I Never Knew I had a Choice [Second half of Chapter 1]

I prayed the content of the Chapter 1 (what I read yesterday) in my dream, and Mikhael said something very beautiful to me: God Love does respect my choices. God Love does respect humanity’s choices. In the middle of a world where no one respect each other’s choices… God does.

As a matter of fact, Mikhael reminded me that God asked me if I wanted to give light to Jesus Charity, and I said yes… and that question had been repeated along the years. He repeated it in last night’s dream, and was beautiful, but also strange. Really, nobody respect my choices or ask me what I choose. I have begged the social media mind game to stop, and yesterday, even in the middle of the process of disconecting from social media, there they were: grammar mistakes, mind games, games with adds… That besides the fact that my progenitors does not give me the choice to be human and exist in a human way. Both sides are totally disrespectful to my choices.

In the middle of all that, there is all mighty God Love who asks if you would give Him light today, and again, and again…

Yes, my Lord and my Love. Fiat mihi secundum caritatis tuam. That is the choice that defines my life.

It is curious, because, as I explained yesterday, I think that everything can’t be allowed to be a choice. Death can’t be allowed to be a choice (my progenitors left a knife in the kitchen, and that is a death sign, they do that when they want to project death… it is a gruesome social abortion sign). No one can choose the death of someone else, and that includes abortion. Anything that is against human rights can be allowed as a choice if we choose to become the human fraternal family we are called to become.

Something is for sure: we are in a world were only certain choices are respected, those who are agree with certain interests and ideologies. God Love is not that way, for sure. His way to ask me, through Mikhael, if I want to give light to Him was beautiful and… very humbling.

Here is another detail about choices Mikhael just taught me.

Through the day, today, I learned that my dog Minnie had cancer. She was operated weeks ago of a mamary mass. Well, the mass was cancer, the biopsy says, but it didn’t metastatized. It was removed on time and now she needs a check up every six months to check up the cancer is not back. Her mother, Princess, had the same mass issue (still has one), but it is not an hereditary issue: this is consecuence of the toxic gassing in the room we are almost all the time, together.

So, why not me too?

As a matter of fact, years ago, many years ago, I had masses in my breast. I didn’t said anything. I didn’t seek treatment or diagnosis. I was too scared to need medical care, in the circumstances I was. Although I was still not completely concious of what was going on, I was concious enough to know: I don’t want to depend on my progenitors for medical care. I don’t want operations, I don’t want mammographies, I don’t want to depend on them to receive care, even if it is cancer care. I prefer to die of cancer. I told God that. I won’t seek treatment for this.

They dissapeared.

I had no idea then: the mamary masses were being caused by them, by the toxic gassing. I did had an aunt that, very dramatically and without invitationor even a trust relationship with me, went to my room and undressed her chest to show me the scars of her breast cancer operation. As I said, I had no trust to this aunt, and, as a matter of fact, now we know she had collaborated with the abuse through all these years. They planned me to have breast cancer, not only brain cancer.

I received the veterinary call about Minnie’s cancer while I was with students. I had no way to write what was going on inside me, so I chose to wait until now (lunch break) to write my inner reaction.

I told Mikhael while I was hearing the veterinary: this could be me. I had mammary masses too, but mine dissapeared.

Mikhael smiled: remember when you told that your choice was to giving light to Jesus Charity? That has consecuences for God too. He will make it possible, and if that requires healing you, He will.

So, I humbly know now: I was healed of breast cancer a few years ago, when I rejected to seek treatment for those mammary masses. I will have pre-cancerous nodules, in the thyroid…

And the story repeats again: tomorrow is the appointment with the endocrinologist and I won’t go, even if it is an appointmed made five months ago, simply because I don’t want to lie and say that what is happenning is hereditary. It is now. My thyroid have changed of sizes through the years. This is not exactly hypothyroidism. This is toxic poisoning via toxic gassing. They knew it too. They fabricated the “need” of thyroid medication of my progenitor so there is a “family history” of hipothyroidism. I do have the antibodies, but it is for sure: it is consecuence of the toxic gassing too.

Mikhael knows I won’t go to the appointment. Once again, I prefer the cancer than depend on them to go to treatments and operations.

Please, stop for a second and pray for all those brothers and sisters with serious illnesses like cancer, diabetes, neurological disorders… illnessess that are treatable, or may be some can be terminal… but they don’t seek medical treatment, even if they could survive if they receive the proper medical treatment, simply because they don’t want to be cared, or have no one to care for them because they are rejected by their family or even my the medical personel. That is, basically, how euthanasia works: you prefer to die than to be cared until your natural death. Its a very terrible circumstance. God doesn’t want euthanasia, that is why He allowed the miracle. The situation then is the same situation now: I can’t be cared, either by the medical center who would have treated me and diagnosed me initiatially (I had been harassed in medical centers too; they had the chance of recognice the abuse and report it, and they didn’t, they deliberately ignored evidence, as had happened in every forced hospitalization) or either by my biological family. In the past my thyroid had recovered by itself. I guess it will happen again, because I won’t seek medical treatment of any kind.

So many situations of my life comes through my eyes right now: things that no parent would have overlooked, but mine did, on purpose, for doing damage. I don’t mean toxic gassing now. I mean, as example, not seeking help for me when it was evident I didn’t learned the way my classmates learned. Now we know: I was twice-exceptional. I am both gifted and ADHD. I needed learning and growing support that I was not given… on purpose.

How cruel…

Well, lets forgive and keep reading Chapter 1. I actually did a forgiveness prayer today when I passed by besides the place I lived my first four years of life.

Chapter 1…

I am continuing in page 23: multiple intelligence theory. I studied this in the Education Faculty, as part of my studies to become teacher. I do agree with the author: emotional intelligence must be taught more, it tends to not be emphasized. I also agree with the authors when they say that we must take responsability of our own learning, but my problem is trying to learn too many new things at the same time, because I love learning and I need to learn to control myself and know my limits. I have learned that the hard way, after many class failures and drop outs simply because I took a too big class load. That besides the fact that I learn creatively and that requires extra time per class to do your creations needed to memorize stuff that others simply memorize memotechnically. Of course, my time management skills are awful (I am an innate procastinator) and my study habits depend more on my passion to learn than on needing to study for a test. I hate tests, did I mentioned it?

In one of the questionary questions, the authors asks “What are you willing to do to become actively involved in your learning?”

One of the options say: “I am willing to read the material and think how it applies to me”.

Well, that is my quid while learning: I apply everything to the personal formation, and of course that includes my own personal formation. What I don’t apply that way, I don’t learn it. Period. It even becomes boring. I hate taking classes simply because I must take them and memorize whatever they say abstractly.

The authors also say that “This course is likely to be different from many of the courses you have taken. Few courses deal primarily with you as subject matter. Most college courses challenge you intellectually, but this book is geared toward integrating intellectual and personal learning. To a large degree, what you get frok this course depend on what you are willing to invest of yourself”. I would have loved to take such kind of course. I have never taken a course like this, and I am glad of finding this book. 🙂

“Each of the 14 chapters can be read separately” Good to know.

“Chapter 13 contains a detailed discussion of formulating your philosophy of life, and some instructors assign some type of philosophy of life paper as course project”. I like that idea.

In the summary the authors say that “We do not have to live by the plans that others have designed for us. With awareness we can begin to design our own blueprints and to make significant choices”.

I will paraphrase that: “We do not have to live by the slavery chains that others have designed for us. With awareness we can begin to design our own blueprints and to make significant choices”. Got it, right?

The authors also say in that summary that “growth is a lifelong process of expanding self-awareness and accepting new challenges”. I will also paraphrase that: “growth is a lifelong process of expanding self-awareness and accepting new challenges to become the best person we can be”. Not all kind of challenges are healthy challenges: growth challenges are those that help us to become the best person we can be.

“Self-actualization is not something that we do in isolation; rather, it is through meaningful relationships with others and through social interest that we discover and become the persons we are capable of becoming”. Well, I am proving you wrong. 🙃

“This course can be a first step on the journey toward achieving your personal goals and living a self-actualization existence while at the same time contributing to make the world a better place”. What a beautiful sentence to read in a class syllabus!

“Do bot feel compelled to complete all the activities; select those that have the most meaning for you at this time in your life”…. Ahhhhhhhhh, a class that actually cares for what it means to you what you study/do… 😲

“To what degree Maslow’s characteristics of self-actualization are part of your personality?” Self-awareness, trust, honesty and caring are firmly part of my personality. Freedom is not. I would lie if I say I am free at the same time I am forced to be injected like a cow and to exist like a social slave of my progenitors, and I am not autonomous neither, I am in a dependant web, always depending on my progenitors, especially economically. They know it and like to inforce it strongly (lack of freedom and dependance traits). As a matter of fact, they do “know” Maslow’s pyramid. I have actually commented several times that what they do seems to force me to live a survival live mode, always pending of basic needs, either safety needs or physical needs, or even lack of affection (love needs) in order to unfocus me to grow and become the best person I can be (what Maslow calls “self-actualization”). Really, sunce the very first time I saw the pyramid I thought: that is what happens at home, I am always thinking in other needs that distracting from growing and become “self-actualized” (in the top of the pyramid). The only need they reeeeeeeeally have a hard time playing with is ego: it is really difficult to make me feel disrespected, because God respects me, as I explained in the beginning of this blog post. The same applies to the love need: God loves me, so whatever my progenitors make to hate me, I don’t care.

“Do you think Maslow’s ideal of self-actualization fits for individuals of all cultural and ethnic groups? Are any characteristics inapropiate for certain cultures?” Generally speaking, they do fit all cultures, and that is why is so fascinating for me studying self-actualization (which, as I have said, I haven’t studied before deeply, it was only mentioned in the course of Psychology of Education as part of studying the whole pyramid): it applies to everyone. That is what the integractive personal formation model strives: to apply to everyone, equally. It is not a matter of impose ideas, it is not a matter of impose a specific way of growth: it is supossed to define what personal formation processes are, so it can be sistematically studied/observed.

The book offers the Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligence scale. I did the test, I made all the calculations and I got perfect score in two multiple intelligences: verbal and intrapersonal. I am surprised to see such a low score in visual/spatial (19) because I have always thought I learn better visual/spatially.

Here are my total scores:

Verbal/linguistic: 35/35

Musical/rhytmic: 18/35

Logical/mathematical: 19/35

Visual/spatial: 19/35

Bodily/kinesthetic: 21/35

Intrapersonal: 35/35

Interpesonal: 29/35

As you can see, I am awfulunderstanding music sheets, but I do love music. As a matter of fact, I am using music to focus more as I write this. I am hearing “Gratia Plena”, of Andrea Bocelli.

By the way, the progenitors had been causing me to go pee once per hour while doing this. 🙃

This would be the end of Chapter 1, and the end of this blog post.

I am truly enjoing this book. 🙂 These scales are more helpful than all the ones I had done through these years.

Here you can see photos of the scales pf the second half of Chapter 1

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