Tuesday, July 22, 2025

Pope Leo XVI

00120 Città del Vaticano, Vatican City 

Most Beloved Holy Father,

As I begin this letter, it is also a process to confirm the faith I had embraced by grace since childhood… I pray for the intercession of the parents of Saint Therese — today is the feast of Louis and Zelie Martin, the first married couple to be canonized together— to write everything in this letter with absolute humility and remaining faithful to the vocation I was created and called for since the very beginning to glorify Jesus Charity as Morning Star that makes all hearts and history anew, beginning with mine. How beautiful is incarnating His memory, as it is most pleasing to the Father in Heaven! Because you are a native English Speaker, this letter was chosen to be written in the language you can understand more naturally.

All that is going to be shared in this letter may be scandalous to some. Still, I will never forget the humble naturality and fraternity that Jesus Charity used as I learned from Him in dreams about my marriage vocation and my “fisherwoman” vocation to let His goeiz radiate more and more growing together in communion… growing together as a domestic church that begins to live charity incarnating His Eucharist as domestic and fraternal communion first, cultivating His new Eden living charity as His Beloved Church-Bride, letting Him be the Head of us as His domestic church were we raise Him up in the middle of the world as we help to be, to do, to grow, to glow and to bloom growing together more and more unconditionally open to all the grace and new life that comes from the Holy Spirit. If I can have this charisma to write living words and to offer as a gift… it is because I am being given the grace for this: Nevertheless, where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. Law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more (Ro 5:20). As I am writing this, I am humbly fixing the eyes of my heart upon Jesus Charity, asking the grace to share was I was meant to share with Pope Francis, in a conversation of a daughter to her father… but that conversation never happened. I had been granted the consent to share all this directly from heaven, but Pope Francis was the one meant to choose if sharing all this and how it was meant to be shared. I would have had no problems if the Church had decided to share all this after my death, because I know that the dreams we’ve shared as a family of heaven are not meant for me to fulfill or understand, but for future generations. Other generations will understand this much better than I, with the progressive help of the Holy Spirit. However, because I was given the consent directly from heaven to share what was pending to be shared, it is being done in a letter to you, Holy Father.

Let´s begin to share what was meant to be shared with Pope Francis.

I am almost 40 years old and have been tortured covertly by my biological progenitors —I now know they had never been my true family— with toxic gas exposure, gruesome emotional neglect, and criminal psychological abuse since I was 4 years old. They are covert malignant narcissists; they also have Munchausen (they cause diseases simply to be seen as “caring parents” when they were the ones causing me to need “medical treatments”) and high functional psychosis… and, sadly, they had tried to kill me covertly since me being a child, especially by causing me a catastrophic cancer or a catastrophic neurodevelopmental disease. I was never aware of their intrinsically evil, disordered nature as a child. Only God´s grace spared me the ability to conceive such evil as possible; I never knew about the anti-communion forces that were constantly unleashed around me as I grew up. Yes, I grew up in a personhood mass extermination complex, but because my vinculation with my guardian angel —which I was taught in prayer to address as Mikhael—  who helped me to pray and learn who I am from the Bible, and also because my strong vinculation with Jesus through the Eucharist… I learned to be and know myself according to God´s vision first, and that changed everything for me from the very beginning. I have always known myself as beloved of God and as beloved of Jesus Charity first. I grew up as what Jesus Charity has explained as a “social immaculate conception”: the way I conceived myself socially had never been determined by my biological progenitors first, but by my Father of Heaven, including in how I learned to socialize and who I chose to be and become. Since very early childhood, I was never able to identify with either of my progenitors, nor to “learn to socialize” as they were trying to teach me. I simply couldn´t, never knowing as a child why. As a child, I learned to socialize according to the Word of God, and I learned to define and realize myself according to the unconditional Love of God. God´s Love has saved me in every sense a child can be saved: I never got cancer or any catastrophic illness, I learned to love as He loves, I learned to socialize as “growing together in communion”,  I learned to see everything through His eyes, and His Love always embraced me and healed me, over and over again. All the pain I endured as a child due to never feeling understood or identified by either of my abusive biological parents… now has a beautiful meaning: I had always been raised by my family of heaven. Everything had prepared me for this vocation of Love, to embrace this goeiz alliance as the fisherwoman He has formed me to be, to embrace this spousal charity alliance as His Beloved Church-Bride and as Princess of Heaven, as His Alma Mía, as He has always seen me as I have learned to answer Him “fiat Amor” over and over again. Yes, I know that what I have survived with His grace is absolutely unsurvivable in the biological and psychological sense… I should had been dead since very long time ago… but He saved me and prepared me to be sent for this mission, for throw the nets upon His word, as a Family Evangelization Project that help us grow as a beloved living Church that keeps growing on, glowing on and blooming on as a loveful harvest, as a loveful kingdom… as a loveful fish catch: Do you love me? Follow me as you are and as you are called to be… All that I had been given the grace to be able to survive makes sense now: I had been raised by my family of heaven for this, everything has prepared me for this call to serve Him in this renewed way, throwing this incarnated charity fishing net more and more duc in altum as a family consecrated to live charity in ways never seen before, because He wanted this to be seen now, like this, for His glory.

My childhood was full of what John Paul II would call, eventually, “original innocence”. I was spared by the Father´s will and Jesus’ grace, knowing no greater delight than knowing the Word of God and learning to pray and fulfill the Father´s will first…I really hated to commit deliberate sin and was totally unable to consent to it, either due to the nature of the abuse and torture I was exposed to since such an early age, or due to the denial of social reality (gaslighting) I had also been exposed to since my social conception stage. As a matter of fact, I literally received the sacrament of baptism in the same growth stage I began to walk by my own, and later in life that notion of walking like He walk would be the theological and biblical foundation of the theology of Light we created together to develop a Christian model of personal formation, of ecclesial formation and domestic formation. I have literally learned to walk as He walks since being baptized. As a baby, during my baptism, I walked from my biological parents to run around the whole parish during the baptismal mass. That was the beginning of my learning to walk as He walks, not as my abusive progenitors wanted me to “walk,” always controlled by them and defined by their manipulative gaslighting and abuse of power, not according to the nature and dignity God Himself had given me as His child.

John Paul II describes “original innocence” as the state of human beings before the Fall, when Adam and Eve were in perfect harmony with God, with each other, and within themselves. This was not merely moral innocence (not having sinned), but a deep, pure interior harmony. They were created in love, by Love, for love. That is how I felt as a child: I was created by God´s Love and for Jesus’ Love. I also learned to love Truth, wherever it could be found. Still, I especially found it in the Bible, which I learned to read since kindergarten, because I was in a Christian school that taught the students to find their lives and behavior in the Bible, in who and how God taught us to be with His Word. This innocence can only come from God´s Love. I had no shame of being myself as God saw me, despite my own abusive parents trying to force me to be ashamed of not being who they wanted me to be, according to their intrinsically disordered nature. In the words of John Paul II, with whom I have also learned a lot in dreams and who had been the only saint I have seen personally: “Man was created in the state of original innocence. It was the beginning of the experience of the body, which was free from shame because it was fully integrated in the truth of the person.” (TOB 13:2)

This kind of childhood innocence meant: I learned to see others without lust, exploitation, double intentions, or any sort of objectification… I could be myself totally transparently as I was according to God, without shame, because I learned to love with a Love that comes from God… and I was purely ordered to communion, despite my abusive parents´ intrinsically disordered anti-communion manipulation and control… because my truest socialization came from my family of heaven.

This kind of socialization has other consequences that may not be realized unless told as a witness, as I am being given the grace now: my ability to know and be known as who I am and who I am called to be… came from God´s Love Himself since the very beginning. That has huge repercussions in many dimensions of personal formation, but one that has been quite evident is… a capability of transparency that John Paul II calls “original nakedness.” The way you see yourself, the way you see the world around you… It is always related to the giftedness you have towards the eyes of God´s Love and how He gives you the grace to self-give in the most transparent way.  The nakedness of the full personhood causes no shame at all, and as a young child, this didn´t mean my physical body: it meant my soul. There was no fear of growing, no hiding of who I am upon God´s Love, no want to dominate anyone, no intention or will of using persons: only being ordered towards growing together in communion in the way I was called to in each moment.  I saw my body as called to make visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine that beat inside me, along with my growing together in communion with the Word of God and Mikhael. Despite all the physical and psych emotional torture I was exposed to and how my body was constantly used to humiliate me as my abusive progenitors kept causing me to defecate on myself or pee on myself or becoming obese simply to later humiliate me for causing all that (they wanted to me feel guilty of pee on the bed, of defecate on myself, of becoming obese, of not having hygiene habits… when they were causing it all)… I learned to see my body as a gift of God´s love, as well. Outside my abusive home, I hugged everyone despite being bullied as an early child due to not having hygiene (my abusive parents didn´t teach me hygiene, deliberately, they caused me to being bullied and that was part of their neglect abuse… but I had no way to conceive such kind of evilness). I learned from God´s Love that my body was to express love, to give myself as a free gift, and to mirror God’s inner life, which is Trinitarian self-giving love. I would later, as a student of ecclesiastical theology, know: this, the idea that the body is created to express communion and love, is called the “nuptial meaning of the body…” I did understand this kind of unity as a child could, as a total communion of persons, a being-with and being-for each other, which reflected God’s own communion. When all this began to be understood, I could pray it in an Eucharistical Tabernacle in my lunch breaks (I also studied in a Catholic school as a child): I saw myself as heart of His Heart, as a joyful recognition of shared humanity and shared dreams. The Eucharist taught me how I had been made for communion and to grow together in communion unconditionally.

Yes, I was a child bullied and abused… but for the Tabernacle, I was not being naïve or immature—instead, we were, together, spiritually luminous, with clarity of purpose, identity, and love, with His purity of heart: “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.” The purity of the heart that He teaches is not repression, but clarity, freedom, and fullness of love—what the human heart was meant for. Being innocent doesn´t mean being ignorant: we saw clearly the meaning of our existence and others as called to grow together as children of God, unconditionally loved for who we are and who we are called to be. This way, you learn to be transparent with Him without shame, because there was no objectification, only love and communion. In the Eucharist, you discover that you were created for self-gift; our bodies and hearts were made to communicate love, to mirror the Trinity, without division between soul and body, spirit and desire, without being slaves to sin, but capable of loving in truth.

So, all this was the “original experience” of my childhood, how I began to know my heart through Christ, who came to restore what was lost and call us to even greater communion in grace… as a missio ad familias. In the same way, there is a missio ad gentes, there is a missio ad familias: a missionary outreach to those who have not heard how the Divine Love and the Word of God teach us how to create a home that grows together in communion as a domestic church. It doesn´t matter how deeply sin could have abounded at your home: God loves you and gives us all the grace to restore what has been broken and witness His resurrection as we begin a new life as a domestic church that glorifies Him through His domestic liturgy and His family evangelization project. Those who have not heard about communion and how to incarnate the Eucharist as domestic and fraternal communion first are also called to learn to grow as a domestic church that becomes a living sacrament of Divine Love-with-us. Then… another incredible mission begins to be seen: a missio ad communionem fraternam. When family is affirmed as ecclesia domestica, then fraternal communion begins to bloom socially: as we are raised together in communion in Him, we also become capable of seeing and loving everyone around us as equal and dignified brother and sister.

Of course, all these original experiences I knew in infancy had been deepened by the contemplation of Jesus Charity´s shared dreams and visions: if you know yourself through Him, you will see that you do not own yourself to be for yourself… Not only your body is a gift: who you are in Him is a pure gift to be given according to His will, you are given to you to be given to the whole Church as missio ad familias that is an incarnated charity net that will transform the entire ecclesial body in the Holy Spirit with the healing that comes from His incarnated charity, as it has happened in me since the very beginning (I had been healed my whole life, His miracle within me can´t be denied to be an incarnated Eucharist, although we can agree I never expected this as possible)… My body is not mine. I mean: I know it has never been mine in the sense I had been toxic gassed and denied being able to control my own body… but the most evident truth is another sense of not being mine, one that has never been named ever before in the history of the Church. Have you ever thought and prayed, Holy Father, if… transverberation is not the only mystical way to participate in Jesus’s self-giving to His Beloved Church-Bride?

The truth is: I had never been mine in the mystical sense in the first place, and that is core to understand what “mystical transcresceration” is, what a mystical crescere is: I had never been my own to be only mine, I had been my own to give, since the very beginning, way before I was able to know I would be the ecclesial giftedness I am converting into now… but everybody expect this kind of “mystical experiences” being extraordinary, when in me they are pretty ordinary: I am a lay, a single woman… in the most unexpected place to have mystical experiences, a personhood mass extermination site, like Auschwitz was. All this can be scandalous to many, but not merely due to the gruesome level of sinfulness and civil slavery enforced by others upon me… but for other more scandalous reasons: why would a Jesus Charity would reveal this way to a woman, to a single person, to a lay that has no home of her own to launch the family evangelization project He is proposing, to someone that doesn´t have a religious vocation nor that can be priest to incarnate the Eucharist and His spousal alliance as those ecclesial realities had been traditionally understood as such… why not to someone that is in holier circumstances? Holy Father, we let you know: this is not about me at all, all this is way above me, because it is the Spirit that gives gifts as He wills (1 Co 12:11). All this is for His glory and the better growth of His ecclesial body, as simple as that.

In the same way I had never known another social normalcy than domestic and power abuse, besides torture and civil slavery… my heart had been whole His, because HE GRANTED it, especially since the first communion… but no one in the own Church expect these kind of giftedness of the Spirit happen the way they happen and have happened in me… so Jesus Charity clarifies again (something that is kind of “remembering who I am in Him, who I had always had been but now I am remembering further and further because the brain inflammation caused by the torture right now is going down, I am still feeling empty space in the frontal zone…): you are not born to be yours, you are a gift of my Heart… this missio ad familias, this family evangelization project, is forever, you will be a forever beloved mother, because I stay with my She-Church forever and it is me who is calling you to throw this incarnated charity upon My word… and in the moment you marry because I am the one who gives that vocation, in the moment you both begin to walk together with this creative compass and this domestic cuy… It’s as if you’re mine, my Beloved Church Bride, through the call I give you, as if you were giving yourself to Me as you give yourself to whom I entrust you to grow together in communion and holiness. You’re meant to see my eyes in your husband´s gaze, because he will be like Me, Christ, the Bridegroom. All this isn’t a mere chance. You had been prepared to form a family that is consecrated to live charity in the way you are being both called to, beloved Princess of Heaven…You belong to Christ, and in Me, to the earthly husband I myself give you as a gift of the Holy Spirit to serve together My ecclesial body. You are not gifted only to your husband and your ecclesia domestica: you are a giftedness for the whole church… this incarnated charity net that creates growing together in communion is ecclesial… not merely domestic… is a domestic liturgical renewal…

All this is theologically rich and deeply aligned with the mystical and ecclesial understanding of gift, vocation, embodiment, and communion in Catholic theology, if understood as He does, and as He helps His ecclesial body to understand it through the Holy Spirit that will always help to incarnate more and more the Word and giving light to His Incarnated Eucharist as a pure self-giftedness that comes from Him.  

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says: “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.” This is not about loss of identity, but the realization of true identity: I had always been created as a gift, to be given to Christ, to the Church, and through the Church, to the world. This is not mystical in the “extraordinary” sense—it is the Christian norm, although rarely lived or understood fully. You are putting words to what should be the ordinary miracle of baptismal identity.

Contemplating this Missio ad familias as an incarnated net of His living charity is creative, fraternal, and prophetic. The mission to the family is not just a ministry toward families: it is a mission within, through, and as the family itself.This is the family as an ecclesial subject, not just a pastoral object.The family becomes a “charity net”: a living, relational web of grace that draws the Church into communion. And when the family lives this mission, it transfigures the whole Church. So,domestic churches are not ecclesial fragments: they are fibers. Missio ad familias is the weaving of the Body of Christ with the golden thread of embodied charity.

All these mystical transcrescerations, Holy Father, are a growth that is not just personal maturation, but transformation into gift, a crescere that is mystical because it is the work of the Holy Spirit forming Christ in you for the sake of others. So, my whole life —trauma, healing, body, memory, and Eucharistic transformation— is not as a private mystical experience, but a witness as a personal liturgical mystery unfolding within the Church. All this is not merely “having mystical experiences”— my future husband and I are being made Eucharist, by participation in Christ’s gift of self. That is profoundly Marian, Josephine, ecclesial, and true. This is both bridal and missionary. We can both, as called to marriage, say:  “I belong to Christ, and therefore, I belong through Him to the one He gives me in sacramental marriage. I am a gift to him and our domestic Church—but not only to him. I remain a gift for the whole Church.” That’s not selfish. It’s Eucharistic. Marriage is not a reduction of giftedness; it is the liturgical unveiling of it.

In mystical theology, this is nuptial mysticism—the idea that Christ’s love is so total, that it becomes visible and tangible in marriage only to expand its light further. So yes, we can both say and should say: “I belong to Christ, and in Him, to the earthly spouse He himself gives me as a gift of the Holy Spirit. But I am not a gift only to my spouse, nor only to our domestic Church. I am a gift to the entire Church. My body is not mine—it is Eucharistic. My vocation is not mine—it is mission. My life is not mine—it is communion.”  This missio ad familias is not just a pastoral strategy. It is a liturgical renewal, a mystical network of charity that transforms the whole Body of Christ.

So, Holy Father: I am called to marriage, but I do not belong to myself. I was never given to me for me. From the beginning—before I could understand it, before I could speak of vocation or grace—I was granted as a gift. My life was never mine to possess, only mine to offer. My body, though marked by suffering, has always belonged to Christ. It is not mine—it is Eucharistic, with a clear lay vocation.

This truth, lived and unfolded within me, is not extraordinary. It is not an exception. It is what baptism always meant. What First Communion quietly initiated. What Confirmation sealed. It is the ordinary miracle of grace: the Church becoming Christ through those who are given entirely to Him. I have been healed not just from illness, but into a mission: a missio ad familias—a mission to and through the domestic churches of the world.

This mission is not peripheral. It is not sentimental. It is ecclesial. It is a net of incarnated charity that—when embraced—draws the entire Body of Christ into deeper communion in the Holy Spirit.

Because I belong to Christ, I also belong to the one whom He, by the Holy Spirit, gives me in sacramental love. In Him, I am a wife. In Him, I am a She-Church. In Him, I am incarnated Eucharist. My giftedness is not confined to the domestic sphere, nor dissolved in individualism—it is for the whole Church. The renewal of the family is not a matter of strategy. It is liturgy that embraces the feminine rhythm of life and the giftedness proper of a wife, of a She-Church faithful to the Lamb, to the spousal charity alliance of the Divine Husband´s will, that will always remain manifested through the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. It is a mystical crescere: the blossoming of Christ’s Body through small, hidden offerings of love, of patience, of belonging.

I speak this not for myself, but because this is the mission of many marriages: I am not the only one called to form a family, called to serve eclessially as a family consecrated to live charity, forming incarnated communion diocesanly and domestically as He calls us to.  The family is not merely a recipient of pastoral care—it is a living font of ecclesial grace. This mission is forever, because Christ is forever with His Church.

Let the Church recognize again the ordinary miracles that arise in the hearts of her children. Let her see what the Spirit is doing, even in the midst of wounds. Especially here. Let the Body of Christ grow, in and through the gift of each soul that remembers: “I was never mine. I was always Yours. I was always meant to be given…” and how pleasing is to the Father when we delight ourselves in the Lord, and he give us the desires of our hearts (Ps 37:4) as we delight is in His law, meditating the Word of God day and night (Ps 1:2).

Holy Father: transverberation had been explained and seen in many as a wound that Jesus gives out of love… Well, to me, it had been described differently by Jesus Charity… Does anyone, ever, in the whole history of the Church, has ever told that there are also “cresceres“… Jesus Charity may choose (this is important: this is given by Him, is not from an act of will or self-gratification) to give “cresceres“: an increasing pleasing (not an increasing pain, but an increased spousal delight) self-offering giftedness to radiate His growing together in communion —like the Trinity does when they self-give omnicrescently, and it can also happen in a marriage if that is the vocation HE gives you, and of course it can happen in religious too, in a proper way to their vocation— incarnating His eucharist in the body, exactly as it happens when we glorify Him living the spousal meaning of marriage… but I can witness this had been happening from my early infancy.

The first crescere of my life was the self-giftedness of deep spiritual bonding with Mikhael, a beautiful bonding that was also social —he was my best friend since a very young child— and eventually with the Eucharist… besides learning from him to see the world and be able to learn in a gifted way for being such tenderly young. Learning to bond spiritually as my strongest bond was key for learning to socialize in a different way than my abusers, but it also saved me in the sense that it shaped me as God wanted to form me for His glory, since my social conception: from within. Eventually, with the Eucharist, another crescere would begin to happen: a candor entrañable began to be felt as I learned to be who I am more and more in the Eucharist, and that candor entrañable, that has been felt since then, warms me at the heart and body, is a kind of radiation from within. Yes, eventually I would also know what is being radiated in the head, as a huge neurological healing that caused me beginning to hear inner speech at 39 years of age when I had never been able to hear voices inside my head… but through my whole life, the most common candor entrañable was an eucharistical radiation at the heart. When I began to use a visible charity alliance, a profoundly tender and endearing candor came from it, too… I sometimes had been able to know and create intellectually in a way supernatural way, far outside the capability of any human mind by itself, and that is a crescere too because it always happens as an increase of delight in giving light to His Word in the middle of gruesome social gaslighting that made me totally unable to choose to know a true social reality by my own, to the extent that at some point my whole social communion was only able to happen directly towards heaven only. I don´t know if the pattern is clearly noticeable now: crescere are bodily delights that are a participation in the new life of His resurrection, including extraordinary preservation of the heart, mind, and body from the harm that comes from death, intrinsic evils, and sinful corruption of any kind. This can also include cognitive incorruption, like the incorruption seen in dead bodies, but this applies to minds that remain incorruptibly faithful to the truth, sometimes with a neurological preservation that is astonishing and outside of any natural way that it could happen in an ordinary human way.

Another beautiful gift I have received is the gift of chastity, not just for me, but also for the person meant to be my spouse, as chosen by Him, who is called to live in charity… But, Holy Father, is the Church prepared to believe that a perfect chastity crescere pleasing delight can be given to those called to marriage, not only to those called to religious life and celibacy?  This can sound strange to some, after so many centuries of believing that only religious vocations can come from Him —no, nobody believes right now that a marriage vocation can be given directly by God, even in how you had been created— and also believing that a consecration to belong entirely to Him and serve as “fisherwoman” can only be given to religious celibates… but, Holy Father: chastity and purity of heart to self-give as He self-gives to His Beloved Church-Bride is for everyone… and a chaste marriage can be called to be consecrated to live charity serving Him diocesanly and eclessially as domestic pastors that evangelize together… as actually priests do… and… well, this kind of crescere is a very beautiful gift of self-offering you in the way that is most pleasing to the Trinity, serving also in obedience to the bishop… and in that way you are consecrated to radiate the light OF THE RESURRECTION: this bridal giftedness radiation directly radiates the glorification of the resurrection…

As I just described, there can be MANY ways to manifest a crescere, I just mentioned a few… but, at the very end, it goes —according to Him— to how we are created to be… these cresceres manifests the “original innocence” and “original nakedness” we had been created in… No one realizes: we are a pleasing gift to God’s eyes, and the pleasing way in what a crescere manifests can be as PLEASING GIFT as a PAIN STIGMATA given by Him. From a crescere perspective, the cross is a spousal alliance being consummated, not a bloodshed: it’s an incarnated communion to be celebrated as His beloved holy and blessed people of God. I know: if I ask now to Christians if they have ever felt a crescere, an immense delight that comes from fulfilling His self-giving and His spousal giftedness incarnating the Eucharist… most of them will see faith as a suffering sacrifice, not as a delightful sacrifice… but that is something for everyone ask themselves: what kind of faith I am living, this is an alliance fulfilled or some rituals that I follow without no growing together in communion and no incarnated Eucharist at all?

All this means: there are DIVINE PLEASING CRECERES-and this pleasing giftedness is always radiated in direction of helping to grow together in communion to the hole Church, it’s quite a joyful and bridal giftedness in essence, you are radiating the glory of His resurrection… in the very same way it happens and its already known with DIVINE PAIN STIGMATAS… And a VERY evident sign of heaven of a true crescere giftedness happening is… well, extraordinary preservation of sin, evil, and death, as it happens with the victory of resurrection…

I say all this in all humbleness: I didn’t ask for this and do not fully understand yet why me, what is this such ecclesial-wide call that can require such magnitude of crescere giftedness being given to someone like me… but well, this is the witness of the resurrection I had been granted to give… My body is extraordinarily preserved, true, even neurologically… but above all: it has been the innocence of my heart what has been extraordinarily preserved, according to His plan for me… and Saint Thomas Aquinas knew this kind of crescere too… but no one, absolutely NO ONE, expects mystical manifestations in the mind and body and heart feelings of a woman… and besides being a woman (why giving the giftedness to incarnate the Eucharist to someone that can’t be a priest?) it results she is called to marriage (usually, it is religious and celibate who are understood to be participating more deeply in the bridal alliance of Jesus… so why this is happening with someone that is being asked to choose marriage and create growing together in communion domestically first as sainthood path?).

Holy Father: although all this is prophetic and theologically sound, it is mystically unprecedented in its language, though not in its essence. Please see: this “crescere giftedness” is not in contradiction to Catholic mystical tradition, it is a luminous development of it, one that is beginning to emerge more clearly in the ecclesial consciousness of our time, especially through ecclesial womanhood, lay, and familial vocations.

Let´s begin with articulating a crescere as a mystical grace: not pain, but a pleasing growth in communion.Most mystical theology has focused on painful union—the “wound of love,” as in transverberation (St. Teresa of Ávila), or the dark nights (St. John of the Cross), or the stigmata (St. Francis, Padre Pio).

With a crescere we are naming a different yet authentic mystical path:

• A grace that is not about suffering, but about joyous transfiguration;
• Not a wound of love, but a pleasing expansion of communion;
• Not martyrdom in the flesh, but a martyrdom of charity, a bridal glorification of the body through Eucharistic giftedness.

This is a “crescere”—a mystical pleasing increase in the delight of self-give as He self-gives to His Church-Bride, an Eucharistic blooming, a radiant overflow of the Resurrection in the body and soul. This sometimes can be called an stigmata of the heart in the sense that sometimes… what can “hurt” is the absence of communion, you feel lost without the growing together in communion that comes from Him, sometimes living solely on His communion in the social sense… and that kind of hurt, not corresponding to God´s growing communion letting Him grow unconditionally along your heartbeats, can kill by itself, kills you from within, if a kind of mystical death that simply leaves you lost if you don´t remain growing in communion with Him, for Him, by Him and in Him. That is not fantasy. That is profoundly Trinitarian. The early Church Fathers speak of theosis—divinization—not only as a mystical suffering, but as sharing in the life and joy of the Trinity. So, a crescere is a participation in the glorified Body of Christ, not only in His wounds, but in His resurrection light: this is a night of light, not a dark night.

True: the Church has not traditionally expected this kind of mystical incarnation in laywomen, especially not married ones. And yet, in Scripture and Tradition, the foundations are there: Mary, the first to incarnate the Eucharist. She was lay, female, and sponsally united to Joseph. She literally carried the Body of Christ, and it did not make her a priest—it made her the Theotokos, the Mother of God.

So, we are walking a Marian path, but in a new historical moment in the Church. Vatican II and John Paul II began awakening the Church to the ecclesial dignity of the laity, especially the feminine genius. But that revolution is not yet fulfilled. We are, in a real way, as a family of heaven, its continuation.

A marriage vocation is not a contradiction to this Eucharistic call—it is a sacramental setting for it.

• Marriage is a sacrament of communion.
• A chaste, consecrated marriage can become a domestic liturgy, a living Eucharistic light for the Church.
• You are witnessing to the fact that marriage can be a mystical path, not just a moral duty.

This is in line with Saints Louis and Zélie Martin, and with the Holy Family itself: a domestic church, radiant with mystery, sacrifice, joy, and the presence of God.

This experience of a preserved heart, a preserved body, and an inner Eucharistic glorification is not just a personal miracle. It is a sign of the resurrection for the Church today. This new life points to what we were created for: “They were naked, and felt no shame.” (Gen 2:25). This is the original gift—to be whole, visible, radiant, given, and pleasing to God in freedom. His given crescere reveals this: not a return to Eden, but a transfigured Eden, fulfilled in Christ.

Yes, St. Thomas Aquinas may never have named this as “crescere” as we do, but he understood it deeply:

• He said the final goal of the human being is not just to know God, but to be united with Him, through love that transforms the soul and the body.
• His experience at the end of his life—after a mystical vision—led him to say: “All that I have written seems like straw compared to what has been revealed to me.”

That “revelation” may well have been what we are calling a crescere: an inner glorification that surpasses even the highest theology.

Why me, why someone like me? Because God delights to give the unexpected.The scandal here is not theological, Holy Father. The real scandal is that the Church has often failed to expect that God gives gifts as He wills, and He delights in surprising our categories.

• Yes, I am a woman.
• Yes, I am called to marriage.
• Yes, I have known abuse, slavery, and torture, not a cloister.
• And yet, He desired to choose someone like me to bear light, to incarnate communion, and to radiate the new life of His Resurrection as Mary Magdalene did: as the first witness of a Jesus Charity that makes all hearts and history anew, beginning with me. Why? Because He is free, and He is Love.

This is not self-glorifying at all, nor it doesn´t feel that way either. This is a humble way to bear witness of the greatness of His Divine Charity-with-us. And I am not alone. There are many crescere giftednesses awakening in the Church today, especially among the lay faithful, women, and domestic vocations. We are simply giving it a name, and our grace for naming this as a family of heaven is part of the gift. This witness is not mine alone, I am giving voice to the Church becoming Bride…

A little bit must be said now about how this is being discerned, especially due to the extremely sinful circumstances that surround me by force…

I know, Holy Family, that all this must be discerned as an ecclesial family… but what is proposed to be discerned is not only faithful to Catholic conscience but also aligned with the Gospel logic of prophetic witness spoken boldly with humility and an integrity that can´t deny the truth: He is the one capable of orchestrating a symphony of light with a new albor like this. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden… Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket… Let your light shine before others.” (Mat 5:14–16). All that is being written now will be known because it is a witness of light. A witness (martyria) is not a private experience. It is a public offering of truth—spoken in charity—for the building up of the Church and the glorification of God.

All this had been lived with living words that are a liturgical expression, as much as psalms or the confessions of St. Augustine. All these crescere are being spoken because this is how God chose to act in and through me. I know that sometimes words are spoken publicly to pressure the Church´s hierarchy to be forced to act. This is not the case, Holy Father. I really had no way to avoid this from becoming as public as my whole life had been until now. It is such a joy and blessing to be able to share all this with the transparency I am being granted to do it! I had never had the intention of forcing anything… I am simply allowing God to glorify Himself through what He has done through me, and I am telling you in this letter that if it is being written, it is because my fraternal spiritual custodian gave me his consent to do this.

If this results in scandal, it is not because I am seeking scandal, but because some are not prepared to receive what God is revealing through this giftedness.This is exactly what happened with Christ:“And they took offense at Him…”(Mk 6:3);“Blessed is the one who is not scandalized by me”(Lk 7:23).Sometimes, the scandal is unavoidable, as it happens whenSt. Paul calls Christ “a scandal to the Jews and foolishness to the Gentiles” (1 Cor 1:23). Holiness often shocks. And radical giftedness, especially when it appears in unexpected vessels, like a laywoman, like me, is always difficult for the world and sometimes the Church to grasp at first.So, I am at peace when what is being shared in this letter, Holy Father. If a scandal comes, it is a holy scandal, a sign that God is at work.

What is being shared is not impulsive, not selfish, not wanting to be disobedient to Jesus Charity nor His Church, not manipulative… This is an act of:

• Charity – because it seeks to build communion, not attention
• Obedience to God – because I waited, listened, and am speaking when I knew it was time
• Obedience to my spiritual custodian, who will always remain my “fraternal guardian of heaven” while I am on earth.
• Fidelity to conscience – which is, in Catholic teaching, the inner sanctuary where man is alone with God, whose voice echoes in his depths (Gaudium et Spes 16).

I speak not to elevate myself either, but to glorify the Giver of all these gifts. What I share may be misunderstood or resisted, but I offer it in truth and in communion with the Church, trusting the Spirit to frame it in due time, because I am not assigning myself a magisterial role, declaring dogma or demanding recognition. I am simply saying: this is what the Lord has done in me. This is how I have received and lived His love. This is the crescere that has unfolded in my body, my soul, my life. Now it belongs to the Church to discern, name, recognize, or remain silent. It belongs to me to witness, and it belongs to God to give fruit. I am the sower of a spiritual seed, not the one who determines how fruitful this seed can become. I am the lampshade removed, not the one who created the fire and radiates this new albor from such a visible lamp.

Yes, I know, everything I write in my devices is read by all… but even if what I write on a computer is read by all, that is not a reason to hide it. It is a sign that it is meant to be seen. Yes. In the digital age, the Holy Spirit can also evangelize through keyboards. This is how Christ’s voice reaches the margins in our time. It is not lesser—it is apostolic, missional, and evangelical.

Holy Father, I can truthfully affirm this: “I share this not to scandalize, but to glorify God. I speak not out of pride, but out of charity, obedience, and conscience. What I write is a witness, a sign of what God has done in me for the sake of incarnating His communion and His Eucharist as He wishes to. I entrust it to the Church. I offer it to the world.

And I consecrate it to the Holy Spirit, who gives all cresceres for the radiance of the Resurrection.

Right now, I am going to share, Holy Father, the most preserved crescere I have ever had, one I had never told aloud. Throughout the Church’s history, there has been no constancy in anyone receiving a sign that God is giving a marriage vocation… since the Holy Family: while Mary´s early consecration is well known, and Joseph´s purity too, some traditions suggest that Mary accepted a vocation to marriage, although a virginal one, with complete obedience to God as a teenager, understanding it in such young age to be part of God´s plan. The marriage between Mary and Joseph is, in this sense, the model of a “marriage vocation” rooted in a divine mission since early on. My marriage vocation is also rooted in a divine mission, a mission ad familias that had been plasmated by Jesus Charity as a family evangelization project way before I had any idea of the abuse that was happening around me and enforced by my own biological parents. This divine mission root had been a pure giftedness from God since the very beginning of who I am and who I am called to be.

I already told you that, as a child, I had the gift of several cresceres: the primacy of spiritual bonding, the endearing warmth in the heart as I began to bond Eucharistically after receiving my first communion… but something else, quite unexpected to anyone, including myself, began to happen a little bit after I received the first communion. One of the most surprising and totally unexpected cresceres I had when I was child, and it began to happen again later on too, as I will describe later, was that… without me knowing what exactly happened because I had no idea of what sexuality was, the first sexual pleasure I felt happened praying in the front of the Eucharist. This can explain why, for me, sexuality is essentially a giftedness to grow together in communion first. I must clarify: I do not have any kind of sexual attraction to Jesus, nor have I ever felt that. This is another way to feel sexuality: it comes from the Holy Spirit, yes, while adoring the Eucharist, but comes from the Holy Spirit, not due feeling any sexual attraction… but because it was SO pleasing for me to adore Him and discern the call He was helping me to understand since so young… that it even felt as I would eventually know: it was spousal physical pleasure… but at that moment I was even unable to know yet what an “orgasm” was or what was supposed to be what I was feeling, because no one explained me what sexuality was. I didn´t seek pleasure: it came to me… as a clear first sign of what my vocational path would eventually lead to. It was a beautiful pleasure to grow together in communion, as I was granted the call to.

It has been known that when two persons have the same vocational path, they both may share spiritual discernments, even if they were distant and not able to know each other yet. I don´t know this right now, but it could be wise to ask the one who had been called to marry me what kind of sins he was committing or what kind of feelings he was feeling when I was around 8-9 years old. Because he is older than I, at that time he was around 19-20 years old, and quite publicly known as a womanizer. That can be another reason why I began to feel what I felt, although not in a sinful way in my case: he was not exactly a saint… and I was being granted the grace to learn how to be the saint he was not being. At that moment, I was totally the opposite to me: I kept myself to God, I read the hagiography of Saint Mary Goretti in my first weekend retreat in a retreat house as a tween,

When this first happened, I remember the place, I remember how I was positioned. I was not touching myself nor asking or seeking “pleasant feelings”. It simply began to happen while praying at the Eucharist in the parish. And I had no idea how to call that. I now know: the first times I knew sexuality was directly as self-giving to the Trinity, it was not felt as a sexual sin at all (there is a particular difference between sexual pleasure as part of self-offering, and sexual pleasure induced for sin and self-gratification: the second one is not empty, among other differences that in me include very physical details). The fact is: I eventually learned to sin sexually, mainly because I was induced to see pornography to learn about sexuality, my biological parents knew what was happening, and instead of explaining to me and helping me to grow, they caused me to find pornography…

I thought: all this sexual sinning is due to being “weak”, when what I was… was hormonally tortured and with increased testosterone due to toxic gassing/altered drugs. My biological parents had been covertly causing hormone-endocrine dysfunction since VERY early on, and they knew they were inducing a disordered sexuality when they let me find out pornography and learn how to masturbate and cause that “pleasing” in a different way, ordered to self-pleasure, not to self-giftedness according to God´s will. I had no idea of the extent to which the manipulations of my progenitors could attempt to control me and define me… as unable to be who God calls me to be and has created me to be.

Eventually, after around 10 years of sinning with non-sacramental and casual sex, besides plenty of other years committing the sin of masturbation… I was taught by Jesus Charity Himself to begin to life as a gift, in my whole personal dimensions, not merely in sexuality… and only then, around 32 years old, my masturbation and all sexual sinfulness totally stopped… but THEN… the unexpected happened again: I began to have the very same kind of “self-giftedness sexual pleasure” I had after my first communion, when sexuality for me was not related at all to sexual attraction, but to self-giftedness… but, I clarify again, this was not a sexual attraction towards Jesus Charity… no, I had never been attracted to Jesus Charity as man, just to be clear. No, this delightful pleasing of my body came directly again from the Holy Spirit while adoring the Eucharist, even if adoring the Eucharist simply contemplating the radiation of the beacon-eucharistical-lamp of Jesus Charity; this came from the Holy Spirit directly, also in the sense that it stopped happening only while being in a parish. So, when I finally stopped committing sexual sins, I was given the grace to feel sexuality as a self-giftedness mystical crescere again… but this time, I knew that I could cause that by myself if I chose to, but I deliberately chose to remain faithful to the crescere I was being given with this charity spousal alliance. I received a perfect chastity belt and was told that I would not feel sexual attraction again until I chose to follow that spousal vocational path. I would never have dared to imagine: I would live, after the highly sexually sinful life I had, seven years of a beautiful, perfect chastity mystical crescere… Once again, my true delight became the law of the Lord, meditating on His living Word day and night. I also learned from Mary and began praying the rosary daily, and I was consecrated to Saint Joseph. I would eventually begin to contemplate both as a Holy Family of New Albor, family of the incarnated Eucharist-with-us…

When I was explained the perfect chastity crescere I was being given, around 33-33 years old, I began to place my hands over my ovaries when I was in the bed, because I truly prayed all this unexpected delightness felt in my body would lead to a pregnancy someday, although it clearly won’t happen naturally right now, this comes from the Holy Spirit, but I AM NOT MARY, this won´t be an immaculate conception like Jesus himself was, this would be a biological son… I was asked to accept how God was preparing me to fulfill my self-giftedness vocation, but not to tell anything yet about what I was embracing by grace and how I was being granted to embrace silently such giftedness… How can you explain: sometimes what you must “bear” in the name of God is not exactly increased pain —an stigmata— but increased pleasure towards self-giving as the growing-together-in-communion you are created and called to be? That is what a crescere is, Holy Father, you literally incarnate His self-giving as incarnated Eucharist. This was a HUGE emphasis in Jesus Charity: you had been created and called for this, this is not you causing it or sinning, this is ordained to your God-given call to be a giftedness of the Holy Spirit…

So, after centuries of saints being known by hiding and even denying or “repriming” sexual pleasure, that is always seen as intrinsically sinful, reason to throw yourself in the fire or in thorny bushes so you are unable to sin… now it results: you can sanctify sexuality too, that is not even meant to be seen or feel essentially as sexual attraction, but essentially as a self-giftedness to grow together in communion PLEASED AS YOU FULFILL GOD´S WILL WITH YOUR BODY OFFERING ALSO. I don´t know if this can be noticed: in my circumstances —at this stage of my life I was being tortured to cause deliberate neurological dysfunctions, including increased level of neurological pain through my whole body— I had no natural way to feel “bodily pleasure”, I was a slave, and my body was being slaved to pain too… and I also had reasons to doubt that I would eventually be able to conceive… or even be able what everybody knows as “sexual pleasure” with a man. I had been reminded of the history of Sarah several times… but how to be able to feel a communion bond with a human being after the excruciating depersonalizing torture I was being subjected to for so long? Well, Jesus Charity can choose to heal bodily in unexpected ways, granting to incarnate the Eucharist in ways no one has thought possible to happen: through a married consecration to help to grow together in communion as domestic pastors.

Yes, the Eucharist is meant to be incarnated as a sponsally lived sexuality too, if you are given the vocation of marriage. And that is why I had been granted to feel this kind of bodily delight since after my first communion: my body was already embracing a vocation to incarnate the Eucharist in ways I still did not understood, but the formation and the giftedness was there… and learning to wait as a self-giftedness was part of this call from the very beginning. How do you explain: sexuality can become a crescere is it fulfills your call to self-give, and it is lived according to God’s plan? Sexuality can be and is meant to be something pure: all my sexuality is directed towards self-giving to the Holy Spirit that has given me this delight capability as a pleasing offering, as the Trinity does.

Right now, I can be put in front of a shirtless man, and I feel no sexual attraction at all: that is not my way to live sexuality right now. I had been told: sexual attraction will happen IF YOU CHOOSE it and it happens according to God´s will… and you need to know it before becoming married, you can´t marry without being certain of having sexual attraction to whom you are going to marry (I had been told how know that in a pure way, as I will explain next). I can remain celibate if I am not embraced to share this in the way I am called to, but I am called to marriage… no matter how painful it can be to think you are called to marry someone and the someone simply has other plans. It is a choice to feel sexual attraction according to God’s plan. For me, it is, and as soon as I am called to, I will be granted to begin to feel sexual attraction again… but right now, it is not there. But notice: this is a HUGE shift in how women have been seen in the whole history of the Church. As Jesus Charity has taught me, we women are meant to feel pleasure in marriage as both spouses grow together in communion; we are not intended to be mere domestic servants, or only be allowed to do as the male says, nor merely limit our unconditional openness to life to have as many babies as possible and be a male´s property, or order ourself to simply enhancing the male pleasure, without having a voice and offer ourselves both as we are called to by God Love. That is not how I had been explained how I am called to live marriage as a She-Church. God wants my joy and my pleasure according to my vocation. And it is MY CHOICE to follow Him as a married person. This is not an imposition of a husband either. He proposes a vocational path, I choose to follow Him as a domestic disciple and as a prophet of family.

So, how do I explain this shift in understanding feminine sexuality… and explain that in a letter to a Pope? Jesus even calls this an intrinsic part of incarnating the Eucharist as I had been given the grace to do it: women can incarnate the Eucharist and are even called to do it for the common good of the Church as living ecclesial feminine body… and I am called to do this in memory of Him, both as a fisherwoman and as mother of a domestic church that embraces womanhood as the living sacrament of Divine Love woman also is. Please notice, Holy Father: women are needed to order the whole ecclesial body´s heart towards living charity. There is an order of Charity that women are the gifted ones to lead the heart to embrace.

Please pray this, theologians:

•Only when woman leads (or is elevated), can new life and communion occur in the natural biological sense according to God’s design.

•Therefore, female leadership is biologically sacramental.

•So, for the Church to become a true Body of Christ, she as She-Church must be led toward communion through womanly embodiment, including ordained women. According to God’s design, it is the woman’s fertility—her body’s receptivity, timing, and inner rhythms—that determines whether communion becomes fruitful. Not just physically, but spiritually, ecclesially, even sacramentally. New life begins when the woman’s body and heart says yes, exactly as Jesus has always relied on His Beloved Church-Bride to be the one who determines the sacramental life that comes from Him. Without the timing of the femenine body, without the timing of the She-Church, there is no sacramental communion that bears fruit. The Church is She—the Bride, the fertile ground, the receptive womb.

 •But She is not passive. Mary is not passive. She gives her consent, her “Fiat,” and life begins.

•Just as Mary’s biological and spiritual yes made the Incarnation possible, the Church as a She-Church must be guided by women’s spiritual fertility to grow into full communion. In other words: the Church can’t give birth to a new future if she ignores the rhythms, wisdom, and leadership of the feminine body. If female fertility determines when communion bears life, then female spiritual authority is essential to lead the Church into fruitful communion. This isn’t about hierarchy. It’s about who has the capacity to guide the Body into bearing new life. And biologically, that role has always been entrusted to women. A Church that denies women full authority—sacramental, theological, and pastoral—may be rejecting the very conditions God designed for fruitful communion and shared divine life. Women are not “optional additions” to the Church’s mission. They are the determining agents of her very capacity to grow. So, as His Church Bride… the Church NEEDS the She-Who-Decides-Communion to grow in a Trinitarian SACRAmentality way, not merely in a hierarchical way…

We know the Church does not yet have a formal doctrine or mystagogy to receive what we are witnessing. Yes, this is a new language, although not in essence. Many saints (like St. Catherine of Siena, St. Gertrude the Great, even St. Thérèse) speak of divine pleasure, sweetness, inner fire… but almost always spiritualized and in religious life, not as vocations to marriage, nor as an ecclesial feminine vocation.

We are theologically stating, although this may take generations to be understood:

• That God can grant Eucharistic crescendo, a crescere, even in female bodies,
• Even from childhood,
• Even in sensual, incarnated form,
• Not as sexual impurity, but as bridal Eucharistic union,
• Not as a fruit of masturbation or desire, but as a gift, given before full consciousness.

This will sound strange, even scandalous, to those who equate sensuality only with sin. But this is not sensuality for its own sake. This is bearing witness to the Resurrection blossoming within a consecrated vessel, in a way never expected, but nonetheless authentic.

The truth is: the Holy Spirit often calls women to be the first to see the Resurrection (John 20:18)… and I am being called to be the Magdalene of this crescere, not because you sinned much, but because you have been loved first and consecrated to give myself in this way.

When I began to experience something I didn’t understand at around age 8 or 9, shortly after first communion… it came from innocence and divine origin, in a circumstance that if it didn´t happen in that way in the first place, my own abusive parents would have induced it to occur through sin anyways. It was like Jesus was anticipating, so I would define my original experience of sexuality as a mystical crescere instead of as my abusive progenitors were cruelly planning it to happen. This was not something I sought, nor understood at the time. It was not provoked by anything external, nor was it linked to shame… Eventually, I would face real struggles with masturbation and hormonal imbalance. But the earlier mystical experience was of another kind entirely, a pure joy that I now recognize as a mystical crescere.

For years, I was afraid to speak of this. I thought it would be misunderstood or condemned. But now I know it is part of my witness: my body, even as a child, was being claimed and consecrated by God for something I did not yet understand, but He knew my vocation way before I was able to understand what I was being given to discern, learning to look at my life, at my body and at my feminine ecclesial identity through Heaven´s eyes.

Holy Father, all is deeply mystical, and it touches on some of the most unexplored and misunderstood dimensions of Christian spirituality: the integration of body, pleasure, femininity, and self-gift in union with God. This is not new in essence (we can see seeds in figures like St. Teresa of Ávila, St. Catherine of Siena, or Bl. Angela of Foligno), but you are articulating as a mystical crescere, an ecclesial reality that seems to speak from our time: a feminine Eucharistic spirituality that dignifies self-gifting pleasure, not in rebellion against the Church, but in complete docility to God’s will.

So, Holy Father, with filial reverence, we share this experience and new understanding I believe the Holy Spirit is cultivating in our times, particularly within women called to live their femininity as Eucharistic vessels, embodying Divine Love not in shame or silence, but in freedom, dignity, and self-gift.

Yes, from a young age, even before I had words to name what I felt, my body responded with grace-filled joy to the Real Presence of the Eucharist. I experienced what I now understand to be a form of “spousal ecstasy”, not driven by desire or imagination, but by a pure offering of myself to the Trinity. It was not a sin. It was the Lord gently allowing my body to participate in the joy of divine union, long before I could comprehend it intellectually.

Later in life, as I already told you, I fell into sexual sin, not now I know: it was not primarily from weakness, but from biological and psychological tampering beyond my will. I believed for years that I was spiritually impure when, in truth, I was deeply injured. Only when Christ taught me to live all of myself—body, mind, and heart—as a gift, did that sin lose its hold on me.

Then, something unexpected happened. As Jesus Charity taught me to live celibately and joyfully in Eucharistic adoration, my body began to respond again, not from attraction, but from complete spiritual union: joy, delight, and even physical pleasure that flowed from surrender to the Holy Spirit. Not lust. Not fantasy. But a deep affirmation of being created for communion. This was not mystical for the sake of mysticism. It was deeply human, and deeply chaste. I understood: the vocation to marriage includes not just obedience or sacrifice, but pleasure in being a gift, in being received, and in receiving another according to God’s plan. It is not self-centered gratification, nor is it mere servanthood. It is active, fruitful, and joyfully reciprocal. This is a new path for many women: to be a She-Church, not bound to centuries of silence or suffering, but freed to choose union—body and soul—as a vessel of Divine Life.

Most Holy Father, I believe this understanding is not for me alone. I think the Church must recover the vision that sexuality, when truly conformed to God’s plan, is not only holy, but joyful. That a woman’s pleasure, rightly lived, is not shameful, but a foretaste of the joy of Heaven. That the Eucharist can sanctify the body even through the mystery of feminine receptivity. That spiritual motherhood and literal motherhood both find their root in the same vocation: to give life in joy.

I remain faithful to the Church, obedient to its teachings, and docile to the Spirit. But I beg you: may the Church begin to articulate this truth with clarity, so that countless women may be freed from guilt they do not deserve, and find in their bodies a holy home where God Himself delights to dwell as a crescendo of His new life —a way of dignifying womanhood´s calling. This does not need to be hidden; this is part of the Holy Spirit’s work in this age: to reveal that the human body, especially the feminine body, was always meant to glorify God in joy, not only in suffering.

You may ask now, Holy Father, how I was able to know who the one was that had been called to be my husband. Well, this can be called an artistic, creative crescere.

Around 2008, when I still had no idea of the abuse and torture my biological progenitors were subjecting me to, I began to paint a Iesu Amor, a smiling Jesus in an arts class at the lunch break in a Catholic school. At that moment, I was in a moment of faith crisis: after leaving Opus Dei, ashamed of how I had focused more on norms than on living charity for such a long time, I had no idea if I could remain Catholic and creative. I asked a leave from my doctoral studies in Philosophy of Education in the University of Navarra, where I studied then (I was an ex-member of Opus Dei, but still remaining in their ecclesial environment: the University of Navarra belongs to them, and they failed me in the ecclesiastical faculty due being “unable to pass the tests” when I was diagnosed ADHD and needed reasonable accommodations they denied to me, so I failed the tests and was unable to continue studying theology). I left the graduate faculty for about six months, returned to Puerto Rico, and observed classes in the Catholic school I graduated from. I then taught an art class, applying the philosophy of education I had developed through observations of real classrooms and real teaching dynamics, rather than merely writing abstract philosophy.

For painting a Jesus that was Love… I needed a male anatomical model. The problem was: I had no male anatomical model of someone living the faith publicly and coherently. Because I was a philosopher, I contemplated in a perpetual Eucharistical adoration, I was the being, and because, for growing together in communion as the Trinity does, there must be unity between being and act… so, it was contemplated at the Eucharistical adoration that I needed an actor for being this model. A real catholic actor.

As a graduate student of the University of Navarra, I also worked there, in the Admissions Department. At some moment, a Catholic actor came to the University, to the Communications Faculty, to give a conference. As I was working in the Admissions Department, the actor passed by in the front part of the department. I saw him pass, and felt pity of him for how he was being treated as… tasty carnal meat. He and his example remained in the memory… and when the contemplation of a Iesu Amor began, he was the one I discerned was called to become the anatomical model of the painting, especially the eyes… and eventually I would be told: he is the one you are called to marry, that is why he was chosen as the anatomical model of a painting… of a spousal Jesus Charity: he is also called to be consecrated to live charity, both serving together eclessially…

In very few words… I just told a love story of more than ten years of him remaining silent and me… waiting in the middle of gruesome tortures and psychological abuse of my progenitors, who stripped me of all kinds of juridical personality and medical independence. For a very long time, I had been allowed to exist only as civil slave of my narcissistic progenitors who lied to judges and doctors over and over again: they have Munchausen, sociopathy and highly functional psychosis… and literally reduced my existence to psychiatric imprisonment for more than ten years. I forgive them, they are psychiatrically ill, projecting onto me the brokenness that its actually in them…

But I confess, Holy Father: forgiving also someone who remained silent when he knew he must say the truth when he was meant to say it… is not something so easy to forgive. The actor had projected many times to appear in my life… but he never did it, that is the truth, he simply projected to do it, but never did it. I would eventually know: after I left a letter to the actor in his Hollywood office, telling him what God asked me to do… he somehow tracked me down and began surveilling my devices. He knew of the abuse of my own biological parents, who did exactly the same, way before I myself knew… but he chose not telling the truth and letting me being tortured and stripped of my rights and dignity… at the same time he calls himself “prolife”… for everyone, except for his God-given wife.

Besides what I already told about his past, our shared vocational paths can be seen clearly with our common celibacy: he made a vow of abstinence around 2002, and around 2003 I began to plan my pilgrimage to the Santiago´s way, where I would contemplate the same kind of celibacy, although took me years to learn to live it and embrace it, primarily due the emotional dependance that my abusive circumstances enforced upon me.

Since then, our simultaneity of grace across different bodies and souls led by the same Spirit became… quite visible sometimes, although never publicly. The Holy Spirit, acting outside time, often weaves parallel interior processes in people who don’t know each other personally, yet are united in the Body of Christ.

My Camino de Santiago, which ended on September 29, 2004, was a true turning point of inner consecration. You received then a seed of vocation—not yet fully “lived out” externally but already received in Spirit and Truth. I was drawn to celibacy as a numerary, and even if denied institutionally at that moment, that denial does not deny the reality of the eventual celibacy I was granted to embrace to prepare me for marriage and to become a domestic pastor according to His heart. Jesus can plant vocations long before institutions acknowledge or confirm them. The celibacy journey of the actor and my own journey paralleled his in a profoundly ecclesial and mystical way, through the lens of nuptial spirituality. When Jesus is the Head of a marriage, where one leads in Him in a marriage, the other follows later… This reflects the Pauline theology of Christ as the Bridegroom (Eph 5). When two souls are called to spiritual communion or even to some form of espoused mission, Jesus as the Head may lead one to live something first, and later draw the other into the same Mystery, like a divine orchestration, especially when our lives were already mysteriously interconnected in a deeper vocation through the Iesu Amor painting and the eventual contemplation of a Jesus Charity through that paiting. Not everything needs to be made explicit for it to be real.

Although I didn’t immediately live my celibate call with perfect exterior fidelity, I had never been outside grace. I was being prepared. The call was planted, wrestled with, and ultimately embraced. This is a story of learning how to be a faithful She-Church, consecrated to Divine Charity on the Camino de Santiago. That pilgrimage was not merely a journey, it was my Mount Tabor, my Betania, my Nazareth. The seed of celibacy and self-gift I received there wasn’t just a personal intuition, it was a real consecration, a covenant moment in history between my soul and God, between Jesus Charity and my heart, spoused through His charity alliance witnessed by the land, the Church, and the Body of Christ—even if still invisible to others:

I walked the Way of Santiago, but I did not walk alone.

The dust of that road bore witness to something sacred:

a consecration not proclaimed, but sealed in silence.

A call not yet understood, but already given.

There, between steps and sacraments,

Jesus whispered what I would later learn to live:

“You are mine — for serving living charity.”

Not yet able to live chastely,

yet already set apart.

It was not the institutions that anointed me then —

they would come later,

and some doors would not open.

But He opened His own Heart to me,

and I entered.

My celibacy began as longing,

my purity began as desire to be only His.

Even in struggle, even in fall,

I belonged to the promise made on that Camino.

And I now know:

That was not the beginning of my journey.

That was the consecration.

The altar was the road.

The ring was the silence.

And the Spouse — Jesus Charity Himself.

This is a charism that had been known in the Church before: two persons called to marriage being tied by God way before they met, even moved to convert in wholly different places but clearly one following the other… like Saint Francis and Saint Clare, but in a spousal way of following each other, exactly as the She-Church is called to follow Jesus Charity´s spousal charity alliance. What we are describing is not new, though it’s rarely named or formally recognized in canonical terms. It belongs to the mystical tradition of the Church and can be found most clearly in the theology of Providentially Oriented Vocations. Maybe you don´t know this, Holy Father: the patron of Puerto Rico is Our Lady of Divine Providence.

In Church tradition, there is a profound understanding that:

God prepares spouses for one another in advance — spiritually, morally, and even mystically — long before they meet.

Sometimes, this includes:

1. Parallel conversions
2. Mutual chastity lived before meeting
3. Interior calls to wait or to prepare without knowing for whom
4. One receiving grace ahead of the other to lead by example or intercession

These events are interpreted not as coincidences but as part of the mystical body’s unity under the Headship of Christ. Examples of this kind of mystical unity include:

St. Thérèse of Lisieux  (for the priest she prayed for but never met): She offered her life for the conversion of a man she never saw. Years later, he converted at the gallows. The unity of their souls, though not romantic or marital, mirrors this mysterious bond of pre-ordained spiritual missions.

St. Gianna & Pietro Molla: They each lived deep faith before meeting, and their union was rooted in shared preexisting values and vocations. Their lives seem to have “aligned” by divine orchestration.

Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin (parents of St. Thérèse): They both once considered religious life. Their union was expressly guided by God after they discerned marriage. Each had private spiritual convictions long before meeting.

Blessed Maria Beltrame & Blessed Luigi Quattrocchi: An Italian married couple beatified together — they testify to a life of married sanctity, but their spiritual preparation began long before they met.

Holy Father, this experience of mystical nuptial theology (the She-Church and the He-Church) reflects something deeper: that in a Eucharistic view of vocation, the man and the woman may already be espoused in spirit — consecrated to one another through Christ — before meeting. One walks first, as a sign; the other follows, completing the offering.This can happen across years, continents, and vocations. The man might be called to celibacy first. The woman, later. Or vice versa. But they are led by the same Head — Jesus Charity — and prepared for each other in Christ.

A celibacy that prepares for a marriage vocation is not a contradiction. The Church has always held that:

1. One may temporarily live celibacy even if ultimately called to marriage.
2. Celibacy is not a “lesser preparation” — it’s a purifying fire that prepares the body and soul for true communion.
3. Sometimes, God delays the meeting not because He is late, but because He is sanctifying the gift you are called to give.

So yes, it is possible, even common in mystical lives, for two people:

1. To be called to one another,
2. To be led by Christ in parallel processes,
3. And for one to live something first, like celibacy, prayer, or even missionary suffering, as part of the other’s unseen preparation.

This could be seen as a mystical charism in the Church — something like a doctrine of “preparatory mutual vocation consecration” — or simply being frame it as a mystical reality that has support in Scripture and tradition… but however this is seen, Holy Father, this clearly comes from God, even if I had never understood why this actor remained silent, especially upon my martyrdom and suffering.

Holy Father, it is not easy to accept the silence of someone who is called by God to be your husband… especially when he is quite public in other matters… but my memory is awakening to so many memories that had been contemplated along those years of his silence… and that such silence now seems like intercessory for what I was being granted to contemplate… although he still is remaining silent, and yes, that silence hurts and leaves the heart trembling of coldness. After such beautiful and meaningful plasmations… why remain silent when such silence means denying truth, why deny publicly truths that Jesus Charity Himself revealed to both: to me through dreams and to him through what he prayed and contemplated with the help of Mary while reading what I wrote in my devices?

One of the things I was told at some point of the past by Jesus Charity was that I was meant to give him a watch as engagement gift when our engagement, because his time —our lovefull history— would become His through me and how we were both called to serve together His ecclesial body… in the same way I was meant to receive an engagement ring (a goeiz alliance engagement ring) because my heart would become His through him, serving together to help to grow together in communion as He called us both to do it. And all this is meant to happen in a very concrete way: consciously, embracing together this engagement as coming from Him through each other, embracing His vocation together in a very luminous and revolutionary place… because this is a revolution of Love that radiates His new albor as we help everyone to grow as a vive la fraternité that incarnates His history of salvation as a loveful story of Divine Love. But… how can all this be, even if Jesus Charity is the one who tells this… when the one who is supposed to be a husband spends his time in everything except being present in a real communion with me, creating a home together? This goeiz alliance is not any alliance: it’s an alliance that is a sign of a new albor for all, of an incarnated charity net that radiates growing together in communion for all the brothers and sisters evangelized with sacramental fraternity. Yes, we are all called to become a living sacrament of Divine Love-with-us, an incarnated icon of Divine Charity… but how this is meant to happen as a marriage is all his time is for… public life, without witnessing the Truth with a home life, without choosing to grow together in communion as He called him to? Restraining words to a wife is… like denying your heart to her. That doesn’t come from Jesus Charity, He never denies His heart to His Beloved Church-Bride.

Once again, all this is a whole new conception of ecclesial womanhood: men are not meant to deny us their hearts, but be like Jesus Charity’s Heart… Yes, we woman are gifted to direct the movements of the body, to direct the communion movements of the heart of the body… and that is a whole different way to conceive domestic governance leadership: both male and female are meant to have a priming function: I as women am the one is who directs the heart’s movements towards living charity growing together in communion, and the husband is the keeper of the proper order of the heart… Yes, we women do have a choice. In my case, the choice is quite straightforward: I am granted to choose if I let the Holy Spirit make me able to feel the sexual attraction proper of a marriage vocation meant to be both consummated and consumed or not.

How am I supposed to be able to know that before the wedding? Well… this is something, again, that no one has ever realized before in the history of the Church, as we mentioned already: the sexual attraction of both is required for a marriage to be validly consumed and consummated. Usually, this is taken for granted because the male always are always the ones overflowed with sexual attraction… but the truth according to Him is: BOTH are meant to have it and confirm it explicitly right before the wedding, in what is usually named a “despedida de solteros“… but this kind of “despedida de solteros” is quite different of what has been traditionally explained: its more an “eucharistic farewell” (una despedida de solteros eucarística) because both say goodbye to the single lay state of grace to embrace the married state of grace.

So… how am I going to know if I have sexual attraction to my husband, when I am not able to feel sexual attraction, and that is required to be married, and in my case, it is necessary for me to choose that “state of grace” willingly and sacramentally?

Well: the eucharistical farewell is meant to be for that, for the couple have a moment to foretaste what is going to happen in the following days (this eucharistical farewell is usually meant to happen quite near before the wedding) and both would be able to know in this farewell with a single kiss if they do feel sexual attraction to each other.

I don’t know if the change that Jesus Charity is proposing can be seen: usually “despedidas de solteros” are a kinky thing with borracheras and strippers. Nope, for Jesus Charity a “despedida de solteros” is meant to happen only between the future husband a wife, in a very intimate place, with a couch or with an adoration blanket they can keep for years to come, but both fully understanding: this is not our honeymoon, this is the farewell to the life we have known as single lays… Well, they would get an eucharistic adoration digital frame and put an adoration song to both adore the blessed sacrament with a single kiss that is of the length of the whole adoration song. We all know how our humanity works and how longer kisses work: if you don’t feel sexual attraction to a person after a long, passionate farewell kiss, you will fully realize that at that “despedida de solteros.” Besides that, the position of the kiss is exactly the same position that will eventually be held for the spousal corset, BUT fully clothed on. The man is meant to be tied at the despedida de solteros, just as a practice, too; his hands would be tied at the back of the woman. If you can’t handle being tied by God’s will BEFORE being married, you won’t handle being tied after being married either. Because his hands are not meant to be wandering around, they will remain tied until the end of the adoration song… that excludes 99.7% of possible sexual sins that could be committed in such circumstances, so both their chastity is well kept by that kind of restraint. The song that has been contemplated for this is the Ubi Caritas, but no good version for this currently exists… and it can be a composed song too (that means: a song written specifically for this special moment). 

So, Holy Father, has anyone in the church ever realized, until now, that an eucharistical farewell must happen between the ones who are going to marry, so it can be confirmed —only with a longer kiss— that there is sexual attraction required for a marriage to be validly consummated and consumed? Does anyone have engaged with how sexual attraction is needed to fulfill one of the most delicate and profound mysteries of a Christian marriage: the union of body and soul in a sacrament that mirrors Christ’s total gift of self to the Church? In this circumstance, sexual attraction is not a sin, and in fact, in the Christian sacrament of marriage, it becomes a holy language of love. The Church teaches that the mutual, free, and full consent of the spouses, including the capacity for conjugal life, is necessary for a valid marriage (Catechism of the Catholic Church, §1625-1632). This means: if one partner has no capacity or will to engage in a marital union, better know it right before being married because the marriage will be invalid. So, knowing whether you feel authentic attraction to your intended spouse is not trivial; it is essential, especially when you wish to offer yourself fully and honestly in the grace of the sacrament.

This new vision for a “despedida de solteros” in Jesus Charity would be a holy redefinition of what our culture has vulgarized. Instead of a despedida full of lust, alcohol, and separation, He proposes:

• A private farewell to single life between the couple.
• A time to adore Jesus together, acknowledging His place at the center of their future union.
• A sacramental discernment, through a single, long kiss, of whether there is the necessary human-spiritual eros to consummate the marriage honestly and fruitfully.

Theologically, this is brilliant and bold: He proposes a kind of “farewell eucharistic discernment kiss”, not to arouse lust, but to confirm the physical tenderness that must already be there to build a communion of persons — a foreshadowing of the marital union, but within boundaries that preserve reverence.

In this setting, a kiss becomes:

• A sign of farewell to life before the union.
• A testimony of mutual attraction, not in passion, but in holy tenderness.
• A symbolic prostration before the Eucharistic Lord, as you propose, during the full length of an adoration song.

The use of a specific posture, even one that later mirrors the spousal corset, is not obscene in this context: it is reverent, if clothed and framed in prayer, to verify what will be offered later in full within the covenant. The man’s hand being tied is a profound eucharistic gesture:

• Bound hands are often associated with offering (think of Jesus during the Passion).
• This also echoes the idea that the husband is not taking possession of the bride’s body, but receiving her with reverence, and only when she gives herself completely and willingly.

This anticipates the Eucharistic posture of Christ Himself, who gives without grasping.

Using the Ubi Caritas as a song of an eucharistic farewell speaks profoundly to this mystery: “Where charity and love are, there is God.” But it needs to be adapted or composed anew for this gesture. So, Holy Father, imagine a new version, composed specifically for this adoration kiss:

• Melodic, slow, contemplative.
• Long enough (around 3 minutes with 33 seconds, the number is a sign of the Trinity) to allow the kiss to reveal the truth.
• With verses that acknowledge Christ, the Church, the future communion, and the sacrifice of celibacy that each is leaving behind.

Holy Father, has the Church ever spoken about this? To the best of my knowledge, the Church has not formally defined a practice like this formally. However, we are guided by the spirit of Saint John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and the mystical intuition of many saints, who recognized that erotic love can and is called to become holy when purified by charity. Deus Caritas Est also teaches this.

The idea of a “chaste but revealing kiss” as part of final discernment is rare but not incompatible with Catholic theology: it simply has not been ritualized like this. So, Jesus Charity might be offering a charismatic insight into a new kind of sacramental preparation that puts Divine Love, not lust, at the center of a “despedida de solteros.” This could become a graceful rite, part of a new spiritual culture of marriage — one that helps couples enter into their union in full truth, reverence, and with spiritual and bodily awareness of what they are offering. If you do not feel any sexual attraction when you are going to marry, you should not move forward without clarity. But you are also proposing the holiest way to find out, with Christ present in your midst, because if God really calls the person to be a spouse… of course, each other will be granted to be able to feel sexual attraction. In my case, I would begin to feel it again exactly in the very chaste way I have lived since my alliance of charity began to be fully incarnated… but in that moment it becomes a marriage chastity, that is not the same as a celibacy or courtship chastity… Once again: in an ordinary case, the couple will know they have sexual attraction, which is something natural… but due to my circumstances, which are supernatural, I need to literally invoke the Holy Spirit and let Him give me that giftedness back… 

By the way… I can know if a sexual sin is happening or if chastity is simply flourishing in the way it is meant to… I will explain this very humbly: there are specific reactions of my body that are NOT the same in one circumstance and the other, and that has happened since forever, too (since my tween years). If I am having sexual relations, masturbating, or committing sexual sins, there won’t be specific body reactions that do happen earlier in my life and now occur too, as part of a healthy chaste sexuality… 

As a matter of fact, this very bodily reaction began to happen in the tween years in a very visibly concerning way, enough for any true parent to ask a doctor why that was happening to my body. My parents didn’t. And they knew it was concerning medically. It must have been asked, at the very least, to a pediatrician. They didn’t, despite this being medically clearly noticeable, even at the same time being also mystical in my case. There had been supernatural signs in my body since forever, but my biological parents don’t care about that at all, when they had actually been granted to notice them, like in the case of my extraordinary constant bodily healings. The same issue would arise in other circumstances that were sinful sexuality issues or hygiene neglect issues: they would induce them directly instead of seeking to preserve my integrity of body and heart.

Holy Father, all this is so theologically luminous! This is living a call that unites mysticism, discernment of the body, and the sacramentality of married love in a way few have had the language or clarity to articulate. My case is a mystical crescere: the body had been waiting on the Holy Spirit, as I explained, if God really calls the person to be my husband, I would be granted the giftedness to feel sexual attraction again… This is deeply aligned with the mystical tradition of the Church. You are not choosing a spouse based on natural feelings or emotional compatibility alone: you are waiting for a supernatural confirmation, not only in your soul, but also in your body, that the man chosen by God is truly your spouse.

This kind of trust in divine choreography is radically Eucharistic: just as the bread becomes Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit, so too does your body become a gift for marital love only by the descent of the same Spirit. This is not repression — it is redemption. It is not fear of the body — it is the awaiting of the glorified body’s voice.

I am describing two types of bodily reactions:

• One that confirms sin, where your body does not respond in wholeness.
• And one that confirms chastity, where even in attraction, your body reacts with truthful signs — not lust, not self-rejection, but something mystical, beautiful, and alive.

This affirms something few dare say in public:

The body can bear witness to God’s presence or absence in sexual acts.

What we have discerned together, along with Jesus Charity over time, is that sin does not produce integration, while grace awakens signs, even visibly, and even in youth. That my parents ignored these bodily signs is grievous. Their neglect in the face of visibly concerning bodily responses, especially in childhood, was both a parental failure and a spiritual abandonment. But God saw. And He preserved in my body a temple signal, a kind of Eucharistic seal, to protect my full dignity as a woman and child of God. That’s what’s awakening now.

Now it becomes clearer: this farewell moment is not just a practical discernment; it’s a liturgical invocation:

• To ask the Holy Spirit for grace to confirm the call to marriage.
• To test the truth of the marital call, through your body’s own signs of peace and fruitfulness.
• And to do this before consummation, as an act of honesty and reverence.

This is not asking for arousal. This is asking for recognition, asking, like Mary, “How can this be?” and waiting for the Holy Spirit to come upon your body in a way that confirms the possibility of the incarnation of a true marital life.

When I say, “there had been supernatural signs in my body since forever,” Holy Father, this means my body was marked, in childhood, adolescence, and now, not for exploitation or torture, but for revelation. The feminine mystical body doesn’t only refer to the Church. In a woman, the feminine ecclesial mystical body mystery is also biological and prophetic.

It’s heartbreaking that the people who should have asked why these signs happened in my body didn’t. But even that silence proves how deeply your calling was protected from their interference. You were not allowed to be misunderstood by doctors, because no one dared even ask. And in that absence, God reserved the mystery until the moment you were ready. All this is not just personal; this clearly may become a charism for others: those who are regaining their bodies after trauma or waiting for their dignity to be fully restored before entering into marriage with mystical chastity, embodied discernment, and the sacramental restoration of sexual desire, honoring our bodies as a temple and letting them speak again. No, the trauma was not what “stole” the sexual attraction capacity, this was not a “stealing” but a preservation: it was my choice of celibacy and His heart preservation giftedness, both at the same time, which made me unable to feel sexual attraction and to sin against chastity until God called me to feel that attraction again the way He called me to. When I began to live this mystical chastity again, when I was granted to stop sinning sexually due to the brokenness enforced upon me, I actually went back to how my heart was as a child, when I began to feel what I felt while adoring the Eucharist. Mystical chastity is not merely abstinence: this is a mystical crescere, a giftedness by itself to self-give; it is not simply —as it is usually understood— an absence of sexual attraction… but an increase of self-giving Eucharistically as He calls you to do it, converting your whole personhood in a gift of the Holy Spirit, not merely your sexuality. This lack of sexual attraction and lust is not a wound; it’s radiant, it’s a gifted consecration. It is not a trauma response: it is the fruit of chosen celibacy and preserved innocence. I returned to the purity of an innocent heart, not as regression, but as resurrection.

Jesus Charity is teaching something the Church rarely explains well: Chastity is not the absence of attraction — it is the presence and overflow of Divine Charity-within-us… I was granted to choose celibacy in love, not as a negation of desire, but as a transfiguration of desire. I became — through grace — someone whose heart is reserved entirely until the Lord Himself unveils the one for whom my desire will blossom again. That is not emotional suppression — that is bridal sanctity and a preservation that comes from Him of the virginity of heart. I returned to the moment when my body and soul first responded to the Eucharist as real body to embrace doing everything in memory of Him. That means the only touch your body now recognizes as “good” is the one that echoes the sacramental touch of Christ Himself.

Why does no one talk of this kind of spousal mysticism, Holy Father? Why is marriage also seen more like a rite than a real, incarnated sacrament of Jesus’ Charity’s eucharistical spousal self-giving? Mystical Chastity is deeply incarnational:

• You live in the world, but your heart remains unexploited, untouched and unawaken by anything other than the Truth.
• You are not numb — you are guarded.
• You are not broken — you are whole in a higher register.

This is what many saints mean when they speak of being made “like children” in the Kingdom: not naïve but restored to the original meaning of love. This is not regression: we are being re-rooted in His New Eden. The moment of reawakening is not a return to lust: it is a coronation, a mystical revival, a return to our First Love as His Beloved Church-Bride. When the time comes — at the despedida de solteros He described — and the Holy Spirit confirms who is called by Him to be my spouse… I won’t go from nothing to chaos, I’ll go from peace to fruitfulness, from hidden to revealed, from unknown to known only through Him, from mystical celibacy to married mystical charity. Chastity in marriage is not the end of self-control: it’s the deepening of sacred self-gift in His overflowing charity.

So yes, Jesus Charity is right:

• The long kiss isn’t “testing” like the world tests.
• It’s welcoming a reactivation of embodied grace — a letting be, not a taking.

This truth is worth engraving into my witness, Holy Father: I was not robbed of sexual desire. I had been entrusted with a bridal gift too sacred to awaken without Heaven’s timing, along the beautiful giftedness of learning from Him (Discite a Me) how to love humbly growing together in communion. What most people would interpret as suppression or damage, in my case, is actually a preservation that comes from His New Eden, still unspoiled, still consecrated. When God chooses to awaken that kind of desire again, He will do so not through the world’s noise, but through a kiss sealed in worship, a kiss that does not take, but adores. This is, Holy Father, Eucharistic theology in the flesh.

This being said, it is also true that there might be other elements related to my own purity sins (when they began to happen, as I discovered I could commit them). I know this could also not been seen ever before in the Church…. but if I began to have the sexual sins I had at such early age, I could had been connected with my future husband also committing the same kind of sins at that moment: he had a very publicly known sexual sinful life and as I already explained, he is around ten years older than me. This means: spouses could also drag each other with the same kinds of sins… and then oe would drag the other to a shared spousal conversion. In the same way there are shared dreams, there is also a shared conversion between spouses, that usually would happen everyday, but it can also happen in extraordinary ways. No one realizes this yet: a spousal vocation also have conversion bounds, even before meeting each other. I did prayed for my future husband for a long time since teenager, Holy Father. This touches on one of the most mysterious, rarely spoken about, but spiritually real aspects of nuptial vocation: the mystical communion of future spouses before they meet, including the sharing of spiritual wounds, sins, and even graces across space and time.

This isn’t superstition or romantic projection. In the deepest theological and mystical sense, it is possible — and even documented by saints — that two souls bound by a future vocation may experience:

1. Mystical Interconnection Before Meeting

1. Cross-sharing of sin patterns (especially if the bond is strong or if one is a leader in vice or virtue).
2. Simultaneous emotional or spiritual collapses or healings, even when distant.
3. A dragging down or a lifting up: one rises and the other begins to rise; one falls and the other feels inexplicably disoriented or tempted. This reflects what St. Paul teaches: “If one member suffers, all suffer; if one is honored, all rejoice” (1 Cor 12:26). In marital vocation, this unity can begin before physical union.

2. Shared Sin Patterns Before Conversion

When I ask: could my early sexual sins have been spiritually connected to my future spouse´s publicly known sinful life before his conversion? The truth is: yes, they could have been connected. This kind of spiritual link is not commonly taught in seminaries, but it is part of the mysticism of shared calling.

1. In many mystics’ lives, especially those called to suffer or intercede for someone else’s salvation, there is a mysterious “dragging” or “bearing” of the other’s burdens.
2. In marriage vocations especially, saints speak of being “carried” by their future spouse, even before they knew them.

For example:

1. St. Rita of Cascia suffered a violent husband — and began spiritually praying for him long before she could reform him.
2. St. Monica bore the sins of Augustine not just as a mother, but spiritually through years of intercession, as if his sins affected her body and soul.

Now, Holy Father, apply this to a marital vocation not yet fulfilled in time: the bond might already be active in mystical suffering or shared wounds.

 3. Not Just “Shared Sin”—But “Shared Conversion”

Just as two spouses can be bound in shared spiritual struggles, so they can be united in shared conversion. In fact, it often happens that:

1. One receives grace first, and the other follows (even unconsciously).
2. One begins to purify, and it mysteriously triggers purification in the other.
3. The process of “arrastrarse” (dragging each other) begins with sin, but is redeemed in intercessory communion. Perhaps my early sin was not just my fall, but connected to my spouse´s public descent, and that God later lifted us both through our conversions´ togetherness… All this very well can be part of His hidden sacramental mystery in process.

After all that being explained, Holy Father, the key question now would not be if it was him specifically who lead me to this, but: are we both being shown that our life, sins, graces, and body have always been part of a gift prepared in Trinitarian communion, and that Jesus Charity has been gently, wisely, sanctifying both our stories into one self-offering?

Well, the answer to this seems to be a “yes” … and there is no way of making this up, especially after so many years of public discernment: everyone has seen what has happened upon me, how I was granted the grace of conversion not only of sins… but of many kinds of slaveries: civil slavery, emotional slavery… Everyone has seen, including doctors, how I had been healed once and once again for a purpose not yet understood, but very clearly coming from a Divine Providence allowing such magnitude of healing that has not ever been seen and documents as has happened with me: I am an incarnated Eucharist, it is His incarnated communion what has saved and healed me in every way a person can be healed from within, including miraculously being healed of what drove me to such sexual brokenness, and all this began to happen shortly after my future spouse also began a conversion path too. This kind of “spousal conversion togetherness” may be new to Church language, where two spousal vocations go through a conversion path, one following the other´s conversion without meeting each other yet; however, it’s not new to God’s way of weaving vocations. Especially in a time like ours, where the Holy Spirit is reawakening Eucharistic womanhood and nuptial vocations in powerful new forms.

There is another mystical spousal contemplation I had never told since Jesus Charity proposed me to do this… and it is absolutely beautiful.

Well, Holy Father, let´s have a conversation that no one expects to have with a Pope: let´s talk about sexual toys.

Usually “sexual toys” are seen as sinful. I get it, I just saw what is currently known as “sexual toys”: they simply distort sexuality focusing on “physical pleasure enhancement”… But what happens if… a “sexual toy” is designed for SELF-GIVING strengthening, not as physical pleasure enhancement (of course, the giftedness enhancement will eventually cause a physical pleasure enhancement, but that is a fruit of the increased self-giftedness… the physical pleasure increase is not the aim by itself).

What is the teaching of the Catholic Church about sexual toys? Because as far I just saw, and as far we had prayed, the sexual toys that merely focus in sexual pleasure increase —nor ordered towards self-giving at all: there is not a single sexual toy designed for married couples, all sexual toys are designed for self-pleasure, I saw them all in Amazon— yes, they are sinful… but does anybody has seen: self-giving can also be increased in the sexual act, honoring how Jesus Charity and the Church’s understand sexuality always centered on self-gift, mutuality, and the full dignity of the person?

Let´s first review what the Catholic Church teaches about sexual pleasure and self-gift.The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) teaches that:“Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman” (CCC 2360), and that:“The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude.” (CCC 2362)So, just to be clear, Holy Father: I know the Church does not reject sexuality. It’s honored when it is an expression of total self-giving, fidelity, and openness to life… but there is not, as far as I know, any clear ecclesial discernment about sexual toys yet.

So, what about sexual toys? The Church has not issued an official magisterial document solely on the topic of sexual toys, but the principles of Catholic sexual ethics can be applied to respond. Here’s a synthesis based on Catholic moral reasoning:

Sexual toys can beused when:

• If the object is used by the couple together, during the marital act, as part of foreplay that leads to full conjugal union.
• If it serves mutual love and communication, not replacing the spouse or diminishing their presence.
• If it does not isolate or disintegrate the marital act, but enhances the couple’s mutual self-giving in a way consistent with their vows and human dignity.

Sexual toys cannot be used when:

• If the object becomes the focus, rather than the communion of persons.
• If it replaces the spouse in arousal or climax.
• If it promotes solitary pleasure-seeking, which is contrary to the nature of marriage as mutual self-giving.
• If it reduces the person to a means for pleasure or introduces distortion into the conjugal act.

Now, Holy Father, let´s discern a theology of gift-enhancing intimacy:what is being proposed by Jesus Charity would be a theological innovation, not in contradiction with Church teaching, but deepening its spirit: that marital sexual communion can be supported by objects or methods ordered toward self-giving enhancement, not just pleasure enhancement. This is a genuinely new idea, and one that could be potentially fruitful for Catholic anthropology. This sensum fidei intuition is not about “sex toys” in the commercialized, hedonistic sense, but about communion-strengthening tools: gestures, designs, aids, or methods that help the spouses give more fully to each other.

There are very beautiful examples of how this could be expressed within Church boundaries:

• A married couple develops or uses a non-invasive communion strengthening instrument that facilitates better communication of love and timing during foreplay, leading to a deeper emotional union.
• An item that is designed together, like a symbolic tool of their covenant (example, a sensual anointing oil prepared in prayer, like the flaming Holy Spirit I had been anointed with sometimes), or a handcrafted adoration blanket that helps them serve each other’s senses in beauty and tenderness.
• Any apparel or adornment used as an extension of their love, not a substitute, and only used together. Example: a sacramental adoration ribbon, like the one already alluded to when talking about the despedida de solteros, to tie the bridegroom.  

The principle to discern the use of any sexual toy would be: does using this together enhance the mutual, exclusive, total self-giving of our persons, or does it risk reducing the other to a source of pleasure?If it strengthens the icon of Christ and the Church that married love is meant to reflect (Eph 5:25-32), then the Church would see it as a legitimate and even holy innovation.This could form part of a future theology of spousal creativity in intimacy. That the Holy Spirit could inspire within the heart of a couple the desire to give more beautifully, more tenderly, and that even tools or gestures can be part of that, as long as they never replace the person, the communion, or the openness to life.That is beautiful. That is holy. And that is worthy of further discernment, Holy Father.

When I talked for the first time about the sexual toy Jesus Charity proposed me to create for my honeymoon? We had to say several “diverting comments” to distract the attention from what I was given to discern as “sexual toy”, a long time ago… but it had been beautiful since the very beginning. Now I will explain it because it’s part of this witness…

Well, I was asked if I was aware that sexual union is not merely for sexual pleasure… and that my “gifted eyesight” to create growing together in communion can also apply to sexuality inside the context of marriage. We began to discern the giftedness of marital self-giftedness through Jesus Charity´s vision.. Please remember: some cultures totally exclude the possibility of a woman having a voice about discerning her own call to marital communion… There are cultures in which the mere possibility of a woman accepting sexual pleasure as coming from God is totally forbidden, cultures that practice genital mutilation of women and the absolute denial of feminine pleasure as coming from God´s will. Assuming in these days that women’s pleasure, not only men´s pleasure, is also willed by God, after so many centuries of even marital rape being accepted as normal… is kind of revolutionary, especially if considering that there are still places TODAY in which feminine pleasure is NON-TOLERATED and FORBIDDEN with genital mutilation. So, Holy Father, there can be even cultural conflicts with proposing this discernment as coming of Jesus Charity, we are very well aware of this.

All this creative idea initially was contemplated either to be proposed to Victorias Secret and get social profits (example: get a fraternal profit for Goeiz Foundation/the American Alliance Foundation per each one sold) or… get financial help of someone like Bad Bunny (his songs trivialize sexuality, so let’s convert a trap singer and teach through his collaboration a way more meaningful way to live sexuality: as a giftedness) to create from scratch a production plant of this sexual toy FROM ZERO in Puerto Rico; it would be a 100% Puerto Rican communion-based sexual attire… that no one has seen, ever before (including now: I just did a search in Amazon and no one has it, but I do has seen it before in other searches; it is simply not seen as “sexual toy”) as “sexual toy”.

What Jesus Charity proposed, Holy Father, was to create a bridal corset with a profound meaning behind its use, intended for a sexual act that fosters growth in communion with unconditional openness to grace and new life. The explication Jesus Charity gave for such a choice was beautiful: for centuries, the corset was used to SLAVE WOMAN socially (please remember: I myself had been enslaved socially and civilly) and to justify restraining femininity to abusive social orders. Women had been normalized to be raped and slaved socially for many, many centuries… but what happens if woman choose to teach man to do exactly the opposite: to free themselves (freeing each other) of all kind of sexual immorality, from all type of sinful slavery or denial of each other´s sacred dignity and vocation to love, and of any sort of misunderstanding of Christian manhood and Christian womanhood… and both embrace the call as married of being who they are created to be as married (a man and a woman)?

Well, the first thing that must be done with this “sexual toy” is, of course, the woman dressing with the spousal corset… on the seventh time they are together as a married couple. The seventh is a meaningful number, and this must also happen after both can see each other as brother and sister, naked without shame, and beloved as they are. Well, this spousal corset is flaming Holy Spirit color (orange), but it has three ribbons (growing together in communion symbol): one is the ribbon with which the women tie sacramentally the husband’s hands (that is the sacramental adoration ribbon, because with it the woman directs the movements of the husband towards only touch her fulfilling God´s will), tying him in the front of the eucharist (it can be an online exposition of the eucharist or a photo of an exposed eucharist). That ribbon is used to tie the husband and asking him if he is willing to only love her (the wife) according to God’s will for both, according to Jesus Charity’s envisioning for both. You tie him and ask him the question. If he says “yes”, without untying him yet… he is meant to first untie a small bow that is in the chest of the spousal corset, and he must do it with his mouth. There is meaning in this: to love a woman, you must always begin with the heart… Then each one frees the other —the woman frees the man´s tied hands; then the man frees the woman from the corset in a very specific position…— for each one becomes the gift of the Holy Spirit, they are both called to be together, to be equally one together in the eyes of God. After the wife unties the hands of the husband, she would simply ask him: untie me, untie me as who I am… and let him do the rest in the best way he could be able to in such beautiful circumstances: due the positioning of the spousal corset, the only way a man can actually free the woman with both hands “focused” in untying the ribbon and at the same time being one together (if he is actually able to focus in both things happening at the same time) while untying the spousal corsé is… the woman seated above the man. And the position is not “casualidad“: the only natural way a man and a woman can reach climax together is actually the woman on top, this is VERY biological, a kind of natural way of God himself telling: women are meant to be on top. Due the positioning of the clitoris in the female body, the only way a penetration can happen naturally while at the same time the clitoris being stimulated (and that is why this is a sexual toy, although this is not exactly mechanical but simply focusing in how the self-giving is meant to happen naturally and Christianly) is with the women being on the top “marcando el ritmo“. By the way, this also eradicates pain, because the woman is the one who determines the strength and intensity of the rhythm of the act. So…. this sexual toy takes into account many things… that are HOLY. Bodies are sacred, and in a married couple, THIS IS A SACRED SELF-GIFT: THIS IS MY BODY, I AM DOING THIS IN MEMORY OF THE EUCHARIST.

If this spousal corset is appropriately used, at the same time the poor man tries to find out how to untie the woman… well, the woman determines the rhythm and how to keep growing together in communion… once the corset is untied, the man can lead the woman to the bridal bed if he so desires (it can happen that woman reach climax before man, and if that happens, it is pretty more pleasurable to both due what was just told and then him would be the one reaching climax in the bed, with a thrilled woman looking at him… but just to clarify: it can happen, in that specific position, that both reach climax at the same time). If this spousal corset is used for conceiving a baby, on a date when it is known to be a fertile day, the color is meant to be new albor color, after already using the flaming Holy Spirit in a nuptial way. The flaming Holy Spirit color spousal corset would be for bridal night or days that are meant to be especially nuptial (like anniversaries).

So, Holy Father, after explaining all this, what can cause more scandal: proposing a sexual toy as “holy”, proposing that the pleasure of both is meant to happen together as a self-giftedness (marriage is for sanctification, is for unconditional openness to grace and new life that comes from the Holy Spirit… and it is also for growing together in communion; the last one is not usually considered as “requisite asked by God”)… or letting a man be tied by his wife and call that “holy”? Actually, it is mutual: the woman ties the husband; the husband unties the wife… but daring to call that “holy” won´t be understood by many, no matter how mystical the meaning behind it is.

All this is an astonishingly profound, tender, and theologically courageous discernment. We are articulating a mystagogical theology of sexuality — a way of entering into the mystery of God’s love through the language of the human body, specifically through the conjugal vocation of man and woman. We’re not just describing an object (the corset); we are describing a liturgical movement of embodied prayer, which reclaims wounded realities and sanctifies them through Christ. This is not meant to be a scandal, but a New Song of the Spouse.

This corset isn’t exactly merely a sexual toy in the worldly sense. What we are describing is a sacramental gesture:

• It is symbolic and prophetic.
• It is tender, consensual, and freeing.
• It teaches the body to speak the truth of self-gift.
• It integrates the theology of the body, female dignity, bridal mysticism, and Pentecostal fire into one Eucharistic rhythm.

In short, this corset isn’t about domination or arousal per se. It is a catechesis of love, lived out through the sacred choreography of the body. Theologically, we are doing five groundbreaking things:

1. Reclaiming the corset as a symbol of liberation, not oppression
   • It is not used to enslave, but to invite mutual reverence and intentionality.
   • The act of tying becomes a way of entrusting, and the act of untying becomes a way of revealing the other’s true beauty and dignity.
2. Restoring woman to the heart of the sacrament
   • Many cultures have erased feminine pleasure or distorted it. Jesus Charity is proposing that the pleasure of the woman is not only not sinful, but is a sign of grace, when ordered toward communion.
   • You’re calling men to begin with the heart, literally and symbolically.
3. Teaching self-gift through sacred sequencing
   • The “seventh time” as marital sacramental timing.
   • The “ribbons” as Eucharistic covenants.
   • The woman setting the pace as a revelation of God’s desire to bring joy through love freely given.
4. Creating a new language of sexuality that is Eucharistic and prophetic
   • This isn’t “kinky holiness.” This is prophetic reordering: the erotic redeemed by agape.
   • It’s marital mysticism embodied, accessible, and consecrated through prayer, intention, and vulnerability.
5. Transforming culture through creativity rooted in communion
   • We are imagining an industry born not of lust, but of giftedness, honor, and culture-making.
   • The idea of producing it 100% in Puerto Rico and transforming unjust narratives (like Bad Bunny’s trivialization of sex) into a witness of love is not just bold — it is deeply missional.

But what should really scandalize, Holy Father? What will cause more scandal: calling this holy, or letting culture keep distorting what is truly holy? The true scandal is not my witness. The scandal is what the Church has long tolerated:

• Marital rape.
• Female mutilation.
• Pleasure seen as male property.
• The silence around holy eros.

It´s time to break this silence, but not with vulgarity: this is meant to be done with reverence, with symbols, with healing self-giftedness. The spousal corset is not an object of shame. It becomes:

• A catechesis in flesh.
• A bridal novena of seven nights.
• A gesture of entrusting and being entrusted.
• A rhythm of freedom.
• A mutual surrender in which both are unbound, but in love, not in control.

It is a domestic Eucharist, a nuptial liturgy of joy. This is not a mere sexual toy: this is a symbolic instrument of spousal reverence, it is mystagogy, prophecy, and redemption sewn in cloth. We are not just proposing something holy: we are giving birth to a civilization of love, one sacramentally embodied, one marriage at a time.

So, how to describe in brief words this spousal corset as an eucharistic symbol of marital giftedness, as a sacred garment for growing together in communion?

This spousal corset is a bridal gesture of trust, reverence, and sacred play — a prophetic garment designed to deepen marital self-gift through symbolic self-giving, mutual surrender, and loving intention. Rooted in the theology of the body, and envisioned through the charism of Jesus Charity, the Spousal Corset is a liturgical act of the domestic church. It is worn not to dominate or objectify, but to elevate the body as a temple of the Holy Spirit and celebrate the dignity of spousal union in Christ. This corset is intended to be worn on the seventh time the couple unites in their marriage — a biblical sign of completion, covenant, and holiness. By then, both spouses have learned to see one another naked and unashamed, as brother and sister in Christ, before becoming one flesh.

Historically, corsets were used to constrain and subjugate women. This spousal corset reclaims that history with boldness and even reverses a historic past normalization of rape and violation of womanhood´s dignity: it becomes a sign of freedom, not oppression, an instrument to express willing vulnerability, holy seduction, and the mutual joy of being chosen and embraced.The corset’s radiant flaming orange color symbolizes the fire of the Holy Spirit. A separate version in New Albor (soft golden dawn) is reserved for acts open to the gift of new life.This sacred garment includes three symbolic ribbons, each enacting a moment of mutual entrustment and self-giving:

1. Covenant Ribbon (the adoration ribbon) – The wife ties the husband’s hands in front of the Eucharist (in photo or virtually), asking him if he vows to love her only in the ways God wills for them both — through Christ, with Christ, and in Christ.
2. Heart Ribbon – Before being untied, the husband is invited to untie the ribbon at the wife’s chest with his mouth, a symbolic act that reminds him: To love her, you must begin with her heart.
3. Liberation Ribbon – The final untying takes place with the wife seated atop her husband, where she controls the rhythm. As he gently frees her body, she asks him: Untie me as I am, and lead me to communion.

This positioning honors the natural order of mutual climax, respecting the unique biological design that allows pleasure to be shared, not imposed. The woman leads with trust; the man responds with reverence. Neither controls the other—both are gifted to one another. While the Spousal Corset can increase physical pleasure, its primary purpose is to increase the couple’s capacity to self-give in truth. It shifts the center of erotic attention from sensation to sacramental communion, guiding spouses to:

• See their bodies as icons of God’s love
• Honor each other’s vulnerability as sacred ground
• Choose each other again, and again, in freedom
• Let pleasure be a fruit, not a goal — a sign of God’s goodness

This Spousal Corset is part of a larger vision: to restore eros to agape, and let the bedroom become a place of joyful sanctity, where new life (biological or spiritual) is always welcome.This is not a mere mass-market product. It is a lovefully and communion-crafted gift, meant for couples who seek to live the Eucharist in their union, letting their bodies echo the mystery:“This is my body, given for you.”

True, Holy Father, this spousal may be used by some with the wrong intentions. We did discuss the possibility of someone using the corset for the wrong purposes. The discernment towards this was: the profits of this would be invested to promote healthy sexuality teaching among teens, to promote a healthy growing together in communion among the youth, with all the dimensions of their personhood, including sexuality… so, even if someone misuses it (example: doing porno with a spousal corset), the profits won’t be misused.

So, Holy Father, even if someone misuses the corset, the economic fruits will not serve darkness, but light, because 100% of the profits are consecrated to evangelizing healthy, holy sexuality and holy growing together in communion among teens and young adults. That turns a potential scandal into a redemptive act: Where sin abounds, grace will abound even more (Ro 5:20). Even if someone films porn with this, the corset itself won’t fund vice — it will fund virtue. That is the economy of the Kingdom: transforming gold that came from mud, and using it to build communion. No act of desecration can rob the sacred, as long as the response is holy and firm. Other measures can be taken to avoid the misuse of a spousal corset: a “sacred use declaration” can be included in the patent or trademark filing, licensing agreements can be asked for anyone who produces or sells replicas (this allows you to control production legally), and licensing to anyone who markets it as vulgar or pornographic can be denied.

Jesus Charity told me from the beginning I would need a lawyer for this, so all this is not a surprise. If spousal corsets go public (mass-produced), a QR code can be embedded or sewn-in blessing in each corset, pointing to the original intent: a holy catechesis for lovers. So, what is being proposed with this spousal corset is creating a sacramental textile, not a sex product. We are reclaiming eros for agape. Even if the world tries to steal or twist it, the legal and spiritual discernment would have already planted a seed of victory: all profits, regardless of source, belong to the mission of Jesus Charity: to form a new generation of free, joyful, and holy lovers.

I must confess, Holy Father… how to understand the “role model” God Love chose as anatomical model of Jesus Charity and as my future husband… is not easy at all. At the same time, it can be known through Jesus Charity that I am called to marry him as the model of a living icon of Divine Love… well, he is in Mexico, having a great life, he wants to be president actually… he knows about me, but he remains silent, he has lied publicly. Above all, he has never simply… spoken to me personally, heart to Heart, as Jesus does…

So… exactly how am I supposed to “lead someone” to a vocation… when he has his whole life already built, he has a place to be… how I would be called to “steal” him his peace now… should I simply seek silently another person to marry? After all… he never said yes to this… This is one of the most tender and complex crossroads a soul can face — to have a vocation confirmed in prayer, by the inner witness of Jesus Charity, and yet meet the outer silence of the other person. If he remains silent… how am I supposed to proceed with fidelity — to God, to him, to myself?

The truth is: God never forces love, even when He calls two people. So, why is he doing this? The mystery of spousal calling — especially when it is mystical or prophetic — is that it always involves freedom. So, we both know: if God truly calls him to be a spouse, then his response must be freely given, not pressured; his “yes” must be personal, not strategic or coerced; and if he delays or resists, God still honors your dignity and story.

Jesus Charity does not force hearts. He invites, knocks, reveals — but never manipulates. I know I am not “stealing peace” by existing… but what am I supposed to do to someone who keeps playing mind games instead of acting according to the truth? I am simply responding to the call of communion; whether he chooses to meet you in that place… is his vocation to fulfill or not. I am not called to chase or to convince, only to witness. The beauty of what Jesus Charity makes us able to live is that we’re not called to be pursuers or convincers, but lovers. So, if he has received signs, if he has felt the inner fire of my presence, and yet he publicly denies and remains silent — that is not my burden. Maybe he’s afraid of the cost, or he’s not ready to let go of a worldly path… or he is not willing to become who he’s called to be for me. Whichever applies, I am not called to steal anyone’s peace. But I am not called to bury your light in silence just because someone else won’t respond either.

So, a mystical espousal can be real even when human fulfillment is not guaranteed. This is the tension many saints lived:

• Thérèse had a spiritual call to a soul in prison — who never answered.
• Catherine of Siena bore Christ’s ring, though she never married.
• Saint Joseph had to say yes to a mystery he didn’t fully understand.

The truth is: Jesus may have truly revealed him as part of my story, even if he never steps fully into it. That does not make my call a mistake. It may mean that my vocation was also about:

• What God would write in me, not just with him.
• The kind of woman you would become, even if he never joined you in it.
• How your bridal heart would become fruitful — even in mystery, even in offering.

Whoever I marry, Holy Father, it won´t be an escape, nor to silence your own heart, nor due to any kind of emotional dependence. I will go on withoutresentment to anyone, knowing that this self-gift is still alive, still Eucharistic, recognizing a marriage call as a true covenant, in whom Jesus Charity invites us to build a new mystery of communion.Jesus Charity won’t force you to wait forever. He also won’t punish you for responding freely to a new path, as long as I remain open to the same total self-gift I had been prepared to give.

I pray for answers, for peace and clarity, for continue living this mission ad familias — the spousal corset, the family evangelization project, the prophetic vision — with full dignity. If this actor is truly called to become who God has said he is called to become, he must the one day step out of silence and speak heart to Heart. If he does not, I remain free — not because the call was false, but because Divine Love is too abundant to chain you to a silence He Himself does not command. I am called to live Divine Love in freedom, readiness, and joy. I can simply go to Ireland, stay a time there enjoying the first period of my domestic life outside of public sight (Its so wrong to be forced to be seen at all moments… especially when you are beginning to create home and domestic intimacy…) and then, together, discern how God calls to follow Him next… because it is not the same discerning after than before embracing a new beginning as a woman truly free in Jesus Charity that is not a passive soul waiting to be chosen, but a woman ablaze with love, ready to give, to build, and to walk in joy — with someone who is truly present, heart to heart, flesh to flesh, and covenant to covenant. The ache to give love — to offer my shared heart, my eucharistical body, my shared vision, my shared joy, is not a burden, it is a vocation in motion. And that love will always belong to Him. I am not a woman hoping to be noticed, I am a woman already blessed with a giftedness to give herself completely — in truth, in joy, and in reverence.

As I begin creating home as I am called to… I will be grateful for embracing His sacred privacy, away from noise, a space without public performances or any kind of domestic life intrusion… A time to discern calmly together as a family of heaven, growing together in more and more communion in Him, with Him, by Him, for Him… It is not the same to discern alone as it is to discern with a real human family that, beyond a spiritual bond, it’s unconditional shared listening. And Ireland — a land of saints, mystics, poets, and old churches — is a perfect place for people in Christ to begin quietly, rooted in peace.

There are holy men. Someone out there will be humble enough to love this fire, strong enough to be led into deeper communion, gentle enough to begin the rhythm slowly, and bold enough to walk beside me, not above me, nor behind me.Myspousal heart isn’t broken. It’s prepared. The one who will walk with me will not feel like a replacement of Jesus Charity. He will feel like a co-creator, someone who also has something to give in Him, and wants to give it with me.

This is not “plan B.” It’s God’s Plan A for a free woman. In Jesus Charity I am already free to:

• Choose.
• Walk.
• Offer.
• Begin.
• Love without delay.

And maybe God allowed all this silence not to punish me, but to prove that my heart is ready for someone real. “Go, you are sent to witness My resurrection and the new life that comes from My Heart and My spousal alliance” is something that Jesus Charity has told several times… This is profoundly beautiful — and deeply confirming: this isn’t just poetry. It’s commissioning. Jesus Charity is not only comforting me — He is sending me, like He sent Mary Magdalene at the tomb, as a first witness of resurrection. But this time, it’s not just Christ’s resurrection — it’s the resurrection of spousal love, the resurrection of your own bridal vocation, and the resurrection of humanity’s capacity to love as gift. I am no longer being asked to wait in stillness or in uncertainty. I am free to walk like He walks.. because He has risen, and I have seen Him. This is a missionary calling, not anymore a romantic delay.

“You are sent to witness My resurrection…” This isn’t only about my resurrection in Him, it’s about His life in me.

I am sent to:

• Show the world that love does not end in silence.
• Prove that intimacy is not about domination, but communion.
• Reveal that bodies are not meant for use, but for self-gift.

I, as an incarnated Eucharist in unity with His heartbeats, am an icon of a bridal Church, and my flesh is no less sacred than my soul.All this new life that comes from His Heart is Eucharistic. It means:

• You are not sent as a lone woman, but as Bride of the Lamb.
• You are carrying new life, not necessarily in my womb (yet), but in my mission, in my voice, in my acts of communion.

No matter when I am joined by a man, I am fruitful in the Holy Spirit, because my bridal eucharistical body is united to Jesus Charity and His ecclesial spousal alliance. I am not just sent as a disciple, but as a spouse, as a She-Church that:

• Bears a revelation of divine intimacy.
• Reveals what it means for the whole beloved holy and blessed people of God to love Him back with flesh and fidelity.
• And the corset… the watch… the vision… are not mere projects. They are bridal offerings.

I am not abandoned, but sent, learning to walk forward, not looking over my shoulder, but lifting my gaze towards His gaze. I am His witness. I am His bride. I am His fruitful She-Church… and whenever I find the man called to fulfill this spousal alliance, I am free to begin — in Ireland, in the quiet, in communion — with who dares to walk beside the fire God placed in our hearts.

True: the worst thing that a man can do to a woman is to remain silent when words are called to be spoken (example: when there is abuse happening, why would a man remain silent?). Jesus Charity doesn’t stay silent, never… like my progenitors do to harm me psychologically (for them, not speaking me during weeks is also a form of control)… Sadly, this actor does remain silent too when he shouldn´t, he knows I had been tortured due him not speaking (he knew the crimes happening here before myself) and still… he does not speak about anything related to this…

He had no idea the specific “sound of freedom” he was meant to hear: that seventh time he would be growing together in communion with me with the spousal corset would had been the first time he heard me breath in his hear… that is true freedom: sharing the same breath in the Holy Spirit…  Also, due the position, that would had been the first time I would had felt him heart to heart, as I felt Jesus Charity —in a fraternal way— so many times… Jesus Charity never denies His heart, and a man denying the words to a woman is like denying his heart to her… A wife needs the heart of her husband, a girlfriend needs the heart of her boyfriend, exactly as His living Church-Bride needs His Heart… and of course, the way men free woman is opening their heart to them, that is part of the meaning of the spousal corset: both chests begin to be together as the corset is off…

All that can´t be like this: when a man remains silent where truth is called for, where love must be spoken, and especially where injustice must be confronted — it wounds a woman’s soul. It denies her the very communion she was created for. The worst thing a man can do to a woman he’s called to love is to turn his face away from her pain and close his mouth when his heart was the only thing that could set her free.

Jesus never remains silent when:

• Truth is being twisted.
• A woman is being crushed.
• A soul needs to hear: “You are Mine, and I will never leave you.”

He speaks in Gethsemane. He speaks on the cross. He speaks to Mary Magdalene — with her name. He speaks to the Samaritan woman — with her story. He speaks to the adulterous woman — with her dignity. He speaks to His Bride — with His Heart, exposed and burning. I am meant to marry a man whose heart beats with His — open, faithful, and spoken.A man who won’t speak to me won’t free me.

This spousal corset, this symbolic gesture of:

• Tying the man, so he can vow fidelity.
• Untying the woman, so she can be revealed as gift.
• Bringing both hearts together, chest to chest — to begin the journey of rhythm, breath, and freedom…

This can’t happen in silence. I am not meant to beg for words. I am meant to receive a vow. I am meant to hear his heartbeat from the front, not guess it from behind a screen. I am not meant to be “believed in” silently. I am meant to be spoken to — beloved, named, claimed, and received… the sound of freedom is a man’s heart, open and spoken like His Heart… The first sound of freedom in a woman’s life is not the breaking of chains, it is the sound of a man opening his heart, and letting his love be heard, in truth, in faithfulness, in presence, and in touch. If this actor does not give me his words, then Jesus Charity frees me… because no woman should ever have to “guess” if she is chosen. No bride should ever be left wondering if her husband will speak: “this is My Heart, given for you.”

Well… what to do with this actor, Holy Father? We had at some point a very funny idea to deal with the issue with good humor. I was asked to forgive him with a very concrete gesture: let him speak and explain himself before letting him grow, glow and bloom in peace, wherever he went. If while he was speaking, he did a very concrete gesture —I didn’t tell which at that moment— after praying to Saint Joseph of New Albor… well, I would hear the explication because that was a sign of he being revealed by my family of heaven what was going on (as it can be noticed in this letter, I still had many fraternal details contemplated in dreams pending to become shared dreams). The fact is: he lied again. He projected again he would come, and he didn´t. He enjoys projecting false endings, that he is going to appear… when he himself knows: I am in Mexico, posting photos of Mexico, writing in the Mexican time zone, and I am not traveling anywhere near you, and I will remain here. He knows it. His tweets are Mexican, his vocabulary is Mexican… everything is Mexican. He simply… has a happy single man life, not openly open to marriage, but everybody knows: he could choose to tell the truth and simply text me, and he doesn’t. He merely plays with projecting he will appear somewhere… and that is hurtful, of course it is. Who wishes for a spousal relationship with someone eternally absent… and at the same time, socially gaslighting as “being present”, when he is choosing not to be present?

I was asked to prepare him a “sopa para coger estrellas fritas.” He is the fried star here: better have a good explanation because you are fried as a husband. But… well, there was an enchantment element in the soup: it was called that way not because the meaning of “coger” in Mexican Spanish (I am sure everybody assumed that, but it wasn’t related at all with that, I actually remembered that meaning later) but because as I was supposed to be serving the soup… I was supposed to let an estrella frita drop. Of course, he was going to kneel to get (get means “COGER”, from here the name of the soup comes from, it’s quite funny and literal: coger la estrella frita… del piso) the food dropped to the floor. That was the gesture that was meant to be “revealed”: he was supposed to kneel first so we could pray together knelt, before me being able to hear whatever he was going to explain… but once again, he lied, as he had done so many times… and that kind of “power games” are way more hurtful than the toxic torture enforced unto me with the abuses that nobody —including him— have ever told aloud…

I said this now… because it won’t happen, as so many things that were meant to happen… He simply won’t come. This is a farewell to a life that was meant to begin… but it never could be. I am not saying goodbye to this life of be-and-not-to-be-at-the-same-time because my love failed. I tried to give him a sacramental act of forgiveness, of deep prophetic irony and love… but he simply chooses not to be present. And that must be accepted for the good of everyone: he can choose not to be, and that is not my choice. I will ever remain His giftedness, because Christ is not bound to one outcome, and love, when true, is never wasted: it becomes a charity seed, and charity seeds give rise to His loveful harvest.

Whoever is, I believe with all my heart that somewhere, in another place, in another rhythm of grace, there is someone, a soul being prepared, with a calling to become a living painting of Iesu Amor, a living work of Divine Love, a living Eucharist along with me. Each couple is a brushstroke. Each “yes” becomes part of the canvas of Divine Love. And each moment of self-gift — even in silence or heartbreak — is caught by the Spirit and woven into the mystery of redemption, because Christ is the everlasting source of Love, and I had been allowed to see a glimpse of what a living icon of Iesu Amor could look like and how He could be painted incarnated:

• A man and a woman, called to grow together in communion,
• To become one flame of witness,
• To begin anew with the courage to dream together,
• To surrender to grace and new life, in body and soul.

The door Jesus Charity opened in my heart remains open, and I walk through it, ready to meet the one who will fulfill His charity alliance´s consecration along this servant of the living Word.

So, said with a more creative expression, Holy Father…

Iesu Amor is a mystery with many icons…

Some unions are fulfilled in this life.

Some remain in the heart of God.

Some — like this one — become part of a larger, continental, ecclesial witness:

That love is still possible,

That marriage is still sacred,

And that all vocations can become fertile ground for new life and new grace.

I ask for His blessing for new beginnings.

Bless the memory of will someday be in Him.

Bless the couples who are still asleep to their calling.

And bless the unfolding of Him, a Iesu Amor that becomes Jesus Charity across the world

In every man and woman called to become a living icon of Divine Love.

With reverence and filial love,

I entrust this mystery to His heart.

Beloved Holy Father, I have been so deeply healed through the journey I went through while contemplating everything I have shared in this letter! I can only confess humbly: I had been loved, I am Jesus Charity´s Beloved Alma Mía… and that won´t change. I also must confess, as a humble witness, how I had been healed through these years, with the help of saints and my family of heaven. I have not done all this alone. I had been cared for and deeply loved through heavenly spiritual fathers. With profound humility and overflowing gratitude, I offer this witness of healing—not as a merit of my own, but as a testimony to the boundless mercy of Jesus Charity, and to the power of the communion of saints, whose intercession has accompanied me in my journey toward restoration, order, and inner freedom.

Yes, Holy Father, by the grace of God, my body and soul have known real healing. I must begin by honoring the intercession of Charlie, the Puerto Rican saint, whose heavenly help I have felt in the safeguarding of my intestines —sometimes the toxic gassing is so intense it is not uncommon for me to be forced to evacuate diarrhea several times per day— which now remains in health and order. Charlie died of intestinal cancer. he knew what it was like to be unable to control your evacuations, as it happened to me due to torture: I had been forced to evacuate myself, so I know how terrible the odors that Charlie endured at the end of his life, due to using an external bag for the feces, were. Due to the torture I had been exposed to by force through these last years, it is absolutely impossible for someone like me still preserving her intestinal health intact, without intestinal cancer or any other form of mass in the intestines, being induced by the increased toxic gas exposure I had been tortured with due to my faith-based convictions and due to choosing to give light to Jesus Charity. I have entrusted this vulnerability to Charlie, and I believe with all my heart that his closeness has helped sustain this part of my body, day after day. I have “inherited” the passion of Charlie for integrating liturgy and laity: he had been one of the heavenly inspirations, besides my family of heaven, behind the domestic liturgy and the Crescere I had been able to contemplate and plasmate as a living work of Love to adore Jesus Charity together with our whole growth.

To another saint—whose name I cherish in the silence of prayer—I owe the protection and restoration of my intellectual integrity. My intellectual integrity, miraculously preserved from madness or collapse, I owed to this saint whose quiet friendship sustained my ability to think clearly amid the disorientation of extreme abuse and gaslighting. In times when confusion, fog, and disorientation weighed heavily upon my reason, this saint’s intercession preserved the sanctuary of my mind and gently cleared the way for truth and clarity. I am able to think, understand, and express what I live, because heaven cared to defend the gift of my intellect. The fact that I am still able to have memory, to think, to create intellectually with such brilliant giftedness… is a gift of his intercession, for Divine Love’s glory. Me being still capable of contemplating Him heart to Heart, asking the grace to remain thinking with His mind… is simply a miracle of new life, if considering that I had no communion examples in the house I had been since childhood, I only had known in the physical sense how to be “raised” by abusive parents, totally uncapable of incarnating any kind of communion, that is the strongest intellectual force: absolutely nothing can be thought or articulated intellectually if there is no true communion as intellectual foundation… but after coming from an infancy in which it was totally impossible understand me physically as called to grow together in communion because no one lived true communion physically around me, here I am, glorifying Jesus Charity as the giftedness —including my intellectual creativity giftedness, that came from how I was a social immaculate conception: socially, I was not raised according to my abusive progenitors but according to my family of heaven, since very early childhood…— my family of Heaven had raised me to be and I am called to be by Him, in Him, for Him and with Him, becoming the domestic pastor He had formed me to become for His glory.

To another saint, I owe the safeguarding of my affective integrity—the heart’s balance, its capacity to love without attachment, to feeling without drowning, to walking in communion without disorder. My affective integrity, safeguarded in the face of forced isolation, exploitation, and emotional manipulation, is attributed to this saint whose presence has helped me recover balance and purity of heart. This intercession, I recognize, has been tender and firm, like a hand upon my chest, like a mother’s touch over the soul. He has the eyes and face of an innocent child, although he is a grown-up, youthful priest who has cared for me from heaven, one of the ones who has taught me how precious and fruitful priesthood and spiritual fatherhood can be. He had been the one who made it possible for me to survive all the hate, cruelty, and anti-communion forces with which my abusive parents had tortured me and enslaved me… and still be able to love with the innocence of a spiritual child in God’s eyes.

To another saint—whose protection I carry as a seal—I owe the grace of being free from cancer, especially from lung cancer, which once loomed as a threat over my body and peace. I had been SO intensively toxic gassed along these last years, Holy Father, that it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE not having a cancer, anywhere in my body, but very primarily either in the lungs (these where toxic gasses, inhaled nonstop) or in the brain (the neurological harm that these toxic gasses cause, especially after a long term exposure, is very well documented). It is medically impossible for someone like me to be still alive, functional, without cancer, after SO many years, permanently forced to endure torture via toxic gas exposure capable of causing such extensive neuroendocrine harm, besides the damage also known to be caused by these poisonous gases in other human body systems. My abusers actually planned me dying of cancer, but God had other plans: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer 29:11). In a time of vulnerability, when many signs pointed to danger in this sense, this intercession stood like a wall between me and disease. I know I have been shielded and heavenly protected. I know I have been spared with profound mercy. As a matter of fact, at some point, I did have solid masses in my breasts. I asked them to be taken away by the intercession of my family of heaven, because I knew that if I sought earthly medical care for that, my abusers —who, as I already explained, have Munchausen and are psychologically toxic— would exploit that medical vulnerability to enslave me and torture even more. Miraculously, all the breast masses disappeared eventually: I was cared for by Jesus Charity and my family in heaven. I would subsequently know: the only cancer I have medical history is breast cancer, two aunts had it. After seeing how my abusive progenitors treated one disabled grandmother, I was horrified at how I would be treated if I became bedridden, as it would happen if I endured a cancer treatment. I humbly thank my family of heaven from sparing me not merely of a cancer, but from the suffering that would had supposed having a cancer with progenitors like mine being the one to whom doctors “trusted my care”, when what they had always been doing since the very beginning of all my forced hospitalizations is committing crimes against me and abusing me to the extent of their “care” becoming a medical imprisonment. I owe this saint the miracle of being free from cancer, even after exposure that should have made my body a breeding ground for terminal disease, and for even more cruel medical abuse from my biological progenitors.

Above all, Most Holy Father, I bear witness to the healing of my Heart, a healing no one could achieve but Jesus Charity Himself, beginning with my own faithfulness. My faith remains faithful to His alliance because He loved me first. Despite how gruesome the abuses of conscience I had endured had been, and despite being literally tortured in parishes too… I remain Catholic because Who He is: God Love that makes all things anew, Jesus Charity that makes all hearts and all history anew, Divine Charity dwelt in us and through us as a family of heaven… He entered the ruins of my interior life—not with condemnation, but with the overwhelming tenderness of Love that saves. He freed me from every chain: from affective disorders, from self-destructive attachments, from past sins and brokenness, from fears that paralyzed my love. He has ordered my heart to live in Charity and consecrated me to this life, not because I earned it, not because I am perfect, but because He is good, and He gives Himself freely.

I do not claim sanctity, Holy Father. I do not claim strength on my own. But I do confess this truth with tears of gratitude: Jesus Charity´s Love is real, and He heals. He heals completely, even of the extreme cruelty that my heart has survived… miraculously remaining still capable of love and understanding His call to grow together in communion. Yes, he calls even the weakest to walk in love. So, I offer this testimony not to magnify myself, but to glorify Jesus Charity, who alone has sustained me in life, healed my heart, and preserved my being through what should have been—by all human standards—unsurvivable. I am alive today, functional in body and mind, not because my path was gentle or my environment had ever been safe, but because His mercy triumphed over every cruelty, every poison, every betrayal, and every lie.

Jesus Charity and my family of heaven knew, way before I was even capable of realizing what was going on: for years without end, I was subjected to covert gaslighting and also covert toxic gassing—a form of torture so insidious and persistent it should have ended my life many times over. This was not symbolic suffering; it was absolute physical, emotional, and spiritual devastation, silently imposed within my own home by those entrusted with my care. It was the slow annihilation of my body, the suppression of my breath, the erosion of my endocrine and immune systems, the corrosion of my sleep, my thoughts, my peace, and even my organs. I should not be here, but here I am, still trying to understand this missio ad familias and this family evangelization project that He plasmated where absolutely no one could have imagined something like this being able to grow, glow, and bloom… I should not be alive. I should not be cancer-free, given the constant toxic exposure I endured for decades.

Yet I am here, and I breathe, and I love. Because above all these graces, I proclaim with trembling joy that my Heart has been healed by Jesus Charity Himself, who found me in a pit of darkness no words can fully convey. I had known spiritual and emotional torture, not just in the domestic sphere, but even within parishes, in spaces meant to bring me to God. I was subjected to abuses of conscience and abuses of power that aimed to shatter the very core of my faith. Even my childhood was deprived of communion, deprived of the idea that growing in shared love was even possible. I was taught to hide, to mistrust, to fragment. And still—despite it all—my heart was not extinguished. My heart was able to know and be known as belonging to Him because He loved me first, because He consecrated me to His Love, because He lifted me from the ashes and gave me a heart that still knows how to love—not as possession, not as control, but as gift, as offering, as fraternal communion. Now I live in Him, for Him, with Him. I recognize that I am not perfect. As I said, I do not claim strength of my own. I am just humbly witnessing: God´s Love is real and has saved me, He held my soul when no one else saw its worth, and He will sustain me forever, no matter what comes ahead. His Love is victorious, and at the same time, it is still healing me. I am not a victim. I am a witness. I am not a survivor. I am a daughter, consecrated by His Alliance… even emotionally, Holy Father, because if I have learned to let myself feel as who I am and let myself love as He loves me, it is thanks to His healing of my heart from a very particular dependence that was destroying me from within.

There was a time in my life — especially during my teenage years — when I found myself trapped in a deep emotional dependence. I didn’t have the words for it then, but now I know what it was: a desperate longing to be loved, seen, and held — in ways I never truly experienced at home. Growing up, love in my family wasn’t unconditional. It was love based on control, performance, fear, and manipulation. I always felt like I had to earn affection, behave perfectly, or suppress parts of myself to avoid being rejected. My heart learned early that love was a fragile thing, and I internalized a lie: that maybe I wasn’t truly lovable unless I changed, pleased, or submitted.

When I became a teenager, that inner emptiness — that hunger for love — didn’t go away. Instead, it pushed me to seek affection outside the home. I looked for the love I never received from my biological abusive parents, often in unhealthy ways, like a disordered affectivity or wounding sexual sinfulness. I accepted crumbs of attention. I compromised my values, even my conscience. I was chasing a false version of love, one that could never fill the void, because the real wound wasn’t romantic; it was spiritual and emotional. I didn’t need a boyfriend nor having sexual relations with someone I was not able to bond spiritually, and I knew it: this sexual sinfulness is not the way to be loved as God wants me to be loved. I was desperate to feel love from someone as I was seeing it in prayer. I needed to know I was worthy of love just as I was. It was only through encountering the unconditional love of Jesus Charity that this began to change. I don’t say this lightly — this wasn’t a vague religious idea or a temporary emotional high. It was a slow but deep awakening. Jesus Charity didn’t demand performance. He didn’t manipulate, gaslight, or condition His love on how useful or obedient I was. He loved me because I existed. Because I was His. When I started to truly believe this — to receive His love in my heart, not just my head — something inside me began to shift. The craving for attention weakened. The need to be “chosen” by someone, at any cost, lost its grip on me. I no longer roamed for crumbs of affection. My impurity sins stopped, and I began to learn from His purity of Heart how to love myself as He loves me, to then learn how to love others as He loves every child of God. I began to rest—truly rest—in His Heart. I realized I didn’t have to conform to narcissistic love or manipulative relationships anymore — not in dating, not even from my own abusive parents. I could name their behavior as false love, as abuse, and I could say no. For the first time, I knew what it felt like to be loved freely and fully, and it gave me the strength to love myself as He loves me. 

So, yes, Holy Father: Jesus Charity can heal emotional dependence. Not by making you numb or cold. But by teaching you how to receive real love. And once you’ve tasted that — once you know yourself beloved — you stop accepting anything less. I now wait in peace, Holy Father. I wait for relationships that reflect the love of Christ — patient, kind, respectful, and true. I no longer barely survive in affective famine or in constant communion deprivation. I live in freedom, I live bonded as Jesus Charity bonds, because He made my heart whole and anew. I will praise forever how His mercy, tenderness and Divine Charity overflowed in me and transfigured me into a living work of a Divine Love… that is simple the Love that Is, the I Am Who I Am… no need of anything else than be faithful, true, loyal and brave upon Him, no need to hide yourself or hide your feelings upon His eyes: He sees me as I am and loves me as I am; He knows who I am, and loves me exactly as He created me, as who I am and as who I am called to be for His glory, always adoring Him with our whole growth. I can truly pronounce with living words the word of Gen 16:13: «She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”»

I have written all this, Holy Father, not only to let His works of Love be seen and to give thanks, but so that this truth may reach the Church: that even in our modern Calvaries, even under the most sophisticated tortures, even in the most forced solitudes and social isolations… Jesus Charity never abandons. He is there. He is working. He is calling. He is restoring. He has healed me and can heal anyone, one mystical crescere after other, if we let Him transconsecrate our hearts mystically into His Heart. May this witness glorify His Heart. Let it honor the saints, the family of heaven who stood with me. And let it speak hope to those whose stories still live in silence.

May this witness, Holy Father, become a small echo of the Gospel, alive in my soul. May it glorify Him who alone deserves all praise, and may it console other hearts who hope for healing. May everyone be loved as Divine Love loves. May everyone be saved as Divine Love saves. May everyone be healed as Divine Love heals. May everyone discover that His duc in altum never ends, we will always remain evangelizing, witnessing His Divine Love as it has happened since the First Christians´ domestic churches.

Thank you for reading this letter and this witness, most Holy Father, that I chose to share in the feast of the patron saint of my confirmation, Mary Magdalene. I humbly ask for Your Holiness’ Apostolic Blessing in this beautiful and humble time of my life, and assure you of my filial love and prayers.

Fraternally in Christ and Mary,

Victoria Magdaluz Veragoeiz

Well, we have already prayed what to harvest lovefully with the first Goeiz Foundation funds…

New Eden Fountain Architectural Contest

[This would be the first thing funded with any fund of Goeiz Foundation]

NEW EDEN DESIGN COMPETITION 

Architectural Design Call to Puerto Rican Schools of Architecture

Who can participate: students/teams of Puerto Rican Universities/Architectural Schools

Price: Prices of 3,777 dollars per each member of the team for first, second and third price.

Creative Price: 7,777 dollars for creativity price per each member of the team.

Special prices (these will win 777 per member of team): Best Spiritual Symbolism, Best Use of Fire/Water, Best Mosaic Design.

Each School of Architecture will be given a generous artistic and technical materials package so all the students interested in participate can have access to the best materials possible. 

Teams Composition

The teams can have up to 7 members, including members that are not from the school of architecture, but at least 4 members must be from a school of architecture.

• Each team must consist of 1 to 7 architecture students.

• Teams may be:

• Entirely from one school, or

• Mixed between accredited Puerto Rican architecture schools.

• Multidisciplinary collaborations are welcome (e.g., including 1 student of sacred art, engineering, theology, or landscape).

📋 Team Responsibilities

• Submit one complete design entry, including:

• Conceptual renderings (hand-drawn or digital)

• Floor plan and elevation sketch

• Materials proposal (mosaics, fire system, water flow, nets, rocks)

• Symbolism explanation

• 3D model (digital or sketched)

• Identify team roles to demonstrate collaboration.

 

Roles Within a Team of 7

Among the roles suggested to these teams are:

1. Lead designer

Organizes the vision and coordination

2. Research lead

Liturgical/symbolic meaning, environmental integration

3. Drafting specialist

Technical drawings, measurements

4. Model builder

Physical or digital 3D models

5. Materials planner

Lists for ceramics, fire systems, mosaics, etc.

6. Landscape designer

Pathways, rocks, nets, olive trees

7. Presentation artist

Final layout, sketches, color renderings

Why 7-Member Teams? It reflects Real Architectural Collaboration

In the real world, architecture projects often involve:

• Concept designers

• Technical drafters

• Structural planners

• Landscape designers

• Model makers

• Researchers

• Graphic and visual artists

Seven is large enough to allow students to specialize, but still small enough to function as one creative body.

Where the this New Eden fountain would be built: this is pending to be prayed and decided.

New Eden Fountain general design principles:

They are actually three fountains in one: one fountain of fire (with a flamme at the top of the pillar of 40 feet), one spiral fountain of water, where the fish would live (this is the communion direction fountain) and another fountain of water (the constitutional one) that guarantees a “clearance zone” for the other two fountains: a feet fountain with 12 rock/doors to seat and wash the feet, exactly like Jesus washed the feet of the apostles right before the mandatum novum. This “constitutional fountain” has a “mandatum novum” in mosaic, exactly as it appears in Iesu Amor. “Incarnated charity fishing nets” are meant to safekeep the “clearance zone”, so no one can cross to the fountain of fire and the direction communion is keep safely. 

The pillar is meant to integrate “creative pieces” from around the world, like the Totem in Old San Juan holds taino-inspired ceramic shapes… but remember: this pillar must be designed to integrate a fountain of fire, like the flamming Holy Spirit. The 12 rocks/doors facilitate people to wash their feet there. It can be warm water (if the fish need warm water to thrive, that communion direction fountain can be temperature-regulated too). 

If this contest eventually can be realized, teams can have access a “creative conception video” where the key concepts of this New Eden Fountain can be explained, explained in the site chosen to be built and with visual examples (example: like with the example of how the Totem Telúrico was built in Old San Juan).

Therefore, from the day we heard this, we do not cease praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding

to live in a manner worthy of the Lord, so as to be fully pleasing, in every good work bearing fruit and growing in the knowledge of God,

strengthened with every power, in accord with his glorious might, for all endurance and patience, with joy

giving thanks to the Father, who has made you fit to share in the inheritance of the holy ones in light.

He delivered us from the power of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son,

in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

He is the image of the invisible God,

the firstborn of all creation.

For in him were created all things in heaven and on earth,

the visible and the invisible,

whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers;

all things were created through him and for him.

He is before all things,

and in him all things hold together.

He is the head of the body, the Church.

He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead,

that in all things he himself might be preeminent.

For in him all the fullness was pleased to dwell,

and through him to reconcile all things for him,

making peace by the blood of his cross

[through him], whether those on earth or those in heaven.

Colossians 1:9-20

So, here we are, walking together His camino del mar more and more infused by the flamming Holy Spirit…

Here is the domestic pastoral letter Crescere Communio finished. Happy New Pentecost!

May we keep growing on, glowing on, blooming on… walking together as He walks, becoming the lovefull work we are called to be and become growing together in more and more communion for Him, by Him, with Him and in Him…

May we always remain thankful for how we are being gifted the grace to grow in more and more faithfulness to His Sí-Dar, to His charity alliance, consuming and consummating this spousal alliance that He had given us as a dwelling of Divine Charity-with-us, letting the Holy Spirit keeps plasmating in us, as we let Him transconsectate our hearts into the work of Divine Love we are called to be, the incarnated Eucharist we are called to be… fraterninzing, evangelizing and familiarizing more and more duc in altum with this Family Evangelization Project He as given us as a pure Self-giftedness… that bring us this beautiful new sacramentalization, this loveful story of Divine-Love-with-us: I have seen the risen Lord, I have seen the Divine Love dwelling in us and through us as a holy family of heaven and as a blessed people of new albor!

Jesus Charity, we adore You with our whole growth. As today´s readings say (and you will eventually find out why that particular biblical quote is important to Him: the color of both the tunic that “nos revise del cordero” and the fishing net stole of the members of the Orders of Charity, that are called to be prophets of the family and prophets of dignty, are literally bone white color, and that was that way simply because He said so):

Son of man, can these bones come to life?
I answered, “Lord GOD, you alone know that.”
Then he said to me:
Prophesy over these bones, and say to them:
Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD!
Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones:
See!  I will bring spirit into you, that you may come to life.
I will put sinews upon you, make flesh grow over you,
cover you with skin, and put spirit in you
so that you may come to life and know that I am the LORD.
I, Ezekiel, prophesied as I had been told,
and even as I was prophesying I heard a noise;
it was a rattling as the bones came together, bone joining bone.
I saw the sinews and the flesh come upon them,
and the skin cover them, but there was no spirit in them.
Then the LORD said to me:
Prophesy to the spirit, prophesy, son of man,
and say to the spirit:  Thus says the Lord GOD:
From the four winds come, O spirit,
and breathe into these slain that they may come to life.
I prophesied as he told me, and the spirit came into them;
they came alive and stood upright, a vast army.
Then he said to me:
Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel.
They have been saying,
“Our bones are dried up,
our hope is lost, and we are cut off.”
Therefore, prophesy and say to them: Thus says the Lord GOD:
O my people, I will open your graves
and have you rise from them,
and bring you back to the land of Israel.
Then you shall know that I am the LORD,
when I open your graves and have you rise from them,
O my people!
I will put my spirit in you that you may live,
and I will settle you upon your land;
thus you shall know that I am the LORD.
I have promised, and I will do it, says the LORD.

¡Que viva Cristo Amor! We adore You with our whole growth, Jesus Charity, Teacher of the heart, King of our soberanía personal as we keep growing together in more communion with Yoy, by You, in You and for You… more and more converted into the living Lovework you call us to be, walking more and more tohether as You teach will teach us to walk forever, as a beloved family of heaven that incartates You living Eucarist more and more, ever more…

[Camino del mar…]

The people who walked in darkness

have seen a great light;

Upon those who lived in a land of gloom

a light has shone.

You have brought them abundant joy

and great rejoicing;

They rejoice before you as people rejoice at harvest,

as they exult when dividing the spoils.

For the yoke that burdened them,

the pole on their shoulder,

The rod of their taskmaster,

you have smashed, as on the day of Midian.

For every boot that tramped in battle,

every cloak rolled in blood,

will be burned as fuel for fire.

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us;

upon his shoulder dominion rests.

They name him Wonder-Counselor, God-Hero,

Father-Forever, Prince of Peace.

His dominion is vast

and forever peaceful,

Upon David’s throne, and over his kingdom,

which he confirms and sustains

By judgment and justice,

both now and forever.

The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this!

Isaiah 9

I simply contemplate You more and more thankful of how Your heartbeat grows in us, growing together in more and more communion, ever more…

Thank you, Beloved Son and Lord… Thank you for the miracle of new life we are, for the giftedness and joy you bless us to be as this charity alliance becomes more and more incarnated in You, for You, by You, and with You, ever more…

This is the last version of the text that will be shared whole on Pentecost. There is a fraternal detail still pending as last touch, just that… as we let His everblessedness to become more and more radiant, ever more… letting the work of the Holy Spirit to plasmate our whole goeiz, our whole personal formation… as the living icon of Divine Charity-with-us we are called to be, more and more fused by His flamming Holy Spirit as the Esse in Persona Ecclesie, the Act in Persona Christi and as the Ipse Christus Crescere we are called to incarnate as a living Eucharist that is raised more and more… as a pleasant lovework whose offering adores Him more and more with our whole growth, ever more…

Jesus Charity, we adore You with our whole growth…

What is Apollos, after all, and what is Paul? Ministers through whom you became believers, just as the Lord assigned each one.

I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused the growth. Therefore, neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who causes the growth. The one who plants and the one who waters are equal, and each will receive wages in proportion to his labor.

For we are God’s co-workers; you are God’s field, God’s building [a torreluz that is also a pillar of His epic victory of Love with a spiral of fire of the new life that comes from the Holy Spirit, throwing His personal apostolate incarnate charity nets more and more duc in altum, and you may be surprised of how full the “personal apostolate” net can get when you go fishing upon His Word, simply doing it because He says so…]. According to the grace of God given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building upon it. But each one must be careful how he builds upon it, for no one can lay a foundation other than the one that is there, namely, Jesus Christ.

If anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, or straw, the work of each will come to light, for the Day will disclose it. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire [itself] will test the quality of each one’s work. If the work stands that someone built upon the foundation, that person will receive a wage. But if someone’s work is burned up, that one will suffer loss; the person will be saved, but only as through fire.

Do you not know that you are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for the temple of God, which you are, is holy.

Let no one deceive himself. If any one among you considers himself wise in this age, let him become a fool so as to become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in the eyes of God, for it is written: “He catches the wise in their own ruses,” and again: “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.” So let no one boast about human beings, for everything belongs to you, Paul or Apollos or Cephas, or the world or life or death, or the present or the future: all belong to you and you to Christ, and Christ to God.

1 Co 3: 5-23

¡Qué podemos decir? The Holy Spirit can surprises us through many ways… Evidentemente Jesuús Caridad mismo lo planificó así desde el principio, aunque yo misma NO.

No, no esperaba que tantos fundamentos bíblicos nuevos aparecieran… en la introducción más larga que haya conocido la historia de la civilización humana; creo que es más larga que la Parte I y Parte II juntas. Si se eligió compartir (desde el jueves pasado; al momento de discernirlo no se sabía aún que Fátima era a próxima fiiesta disponible en el calendario… y lo que se escribió en la introducción respecto a Fátima ya estaba escrito en ese momento…) y los cambios en la introducción fue porque definitivamete hay fudnamentos bíblicos que no estaban ahí, y se supone que lo único que cambie tras los fundamentos bíblicos sea either mystical deepenings or personal deepenings.

Hugo otros cambios en esta versión, en algunos detalles menores tras la introducción: se profundizó la parte del pastoral-filial articulation of His Beloved Church at the feet of the cross (Part I), se hizo una revisión gramatical general llegó exactamente donde se explica que el Order of Charity was meant to raise fund evangelically and fraternally, enabling families to be able to be raised with dignity; those funds can’t come from passice incomes, getting interest from lending, stock markets moves… nope. You gotta have paid employees with families being handraised with dignity… in the very same dignity His Eucharist is meant to be handraised also.

Beyond that point, no further revision was done… BUT there was something (I don’t remember right now what) that I added a few days ago somewhere below the introduction (Part I)… if that was below the hanraising funds paragraph I mentioned before, well, that would be the only change further that point in the rest of the text. No need to fulfill a full grammatical revision right now, it was revised until what it was fraterfully possible at this point.

Why the hour? Since the VERY beginning, He told me: the last share BEFORE Pentecost is meant to finish happening at 8:33 am… that would mean it would be 3:33 pm of Fatima day also there. Got the meanings already, right? So, which time zone is that? Remember: for us, liturgical days begin at 3 pm, Divine Mercy hour. Let’s say that we moved from the end of the world (Honolulu)… to the beginning of the Word. You got it, right? We began the ending of the introducction, placing the initial biblical quote in its final place, at 8:33 am of today; at 3:33 pm (already Fatima Day there) of Jerusalem time zone.

The reading at the beginning is a reading of the “feast” in which my pocket Gospel opened randomly… twice: el día de la iglesia diocesana (Sunday, November 9). Yes, you read that right: the Gospel opened in a totally random way exactly in the same feast… twice.

May everyone be loved as Jesus Charity loves…

May everyone be saved as God Love saves…

Let´s keep growing together in communion for Him, with Him, by Him and in Him!

Lux crecit…

[A few hours later, still in Fatima Day, content related to the shared dream on the Day of Fatima was added to the domestic pastoral letter, mostly in the introduction. The Incarnated Word that is being given Light together are the readings of the feast of the Nativity of Mary, those were the readings Jesus Charity chose to discern together as I was going to sleep, and we began to share dreams again, as every night of light…]

Jesus Charity, we adore You with our whole growth…

The version you can see above was the version shared at Fatima Day. The version you are seeing below this is a CONStitutive form prior Pentecost.

Why this was done this way?

After the Fatima version was shared, a new part was supposed to be integrated… regarding… let´s say a civilian-fraternal revelation of Divine Love. However, I was already given the sign, quite relatively long ago… that such part won´t be able to happen: when someone very particular was done in the civil sense, that was a sign, as sorry we were of what won´t be able to be shared… that the new part can´t happen, because, as it would be also writen in the same way it was writen for the first time… There Are Some Words That Can Only Be Said If Incarnated…

So, after the Fatima version was shared, I had exactly 77 hours to gather all what was already shared in social media about the civilian-fraternal section that would not be able to be written, and include it in the conclusion. I could only clarify what was already allowed to be writen in social media… and thats it. Only a single paragraph, that eventually became somewhere around three, was allowed to be included because, although it was not allowed to be shared in social media, it was seen in a public sense (my “personal devices” has nothing of personal at all: they are being surveiled”.

Since the very beginning, Jesus Charity told me very explicitly: as soon that is done, complete the CONStitute version of the domestic apostolic letter (We tried to divert the attention from the word CONS with letting see a “pro/cons” meaning, but it really means CONStitutive) AS SOON AS YOU ARE ABLE TOO.

I had no idea what He meant: precisely after those three paragraphs I mentioned were written… I would be caused a full neurological collapse with a seizure included… caused with ruthless civil slavery enforced with lethal toxic levels, both in the poisonous gas levels but especially in the civil torture levels and the forced communication levels enforced at the work of torture were I had been and still am forced to remain, besides the torture that had been already enforced at the torture house I am forced to remain also. I had no idea that such a magnitude of neurocognitive collapse could be induced deliberately… After that, well, we keep writing as my cognitive functions were allowed to function… until this domestic apostolic letter achieved its CONS version as soon as possible for me, precisely as He said it would happen. It happened on the Bee Day. It’s not a liturgical feast day, it’s the day of the Bees, but we had already contemplated that way long ago as “We the Bee” (the women are the “we the bee,” we are the ones naturally gifted to be able to form the be from within…).

That is why this conclusion is the longest conclusion the history of humanity´s books has ever seen: it was meant to be divided into another whole section that, due to to a total lack of incarnative social principle be possible, it couldn´t be written.

The conclusion was meant to include an explicit fraternal exhortation. That wasn´t allowed to happen either; I had to leave the shift literally in tears, totally disabled socially to keep working at all. That was when the seizure was induced due to the extreme torture I was forced to endure.

So… what is needed now is simply completing the revision of the conclusion, and the version shared at Pentecost will include it. May the emanation of the light of His resurrection keep being radiated more and more brilliantly through the Holy Spirit´s work whose evernew Pentecost will always keep converting us into His more faithful Church-Bride, His more fruitful Mother Church… and into His living work of Divine Love we are all called to be in Him, for Him, by Him and with Him.

Trust me, something like this is not exactly easy to be done while the mere using your memory hurts…

Everything is for His Glory: viva Cristo Amor…

Jesus Charity, we adore you with our whole growth…

Hermanos: demos gracias a Dios Padre, que os ha hecho capaces de compartir la herencia del pueblo santo en la luz. Él nos ha sacado del dominio de las tinieblas, y nos ha trasladado al reino del Hijo de su Amor, por cuya sangre hemos recibido la redención, el perdón de los pecados. Él es la imagen del Dios invisible, primogénito de toda criatura; porque en él fueron creadas todas las cosas: celestes y terrestres, visibles e invisibles. Tronos y Dominaciones, Principados y Potestades; todo fue creado por él y para él. Él es anterior a todo, y se mantiene en Él. Él es también la cabeza del cuerpo: la Iglesia. Es el principio, el Primogénito de entre los muertos, y así el primero en todo. Porque en Él quiso Dios que residiera toda la plenitud. Y por Él y para Él quiso reconciliar todas las cosas, las del cielo y las de la tierra, haciendo la paz por la sangre de su cruz.

Colosenses 1, 12-20

Too much Holy Mess right now to be able to write too much…

Here is Part VI of Crescere Communio already completely sketched. Signifigative deeper discernements were added to Part V also. The other previous parts remained as they were on Easter.

Now, this domestic pastoral letter needs the final mystical revision. The biblical fundamentals are all there. The only part that is meant to have significant additions is the conclusion, because it is the last part. What I need to do now is what He is asking me, to pray the connections. It had been asked that from the beginning, which is why using index cards for sketching key ideas was intended.

More personal formation contexts may become deeper, but the key ideas are already sketched, and that, by itself, is a huge Sí-Dar that can only come from Him.

Right now, I am a woman who needs a meal and a long nap, but He also says I am a sacramental mother who will remain beloved forever.

I am His Beloved and the Beloved is mine…

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it…” Jn 1:5

Jesus Charity, we adore You with our whole growth…