations the legacy that can help us to become together the most human civilization we can be: the beautiful, sacred and fraternal dignity of the human person.

We are not only evolution: we are evolution and formation. We must fight not only for our survival as specie, but we must also work together to ensure that our children and kids can find a more human world than ours, a world filled with more peace, kindness, solidarity, empathy, joy, beauty, wonder and growthfullness, with less hate, violence, violation of rights, pride, selfishness, trafficking, inequality, indifference, wars, destruction…

So, do you want to join this journey on the formation of the person?

Mikhael me pidió que escribiera un blog post de las siete formas de nueva evangelización para jóvenes que se propusieron en nuestros sueños contemplativos de esta semana… pero acabo de descubrir que hoy es la jornada mundial por las vocaciones. Eso da un contexto más profundo a lo que planeamos escribir.

Las siete vías de nueva evangelización para jóvenes, muy en particular jóvenes de escuelas católicas son siete:

Formas de Nueva Evangelización para el New Evangelization Fest de escuela a nivel isla (a nivel arquidiocesano)

1. Adoration Music/Praise Music [New Evangelization Artists]: la banda ha de tener un preacher y ha de estar conectada a un ministro extraordinario de la Eucaristía que los pueda conectar a la Eucaristía cuando hagan adoration worships. El new evangelization coach ha de supervisar que la banda no se enfoque solo en lo técnico (tocar buena música) sino en hacerlo para gloria de Dios, componiendo letras que sean de adoración, y haciendo prédicas bien hechas. Adoran a Dios creando música.
2. Adoration Dance/Praise Dance [New Evangelization Dancers]: ministerio de adoración al Santísimo adorando con el cuerpo que irradia luz, como el cuerpo resucitado. No solo se irradia la luz con los bracaletes y el collar y la mirada con eyeshadow glow in the dark: se irradia sobre todo con la adoración del corazón, toda la vida es adoración. Adoran a dios danzando.
3. Adoration Influencing/Praise Influencing [New Evangelization Influencers]: ministerio de influencers en social media, influenciando de tal forma que vean a Cristo en ustedes, defendiendo causas sociales que plasman una sociedad fraterna como lo hubiera hecho Jesús, de tal forma que más y más personas conozcan el evangelio vivo en el social media. Adoran a Dios creando contenido.
4. Adoration Ecology/Praise Ecology [New Evangelization Vitalizers]: ministerio de adoración a la Eucaristía cuidando la creación, cuidando la naturaleza en unidad al cuidado del corazón y de la vida, de tal forma que al afirmar la dignidad ecológica también se afirma la dignidad de la vida desde la concepción hasta la muerte natural.
5. Adoration Animation/Praise Animation [New Evangelization Animators]: ministerio de adoración con animación digital, animar en el Espíritu mostrando historias que inspiren valores evangélicos, valores del Espíritu, de tal forma que al animar se anima a vivir mejor el Evangelio y el Amor de Dios.
6. Adoration Artisanship/Praise Artisanship [New Evangelization Artisans]: ministerio de adoración donde se adora a Dios con la obra de las manos que plasman Su obra viva de Amor en la formación personal, con artes manuales que no sean confeccionadas digitalmente sino con las manos. Incluye todas las artes que se producen con las manos, incluyendo artes plásticas, cocina, diseño de modas, tejido, joyería, talla de santos, pintura, escultura… el signo de este ministry es un apron transconsagrado.
7. Adoration Performance/Praise Performance [New Evangelization Actors]: ministerio de actuación que adora a Dios con actos que hacen visible el Amor de Dios Amor dejándose mover por el Espíritu Santo, siendo actores y actrices del Espíritu a la misma vez que aprenden a actuar en teatro o en películas, haciendo más y más vida la visión de Dios Amor al dejarse convertir en los faros vivos de conversión que son llamados a ser, irradiando más y más conversión con su actuación, haciendo visible la historia de salvación de Dios Amor como historia viva de Amor, siendo visionarios de los sueños de Dios Amor: que todos crezcamos como la mejor persona que podamos ser, como la luz que somos llamados a ser, como los pastores domésticos que somos llamados a ser a partir de la confirmación, como los íconos vivos del Amor de Dios que somos llamados a ser, como las estrellas del Cielo que somos llamados a ser.

Hemos de abrir puertas de tal forma que se abran oportunidades para nuestros niños y jóvenes convertirse en los evangelizers que son llamados a ser, cada cual con su carisma y don, de tal forma que al llegar a la madurez su corazón se abra a la vocación que Dios les dé para llevar a Su pueblo a la plenitud, a la alegría y a la santidad… Sí, todos tenemos una llamada a evangelizar de una forma concreta, en un estado de vida concreto, y todo joven ha de descubrirlo, aprendiendo desde temprano a trabajar por la salvación, a trabajar por la luz, a trabajar por el Amor, a trabajar por la paz, a trabajar por la fraternidad, como todo servidor de Dios Amor ha de hacerlo en la madurez. A veces no se confía en lo que los jóvenes y niños  son capaces de hacer, pero Dios les concede hacer maravillas si los conducimos por el camino de la vocación al Amor que se nos concede para glorificarle con formas concretas que irradian más y más luz. Hay que enseñar a nuestros jóvenes y niños, muy en especial los que estudian en escuelas católicas, a dejarse mover por el Espíritu y convertirse en los evangelizers que son llamados a ser, cada cual con una llamada concreta a servir, a amar, a ser feliz.

De la misma forma que todo gran árbol comienza siendo una semillita, a evangelizar y a trabajar por la salvación se aprende desde temprano. Abramos puertas y corazones y dejemos que nuestros niños y jóvenes aprendan a ser los new evangelizers que son llamados a ser, descubriendo así su vocación al Amor recibida desde el bautismo, renovada por la Eucaristía y consolidada por la confirmación. Seamos los pastores domésticos que somos llamados a ser para conducirlos a su crecimiento pleno tanto como seres humanos como santos, siendo muy humildes: todo cuanto se nos da para ayudar a crecer es para gloria de Dios Amor, actuando ya no como nosotros mismos, sino dejando que sea Cristo Amor quien actúe en nosotros, para que así, al vernos, los niños y jóvenes aprendan con el ejemplo de evangelios vivos a evangelizar acogiendo la vocación que Dios Amor quiera concederles para brillar como las estrellas del Cielo que son llamados a ser, aprendiendo juntos a contemplar con la mirada de Jesús Caridad, aprendiendo juntos a emprender el ministerio que Él nos proponga como ministerio de crecimiento en comunión para plasmar más y más iglesia familia, iglesia doméstica y patria doméstica donde todos crecen y caminan como hermanos, resplandeciendo como una luz única que nadie más irradiará, aprendiendo juntos a caminar como Tú caminas, acogiendo la nueva identidad que Tú nos das para transformar toda nuestra formación personal en obra viva de Amor…

Esa es la victoria del Amor: dejarnos convertir en la obra viva de Amor que somos llamados a ser, dejando que el Espíritu Santo nos plasme como el sueño de Dios que somos llamados a ser, como los amados y salvados que somos llamados a ser haciendo más y más vida Su memoria, recordando cuanto nos ama una y otra vez, dejando que toda nuestra formación personal se convierta en el ícono vivo de Jesús Caridad que somos llamados a ser… recordando que ser jóvenes es siempre elegir el Amor, siempre elegir la vida, siempre elegir hacer vida la voluntad de Dios Amor, porque así siempre bullirá en nosotros el entusiasmo y la gracia propia de la juventud del Amor. Es así como se aprende a emprender más y más Su proyecto de evangelización familiar: con más y más juventud del Amor, entregándolo todo como es lo propio de la juventud, recordando que no somos fruto del azar, como el DNA, sino fruto del Espíritu, somos don del Espíritu, llamados a darnos como nadie más se dará y a encender más y más nueva vida en el Amor de una forma que nadie más lo hará, siempre llenos de alegría, fe, esperanza y caridad, más y más consagrados a vivir la caridad para así plasmar la familia del nuevo albor que somos llamados a ser, la Patria del nuevo albor que somos llamados a ser, la nación del nuevo albor que somos llamados a ser, la Iglesia del Nuevo Albor que somos llamados a ser, la humanidad del nuevo albor que somos llamados a ser… pastoreados por pastores domésticos que nos ayudan a crecer como la persona viva y plena que somos llamados a ser, como la familia viva y plena que somos llamados a ser, como los sacramentos vivos de Su Amor que somos llamados a ser, más y más agradecidos de la presencia de Jesús Caridad en nuestras vidas, más y más agradecidos del regalo de evangelizar compartiendo Su Corazón, como Su Amor ha cambiado nuestras existencias, without turning back: jamás nos arrepentiremos de la alegría de dar a luz a Jesús Caridad, de convertirnos en pueblo-del-Amor-con-nosotros.

Dicho con las sonrientes palabras de Mikhael tras bailar You Raise Us Up: Let´s keep growing together, let´s keep evangelizing together! Somos familia, somos Iglesia, somos misión, somos luz…

Let´s keep choosing to be a light!

Este blog post está titulado “We Choose to be a Light” porque en este blog post cuento la versión plural de “I choose to be a light”. De hecho, lo cuento como ha sido a lo largo de mi vida: aprender de mi ángel de la guarda a elegir irradiar luz en cada circunstancia, dado a que no podía aprenderlo de otra forma (eso lo sé ahora).

Tal cual está escrito, el cuento se leería así

Once upon a time a star that fell from heaven to earth.

The star began to cry.

An angel approached her and asked her why she was crying.

“I am crying because I can´t come back to Heaven unless I learn how to choose to be a light”.

The angel smiled:

“Well, I am your guardian angel, and we can learn together how to choose to be a light”.

“We choose to be a light when…” (Here comes the part of the drawings made as a a lifetime will of light)…

…

And one day, both the star and the angel began to be raised to Heaven, because they learned together how to choose to be a light and now their place is in heaven, among the Stars of Heaven that have shown us before the beauty of a life lived in Love, growing together as the light we are meant to be, as the best person we can be, as the saints we are called to be.

Esas sencillas líneas expresan como sería el cuento “We choose to be a light”… pero la verdad es que “We choose to be a light” es mucho más que un cuento: es todo un manifesto de luz, es todo un manifesto de nueva vida. En la medida en que elegirmos irradiar luz juntos, como el pueblo-familia del nuevo albor que sommos llamados a ser, como el reino del nuevo albor que somos llamados a ser, hacemos del “We Choose to Be a Light” todo un manifesto de nueva vida: aquí estamos para elegir irradiar luz ante todo odio, ante todo crímen, ante todo hostigamiento, ante toda tortura, ante toda violación de derechos humanos, ante toda anulación de la persona y negación de la verdad, ante todo terrorismo y atentado contra la paz, transformándolo todo en irradiación de nueva vida que da el Amor, una nueva vida que no es meramente para una sola persona, sino para todo un pueblo, en la medida en que vivimos más la consagración a vivir la caridad, en la medida en que hacemos más y más posible una sociedad en la que todos pueda crecer como hermanos y hermanas iguales y dignos, como la luz que todos somos llamados a ser, como la mejor persona que podamos ser.

Visto como manifesto, este “We Choose to Be a Light” es mucho más que un cuento: es una revolución, es el manifesto de la luz que somos llamados a ser como puertorriqueños, estadounidenses y americanos, poniendo fin a la era de colonizarnos unos a otros para comenzar la era de aprender a caminar juntos como hermanos.

Es una pregunta que debemos tener presente muchas veces a lo largo del día: how we choose to be a light right now, right new, becoming together the light we are called to be?

Sabemos que a lo largo de nuestra historia ha habido verdaderos horrores, pero también sabemos que no hay oscuridad que no pueda ser vencida por la luz del Amor.

Así pues, hermanos, pregúntenselo ahora: how we are called to choose to be a light today?

Let´s keep choosing to be a light!

Como proyecto final de mi clase de inglés PK-4 les preparé a mis estudiantes una pequeña historia titulada “I choose to be a light”. La historia, escrita en inglés, se trata de una estrella llamada Estrella que cae del cielo porque no sabe como elegir ser luz. Entonces los estudiantes le dicen “nosotros podemos enseñarte a elegir ser luz”… y entonces cada estudiante hace una página del libro, y esa página es un dibujo del estudiante que dice “I choose to be a light when I…” y así se hace un libro en conjunto por todos los estudiantes.

En estos momentos, mientras escribo esto, estoy en Finca Pastoreo, en Dorado, escribiendo la historia del libro para los estudiantes. Haré el libro en el software de Blurb, que ya he usado antes para hacer libros de estudiantes.

Aquí tienen la historia que escribí en Finca Pastoreo, mientras sorbo café mezclado con mantecado Orquídea Negra, y jugo natural de parcha.

I Choose to be a Light

Once upon a time there were a bunch of students of the school (name of the school) playing in the playground.

Suddenly, they heard a “boom” in the playground and heard someone crying. They couldn’t see anything due the dust that filled the playground.

Who is there? The students asked.

It´s me, Estrella…

And as the dust faded away, the students saw a star fallen from Heaven.

Hi. Who are you? Why did you fall from heaven? The students asked

Hello. My name is Estrella. I fell from heaven because I don´t know how to choose to be a light, and to be a star of Heaven you need to learn how to choose to be a light.

All the students smiled: don´t worry, Estrella, we can help you to learn how to choose to be a light. We know how to choose to be a light. There are many ways to choose to be a light…

(I choose to be a light when… here come the drawings of the students)

No matter how you choose to be a light, Estrella, the key is choosing to do your best in everything you do and always doing the right thing, because that is how you radiate light, the students said to Estrella.

Suddenly Estrella and all the students began to shine as stars of Heaven, and they all began to be raised to the sky.

Estrella smiled widely: thank you, students, now I know how to choose to be a light: becoming together the best persons we can be, the luminous citizens and luminous saints we are called to be.

All together: How happy is choosing together to be a light!

Esta es la historia que escribí para mis estudiantes. Espero que esa sea la lección más importante que hayan aprendido de la clase de inglés, además de todo el contenido curricular cubierto: I choose to be a light becoming the best person I can be.

Como dice el lema de la clase: Yes, we can grow best!

Let´s keep choosing to be a light!

In Friday’s dream Mikhael gave me a little oil lamp, red, like the one I used (one of them) as model to paint Iesu Amor’s lamp. The difference between the two lamps is that this one was a lot smaller than the one I used.

It is exactly like these lamps

It is a beautiful lamp, I said… for what it is for, does it actually illuminate?

Mikhael smiled as the lamp begun to radiate light.

How did you light iy up?, I asked curiously

It wasn’t me, it’s the Holy Spirit. Its a mistery, the same mistery that brings new life into this world… but it needs your help to get lit, usually. Iesu Amor is an exception. In ordinary circumstances there is a woman and a man litting the lamp of new life, along the Holy Spirit action.

He winked at me: this is an exception…

How beautiful it glows, being so small…

All lives are beautiful since the very first instant of being conceived, and are worthy of rights since the very first moment…

Do you know what is this now?— Mikhael asked

A lamp… well, a mini lamp…

It is a lamp, filled with flamming Holy Spirit oil, but it is more than that… it is an ark of the covenant. Your charity alliance sparks in that fire, because it brings new life with the help of the Holy Spirit’s action, making spark more anr more new life that grows in communion since the very first intant of life, sparking with the dignity of humanity since the very first instant of life…

It is SO important to make an New Life Research Hospital to study how to help to grow best the most little ones… but you are all called as Christians to affirm the dignity of life, the dignity of this lamp, in all life stages, since conception to natural death…

The lamp kept shinninh beautifully

The mistery of new life is beautiful, Mikhael said. It is the mistery of the Holy Spirit’s action.

You need to teach your students the beautiful joy of new life and the dignity of every life since conception… human rights and fraternal rights belong to all, from conception to natural death…

So, this would be a kind of dignity beacon?

Sort of, yes…— Mikhael said

The light of the Spirit keeps sparking as you choose to Love as you are called to love, helping to grow each other in communion, since conception to natural death, like the Holy Family of New Albor does, helping to create a society where each light, were each life, can spark beautifully and amazingly bright.

The light of the Spirit keeps sparking as you choose to let your hearts be formed as custodians of the ark of the covenant that grows in your hearts, forming His heart as you let the Spirit act in you… (he looked at me) in a very deep and powerful way that transformed your life forever (he made a simple reverence with his heart to me, the same you would do when you pass by an altar)

Why you do that?

I am revering the life that has grown and will keep growing in you, princess of Heaven, Alma Mía. This Fiat Amor goes on a on…

He smiled at me tenderly…

So, you need to paint small lamps with your students.

How do you paint lamps?

The same way you paint cafeteras (I have seen people in schools and Chris painting cafeteras, but I have no idea what kind of painting they use. It is metal, I never paint metal, usually).

We are going to paint out little lamp in a very simple but powerful way, star of Heaven. We are going to splash it with silver, gold and metallic orange colors: unity of being and act, of words and works, of hands and hearts… a unity that only the Holy Spirit can make posible.

He handed me the wood domestic chalice and the art palette pattent, with a brush.

There you have it, splash it.

I put the brush inside the wood domestic chalice and everytime I put the brush inside there was “new wine paint” of a different color. The lamp ended very beautiful with splashes of the three colors. The splashes where done in the same way a priest would sprinkle (asperjar) blessed water to the people of God when they do that in mass.

The lamp was very well lit, but sparkled more.

Every light matters, no matter how small. Every dignity matters, not matter how small. Every person matters, no matter how small… simply, let yourself be known by the Holy Spirit, creating home, Church and Humanity that grows in more and more communion, giving everything to live the joy of creating family according to His plan, human, sacramental and civil family that gives everything to help to be, to help to do, to help to grow, to help to glow and to helpt to bloom as the living Eucharist you are called to be, as the living ark of covenant you are called to form as you become custodians of the new life that the Holy Spirit brings… becoming the living and pleasant offering you are called to be as you create home that creates Heaven, that creates living Eucharist, embracing His heart as you form it in You, embracing new life from the heart, since the first beating that only you can know in the Spirit, incarnating the new albor yes you are called to incarnate in unity to His heart, forming His heart in such way you both beat as one heart…

In last night’s dream Mikhael and I where in the beach when a white dove fluttered around us.

The dove layed herself in my hands… and Mikhael smiled.

—Do you receive the action of the Holy Spirit, beloved Alma Mía?

I made a small reverence to the very white dove with a tender smile

—Fiat mihi secundum caritatis tuam…

I felt a tender warmth in the heart, as I have felt many times during these years… but this one was especially tender. The dove glowed, and my charity alliance too…

-This is the way of building a society of new life, a culture of new life, Alma Mía, Princess of Heaven: letting the Spirit act in you, letting Jesus Charity’s heart beat in you… so you let His gifts cultivate more and more new life… and you know… when you life by Love, you are letting the Spirit act… everyone who let himself or herself be moved by Love acts in the Spirit’s power, even if they don’t know the Holy Spirit… the Holy Spirit keeps roaming the earth as a New Pentecost, generating more and more new life with this alliance of charity, generating more and more culture of new life, culture of love, culture of new fraternization with His gifts… generating more and more new civilization of Love as you don’t keep His Love to yourself but keep giving it more and more and more… because as much Love you give, as much Love you will grow in you, and more and more Love will grow where you are, creating then more and more culture of new life where everyone, no matter how small, can keep growing and become the best person you can be… becoming together the living gift of the Spirit you are called to be… as you let the Spirit roam free…

He looked at the dove in my hands.

Let it roam free, Star of Heaven. Let it act free as God Love wishes…

I let the dove fly free again, elevating my hands and letting the dove fly again… and as I did that I felt again a very tender warmth in my heart, and it was so tender it burned, in a good way, as my alliance of charity have been fired before, and was firing right now…

Mikhael smiled once again…

—Do you know what is that, Victoria?

I had no word to say, I was simply burning in Love. In Spanish: un Amor que abrasa y abraza. That is the way to describe it: a Love that abraza (charity alliance) and abrasa (burning warmth).

—That is the stigma of the Heart. When you share heart with Jesus as His mother you share His stigma of the Heart too… your hungry of Love will only ease as you Love as He loves… and you can ask that to the Blessed Holy Family of the New Albor… they both know about that estigma del corazón whose burning really moves you to Love as He loves, to incarnate His living Eucharist as you give yourself more and more deeply as He gives himself to the whole humanity…

My heart burned intensely and my alliance of charity too…

Mikhael kept smiling tendenrly…

—And you know how you ease the burn…

I joked a little bit

—I guess this doesn work like the heartburn, that eases with Peptobismol…

We both laughed and cried of joy at the same time…

—No, this doesn’t work this way. This heartburn eases as you see in your brothers and sisters the eyes of Jesus, and help them grow as Jesus would grow and calls humanity to grow: in more and more communion, as the light you are all called to be, as the living gift you are called to be… as transconsecrated hearts…

The dove flew above us and my heart burned againg along my alliance… I simply wanted to hug Jesus, but he wasn’t there as person…

—You can hug me…— Mikhael said

I did, and I simply radiated light along Him…

—You can always hug me, I will always be here…

My heart and my alliance felt the tender warmth again…

We keep hugging…

—So, how we are going to radiate this light to your brothers and sisters, so they can see God’s Love and grow as you are all called to grow: in more and more communion?

—You know, I am simply enjoying the moment… I have no words…

—I will help you. Look at the beach. What do you see there, Victoria?

I saw light in the sand, a beautiful and blinding light that didn’t let me see what was under the light.

—This light, Victoria, is the victory over darkness, over hate, over all cults to death that doesn’t let a culture of new life grow, that doesn’t let every human being, every brother and sister, to be, do, act, glow and bloom as the light you are all called to be. The light ot Love is the light that overcomes all. The light of Love is the light that overcomes. The light of Love is the light that raise you all up as the culture of new life you are called to be, transforming everything into radiation of new that grows in communion. This is the fire of the Spirit that unites you all as the human family you are meant to be, as the people-family of the new albor you are meant to be as you give light to Jesus Charity with the action of the Holy Spirit in you, giving also light to the Word, giving light also to a new era of new fraternization, a new era in which you realize that you are all brothers and sisters called to grow together in communion, being together the simphony of light you are called to be as you walk together as the family of Love you are called to be in the Spirit.

[The mistery in His words was more deep than what I am able to express].

Mikhael gave me a wood domestic chalice and an art palete paten. It was full of the rainbow colors, and also silver, gold and metallic orange.

—You will need this, Victoria…

The light began to fade and it showed what was underneath…

There were many white lanterns to throw to the sky. Like these ones’s style.

—How many are there? I asked Mikhael.

He smiled.

—Technically, there should be a lamp per each human being in this earth that chooses to be “us”, to be part of the unity that makes us all brothers and sisters of the same human family of Love… but because we can’t paint that amount of lamps… we are only going to paint 21, as a sign.

—Why 21 lamps?

Mikhael smiled widely

—The 21 works of mercy, including the social works of mercy. As you choose to be compassive and mercyful, you radiate such a light that radiates everywere new life that grows in more and more communion… and that is how humanity grows as the family of brothers and sisters you are called to be in the unity of the Spirit. You need to splash/transconsecrate those 21 lamps with vivid colors and the unity in the Spirit colors (gold, silver, metallic orange)… so here you have the chalice and the art palete paten…

The white dove flattered again around and above us…

—and there you have the Holy Spirit action, because no victory over cult of death is impossible to God. No victory over hate is impossible to God. No converssion is impossible to God if you choose to let the Spirit act in you, so you can become the light you are called to be together, growing together in more and more communion, in more and more culture of new life that cultivates more and more life that grows in communion, incarnating Jesus Charity’s vision as you see His eyes in the brothers and sisters you are called to help to grow in communion, letting new life bloom more and more…

I began to transconsectrate the lamps with more and more “new wine”… using each color wixed with the blessings in the chalice…

—as you let you raise up as you are meant to raise up from sin, from death, from darkness, from misery, from slavery, from colonization and any kind of defraternization and dehumanization, from any kinf of hate and division… to glorify God with your light, with your new life that grows in more and more communion, becoming together in unity the best persons you can be, the new light you are called to be, the radiation of His new albor of salvation you are called to be…

I transconsectrated the 21 lamps and we raised them up together as the dove flattered above us and fired up the candles in the lamps. I have never seen a real lamp of these, but the candles we use in the dream where tie die swirled tea light candles (the very small candles that are usually white, you use in incense/essential oil warmers).

Mikhael winked at me when I saw the lamps:

-they are fired by the Holy Spirit, and they are swirled because they fly in direction communion, as you walk in direction communion as we are raised up as people-family of the new albor, as Kingdom of New Albor…

As you can see in Amazon, nobody makes tea light candles in white color with swirls of other mixed colors. That doesn’t exist.

While the lamps began to ascend, Mikhael explained me that what I need to add today in the Amazon wishlist for my students is white lamp paper lanters (now I know they are known as chinese paper lanterns) and the candles to raise the lamps in the very same they are meant to be raised by the Spirit: as we become together the light we are meant to be letting the Spirit act in us. Well, I will need another kind of candles (if those are the candles that the chinese lamps use, I will need a search in Google). I need to teach my students to let themselves to be raised as they let the Spirit act in them freely, embracing the everlasting creative freedom of the Spirit that doesn’t stop to act in this new Pentecost.

I had no probs finding the lamps, but as I just said, there are no swirled tea light candles. I will need to simply choose mixed colors… or kits to make tealight candles homemade. We will see.

As we discussed this, suddenly, there were a TON more of lights raised in the sky.

I looked amazed: From where all these new lights came from?

Mikhael smiled at the Dove: God Love did it. As one light shines, other shine, and other shine, and other shine… and suddenly you got a whole Kindgom of New Albor…

[The new albor in the horizon shone in very vivid orange and yellow, with pink sparks… but as the lamos got higher, into the blue zone of the horizon, they shone very brightly, as the family of stars and the moon-living Eucharist in the sky…]

So… do you want to see the lanterns better in the fishing boat?

I smiled: of course, lets go to an adventure, as Jesus Charity taught us…

We went to the boat to see the beatiful lights… any similarity with the movie Tangled is a simple coincidence 😂 It was kinda that way, without the kissing scene and with a net of incarnated charity apostolate in the boat.

Mikhael smiled: lets dance a new song, beautiful Victory of Heavens… Victory of New Albor…

And there, in he boat, surrounded by lights, with the Dove flying around, we danced His new song, Josh Groban style

When We are down and, oh my soul, so weary

When troubles come and our heart burdened be

Then, we are still and wait here in the silence

Until You come and sit awhile with us

You raise us up, so we can stand on mountains

You raise us up, to walk on stormy seas

We are strong, when we are on your shoulders

You raise us up to more than we can be.

You raise us up, so we can stand on mountains

You raise us up, to walk on stormy seas

We are strong, when we are on your shoulders

You raise us up to more than we can be.

You raise us up, so we can stand on mountains

You raise us up, to walk on stormy seas

We are strong, when we are on your shoulders

You raise us up to more than we can be.

You raise us up, so we can stand on mountains

You raise us up, to walk on stormy seas

We are strong, when we are on your shoulders

You raise us up to more than we can be.

You raise us up to more than we can be.

[If you want to hear the original song, sang by its original author, Josh Groban, you can hear it here:]

Everything was, together along the action of the Spirit a beautiful simphony of light.

—My beloved Victoria of the New Albor, let yourself be raised as you are meant to be raised— Mikhael whispered as we keep dancing hugging…

—Fiat mihi caritatis tuam… we are family, we are Church, we are mission, we are light… we are brothers, we are humanity, we are mission, we are light…— I whispered back

—Be the light you are meant to be and you will fire the world with God’s Love. Be the saint you are meant to be and you will fire the world with God’s light that shines upon us right now…

The boat keep navigating among lights, sent to more and more deeper waters, sent to more and more deep mistery as we created more and more home, Church and humanity that created more and more Heaven, more and more living Eucharist, more and more living mercy, more and more living mandatum novum…

Mikhael pronounced these words and hugged me very tenderly, but the blessing didn’t came from him, but from the new albor in the horizon, that shone upon us blindly, in very vivid yellow and orange as my new albor eyes glowed beautifully and also very vividly and the beacon-cross of the rosary also glowed very vividl…

The LORD bless you and keep you!

The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you!

The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace!”

And so I woke up… Remember: the new albor means salvation, it is not only a sunrise, it is the new albor of His salvation, of His new life that grows in communion…

It was a very tender, luminous dream. 🙂

Yesterday I had no time to read I Never Knew I Had a Choice because I went to hang out with other teachers, so I will do it today. I think we are in chapter 14, that is about personal growth.

There is not a better “personal grower” than the Holy Spirit, as you may have seen in the dream. We are in His time, and He is who, though the sacraments, help us to keep growing more, more and more, becoming the living sacraments of Love we are called to be, plasmating the whole personal formation as the living icon of God-Love-with-us we are called to be. As a matter of fact, “help to grow” in the integractive personal formation model is the personal formation process that belongs to the Holy Spirit.

I searched Google about how paper lanterns work. They do work with candles, but they can also work with paraffin. Imagine a sky like that, but a sunrise, a new albor sunrise. 🙂

After all this being said, lets go now to chapter 14 of the book I Never Knew I Had a Choice. Let’s keep choosing to be a light, like a new albor lantern in the sky. ☺️ Here are the photos of the pages I commented/marked.

So, as you can see, I just read chapter 14, the last chapter of the book: Pathways to Personal Growth. It was surprisingly short, compared with other chapters. The author says it means to be a “summarizing chapter” but it is not so summarizing at all for me: it deals with topics not dealt before, like the beautifully written topic of dreams.

The author does propose several pathways for personal growth. My favorite? Of course, journaling writing. As a matter of fact (or I should say “as a matter of dream” 😊?) Mikhael told me, among those casual comments I don’t always write: “don’t ever stop writing”. That was my childhood dream: become a writer. I never ever imagined personal growth writing (or personal growth journaling) could be a literary genre by itself, as it is with me. I am awesome with personal growth journaling, I am a personal growth author. 😊 I loved the phrase “Growth have no small steps”. I can paraphrase that quote: “Growth has no small heart beats”. Like Dr. Seuss says: A person is a person, no matter how small.

I expected in this chapter a definition of personal growth. I didn’t found it. However, the chapter’s description of dreams as a pathway of growth is accurate… and outstanding in my circumstances. I am who I am thanks to the guardian angel, the Jesus Charity and the Holy Family of the New Albor I have met in dreams, awake and asleep. I am who I am thanks to how I have met myself through their creating-home sparkled eyes. My life wouldn’t be the same without them, quite literally. I wouldn’t be alive without them. Its like Rose, in the extended Carpathia scene, when she is told that nobody knew about Jack, that there were no records about him… and Rose says: “Now you know that there was a Jack Dawson, and that he saved me, in every way a person can be saved”. This is me, but sharing the Jesus Charity I have met in dreams: Now you know there is a Christ Love, and that He saved me, in every way a person can be saved…

You can see the Carpathia Extended Scene Here:

What I love most about this scene is how Rose’s identity changes after Jack giving his life to save her. The same happens to me: these dreams, how Jesus Charity has saved me, has changed my identity. Mi new name is Victoria of New Albor, Victoria Magdaluz Veragoeiz, as Mikael called me last night. You simply can’t remain the same after certain things happen, and yes, Jesus Charity, His Love, has changed my life, my identity, who I am, how I live, now and forever. I will never stop walking as He walked (that is the tittle of the theology of light’s text). You simply can’t avoid to grow and to change after you met such a beautiful Love. Its like a butterfly: you find your wings to fly as high as you never believed possible to reach.

“Our dreams can provide us with a path toward greater understanding of ourselves and our relationship with others… Dreams are not mysterious, they are avenues to self-understanding… the dream is the most spontaneous expression of the existence of the human being… dreams are full of symbols… dreams are a rich source of meaning… to better design a personal vision for your future, we encourage you to dream when you are awake as well when you are asleep… if you reflect thoughtfully on the messages in your dreams, a range of choices will unfold for you… dare to dream, and then have the courage to follow your passions.” All these are quotes of this chapter I feel deeply identified with.

Dare to dream. As Laura Pausini sings: dare to dream until the very last.

[You can see that song here, is a duet with Andrea Bocelli]

That is my life. I keep choosing to dare to dream, to dare to love, until the very last. I know I can be killed, by toxic gassing or any other method my progenitors fabricate, at any moment, like the Ulma family was martyrized by the Nazis (I have dared to dream today and asked their intercession for having a biological child, with all the impossible things that implies for someone of my age and circumstances). I still choose to dare to dream with the society Jesus Charity call us to become: a people-family of the new albor in which everyone walks as the brother and sister we are all called to be, as the light we are all called to be, a beautiful and unique light in the sky, a lantern that radiates a light that no other lantern will ever be able to radiate.

We can say it in other terms, as Jesus Charity has done: dare to help to dream… dare to dream together with a world were everyone, from the smallest, can become the light we are all called to be, the best person we can be, the best humanity we can be, walking together as the family of light we are called to be, as the humanity of Love we are called to be, creating a progress in which everyone can have opportunities of growth that lead to plenitude, to communion, to joy, and for those who are Christian, to holiness.

So… lets keep daring to dream, but dreaming together, like the change in the lyrics of “You raise us up” implies. Let God Love raise us up with His dream: becoming together the people-family of new albor we are called to be, the state of new albor we are called to be, the nation of new albor we are called to be… the kingdom of new albor we are called to be.

Let’s dare to dream, together with Jesus Charity, until forever: You raise us up…

Jesus Charity, we adore you with our whole growth.

Last night dream with Mikhael was quite joyful… quite literally.

We were in the beach, laughing and sharing prayers… and then he smiled in the way he smiles when I know he is going to say something deep…

—This is how you are meant to give witness of the Gospel, Princess of Heaven… You, living Church, are called to give a witness of joy in the middle of the darkness, you are called to be a witness of joy: I have meet Him, I share with Him everyday, and I can’t avoid to share the joy of growing together in communion… and joy begins with the Gospel, living the gospel, starting your day with the daily Gospel and then sharing it through the day…

I smiled at him: that is a direct order?

He smiled widely: yes. Just for today. I know you like to wait to the end of the day… noy today. Today, start in the morning. And make the purpose of deliberately sharing something about today’s gospel to your students… but don’t do it in the way of saying: do you know that the Gospel says that… no, share it by living, share it with joy, share it with wonder, with living testimony of how your life is called to be a testimony of joy, a testimony of a shared life in His Love…

Do it as you start to work. And meditate actively how you are going to incarnate that Gospel as you teach your students, sharing the Good News as the apostles did it in the first times, following the style of the new Christians who had literal domestic Churches to incarnate the Eucharist and the Church was a beating Church: it was where they were, there were no buildings yet… be like a first Christian, even in martyrdom. There was no bigger joy to the first Christians than to give their lives for Christ…

Give your life for Chirst, my beloved, but in a charity martyrdom, choosing to share His open Heart as you choose to give everything to help to be, to do, to grow, to glow and to bloom according to His heart… literally building a beating Church (una Iglesia palpitante), literally sharing… and incarnated Gospel with a testimony of joy and wonder, letting His mercy seen with works of mercy, with works of Love, with works of light, radiating more and more His new albor as He calls you to do it, creating home in a way that is creating Church, creating more and more communion as you share His new life with more and more joyful testimony of faith, hope and charity…

So —Mikhael asked— lets say you are going to share the Gospel today incarnated with the same joy than Jesus when He made the multiplication of bread and fishes.

What you would multiply to share the Gospel?

I am not good at maths. 😁

Common…

I would multiply Love…

But how do your students understand Love? What would you multiply for them?

Well… besides multiplying fun in the classes (I can play bingo with them today)…

What else can you multiply that would be equal to bread and fishes to them, something edible?

I knew what He meant… and an idea came to my mind.

I can multiply popcorn, they love it, they don’t stop eating it, they eat, and eat, and eat popcorn…

Mikhael smiled widely…

That is how you share the Gospel, incarnating it with joy… and living charity, living Love as incarnated works of Love and mercy. Yes, popcorn, tons of popcorn, is a good “bread and fishes” to share with your students, add it to the Amazon wishlist.

I already added popcorn.

Add more, princess of Heaven, add more… that is a good example of living charity in a way that you multiply bread and fishes today: you satisfy their hunger of learning (they learn English with the movies they see with the popcorn), and you satisfy their hunger of the living Word and God’s Love as you teach the Gospel incarnated…

So be it. Let there be… popcorn.

Of all flavors possible. Like the Gospel: flavored for all good hearts, flavored for all good palates. 😁

Mikhael smiled again:

You are called to be a charity influencer, like the first Chirstians, changing the world and changing the vision of those you radiate with God’s Love light as you live more and more charity, as you incarnate more and more God’s Love here and now, showing to your brothers and sisters His love made visible with concrete works that inspire a society where everyone can grow as an equal brother and sister, all worthy of be loved and of knowing Love, all worthy of be known as God loves them, to be known as Jesus himself is known by the Father in the Spirit, to be known as the Father is known by the Son in the Spirit… incarnating the communion if the Trinity as a family that is called to create home, Church and humanity as creating Heaven, as creating Eucharist…

The dream finished with the mandatum novum and a hug of light, like a living phascal light (it was like yellow), full of the flammming Holy Spirit fire…

This is the meditation of today’s Gospel that Mikhael asked me to do in the morning, beginning the day. I haven’t read the Golpel but the meditation if the Gospel, we must have a faith that is congruent, in words and work, leaving al infidelity behind, especially the infidelity caused by pragmatic perpectives, giving the witness you are expected to give: a joyful witness, a witness of light, always being congruent between what we say and what we do, deepeing the love of God in us, transmiting it to others… making the Gospel action searching for ocassions in which we can give testimony in the simple things of the day: bless my students in silence, give thanks to a coworker, pray in silence, offering everything to Him with joy, working the best we can with joy, working in a way that these students can see your Love in our joy, even if we don’t say the word God, living the Gospel incarnated…

[Mikhael smiles… well done….]

This is the text I used for that meditation, it is from the Archidiocese of San Juan.

Its 1:15 pm. My PreK/K students are deeply asleep. I am walking among them. As you may notice, they love unicorns. The three of them have unicorns.

I bought a unicorn hat only to give class to this group. For me that is charity influencing, because with my gesture I am showing them how much God loves them.

[I had been told that tomorrow I will have the visit of a coach, en educational coach of elementary school, in my classroom. I just hope that the coach knows how to appreciate creativity and “charity influencing” in a classroom]. 🙂

The topic of chapter 13 is meaning. So, what is for me meaning? Well, this, what I am doing in the classroom right no, literally walking among students, walking like He walked, living the Gospel as incarnated Word, being an evangelizer, a charity influencer first of all in the ordinary life, inspiring God’s dreams to my students, inspiring them to be better, inspiring them to become the best person they can be and giving them growth choices so they can become the best person they can be. I am right now walking among dreaming students, praying for those dreams, that they are brilliant and holy dreams that become true, so they can learn to be known for how much they love, as Jesus is known by the Father in the Spirit…

A meaningul life for me is a life with a purpose that doesn’t serve only you, but that serves God, your family and also your comunity. It is a life in which there is unity ot being and act, of word and works, of heart and hands, a unity that can only be achieved living a livefull life in the Spirit. A meaningful life is a fulfilling life, full of wonder and awe upon the works of God Love in us.

That being said, now I share the pages of chapter 13 that I marked/commented

A final comment about chapter 13 now that I have read it.

As an innate thinker (I love to think and to reflect, and this since very child, I literally robbed books to think since about first grade, the library was not supossed to be open for us) I passionately love the topics of this chapter, I am grateful that they had been presented in an non-ideological way. I do believe in the equality of genders (you may have seen I put a 5 in the premise that said a child should be raised by the mother during the first year: this is biologically accurate, a baby is better with the mother, but it should not be seen as a defience to equality between genders, there is complementariety in genders too) although I don’t believe in feminism due being extremely ideological. May be I should say it in other way: I believe in Edith Stein’s feminist style.

Reading about the Holocaust survivors was really helpful. I do agree. Hatred is not healthy, helpful… its like a post-homous victory to evil. We are called to love and forgiveness, not hatred.

Dalai Lama’s characteristics of religions where quite helpful too. There is some universality in all religions, you can see that there. I do agree with the premise that religions have in common a call to action. In the Catholic Church, it is both a call to personal conversion, a call to evangelize and a call to serve others. We can’t leave society as it is if we can help it to become more fraternizing, compoassive and luminous.

I would deeply love make the philosophy of life essay. I will do it during Holy Week (I don’t have work during Holy Week) and share it during the Liturgy of Light. It will be an awesome and deeply personal project to complete. I have done a philosophy of teaching and have attempted to do a philosophy of education, but I had never thought about doing a philosophy of life. That can be a whole college coure to take, you know, it is an amazing way to apply philosophy to daily life. 🙂 That was one of my problems with philosophy, it was too abstract, it needs to help you think better. A philosophy of life would help you to think better about how you life now and also how you are called to live, if changes are needed to become the person you are called/want to be. 🙂

These are topics very dear to my prayer, mind and heart, of course.

Expect the essay during the liturgy of light of this Easter. 😁

In last night dream Mikhael asked me to gather all the art works we have done in the last days: the hands, the sparkling New Albor Holy family and the painted art palette. Then he said me with a wide smile: they alll need a final touch… splashes of metallic orange, splashes of flamming Holy Spirit that grows in more and more communion… I agreed, of course. As we were splashing them with metallic orange, he explained that all those works were a beautiful testimony of God Love-with-us, and that we are called to give testimony of God-Love incarnated with even bigger works… because we, people of God, are like goldfishes.

I smiled. I knew what he meant. You need to see the movie Big Fish to understand him. Please see the scene of the goldfish: the goldfishes grow ws big as the tank you place them. Please see the next scene of Big Fis to understand better what Mikhael meant.

Mikhael took a beautiful flamming Holy Spirit goldfish (an orange goldfish, like the painting we were using) and said: you know, the Holy Spirit is free, and you, people of the new albor, are called to be free as the Holy Spirit, roaming… in a way bigger… erm… “tank”. If you wanna call it “tank”, I mean…

I smiled. I had no idea what he meant, but he was being so joyful I couldn’t stop smiling.

Then I knew what he meant: he took the goldfish and threw him into the sea from the bowl as he blessed the fish, but couldn’t end the blessing due my scream.

I screamed: you are going to KILL the goldfish! They are sweet water fishes, you threw him into SALT water…

He smiled again… You know, like it happens in Big Fish (the movie), this is a sign… this goldfish is created for the freedom of the Holy Spirit. These waters are reborn water: you, people of the new albor, are reborn in the flamming Holy Spirit giftedness of new life that grows in communion… Don’t be scared of the freedom of the Spirit, that can perfectly can make a goldfish swim in the sea if he wants to, and He wants to this time… but for your students, give them fish tanks, decent fish tanks for big orange goldfishes, so they can remember the freedom of the Spirit, and make them create an ocean wallpaper for the fish tank, you know, starry night style, but a whole ocean… so they can see how they are called to abolish anything that stops them growing as the Holy Spirit calls them to grow: as saints, as beacons that radiate living Eucharist, as stars of heaven, as the living sacramental family you are called to be (not slaves), as living seeds of charity that brings new life in the Spirit, as the the best person you can be, growing as wonderful works of Love, big works of Love, bigger and bigger works of Love as you keep growing in more and more communion, as you are called by the Spirit to be, do, grow, glow and gloom… always keep growing in communion!

I smiled… and looked at him very sincerely: the goldfish may be a little scared of such a big “new tank”, you know…

He caressed my cheek tenderly (Él acarició my mejilla con ternura)… “Don’t be, my darling, my beautiful princess of Heaven…”

As he did that, I felt warmth in my eyes. I looked at my face in the reflection of his eyes: now I had metallic orange in the eyes too. The orange I used as eyeshadow was not metallic… now I had both metallic and non-metallic, besides the pink I got new on Sunday.

“Never be afraid of the freedom of the Holy Spirit, that acts as He likes, when He likes, how He likes, with whom He likes, where He likes…”

We created an ocean “starry night” wallpaper for a quite big fish tank, it would be a good school pet tank, but each classroom should have a smaller goldfish tank remembering the freedom of thr Spirit, and the kids are the ones who are meant to care for the fish… Mikhael mentioned that most live on earth is on the oceans, we must care them, but I have no idea if that is a fact or a… “sign”, because then he said the life of the Church is in the Holy Spirit, “this is an ocean of grace, this is the time of the Spirit, may the waters keep flowing, may the blessings keep flowing, may new life keep growing and glowing and blooming…”

So, today’s question of Mikhael is: how to you become the bigger work of Love you are called to be —bigger and bigger living work of Love— to give witness of God-Love-with-us, of how He is Jesus Charity that makes all things anew?

The dream ended with Mikhael hugging me and blessing me tenderly:

The LORD bless you and keep you!

The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you!

The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace!

Then, after I woke up, I added to the Amazon wishlist as many goldfish tanks I could find for my students. I actually have no idea if Mikhael’s idea of painting a fish tank wallpaper is possible, but I will see is there is a kit to paint a watertank wallpaper, as he suggested me to search.

Well, this is tonight’s dream. 🙂 God love us, that will never change, and He want us to grow (well, to swim) in the freedom of the Spirit…

Today in Puerto Rico it is celebrated the day of the abolition of slavery. You may have not noticed the detail that reveals the celebration of the abolition of slavery because I haven’t mentioned it: well, the fish “bowl” where the goldfish was before being thrown to the sea was exactly like this glass bowl my progenitors put in the kitchen yesterday. The bowl is clearly not a fish bowl because fish bowls doesn’t have curves, but Mikhael used it as a “sign” and had the goldfish there before throwing it to the “bigger fish tank” (the sea, the sacramental waters of the Holy Spirit).

By the way… talking about the brothers progenitors… Yesterday I went to make me blood labs in the morning because I had them pending from Monday. That means: they knew I was going to get blood labs, so they should have cared of NOT gassing the air on Monday night, because it would be seen in my blood at yesterday morning blood sample. Well, they clearly didn’t cared. On Monday night I could barely sleep due the toxic gassing, the dogs vomited, had evacuations and also peed. I also peed. Both pees were very transparent.

These are the results of yesterday’s labs. The CO2 levels are clear: they were using CO2 in the room… but I have my reasons to believe CO2 is not the only thing they use.

For those who doesn’t know what that lab result means: when CO2 (Carbon Dioxide) levels are low, that means you had been breathing high amounts of CO2 during the last hours. They didn’t care, they knew I was going to make me blood labs and they tortured me anyways, without caring that it would be seen in the labs next morning. So, they want me to believe is CO2 what they are using, but, as I said, I have my reasons to believe CO2 is not the only toxic gas they had been using here.

I keep forgiving them, because I am no hate’s land. I refuse to answer hate with hate, violence with violence, blood with blood, abuse with abuse, slavery with more slavery. I choose to live the freedom of the Spirit, even if I remain a social slave by force. Someone has to stop the hate, and that is a very broad goal. I don’t only mean the hate here: I also mean the hate to a black brother, the hate to a inmigrant, the hate to a person who has homosexual tendencies, a poor person… someone has to forgive and stop the hate in our nation.

You know from there “No hate’s land” concept comes from? From Wonder Woman defeating the Nazis. I am not kidding. You can see the soundtrack song here. I paraphrased it, as you can see.

The fact is that anyone who choose to hate perpetuates the extreme darkness seen in times of nazism, and that has to stop. We need a new era of new fraternization, leaving all kinds of colonization (including ideological colonizations) and slaveries behind. We are brothers. We can’t allow hate roaming in our hearts, nor in our nation.

The scene where you can hear this song is very elocuent. See the movie, you will understand what I mean: there is no hate impossible to conquer, to overcome with light and Love. Here you have the scene:

We are No Hate’s Land, people of the new albor. We won’t allow hate roaming in our lands…

Now, about the book I am reading and commenting… I will complete three chapters of the book I Never Knew I Had a Choice today because I don’t have work to do (it is a holiday in Puerto Rico).

The chapers that I will complete today are

Chapter 10: Work and Recreation

Chapter 11: Loneliness and Solitude

Chapter 12: Death and Loss

Because this will be a very long post, I will complete it in parts during the day. I am going to publish this now, at around 9 am, and as I finish each chapter I will be adding them to this post

By the way, today is international day of water… just saying. 😂 I can’t bathe nor drink water in real life, but I do bathe with living water and drink living water in my dreams. Let’s care for the oceans, as Mik said, and all kinds of water.

Just to compliment what I had been sharing, I just saw a memory in my facebook of a beautiful poster I made. I still have the poster in my classroom. Victory over hate is possible. We are all called to embrace the victory of Love. There is nothing impossible to God Love-with-us.

The prhase is a quote of the short I use to start all my classes: The Butterfly Circus. You can see the short here:

Well, now let’s begin with chapter 10. Lets choose to radiate light.

Chapter 10 is about Work and Recreation. Before sharing the photos all of the pages I commented/marked, I will share a broad comment about both topics.

I remember going to Alabama to see a friend at that moment. I bought a sign that said: don’t live to work, work to live. In this house I got two extremes: a progenitor male who never had a stable work (or so I though: now we know there had been another kind of “bussinesses” around this house for a while, related to narcotraffic) and a progenitor female who was NEVER in the house avaiable for her daughters. Well, my progenitor female took the sign I bought, without asking me, and put it in her desk. That was the narcissistic abuse already manifestig in plain sight: she was mimicking me with my own objects and values of life that she never lived. She was literally never home except for eating and do chores. We never had leisure time together. I mean, never. Sometimes we would go shopping, or to movies, in very exceptional occasions, but always thinking about how much money it costed. The word “enjoy communion” here had always been absent. I didn’t learned that from them, to enjoy ourselves, to enjoy life… and to enjoy work. For my progenitor, work was a duty, not an enjoyment, although she worked in a company (Pfizer) with way greater employee benefits than average. As a matter of fact, there had been quite an obsession in my family with what you are ought to do, without any mention to what you are CALLED to become. Example: I have cousins that were not given career choices: my aunt chose their careers according to what they were OUGHT to do.

I am the only one in the family who chose humanities as career major, after quite a struggle with my progenitors who didn’t liked it. As a matter of fact, I am the only reader in the family too, and I am the only creative artist too, and this since being a very young child. Even in this, in career skills and inclinations, I had always been different to my whole family, and I have a minimum of 20 cousins per each side.

If you ask yourselfes what I have asked myself several times while growing up: yes, they do are my biological progenitors. Our blood types match (I knew that at 17) and there are pregnancy/hospital pictures of my birth. I am not a kidnapped baby.

I do believe in enjoy work and choosing a work that helps you serve and grow. I am the only one in the family who have thought so.

That being said, lets share the pictures of chapter 10 before sharing a concluding thought

Here is the concluding comment about this chapter: as I mentioned in the conclusion, work is santifying, it santifyes you as you work if you offert it to God as a living work of Love. For me, working is not only a contribution to society and a way to sustain myself and my family (my dogs) partially (I have never had a work that allowed me to fully sustain myself economically) but also a growing path to personal sanctification. If a work doesn’t help me to santification, for me it wouldn’t be a worthy work.

I also mention in the last page that I would have loved to have more resources available to choose careers. I don’t regret choosing humanities or education, I love them both, but the career I would have ended up if properly oriented about my strenghts would probably be psychology. I do remember that a problem with me when talking about these topics in school is that “I was good in many things” and had an awesome College Board score (College entrance test) so I could literally study anything non related to maths and chemistry, and that is a broad spectrum of choices. My first professional option was being a writter, but you can’t have an livable income as writer, so I wanted to combine that with giving classes at colllege level (being professor). I knew I needed a humanities degree to teach humanities writing classes and study until PhD… so I began with humanities major undergraduate studies. What I did was highly untraditional: I created my own BA in middle age studies, expecting to become a professor making a PhD in that… then I faced the fact I can’t learn latin, and you can’t be a medievalist without latin… but stuying interdisciplinary humanities have given me a broad view that I don’t regret. I would study interdisciplinary humanities again if given the choices… but with more awareness of my dilemmas with learning exceptionalities. That is somehing that students need to deal with when they choose careers: there are learning styles that are uncompatible with certain careers. Example: I can’t study medicine, I am to creative and visual for that, I am not a rote memorizer. Actually, the same happens in theology, but in theology there is another hardest obstacle: there are no woman studying theology, at least ecclesiastical… so nothing works for women there.

Despite my dilemas with both learning dissabilities and ideological issues (I studied humanities and education in a clearly lefttist faculty, me being considered “from the right”… but I am really hated by both right and left) I am very grateful of my interdisciplinary humanities degree and would recommend students to make it as a major with another “integractive discipline” like education. It gives you a unique view of the nature of the person along the disciplines and gives you valuable skills, especially in writing, artistic creativity and critical thinking. Interdisplinary humanities can be an awesome degree if you plan to study law too.

About leisure… a last comment before ending this section: I am the only person in the family that does projects, creative projects and intellectual projects like creating the theology of light, simply for leisure. As a matter of fact, none of my progenitors planned a project for their retirement. I enjoy using my leisure time for projects that help me grow as person. I don’t understand “leisure time” as time for doing nothing or for drinking and eating as much as you can, as my biological family does. Of course, they have never valued my projects schedules and time, they actually enjoy sabotaging my projects schedules and progress. Example: they hacked my computers and integrated grammar mistakes in my texts, or made the computers fail completely, even computers they themselves bought. While reading the chapter I remembered a “joke” my progenitors did: now that we are retired, we won’t have any person to supervise and administrate (my progenitor female was supervisor at Pfizer). Now I understand: their time at retirement is “administrating and supervising…” my existence as social slave. That’s one of the reasons they don’t have personal projects: administrating me and the tortures they make takes too much time. The other reason is also evident: they don’t care meaning. That is another very evident difference with me: I am the only one in the biological family who cares about meanings, to do what you mean and to live as you are meant to.

This would be the end of chapter 10. Now we go to chapter 11: Loneliness and Solitude.

Prior going to chapter 11, I want to share what happened when I went out of the room to let the doggies out and to look for food. Microwable food, I mean. I can’t have the luxury of cooking food when my progenitors are here, and they are everyday except Sundays and an ocasional Saturday.

I have created for them a “social abortion altar” where I put all the stuff they use for social psychoexplotation. I mean: the stuff they leave in spaces to force me see what they want me to see. They can be all kind of stuff, the house is full of them. There is not a single day in which they don’t leave something around. You heard it right: they ALWAYS have to leave something to exploit you socially, it is part of their cover narcissistic traits, a quite consistent one. When I worked in places where they collaborated with their explotation, the normal thing was that there would barely be objects of social exploitation in the house, because the social exploitation already happened at school/work. When I had no work, like in weekends, then the social exploitation would happen at home. Now that the work clearly doesn’t collaborate with them, its a normal job that obeys the laws, well, they do exploit me everyday at home with all kind of social exploitation objects. For them, I have to be exploited everyday, no exceptions, not even on Christmas, and especially no exceptions in my birthdays (they had hospitalized me by force on my birthday, of course) and in saint/Church feasts. Well, with a lot of good humor, I created a social abortion altar in the place they put the family pictures, there I put their social exploitation objects that are most meaningful… or fun. Is a macabre game: they know it is a social abortion altar, I have even mentioned it in social media and they have used social media to show it to a judge… and they also keep leaving stuff there.

Well, while I was out of the room I left their apple bowl in the social abortion altar, as a sign of how Mikhael transformed it and gave it a new meaning during last night dream. It is not the first time I do something like this. Here you can see the social abortion altar with the fish bowl.

What I had never noticed is that the blue envelope that is behind the statues of the Blessed Mother that they themselves have broken says my name with a heart. Sorry, can’t show the picture of the envelope, it came like this, it is something the hackers of my iPad love to do with my pictures.

The fact is that they stole one of the cards I have thrown in the trash (when they give money they give me a card, I take the money and trash the card, unread) and put it there, where they DO know it is a social abortion altar, and they even put a heart on it. They are literally and openly recognicing they are socially aborting me.

Yes, things get more hateful and macabre everyday here, but I keep choosing to be No Hate’s Land.

All right, let’s now begin with Chapter 11: Solitude and Loneliness.

As always, let’s begin with a general comment about the topic, prior sharing the pictures of the pages of the chapter I marked/commented.

As you can imagine after telling the experience of the social abortion altar, my life had been quite solitary, I had always been the different, even told I was the “rare”. This patter has repeated consistenly along my lofe: I am always the different. I am quite used to social isolation and to be solitary… but… then things get tricky: even knowing that I am completely alone where I am (and quite often I could be completely alone in a place full of physical people with which I had no meaningul connection) it is VERY RARE that I feel alone. Extremely rare. Why? Jesus and Mikhael, and the whole Holy Family of the New Albor.

Someone could say: she is always with the dogs, the dogs make her comany… I love my dogs, I truly do… and they do have accompained me through torture and very horrible situations. There was a time in which I only got out of the room once per week, to go to mass and buy 40 dollars of food for the whole week. My weight dropped to size 0 of clothing, from a size 18 I had been. But no matter how a little money I had, I always bought treats for Princess, the first dog I was given (they call her Princess to mimick how Mikhael and Jesus called me: princess of heaven). She stayed with me the whole time, with two briefs pauses to make pee and poo outside. I even designed toys for her… and I love them all, but they are no the only reason, nor the main reason, I feel accompained. The main reason it is very rare I feel alone is first Mikhael, then the sacraments, them Jesus, then the Holy Family of the New Albor. My spiritual life is my rock, socially speaking. There were times in which my only “conversation” was with the Bible, writing poems and praying. Truly, prayer can be very fulfilling and can make dissapear all kinds of loneliness and solitude, and even make you enjoy being alone and being who you are. I appreciate and even prioritize my prayer and solitude time with God. I have had every reason to feel alone, but, with very rare exceptions (yes, I do have cried due being socially alone and without no one to turn into to get out of here), I had always feel accompained by my Heavenly Family in my heart.

I wrote that comment without reading the chapter yet. Now let’s go into it. Here are the pages of chapter 11

A final comment about chapter 11. I don’t know how normal it is, but I technically don’t have “alone time”, even when I am physically alone: I am always with the Trinity, the Holy Family of the New Albor, the saints, Mikhael… but I do need “alone time” with them everyday. I literally need it to function. So, I wouldn’t technically do like Maya Angelou, taking a whole day per month to be alone: I would take a time period per day, lets say half an hour in the morning and in the afternoon, to be alone with God and my heavenly friends. Yes, I do need “alone time” with communion and prayer to be myself, to “connect” with who I am and who I am called to be. Of course, I don’t fear being alone, I enjoy it. What I do fear, sometimes, is to be independent: to not depend on no one, to live by my own, with my own money and without roomates, but that is because I have never done it. I had never been able to pay my expenses, all of them, with my own money, and to live with my own money. It is normal to fear the unknown.

Now, let’s go to chapter 12: Death and Loss.

I went out of the room again to make a pause for eat, bring the other doggie inside and for going again to the social abortion altar to take again the picture that was blurry last time. When I went outside the progenitor female was in the TV area of the first floor, right beside the kitchen. She knew I was there and didn’t spoke to me. She left the iPhone visible (that was the social exploitation object: it means they know what I do with my apple devices and hack them). I didn’t care she didn’t spoke me. I cooked the microwable burrito, took two cold drinks (a malta and a Gatorade), called the doggie that was outside, took the picture that I needed and went back to the room. No words were spoken. I forgot to mention: the “offerings” in the social abortion altar are “cult to death” (culto a la muerte), because they are social abortion, and abortion is cult to the devil, the exact opposite to the Eucharist. Well, I took picture of both the envelope and their “cult of death” besides (the apple bowl). Here is the picture:

They know I call those offerings “cult to death” and still they chose to leave thar there. Its like saying, we want you dead. It is the exact opposite the growth in communion that the Holy Family of the New Albor teaches: the family is meant to incarnate the living Eucharist.

Guess what? I needed to came back to the kitchen to take the antibiotics of Minnie (they are refrigerated). When I came back, she put a program in Tele Oro, the Catholic TV channel of Puerto Rico. It couldn’t be the mass, because at this hour they don’t have mass. It was probably the hour of Divine Mercy (I was not able to hear the words, but I knew it was Tele Oro for the style of speaking and when I confirmed it in the TV). Here you have the image of what exactly she put in the TV the second time I went to the kitchen

It is quite similar to mass, but as I said, there is no mass at this hour in that channel. It must be Divine Mercy hour, that begins at 3 pm (it is 3:26 pm right now).

What I mean is: they (my progenitors) are literally doing consciously and explictly the exact opposite of the Eucharist: they are doing cult to death, they are committing social abortion of a human being. As I said, they now how I call and understand the things thar are put at that altar. Still, they do their “offerings”. It is demonic and even worst than nazist cruelty, because they are pretending to use God Himself in their cult to death. I am very sorry to say this, but you gotta have a very meaningless life to do such a horrible thing, you gotta be extremely dead inside, spiritually and even communitarily (comunitariamente, en el contexto comunitario: la familia es la primerw comunidad) to do something like that, with such lack of empathy and living communion. God is merciful and compasive, and I will always pray for the joy and conversion of everyone, beginning me… but there are some, like my progenitors, that insist in bring death upon themselves. God Love is not a God that brings death but new life, as the reborn sea in last night dream. As a matter of fact, I am alive totally thanks to Him and belong to Him totally, He is the only family I have known. My progenitors wanted to cause me cancer and dissability with their toxic gassing (they left books of death and brain cancer, and it is known that the toxoc gassig they use causes cancer, as a matter of fact the dogs, two of them got cancer masses in their mammary glands): God made the miracle and here I am, alive and adoring Him with my whole growth.

Right now, where I am forced to be, I know I can die at any moment due toxic gassing, or I or any of the dogs can be killed, as they killed my dog Caramelo… but for me death is not an enemy, nor a cult: death is a step to everlasting life with my Beloved, with my Heavenly Husband as living Church. I don’t fear death at all. I just hope I can pray while it happens. I will forgive whoever does it and give thanks for the unworthy blessing of becoming a blood martyr (I mean, more blood than what I have already spilled).

I don’t know how to explain this [they are causing me drooling as I write this] but my progenitors and relatives/neighbours who collaborated with them are dead to me. I actually did my mourning period and everything. I don’t expect them to change, I don’t expect them to be human neither. I do pray for them, for the conversion and joy of everyone… but for me they are dead, they won’t ever be again the persons they once were in my life. I have accepted that loss since long time ago: they never were who they said they were, and they will never be who they are meant to be, that was their choice, and I can’t do anything about it, it was not my fault, they choose the path of dehumanization, and they did it conciously and deliberately. Yes, I do pray for everyone, but at the same time, I do accept choices and stopped expecting to receive what they are totally unable to give: love. They are dead inside, they even do cult to death… they choose their path of death, and I choose my path of new life. I am grateful for them for my baptism, but I have been asked by Jesus Charity to renew it as soon as I can, explaining the priest the circumstances of my baptism. It will be a very healing moment, a rebirth sea, like in last night dream.

That being said, let’s begin chapter 12: Death and Loss.

Here are the pages I marked/commented in chapter 12:

This is all about the pages of chapter 12. Of course, I will give a conclusive thought about the chapter.

I think it should have deepened more the topic of loss. The chapter is more about death than it is about loss. I have had great losses in my life, sometimes they even felt like a divorce. Of course, the grief of abusive parents is not touched, and I can understand it, it is not an usual grief, but to any child/son/daughter, letting go an abusive parent is a grief process, because I don’t know if you have noticed this: a child/son/daughter is always predisposed to think well of their parents, and finding put they are abusive, even if the evidence is in plain sight, is quite a shock, you can even invent stories to justify them. Example: I thought for many years my progenitors were the way they were due extreme poverty/emotionak deprival in their childhoods. You can go through the grieving process over and over again, jumping from one stage to another in silence, until you finally reach the acceptance stage. Of course, there were triggering things that triggered the jump from one stage to another… but the jumping has stopped since long time ago, now is there only acceptance, although because I am forced to remain in contact with them, the grieving process can’t be completed (I cand redesign my life without their presence, I am forced to remain in contact with them and to remain their social slave). I have read about these stages before, and becoming conscious of them was helpful to understand me better. I think the topic of loss should be more discussed, because even letting go a dream can be a loss process, and that can happen to a lot of people, including students. Yes, teachers should be aware of these stages too, especially when dealing with divorce among their students’ parents. Children do need to learn to deal with loss too.

This is it for chapters 10, 11 and 12 of I Never Knew I had a choice. Let’s keep choosing to be a light!