It is highly unusual that I share sketchs of a text I am in the process of palabrizing, but this time I will make an exception, for very mighty reasons. Be aware that because this post is a sketch, both English and Spanish will be used on it. As the text progresses, you can expect it to become a fully English-written text, using grammarly to express my ideas properly. Right now I am not even using Grammarly, I am simply sketching ideas in my iPhone note pad.

All this began with an email of my ex-thesis director, sent just before going to sleep, in which he told me —in a very fraternal way— “te quiero mucho”. I was deeply shocked for those words, not exactly only for the institutional sense —I won’t explain this further, but for now it is enough to assume that you can consider extremely rare than a person belonging to the institution he belongs can say something like that to a woman, especially a woman like me— but for the existencial sense: it is quite rare in my life that someone says me that, I am used to be gaslighted, mimicked, abused by everyone around me. I had no answet to the email: I had no idea how to answer to a human affective expression, not even if it was done in a very appropriate context. I do know how to answer to divine affective expressions… but until that email I was not aware that I have no idea of what to do if is a human around me who does the same than is being done in dreams.

We prayed this in last night dream, of course, and the appropiate way to answer him was prayed… and I did answered his extreme kindness during the day, when I felt prepared to do so. If I was unable to say it by words, I should do it by action. So, I did, quite literally…

And in the middle of the process of explaining him what should have been explained… well, a whole Growthful Philosophy of Education began to be conceived, palabrized and sketched in my iPhone. That wasn’t expected at all to happen today, and that is why I am choosing —as an exception— sharing the sketch of this uncoming text. This time I will share the sketch, the original text and the revised text. This is the sketch. 

De ahora en adelante, en lugar de el estudiante doctoral preguntarle al profesor o profesora X si acepta ser su mentor… va a pasar lo contrario, como pasó en el sueño de anoche: ahora lo que sucedió implícitamente fue un “intellectual proposal” en el sentido contrario, en el que el profesor o profesora mentora va a decirle al estudiante “te quiero mucho, quieres escribir esta investigación/research paper/tesis?” 😂 Its hilarious how all this thing happened… simply due an email, that was quite short but deep enough to have consequences. This time the “thesis director” will be the radiant one among my family of Heaven.

I feel I should clarify: aunque mi ex-director de tesis fue el que me dijo “te quiero mucho”, NO FUE EL QUIEN ME PIDIO QUE ESCRIBIERA ESTO (eso debe quedar claro), fue mi familia del Cielo la que me pidió que escribiera la filosofía de la educación que dejé pendiente por escribir, y dije que sí, pero no lo veía como algo que literalmente me fuera a salir inmediatamente, como me salió hoy. El título original de mi tesis de filosofía de la educación era algo así como “Keys of a Peircean Philosophy of Education” o algo así, mi ex-director de tesis insistió mucho en la palabra “keys”, eso lo recuerdo bien.

Realmente planificaba leer un poco de psicología antes de hacer lo que se me pidió anoche, no lo vi como algo que pudiera ser capaz de ordenar y palabrizar hoy mismo, sino mucho más adelante. Todo lo que pasó hoy was highly intense Holy Spirit action, again. El “intellectual proposal” de anoche se dio con una pluma nueva, no con una alianza, creo que el detalle es importante de aclarar.

Mi familia del Cielo opina que si mi ex-director de tesis hubiese hecho desde un principio lo que hizo en ese email, la tesis doctoral de filosofía de la educación que me pidió hubiera sido escrita hace años atrás, sencillamente debió pedir las cosas “con propiedad” 😂😂😂😂, like Jesus does with the women of the well in The Chosen scene: «I am sorry: I should have said “please”». Really, is too funny how my family of Heaven told me this contemplatively in the dream. 

La escena a la que me refiero puede verse aquí:

How we did choose to tell my ex-thesis director “yo también te quiero mucho” through action, despite being an email writen with words?

I feel I can share the email I wrote to him without any kind of problem. Here it goes:

Muy estimado profesor X [I wont say his name here]:

Your kindness is outstanding. No se preocupe por el momento en que logre tener el tiempo para contestarme. Esto se lo llevo diciendo desde mis tiempos de estudiante graduada: no tiene que contestarme los mensajes inmediatamente. 😂 

[Now I beging to answer with action to the email in which he said me “te quiero mucho”]

Cuando yo le decía “te quiero mucho” a mis estudiantes lo hacía —entre otros gestos, como crearles proyectos creativos que a ellos les gustaran— dándoles libros y leyéndoles cuentos apropiados para su edad, para la clase y para su crecimiento personal pleno… y ellos me decían “we love you too, teacher” sencillamente prestando atención a lo que enseñaba, aunque no fuera solo de la clase, sino sencillamente para su pleno crecimiento como personas. Supongo que se puede entender que para una maestra y persona con evidentes dificultades con la atención —como lo soy yo o cualquier persona con ADHD—, el que los estudiantes me prestaran atención fuera considerado un gesto de “yo también te quiero”, incluso si los estudiantes no siempre lo dicen explícitamente de esa manera. A edades tempranas sí que lo dicen, a veces hasta les es necesario según su developmental stage; cuando les leia cuentos también los abrazaba si era necesario y hasta los dejaba arroparse con blankets que había en el reading corner del salón, los niños pequeños necesitan ese tipo de gestos fraternos y creativos para aprender apropiadamente según su developmental stage, nunca he sido maestra de enseñar inglés solo con gramática, sobre todo porque en primer lugar yo misma no lo aprendí inglés gramáticamente y soy totalmente incapaz de aprender una lengua solo con gramática, usted vio eso muy bien con mis reiterados suspensos en Latín (es la clase que más he reprobado en todo mi historial académico, lo intenté cabezonamente una y otra vez).

Es importante enseñarle a los estudiantes que cuando se dice “yo también te quiero mucho, teacher [I love you too, teacher]” no solo se dice con palabras, también se dice con actos, como prestar atención al maestro que está tomando de su tiempo y esfuerzo cognitivo para enseñar lo que está enseñando y decir lo que les está diciendo. La importancia de la unidad de being y act es una lección de vida muy necesaria, incluso en edades tempranas como lo han sido mis estudiantes más jóvenes (he enseñado desde edad preescolar [4 años] en adelante). Aprender esa unidad necesaria entre palabra, significado y significación no es mera filosofía del lenguaje —el tema de filosofía del lenguaje se tiene que asumir necesariamente en una clase como la materia de inglés—, sino que es parte del growthful formation (formación dada en orden a formar su crecimiento pleno, no solo en orden a dominar unos skills académicos; “learning by forming”) de cualquier estudiante. 

Lamentablemente en la enseñanza de inglés como segundo idioma no es común que se recalque la importancia de los cuentos y del Childrens Literature, se suele recalcar más la gramática. A mí desde la universidad me enseñaron muy bien acerca de la importancia del Children’s Literature, mi profesora mentora en la Facultad de Educación se encargó muy bien de eso. Una de las formas con las que me servía para que mis estudiantes aprendieran a amar el inglés —esa clase es tremendamente conocida como la más odiada entre niños puertorriqueños— era leyéndoles cuentos en inglés o bilingues que a ellos les gustaran, aunque no fueran estrictamente parte del currículo asignado. Los padres entendieron esto bien y ninguno se opuso a mi petición de que cada padre me trajera al menos un cuento en inglés o bilingue que le gustara a sus hijos para que estuvieran en la biblioteca del salón, poniendo como único límite que el libro fuera en inglés o bilingue, que el contenido del cuento fuera del interés de su hijo/hija y que también fuera contenido apropiado para una escuela de formación católica; siempre y cuando se cumplieran esos criterios, los padres podrían enviar a mi salón de clase el libro de cuentos o incluso libros de contenido científico [he tenido de todo entre mis estudiantes: astronautas, inventors, maestros, toy creators, pastry chefs…; sabía muy bien los sueños de mis estudiantes y siempre los tomé en serio, particularmente recuerdo unos second graders cuyo grupo entero era casi totalmente de varones, solo había una niña, y ellos como grupo de varoncitos tenían sueños bien particulares… en fin, los sueños de mis estudiantes estaban dibujados por ellos mismos en un dream wall del salón] que quisieran.

A una persona como usted le puede gustar mucho el último libro que asigné a mis estudiantes: Pete the Cat I Love My White Shoes. Para ser un libro infantil y sencillo tiene lecciones extraordinarias, tanto para niños como para adultos. Puede verlo, cuando necesite un descanso para las neuronas (es muy divertido y es breve) aquí:

Después verá que menciono ese mismo libro en una de las revisiones del escrito. 

Compré algunos libros de psicología que aún no me han llegado, así que mientras tanto puedo comenzar a estudiar propiamente psicología por mi cuenta para proseguir con la próxima etapa de la integracción me tomaré el tiempo y la atención de leer la ética del intelecto de Peirce que en su momento me dio con tanto aprecio e interés en mi crecimiento intelectual (podrá ver la foto de la ética peirceana a la que me refiero en otra de las revisiones que añadí, aunque creo que se la puse en un email también).

Le deseo lo mejor en su quehacer en sus clases.

Ya le dije: no me tiene que contestar los emails inmediatamente —siempre me sorprendo cuando lo hace—, ni al próximo día, ni siquiera al próximo domingo, puede tomarse el tiempo que necesite. 

Un saludo fraterno,

Damaris

This was the email answer that started the whole conception of the Keys of a Growthful Philosophy of Education, and the text that will eventually be called “Yes, We Can Grow Best: Keys for a Growthful Philosophy of Education”.

Creo que en su momento, con lecciones vivas, mis estudiantes sí que lograron aprender que el mejor gift que podían hacerme y el mejor “te quiero mucho” que podían decirme era… sencillamente prestando atención a lo que enseñaba, no meramente siguiendo las instrucciones…

Pero… también requiere cierta madurez docente darte cuenta de que tú también tienes el deber de “manejar esa atención adecuadamente”: tienes que enseñar de tal forma que lo que estés enseñando —sea lo que sea que estés enseñando— sea meaningful to them.

O sea: no te estoy enseñando esto meramente porque esté en el currículo y necesites la nota…

Te lo estoy enseñando porque esto es necesario aprenderlo para tu crecimiento personal pleno, a tí mismo como estudiante te conviene atenderme si es que quieres cumplir ese growthful dream que tienes dibujado en la pared…

Ese ese es, sin duda, el mejor “I love you” que puede pronunciar cualquier maestro: enseñar meaningfully… enseñar de tal forma que lo haga haciendo posible una formación personal ordenada no meramente a obtener ciertas notas, sino ordenada al crecimiento más pleno de sus estudiantes. Sea cual sea la nota, que esa nota sea obtenida convirtiéndote en la mejor persona que puedas ser mientras la obtienes.

Si se aspira a enseñar de esa forma, el lack of attention no puede considerarse un mero lack of following instructions, lack of obedience or lack of discipline. El estudiante tiene todo el “derecho” de exigir al maestro que enseñe algo que a él le interese o que le sea pertinente a su crecimiento pleno y a realizar sus sueños, en lugar de limitarse a enseñar solamente siguiendo un curriculo. O sea: el currículo tiene que tener cierta flexibilidad curricular o apertura intelectual, como le quieran llamar, para abarcar la variedad de “learning meanings” de los estudiantes.

Si se enseña growthfully, el lack of attention tiene mucho más que ver con lack of meaningfulness (sin excluir situaciones en que el lack of attention también pueda deberse a otros factores más técnicos, como discrepancia entre el estilo de enseñanza del maestro y el estilo de aprendizaje del estudiante, o por ADHD): el estudiante no se está dando cuenta de para qué necesita aprender eso para ser mejor persona y para cumplir sus sueños, así que sencillamente no le interesa prestarle atención a eso y se aburre. O sea: mas que buscar un “mindfulness” para resolver los issues de atención que presentan los estudiantes de hoy en día de forma crónica, lo que se debe buscar es un “growthfulness”, brindándoles una educación que sea person-affirming y que abarce toda su formación personal, incluyendo lo académico, pero no limitándose solo a lo académico, porque son personitas en formación, personitas con dignidad incluso cuando están en etapas tempranas de formación, y han de ser tratadas de acuerdo a su dignidad inherente, recibiendo no solo una educación apropiada (la ley de educación actualmente vigente en los Estados Unidos sí que requiere legalmente que se le brinde una educación apropiada a todo estudiante, pero limitándose solo a lo académico), sino un growthful education que no fragmente la naturaleza de su formación personal (si la escuela solo asume lo intelectual necesariamente va a fragmentar esa naturaleza; de ahí que en la escuela se ha de recibir formación y no solo instrucción) los prepare para la vida y para formarse para convertirse no solo como ciudadanos de bien de nuestra sociedad, sino también como la mejor persona que puedan ser.

Viendo la educación de esta forma —learning by forming— se entiende la importancia capital del dreamfull wall y de que que los maestros sepan exactamente que sueñan sus estudiantes ser, quienes quieren ser, what are the keys of their meaningful learning, porque la escuela es su beginning to be who they are y necesitan comprender como ese learning los articula como la mejor persona que puedan ser, as the person they are meant to be.

These had been some of my thoughts about a growthful philosophy of education. 

I kept thinking and contemplating through the whole evening until reaching to begin —totally unexpectedly— what I agreed and consented to do in the dream: a very good and consistent sketch of the Keys of a Growthful Philosophy of Education. 

Here is the sketch:

Yes, We Can Grow Best: Keys of a Growthful Philosophy of Education 

Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart.

Mt 11,29

This text is dedicated to all my students. I have learned great things from you as we walked together through this growthful journey. You made a difference in my life, and I will forever thankful simply for who you are. This is only the beginning of the adventure.

I can´t begin this text without a thank you note to the Faculty of Education of the University of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras campus: to its Dean while I was there, who made a huge difference in my life, making possible my graduation of BA as Student Dean of the Faculty of Humanities and eventually agreeing to be in the only professional evaluation I had received as a teacher along my whole career… I am also thankful to my professor mentor in the ESL teaching department, Christina, and to my teacher mentor at the UPR Elementary Laboratory School, Richard, along with Elizabeth (the other professor of the ESL teaching department), all the other fellow professors along the faculty and also to all my classmates, who were all so inclusive to my learning diversity and made possible my learning to be.

Without the “learning to be” that all you made possible, the “becoming” that I am sharing in this text wouldn´t be possible. You will see that influence of the motto of the Faculty of Education in my text is quite evident:

“Aprender a ser, aprender a aprender, aprender a enseñar y aprender a emprender ”.

In English: Learning to be, learning to learn, learning to teach, learning to launch.

They don´t have the “learning to do” in their motto because there is no specific required class of class management (the discipline is the “learning to do”, and managing discipline in a classroom should be part of a class management class; without “learning to do” there couldn´t be “learning to teach” possible, any teacher knows this basic didactic premise: without discipline, there is no teaching possible) in the Faculty of Education, but they should have it, that is my only critique to the teaching formation I received there.

Thank you.

Introduction: what should have happened, but didn’t, and what should have happened, and it did: the value of the example

My professional experiences as certified teacher: special education 5-12 grade ESL Teacher in a private school in San Juan that was financed by the Department of Education funds (although the school was a private school, most students of that school were there as part of their PEI provided by the Special Education services of the Department of Education… and so, their monthly enrollment there was fully funded by the Department of Education of Puerto Rico); 7-12 grade religion teacher, 10-grade history of Puerto Rico teacher and grade 12 responsible parenthood teacher in a private Catholic School belonging to the Order of Preachers in Bayamón Puerto Rico; RAE English teacher of a Public School in Corozal; a public school that belonged to the Department of Education of the Government of Puerto Rico; PK-4 ESL teacher in a Catholic Parish School in the Archdiocese of San Juan.

Why I am not teacher right now: post traumatic effects after witnessing students being abused, extremely low salaries, pbeing always the outsider and what happened when I tried to enroll as ESL teacher in the Bayamon School Region of the Department of Education of Puerto Rico.

Relating briefly my experiences as teacher. The first determining experience as teacher that I will tell is the fact that as an exceptional learner myself, I was, of course, I had always been an exceptional teacher in my methodologies. I never have done things as people around me does them. This has not been only due me being a diverse learning and having ADHD and also being creatively giftedness at the same time. My ethics were also different than those around me.

Facing institutional abuse: the second most determing experience of my teacher career is that I faced gruesome abuse commited against my students and was able to sucessfully document and get proper legal evidence of such abuse happening, even if that required endure more abuse myself as teacher. I recopiled enough evidence to make possible that the abuse my students endured couldn´t happen ever again to anyone else inside any school grounds, and that was important to me as teacher. Teachers have the sacred duty to guarantee that the dignity of their students its respected at all times. If you truly want a student to respect you as teacher, you must respect him or her first unconditionally as person, and you must teach them to respect themselves as persons too, to learn to do things because they respect themselves enough to do things in the right way.

My conception of teaching as a profession: the second determining experience of my whole teaching career is my conception of teaching in the context of an apostolate of dignity and a personal formation charism, believing in receiving Christian Formation is not merely an “aditional class more among the other subjects”: it is a way to be, being a catholic teacher is a way to be, even if you teach in non-religious schools. In a Christian School, everyone is formed learning to walk together like He walked. Why the personal example as teacher matters as much as what you are teaching, the importance of giving living lessons along academic lessons and asume your social role model duty along your academic duties.

Part I: Foundations for a Growthful Philosophy of Education

-Integraction: a systemic personal formation model

–Science is the Desire to Learn: a Peircean intellectual ethics

Part II: Keys for a Growthful Philosophy of Education 

–cognitive assessment (learn to learn)

Every student should be cognitively assessed at least once per learning level (preschool, primary school, elementary school, middle school, high school) to be aware of his own cognitive style: how he or she memorize better, which are his or her cognitive strenghts, which are their best talents, in which professions they would perform better with those talents…

Teachers and mentors should also be very clearly aware of their cognitive styles, and they should also be properly assesed for this at least once every three years, discussing their teaching strenghts and how to overcome difficulties while teaching or mentoring students with diverse learning in relation to their own cognitive strenghts.

-Growthful curriculum (learning by forming)

Curriculum is necessary, but it should be an open learning curriculum that is able to embrace all “learning meanings” of all students.

Curriculum in a growthful school should not be merely academic: they should have, besides inclusing integractive sciences in their basic core classes, formative content too, like arts classes and sports. They should have proper time in their curricular learning time to also form themselves as the best person they can be, and formative classes can be chosen according to the student’s best interests (they can vary: not everyone in the school must take the same kind of art, it is possible to avoid it, students should be able to gave some flexibility in choosing their formative curriculum content).

Use of electronic media for curriculum: in my experience, it is good to have electronic books and printed workbooks for the students to use to practice, especially if an electronic board is available at the classroom. I had never been able to teach without technological assistance, so I am quite used to it. A healthy balance between technology and printed media should be reached when applyding curriculum: students do need to use books, but they do need also to use technology appropiately, and that is a healthy part of a formative school curriculum.

–Growthful classrooms [learning to teach, the classroom as a vivarium]

Classrooms should mimick the actual scenery of a growthfull society, having plenty of “creative and personal space” —a growthful classroom should not merely be an “academic space” only— to allow the best growth possible to happen, exactly as it should happen in a growthfull society.

–Growthfull Didactic (teachers as “growers”)

Teacher is not meant to only teach a subject: they are meant to teach their subjects in a way that is meaningful towards achieving a formation ordered to the best growth possible of their students. Both the what you teach and how you teach it matters for growthful didactics.

In a growthful didactic environment, no teacher can have more than 15 students: in order for a growthful education be able to happen, it is essential to be able to have a personal relationship with your students, and there is no human way that a teacher can establish a personal relationship if he or she has too many students assigned in his or her classroom. I know this poses a huge difficulty to certain schools that are overcrowded or that don´t have the physical capability to have enough classrooms to cover all their student´s enrollment if they only place 15 students per classroom. Eventually, this will require a whole architectural redesign of schools buildings, so classrooms can be designed to meet the specific needs of a growthful education… but for now, if a classroom has assigned more than 15 students, two teachers must work as team teachers in the same classroom. This also resolves a current huge assessment issue: if we are real, it is currently impossible that teachers can be able to make a proper graded assessment of their students if they are assigned more than 15 students per group. The reality is: the whole education system right now relies in the unpaid labor of teachers, both outside of laborable hours or outside school property. It is way too normalized that teachers are expected to take their ungraded work home and bring it graded to the school on time to meet the digital roll book school policy, that usually requires teachers to put their grades in the digital system of the school aroun three days after the evaluation date, but they give no proper time to the teacher to do that in school time, and it most times is actually impossible due the amount of students per group. Enabling an education system that requires unpaid work of teachers to function must stop. Teachers must be given appropiate size groups with which they can forge personal relations and that they can grade and assess properly within their regular working time period. Teachers are the only professionals that arrive early to their works, to being able to prepare their classrooms properly, then not having enough time to complete their work at working time, so they take their work to home, where they must also do —besides the extra work they brought because they were unable to complete it at school— the school work that was already planned to to at home, because they already know that working hours won´t allow them to do all the work, school administrators also know and everyone allows it to happen… so the teacher keeps awake until late, to keep up with the extra work and the already planned work to be done at home… simply to wake up even earlier the other day, and the whole trafficking cycle begins to happen again in the next day, in the same way, or even worst. That is dehumanizing, energy-draining, and even unhealthy for anyone. Teachers are being slaved with work they are not paid nor have enough time to do, and that must change. That change begins with reducing the class sizes immediately. If it is not currently possible to have enough physical classrooms to fit all the school students in 15-per-classroom classes, two teachers must be assigned to the same physical classroom and practice team teaching. Yes, that increases the cost of education, but it is already costing the lives and health of teachers —yes, in these circumstances, teaching can be considered a psychologically hazardous work environment, and someone like OSHA should notice such psychological hazards the same way they notice the chemical and physical hazards in work environments— and it also reduces the student learning capabilities heavily, especially in the assessment capability aspect, not only in the lack-of-personal-relation-with-the-teacher capability aspect. Use less federal budget for wars and give schools their proper, fully functional operational funding, without expecting teachers to fill the gap of your incompetence with unpaid labor and psychological hazards that lack of appropriate school funding creates for teachers. This goes to the Federal Department of Education: don´t slave teachers to fund your incompetence in budgeting what must be budgeted properly in any humanizing, legally, and ethically functional organization. Education is meant to be one of the biggest chunks in any federal budget; no surprises there, education literally is meant to form our future as a nation. That is what taxes are meant to be used for, in case you haven´t noticed: to form a growthful society for everyone, in the present and for generations to come, and that formation begins with families and schools, both public and private. Have you noticed that each generation is becoming more and more less educated and more and more bored in school? Well, do something before your incompetence destroys us all as the growthful nation we are meant to be.

In a growthfull teaching system, there would not be almost no substitute teachers, because the learning process is meant to be personal. That means: if a teacher needs an extended leave due, for example, family leave (due the birth of a baby or the adoption of a baby), well, yes, for extended leaves you need a substitute teacher that can stablish a personal relation with the student during that extended leave. But if we are talking about a one-day absence of a teacher, no substitute teachers should be expected in that circumstance, because for growthful learning to happen, there must be a personal relation between student and teacher, and no substitute teacher can substitute the personal relation of the regular teacher, if we are talking about short-term abscenses. So, when a teacher is absent, and we are talking about short-term absences, the school is meant to have a games room or a creative room —or both— and send the students there to have guided socialization time during that period in which the teacher is absent. A mentor can be sent with them to guide them. Learning socialization in school is important and should be an active part of their school formation. Also, it is very realistic that in no profession is someone expected to leave planned work for an unplanned absence —like becoming sick or needing to handle a personal or family issue— and it is unrealistic to expect teachers to need to leave planned work for their absences, they should be able to be absent like any other professional would, without having to have even more workload if they need to be absent due needing to create substitute plans.

The systemic extremely low salaries of teachers in the whole United States, especially if compared to other professionals who require similar professional formation and work schedules, must be corrected. Right now, the career of teaching can be considered modern human trafficking in the United States. The whole Education system relies on teachers’ unpaid labor. The federal government should not only pay teachers a fair salary but also give them SEEDS cards (like the seed funding that entrepreneurs receive when they launch a business) to fund their teaching needs in a proper, legal, and ethical way. Also, the summer period of the teachers should be a paid formative time so teachers can keep up with their professional development duties and formative development duties in paid time, also having the proper rest that a profession like teaching requires: if you expect a teacher needing to be generous in his or her time dedicated to parents meetings, school activities and all kind of other appointments during the academic year, besides their teaching duties, you should also expect them to have a generous paid summer time to compensate that extra availability through the academic year, exactly in the same way medical doctors are paid more for their 24 hrs shifts and nurses and caregivers are paid more for their 12hrs shifts. It is unacceptable that teachers need to seek second and even third jobs to be able to survive, besides also needing to fund their classrooms and students’ needs as part of their teaching needs. It is especially unacceptable that teaching has become the most family-incompatible career of all.

–Growthfull Assessment (learning to be)

Growthfull is not meant to be only quantitative (also known as traditional grading system). The growthful assessment must also be formative and progressive.

Formative assessment assess how the student is achieving to become the best person he or she can be through what they are learning. This is the “how” the learning should happen. Both what the student and how the student is learning it is important. This kind of assessment should be achieved with the collaboration of school mentors.

There is another kind of assessment that must be taken in account in a growthful education: the progressive assessment. This kind of assessment assesses which has been the degree of progress of the student since the last evaluation. Two students can get the very same grade, but one progressed way more than the other since the last evaluation, and that growth must be taken in count in a growthful assessment.

No student should required to be assessed through formal testing and formal academic grading in Pre-School (Pre-K and K) nor in Primary School (1-3) levels. Those years are the most important social formative years: what they learn socially during that period will shape most ofwho they are as citizens later. Academic testing at this period shouldn´t be assumed more important —as it is right now— than teaching the students the proper social notions of how to become citizens that serve the common good and aspire to learn to be who they are and also to become the best person they can be. At this stage, they must be only assessed for skills, including academic skills, focusing on getting the required skills for their appropriate developmental age, including social skills explicitly. The Japanese Education System is a tremendous good example of how the youngest learners must have a strong social formation focus first before beginning to be graded academically; that is part of respecting their proper formative development as persons, who they are as persons, and who they are meant to be as persons must be learned and assessed properly first before the formal academic grading system begins at grade 4 (Elementary level).

–Growthful learning (students as growthful seeds)

Students are in all their right to request a teacher to teach in a way that is meaningful to them. They should not be only required to memorize or retrieve information: they must also be able to give that instruction their own meaning, determining how that instruction can make them able to become the best person they can be and who they are meant to be according to both their own self-assessment and according to the formative assessment given through mentorship.

–Growthful discipline (learning to do)

Discipline, in growthful terms, is related with the student learning to self-assess himself and determine progressively by himself or herself which behaviours are most appropiate in order to him or her become the best personhe or she can be and who she or he is meant to be. This is what they should expect to be able to do in a growthful society: to act according to their best growth possible, learning to grow together as the best person we can be: yes, we can grow best!

We should not teach our students to behave according to minimums. Yes, norms are necessary, but they are the minimum expected, and they should be aimed and affirmed to reach their maximum potential, not merely the minimum.

Norms are necessary, but obeying is not the only necessary, and it is wrong to only ask them to obey norms: they must be able to have the freedom to self-assess (think by themselves) and self-determine —in a way that is appropiate to their developmental age— who they are and how to become the best person they can be, the best person they can be, growing together as “we, the people”. They have their right to get “creative freedom” as part of their discipline system and be allowed to learn to act in the school as they should behave in a growthful society.

Growthful Discipline Informs should be given regularly to the parents in order to let them know what the students are doing best in the classroom, which are being the strenghts in which they are progressin more at the current moment, and what is what they need to learn to do better at the current moment. Discipline informs should not be limited to only inform to the parents what the students do wrong.

Paraphrasing Randy Pausch: “Sometimes I think I got more from pursuing a dream, and not accomplishing it, than I did from many of the ones I did accomplish“. You can expect that students will “switch” dreams as they keep maturing, evolving, and progressing, and such changes are something to be expected: dreams can and will change over time, both in the what and in the how they are meant by them to be achieved.. Not all childhood dreams are meant to be achieved, but what they make learning possible at the moment they were present as the determinant of the students´growth objectives learning and as the purpose that guided the students behavior. Students will always need their dreams to a growthfull discipline be possible… and trust me when I say —because I have faced the three instances as a teacher— that there is nothing more sad than a student that is unable to have dreams, than a student who refuses to learn to dream by his or her own, or than a school that destroys the dreams of their own students. A growthful discipline is also meant to be a dreamful discipline.

Our students need to go through the process of both be corrected and correct themselves in an appropiate, growthful discipline way, so they are able to configurare their affective profile (their self-steem) appropiately. In words of Randy Pausch, describing his experience with futbol coaches:

“When you´re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they´ve given up on you.

That lesson has stuck with me my whole life. When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody´s bothering to tell you anymore, that´s a bad place to be. You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you, and want to make you better.

There´s a lot of talk these days about giving children self-steem. It´s not something you can give; its something they have to build. Coach Graham worked in a no-coddling zone. Self-steem? He knew there was really one way to teach kids how to develop it: You give them something they can´t do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just repeat the process”.

–Growthfull mentorship (glowers) 

Besides having “grower” teachers, students need glowers: mentors who make possible for them to create their own project of life according to their own inherent dignity and creative freedom, in a way that is appropiate to their developmental age and growth stage. Traditional school systems only provide “extra help” to those who have deficits. 

In a growthful education that is person-affirming, every student is entitled to receive the appropiate “extra help” (called “growthful mentorship”) to make a meaningul learning possible and a true “learning by forming” posible. You don’t need to have behavorial problems to get “extra help” in growthful learning: you are entitled to it simply to help you to learn to be who you are and who you are meant to be and radiate the unique light you are called to radiate to our society and civilization (that is why mentors are the “glowers” and teachers are the “growers”. In a growthful education, all students must receive appropiate formative assessment (mentorship) to be able to learn how to be who they are and who they are meant to be.

Glowers would establish “growth objectives” systems parallel to the learning objectives systems already well established in current learning settings. They would help the students to project their learning as a part of their own life project, helping students to establish objectives and goals to achieve their dreams, establishing at the same time why those objectives and goals are pertinent to what they are learning in the classroom and how what they are learning in the classroom helps them to become better persons and who they are meant to be.

-Class planning (becoming)

The class planning system should not merely be organized to teach learning objectives properly: there must be also growth objectives that are determined according to the best interests of the students, simply to make possible that everyone can learn becoming the best person they can be.

The class planning system should embrace the whole personal formation of the student, making possible an integration, an action, a realization, a proyeccion and a connection of what is being learned.

I as teacher did this making a planning method of the first weeks of the month focusing in integraction, action and realization; the last week of the month would be the projection. The connection would be achieved as a group level, everyone shared the “fruits”of their learning to the school community in fairs or expositions.

–Parents and community (seeders)

Parents have the very grave responsability to form their children as the best person they can be. Teachers nor mentors nor anyone is meant to substitute their parental responsability: they are meant to support it appropiately.

This is especially important to be taken in count by the glowers: it is the parents —not the school— who determines the early formation of a student, the school duty is simply helping them to be able to achieve the best formation of their children as students of the schools. That means: the values that are taught at school —especially in the earlier stages of development, in which students are way deeper naturallydependant of their parents to know who they are and to become who they are meant to be— should be common civic values-based in the best personal growth of everyone in the school, without any kind of ideological agenda behind how the students are being formed, nor any other agenda that is not achieving the best growth possible of that student, both academically and as person-young citizen. 

A growthful formative fellowship must exist between the parents and the school, so there are no “formative discrepancies” between home and school. I repeat myself because this is important to be understood by both growers and glowers: they are not meant to substitute the parents’s formation, but make to the parents possible to provide their children a formation that makes them all able to become the best persons they can be. The school can provide regular growthful formative workshops to parents and community seeders too, so everyone can learn together how to form these children as the best person they can be.

–administración escolar (dirección as the “bloomers” of the school)

The role of a school administration, including the directors, is not micromanaging and controling everyone, but making sure to create a progessional and learning environment that makes possible the “blooming” of everyone in the school (that is why they are called “bloomers”). 

-growthful farmers: the auxiliary staff of the school (educational therapists, classroom aides, food workers —usually known as “lunch ladies”—, especial education aides, cleaning staff, school custodians, school social workers, school nurses and school administrative staff)

Please notice I am leaving the “school farmers” to the end of the exposition of all the components of a growthful educative system. They may be the most “simple” of all these components, but they are also the most important ones. No school can function properly without a fully well-formed and effective proper auxiliary staff. They are equally important to the growers, the glowers, the bloomers, the growers, the seeds, and the seeders. Their importance in today´s school is gruesomely neglected in many senses, including in the fact that they are not fairly paid nor given fair work benefits neither, especially the classroom aides and the school custodians, who may not need to study a college degree like glowers, bloomers and growers to be able to be hired in their positions, but they also desserve equal professional growth opportunities and all their fair due wage according to the cost of life, so they may also able to afford a dignified environment and even become glowers, growers or even bloomers if they receive the proper school support to get the appropriate academic formation if they are called to such professional transition. Specific scholarships should exist in Universities to make it possible for the farmers who feel called and prepared to do so to become growers, glowers, or even bloomers. Also, they should all be prepared to handle a classroom as farmer mentors if there is a need for some of them to supervise a classroom while a grower, glower, or bloomer can´t be able to supervise a student group. For example: if on a particular day the school has too many glowers and growers absent at the same time, there are too many student groups without supervision and the bloomers are not enough to assume such supervision appropriately —either being with the students in the creative room, in the game room or in the sports facilities… or any other designated area for students whose grower is absent— yes, farmers should be provided the needed formation to assume that duty satisfactorily in such circumstances, despite almost most of them not having a college degree. A professional post-secondary certification in growthful education can be designed for them (they would only need a high school diploma to access such certification) if they wish to accomplish that in a professional sense —besides also giving them the opportunity to study to become a grower, a glower or a bloomer eventually if they feel called and are prepared to do that in the undergraduate college level—, but it is the school itself that is meant to form its farming staff appropriately. This, de facto, already happens in schools: it is quite usual to see school secretaries, or even school nurses, substitute a teacher if there is no one else to supervise a group when too many teachers are absent at the same time). Schools are in immense debt to these auxiliary staff, and their crucial importance for a growthful philosophy of education to be able to be applied fully in a school environment should not be undermined, so I gave them the most important spot, the last one.

I still remember the name of the custodian of my primary school; she cared for us all so much; she gave me clean spare uniforms (the school had some spare uniforms for students who needed to change their uniforms while in the school) when mine became a huge dirt mess because I loved to play with dirt and to literally chase butterflies in the school garden: her name was Lucile. She also taught me to stop “trapping” butterflies because they would die, she taught me to enjoy the butterflies but also taught me to respect them as they are, to respect them being alive, not killing them unintentionally when I finally trapped one. I even remember they were white butterflies, and that later I was explained the metamorphosis process by a teacher (she explained it for the whole classroom, letting us see in an appropriate glass bowl —not like the vases I used when I tried to trap butterflies, this one was a bowl specifically designed for trapping insects humanely— the process of metamorphosis, from the caterpillar to the cocoon to the butterfly actually spreading the wings and let be free). I was still very small, probably in first grade (in the period all this happened, I belonged at that time to the classroom that was in the lower part of the primary school building, and that was the first-grade classrooms zone; as far as I remember second and third-grade classrooms were in the second floor, and the kindergarten classroom where in a whole different building, along the lunch room), but I already was an asker student (In Spanish: una estudiante preguntona… Peirce would say: an inquisitive student). I have always loved butterflies since I was a small child, and that school had plenty of them in certain zones of the gardens. Even the school custodian answered my questions and corrected me in an appropriate way (I was never penalized in the disciplinary sense for getting dirty due to insisting on chasing butterflies, nor for getting wet for splashing water and enjoying walking under the rain… but I was given spare uniforms by the custodian for not remaining wet or dirty during the whole academic day and was explicitly asked to learn to remain clean while I explored nature in the garden) for my age, especially when she saw me wandering around chasing butterflies, and she realized I was achieving to learn how to trap them with my hands and accidentally killing them without me even realizing yet that if they stopped moving in my hands or in the glass vases I put them, it was because I was killing them; she properly —and even tenderly, not in a penalizing, fear-inducing authoritative discipline way at all, in a very appropriate way for a way too-wandering first-grader— taught me to respect life and to respect nature, I and wasn´t allowed to trap them in vases nor in my hands anymore, but I could enjoy if a butterfly posed in my hands naturally, as I began to learn to observe them instead of chasing them.

I also knew the director of that school directly (we had the same names) and chatted a lot with her in her office: I learned from a very early age what proper respect for authority should be; true respect comes from a personal relationship and unconditional respect to the humanity of a person’s fist. I never had a single disciplinary issue with that director, I did have a single disciplinary issue in primary school due to beginning to scream when I shouldn´t, and I knew I shouldn´t. I was beside the stairs and all the students were messing around and screaming, I don´t remember right now why, but it wasn´t because we were scared for something, we were deliberating wanting to cause troubles and we chose to revolt, I have no idea of why now… and I knew I shouldn´t follow that behavior, but I simply chose to disobey the teachers who were trying to control the situation, and at the very same moment I began to scream hidden behind the stairs beside the direction office —I was very young, but clever enough to know I should hide to do what I was doing—, the head director arrived, and as I screamed and she searched for who was screaming that way, she directly me saw me doing what I was doing wrong, she took me by my hand and took me straight to the direction office besides other “unruly” (revoltosos) classmates that were doing the same… but at that moment the head director was an older one which I didn´t have a personal relation with, that older director was a quite authoritative one. The other director, the one I had a personal relationship with, at that moment, was an auxiliary director, and became very surprised to see me in the office for a disciplinary issue… and as you may realize, I never dared to repeat any kind of disciplinary issue again, especially when she became the head director, I truly respected her because I knew who she was as a person. I would have a huge issue, but not a disciplinary issue, in third grade, that would eventually cause my progenitors to change me of school, probably to avoid their abuse being discovered, because the school did call them to inform them that something was wrong with me in the emotional sense and they were unable to understand exactly what was wrong with me because they seemed “responsible parents”… No one in that school —nor no one else in their sane minds— would be able to even imagine the kind of abuse I was going through at home, not even myself as a child was conscious of the gruesome emotional neglect and abuse of my own progenitors, although I did know something was wrong between my progenitors and I: I wrote in a whole third-grade test “my parents don´t love, I want to be with God; I want to die”. I was sent to the office immediately after the teacher realized what was going on, with the teacher evidently shocked while the whole thing happened. Everything began when my classmates realized I was doing the test with the book opened in my lap and began to call me a “cheater”, but I didn´t see the book at all; I claimed to the teacher, scared and crying that I wasn´t copying, I was crying for other reasons, I haven´t realized the open book was in my lap, and then she saw what I wrote in the tests besides the correct answers I did learn to do by own… and the teacher, called Lisa Torres, did know I was the kind of student who didn´t need to copy for being able to pass a test academically, but she was absolutely disturbed when she saw what I wrote in my test borderlines. We both went —me crying; she seriously concerned— immediately to the office, and no one was able to realize exactly what was wrong, why I felt too “unloved” having such parents. Yes, I was cared for by others who were paid to care after school, but as far as the school knew, there were no signs of physical abuse happening at home. They —nor I myself— would be able to realize then the gruesome and devastating psychoeducative effect that parental emotional neglect and abuse can have on a young child.

Of course, students are also meant to have a personal relationship with the school farmers. They should know their custodians and aides by name; they should know all their farmers by their proper name. There can be sessions in which they are integrated explicitly into the classroom environment in a didactic way like it would happen —for example— if a custodian goes to a classroom to read a book to kindergarteners. Students can also be asked to help this staff in certain tasks if is a part of their proper personal formation expected for their age, as it would be asking high schoolers to learn how to trim the grass along the custodians, not for doing the custodian job, but to learn how to do it by themselves when they become independent citizens. It could also be asked middle school students to help the custodians with some cleaning duties so the students can learn to be properly responsible for their environments. Farmers, all of them, no matter if they have a college degree or not —you may expect some kind of farmers, like social workers, librarians, and school nurses, to have a college degree; but of course, other kinds of school staff, like cleaning staff and school custodian won´t usually have a college degree— are a direct part of the personal formation of the students inside school grounds, they are not “accessory parts” of a growthful education philosophy—: they are hugely necessary part of making a growthful school able to function integractively and of students learning the art of empathy socially, learning to not look absolutely anyone as their inferior or as their superior: in the school, yes, it should be learned and assume there are different social roles —exactly like it happens in a real-world society—, some with more academic or administrative authority than others, but still, in a school, one of the most important lesssons to be learned by students and all personel inside of it is to learn to see and treat everyone as an equal brother and sister, including their farming staff. I would dare to say: especially the farming staff. Their crucial importance right now is way neglected and overlooked.

I will give a practical example of this: I had never known of anyone in the Faculty of Education researching the importance of the custodian role in a school setting. The importance of school nurses, librarians, and social workers has been studied and even discussed academically… Yes, in my classes as a teacher-student of the Faculty of Education of the University of Puerto Rico, we did learn the proper importance of such staff, they were explicitly mentioned in our classes… but you see no one researching academically the importance of all the school farmers, not only the importance of those with college professional formation or professional certifications required. Especially the farmers who don´t require a college degree, they are treated like accessories and even almost accidental parts of the school system, and they are even more unfairly unpaid than the teachers —who are already severely underpaid— and have almost no benefits at all, besides absolutely never being given the opportunity to progress in order to their fullest growth possible and prepare to become a grower, a glower or eventually a bloomer if they are called and equipped to do so. The real-world fact is that not anyone can be allowed to work on school grounds; no matter what your role is in a school, you must have a teaching and a “formator” vocation (in Spanish: “formador“), no matter which role you professionally assume in the school. Ask any teacher with some real-world teaching experience about the crucial and essential differences that farmers make in their everyday teaching performance, and they will corroborate very accurately what I am saying. No one realizes this with all their consequences: farmers are also an essential part of a true learnign environment, and that applies to a growthful classroom too.

I shared some early life experiences I have shared simply as a dear example in my own memory about why teachers are totally unable to teach, and schools are totally unable to function growthfully, without the proper auxiliary staff formed properly and functioning effectively in the same growthful way that bloomers, glowers and growers are expected to treat and respect all students´ current personal formation processes according to their own developmental stage and cognitive capabilities, and this is especially true in exceptional education circumstances.

-Fraternizers and the issue of bullying

As a survivor myself of bullying throughout my whole school lifetime, I think the issue of bullying is serious enough in our school systems to be assumed in a specific concrete way like I am doing as I assign to the issue a whole section of the growthful philosophy of education. Enduring school bullying can be one of the cruelest, most gruesomest, most traumatic things for a student or anyone on school grounds —be aware: bullying to a teacher, either if it comes from students or from fellow teachers, or even from the school administration, can also happen; I have also had to survive that kind of bullying too— to endure, and it has even caused suicides. So, let´s assume this issue in a specific way, with all the seriousness and intellectual rigor it requires.

I have made allusion to this before, but I am going to mention it explicitly again here: one of the biggest social lessons a student —and all the school staff along them— is called to learn in a growthful school setting is that in a society, in the same way that should happen in the school, we are all equal brother and sister with a human dignity to be unconditionally respected as persons…

But, as you may expect, if the educative system is the first one that systematically doesn´t respect the personal formation of the students first, the students will be totally unable to learn in school how to respect themselves and other as equal brothers and sisters with an unconditional dignity to be respected. If they don´t learn it in school, a growthfull fraternity won´t happen in the society neither. That is why we have a society with far too many cruel adult bullies wandering around: they weren´t correct when they should have been corrected, and in adulthood the bullying issue is far harder to correct. Then you see intolerant leftist people who constantly sabotage and bully those who doesn´t agree with their idea, doing if with tremendous psychological agressiveness, when not also using physical social violence (violent riots to impose their ideological agendas). As Martin Luther King Jr says, “We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools”. That growthful fraternity learning begins at schools, and this is what will end the current bullying epidemic from its roots, not merely with a bunch of punitive disciplinary meassures.

No one in a school will be able to learn to be fratenal if the educative system itself is not meant to be person-affirming first, and now I am talking about a person-affirming educative system that affirms EVERYONE (including its employees, not only the students) as who they are and as who they are called to be. This requires a huge transformation of the current notions of what an education system should be. Right now, they are currently seen as the administrators. No, they are the fraternizers. They are the ones who actually make a growthful fraternity be implemented as an educative policy in a school-wide sense.

Of course, administrative aspects of such fraternizing duty must be assumed… but first and foremost, a school district and a school education department are meant to be the systematic fraternizing element of a school: they are the ones who set the fraternal tone that grows schools need to function. That implies a lot, from paying their employees fairly and having a humanizing workplace environment to actually providing the students with all the growth opportunities that belong to them according to their all-due rights as persons, students, and citizens.

This is imperative to be understood in a growthfull philosophy of education: students must be able to learn in school grounds that everyone is an equal brother and sister, with an inherent dignity that must be respected unconditionally… but how on Earth they will be able to learn that if the only interest of the school districts, and the only economical support they provide to, are for standarized tests and to whatever is required by law, doing only the bare minimum by law instead of creating an education system that aims for making possible the maximums, so students themselves can know not only the proper academic content but also how that academic content is meaninful towards them realizing their dreams and become tho they are and who they are called to be, the best person they can be?

The school districts and the own Departments of Education are the first one defraternizing, depersonalizing and dehumanizing education with their obsession in standarizing testing focus. You need a growthful focus to be able to let students learn how to recognize each one as an equal and dignified brother and sister in a systemic way, in the same way the school district makes possible that a growthful fraternity happens systematically along the whole school district as the students also are given the tools and growth choices to achieve all their proper academic development too.

No one saw this coming: the first responsible ones for the bullying epidemic in our society and schools are the school districts and the Department of Education themselves, not the schools, not the teachers, not the parents, and, of course, not the students neither. If the students are unproperly educated systemically, you may expect them to behave unproperly in a systemic way too. If the school district and the state-wide or even federal-wide Department of Education doesn´t have an explicit growthful fraternity educative policy itself… well, guess what, of course, you will be seeing very serious issues along the district in relation with the students —sometimes even among gloomers, bloomers, glowers and farmers also— being totally unable to unconditionally see each other as the equal brothers and sisters we are all meant to be… and they will be totally unable also to respect each other and themselves unconditionally as they are and as who they are called to be, as the best person they can be. So, either the parents take disciplinary punitive measures to try to correct the issue by themselves, modeling their sons and daughters’ behavior at home in the same way it should be modeled at the school… or a gruesome systemic de fraternizing bullying issue will be evident to see to anyone who has the wide-angle-vision to see it.

Yes, teachers are quite tired of being assumed as the direct responsibles of the bullying issues in the classroom. They aren´t. Of course, glowers, bloomers and growers must be expected to take active inmediate meassures when bullying is found to be happening, but they are not the responsible ones of bullying happening systemically in a school or a school district or a state-wide Department of Education. Educative professionals had been even fired due issues of this nature that didn´t directly belonged to them to deal with in a systemic way in the first place. Not even the schools are the direct responsibles of the bullying epidemic issue —nor of any other defraternizing issue that may happen in a school district, like being gruesomely underpaid and having to endure human trafficking professional features if you want to become a teacher— . The whole bullying issue root, the direct responsibles for bullying or any other defraternizing issues happening at a school —for example: if there is racism issue in the school happening, that can be another very real possible defraternizing issue in a school, even if it only happens implicitly—, are the school districts and the state-wide Department of Education, if they don´t assume with all the practicalities it requires an explicit person-affirming educative philosophy and an explicit growthful fraternity educative policy. Fraternity begins as a systemic policy, and then it becomes a social habit in students as they see it through the whole educative system leadership. Without unconditional fraternal leadership —leadership that is unconditionally fraternal first, respecting unconditionally as persons (with all that implies) those who are under your supervision first, instead of being authoritarian first and commanding obedience only upon your career position first— in a school educative system, there is no fraternization possible among the students neither.

Randy Pausch gives a very accurate description of what I am describing as “fraternal leadership”:

There is this skill set called “leadership”.

I learned so much by watching this guy in action. He was the distilled essence of the dynamic manager, a guy who knew how to delegate, had the passion to inspire, and looked good in what he wore to work. He never professed to have skills greater than his subordinates. He acknowledged that they knew what they were doing in their domains. But he established the vision, the tone. He was in charge of morale.

I will now pharaphrase a Randy Pausch phrase that should be the “educative mantra” of any educator in a fraternizing leadership position: “I don´t believe in a no-learning scenario“. That is especially to be applied to those students who learn in an exceptional way, as we are going to explain further in the next section.

-An Exceptional Way to Be (concrete considerations for a Growthful Exceptional philosophy of Education)

No student should be expected to learn exactly in the same way, and that is why assessment must be quantitative, formative, and progressive, departing from the grounds of a good cognitive assessment that gives everyone the idea about which the cognitive strengths of the students and which the student learning style are. Special education students, here named and known as “exceptional students”, because this is not a matter of them being “disabled to learn”, but them being able to learn in an exceptional way. Everyone should be considered able to learn if given the appropriate growth opportunities to do so according to their own concrete personal formation being bioma. The stigma of being told you have a disability is disabling by itself is real: no one wants to be mainly known and identified by what they are not able to do, nor is socially healthy to do so. Their PEIs should state clearly not only their deficits but also their strengths and which are their aspirations, and dreams. Each student has their own way of being, and that is all right and even a healthy thing to happen inside school settings because that is how it should happen in a growthful society.

It is especially important to cater to exceptional students’ specific learning needs, especially in the direction of teach them how to reach their most independent learning possible. They need to know what they are capable of doing independently, developing the use of coping systems and the use of their own best skills and strenghts to compensate their deficits. If that requires a particular assistance or reasonable accommodation, it should be provided without hesitation, not only according to the law but also always looking for the best interest of the student, even if such assistance may require to need an especial educative assistant (also known by the code “T1” in the Puerto Rican Department of Education system) in the classroom to aid the teacher. T1 and all learning specialists who provide therapies for special education students are an essential part of the Exceptional Education scenario, and they also should be paid a fair salary for their services.

-Discite a me: concrete considerations for a growthful Christian philosophy of education

the best person that can a student become as a Christian is a saint, so we should expect and teach sainthood and sacramental fraternity to all Christian students whose parents deliberately chose a Christian-Catholic school to give Christian formation to their children.

Parents should not only expect better, more personalized education at Christian school settings: they should also expect Christian formation be given in the school in a very “organic way”, not only in a Faith Education class, but in what all the teachers in the school live and “preach” in the way they teach, that in a Christian School must be both person-affirming and Christ-centered. 

A Christian schooling system should never be used to force a particular articulation to the student. It is supposed that if a student is enrolled in a Catholic or Christian school, the student also receives Christian formation at home, so there is no “forced articulation” in the fact that the school gives specifically Christian personal formation… but in the cases in which the student does not have a Christian denomination or the student is not Catholic, the school should not enforce in the student a Christian articulation of life if the student doesn´t chose to: the student will be present in the Faith Formation class along all the other students, but in such circumstances, the student can´t be expected to practice the faith in class and must be only evaluated by the religious facts that should be learned by all students. Never, absolutely NEVER, use a Christian school system or a Catholic educational system to enforce a Christian articulation to a non-Christian student; the school must know this when the student is being accepted and have the appropriate measures to deal with those exceptional circumstances in a respectful way towards the student´s own life articulation. If a student articulation is such extremely opposed to a Christian-Catholic articulation of life, the student should not be admited to the school in the first place, a Christian-Catholic school should be the first one to recognice their limits in such circumstances and a personal interview with the student should be made to have a explicit consent to such different articulation to be possible to happen, if the student is mature enough to give such consent (elementary level and beyond; first communion age and beyond).

The huge importance to be humble enough to learn how to teach like Jesus does: discite a me… The Jesus Charity I began to contemplate at the same time I began to research observing learning dynamics in real classrooms and observing how my students needed to learn in order to become the best person they cold be… well, He, a Jesus Charity, would eventually become my very first example as teacher. Paraphrasing the last scene of the movie “A Beautiful Mind,” He eventually became all my reasons and my only reason that made it possible for me to learn among all the circumstances I had to endure as a teacher, to teach from Him, learning to teach like He does, humble and meek of heart. This text nor my whole teacher career wouldn´t be possible to be articulated with a growthful focus in all the education perspectives possible —cognitive assessment, growthful curriculum, growthful classrooms, growthfull didactics, growthfull assessment, growthful learning (growthful pedagogy), growthful discipline, growthfull mentorship, growthful planning, growthful seeders, growthful bloomers, growthful farmers, growthful exceptionalities…— without His help, as I learned with the help of the Holy Spirit to incarnate His best-known biblical lesson about how learning and teaching are called by Him to happen: learn from me, who am humble and meek of heart…

That biblical quote had been very well plasmated in my heart through all these teaching years, and also now, as I begin to conclude this text: discite a me…

-A Growthful Healing: Concrete Considerations Related to Facing Institutional Abuse in Educational Environments

In this section of the text, it will be discussed explicitly a growthful way to deal with something that no Faculty of Education prepares anybody to deal with, including their legal implications: how to deal with institutional abuse when it happens within a school or even within a school district.

A teacher has the deontological duty to act if a pattern of institutional abuse against her or his students is evident: in such particular circumstances, all the measures needed to document properly and prove the institutional abuse in courts must be taken, both in the most systematically way possible and in the most safely way possible toward the students and abuse victims implicated. If a teacher or any other educational professional is proven to not act upon institutional abuse, their teaching license or any other professional license must be terminated immediately after all the evidence shown at a fair administrative process proves —the teacher should be given the opportunity to explain himself or herself if he or she feels it necessary— that they actually failed to act upon institutional abuse or even committed it directly and deliberately. Let´s be clear on this: abuse —any kind of abuse— can´t be tolerated in our schools, nor anywhere in a growthful society.

A growthful healing process must be made possible for the students and educational professionals who endured or witnessed without being able to do anything such abuse. The time of merely reacting institutionally upon abuse as “image washing” the schools and school districts instead of openly recognizing when things went wrong is over. Keeping a good image is not more important than taking all the measures that must be taken to guarantee that all the involved students and educational professionals can learn and teach in a safe, nurturing, and humanizing educational environment that embraces their dignity in all the senses applicable to the circumstance.

What a growthful healing process means is simply to make it possible for all the abuse victims involved the growth opportunity to keep growing on after the abuse they endured. Lessons must be learned. Changes must be made. Life must keep growing in the most growthful way possible for everyone, especially for the victims of institutional abuse.

–Conclusion: Learning to launch a growthful society

-Lo que pasa primero en la escuela en lo pequeño, sucederá después en la sociedad a lo grande. A growthful society begins at schools.

Importance of teaching unity of being and act for achieving the best personal formation possible of the students, both academically and personally, giving equal importance to what is being done (the be of the learning process) and how it is being done (the act of the learning process) and teaching them to always aim at school to become the best person they can be, instead of merely aiming to only get the best grades they can get, no matter what the mean for achieving that is… sign, meaning and the process of signification are all important, because when they become citizens at 18, no one will tell them what to do, they must be able to learn from school how to behave in a society being citizens of good who aim to their best and not merely acting to obey minimums (the laws). You have a unique light to give to this humanity, a unique apportation to give to your country as you, student, learn to “vivir el encanto”: your achievement of your best growth possible is the very first apportation anyone should learn to give to their family and homeland, and that “growthfull apportation” is equally important to your country to the taxes you are required to pay according to your income. No children in school can be required to pay taxes, but at that developmental age they do should be required and expected to “apport and serve their country” becoming the best person they can be during their most intense formative years of their life. That way, everyone would receive an equal opportunity to reach the truest American Dream: becoming together the best persons we can be, the best “we, the people” we can be, growing together in communion.

Randy Pausch: “Tenacity is a virtue, but it is not always crucial for everyone to observe how hard you work at something”.

Randy Pausch: “Brick walls are there for a reason. They´re not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something [… and] sometimes, the most impenetrable brick walls are made of flesh”. Yes, the systemic abuse of my progenitors had been an impenetrable brick wall for me… but I had always had teachers who also made me able to learn how to dream, who I am and who I am called to be as a part of a “we, the people”.

“I Have a Dream” (We Have a Dream) Martin Luther King Jr Speech

“If you can dream it, you can do it.” Walt Disney Yes, we are truly meant to learn how to launch a growthful society we dream to belong together, as a new “we, the people” able to fully consummate the new American Dream: becoming together the best persons we can be, the best nation we can be. Such a launch really begins at schools. NASA may not hire “social engineers” for their launches, but yes, our society does need to train and hire “social engineers” for our schools in order to be able to truly launch, together, the growthful society we are meant to be, in a whole new integractive way, with the very same novel meaning and implications that Christopher Colombus had when he discovered a whole new world. What we are now “discovering” is the end of the colonization era and the beginning of a new era of new fraternization, in which we become to be formed to walk together as the brothers and sisters we are called to be, as the new civilization of Love we are called to be (this is being written both in the 40 anniversary of Saint John Paul visit to Puerto Rico and also in the “Día de la Hispanidad, when the discovery of America is celebrated, I think you should know that). Paraphrasing Walt Disney: If we can dream a new society, if we believe that a new growthful society is possible… we can do it… we can BE it. As I taught to my students: Puerto Rico is known as the “enchantent island”… but the enchantment of Puerto Rico are not their beautiful beaches, or any other outsanting touristical feature among the many we have as an island. The living enchantment of this island is you, as you become the best person you can be, we are all as Puerto Rican citizens to “vivir el encanto” (that was the title of the art exposition I prepared for my student´s art work, in which I was also meant to share for the first time a “Jesus Charity” that would eventually change my life forever, as I explained in the Discite a Me section).

“A lot of professors give talks titled “The Last Lecture”. Maybe you´ve seen one. It has become a common exercise on college campuses. Professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. And while they speak, audiences can’t help but mull the same question: What wisdom would we impart to the world if we knew it was our last chance? If we had to vanish tomorrow, what would we want as our legacy?” Randy Pausch (page 3) This text´s nature truly is a “last living lecture” to my students, because in it you can see what mattered most to me as their teacher, whatever class I would be teaching: to them be able to become, in its due time, the best person they could be. This is the most important lesson I always strived to teach my students: “Yes, we can grow best!”

I should clarify a few practical observations I was given in contemplative prayer towards the process of writing philosophical texts before ending this post.

The first one of such practical observations —this was more a warning than a mere practical observation— is that I should stick to what I chose to do during my time as a teacher. We all know we went through a lot when I was a teacher. I should not focus on what happened around me and not even mention it, except in the case that mentions it is really necessary to understand what I chose to do and what I am exposing in the philosophical text. Thats it. I should not let the text be distracted by traumas that should be left in the past, keeping what matters: what I chose with the time that was given to me. I was explained this with the words of Gandalf to Frodo that you can see in the following scene of Lord of the Rings:

Other practical advice that I was given for writing a philosophical text is that I should avoid copy-pasting at all costs. I can´t do copy-paste the ideas of others, even if I think that they can express them better than I can. I must go through the process of learning to express ideas philosophically with my own words, quoting whatever bibliography I want, but not copy-pasting anyone, no matter how better I think they can express.

Other practical advice I was given is that I should have accessible a reading that is not related to my writing at all, a reading that is simply used for mind breaks. It is important to “treat the mind” properly in the biological sense while writing philosophically and have mind breaks. I bought this book simply to enjoy it later, but now I am going to use it for mind breaks, I truly love the lessons it conveys.

Regarding the biological implications of the writing process, I was also recommended to have routines to let my body get used to the writing process (usually, I walk a little bit before writing, and I always drink a coffee and pray a rosary when I begin to organize ideas for the day). And… no matter how hungerless I may feel due to using Adderall, I must make my snacks and hydrate at the appropriate time; I am not allowed to simply keep writing and skipping snack time or stop drinking liquids to avoid “losing time going to the bathroom.” How to handle my attention is also important: if I know my attention keeps focused as I keep focused on adoring Jesus Charity with all my growth as I am writing, I should begin each writing day with a kiss to the last Sunday Gospel and keep a rosary nearby to adore Him as I am writing (I kiss the rosary constantly). How each person handles their attention varies, but that is what works for me.

I must be aware that writing a philosophical text is not only sitting down and writing as it happens to narratives. Thinking philosophically requires a great effort in terms of organizing ideas, reasoning in an appropriate way, and expressing them in an appropriate way. I am not writing a novel; I must “restrain” intellectually to what I am meant to be doing in each section and how I should be reasoning in each section. Some are narrative sections (mostly the introduction and a little bit of the conclusion). Several are quite analytic sections (especially the ethics part). Most are “expositive reasoning” sections: I am meant to expose my philosophical reasoning logically and coherently in most parts. All require a certain degree of philosophical creativity, to one extent or another. The first one to learn to respect my own “philosophical voice” is myself. How much I am progressing is not to be determined by myself, that part must be discussed together before proceeding to the next part.

Yes, I should enjoy what I am doingbecause it is a work of Love, not merely an intellectual adventure.

So, now you know, the Holy Spirit will keep surprising us all —including me— in unexpected ways. Now, in a totally unexpected way, you can expect a new text for November 1, 2024. It is a realistic date to complete this. This is the Day of All Saints, and it is a beautiful day to share this: there is no better lesson to your students than teaching them how to become saints, that is the best person you can be as aChristian.

Enjoy this as much as I am enjoying this! 🫶🏼

Let’s keep choosing to grow together in communion…

It is not easy to palabrize everything that happened in last night’s dream. I will try to do it —the parts that I am meant to share now, because not everything is meant to be shared right now— in the humblest way possible because, with God’s Love, humility is always the way of learning to walk more and more like He walked.

In last night’s dream, we had an amazing conversation among brothers, and I, the sister, was the only woman among all. Yes, I had flashbacks of Jesus Charity and the Holy Family of New Albor, even one flashback of a beautiful contemplative conversation with Our Lady of New Albor, but in the actual dream, I was the only woman present.

Well, this time, the Archangels were all three present, and what Saint Gabriel told me was truly, truly, truly beautiful: “Rejoice, full of grace, princess of Heaven, because you will be called “mother” through generations…” Of all that he said, that is the only thing I will quote in explicit, literal words, because it deeply impacted me, not in a bad sense… but in a true sense: I am still not able to see what he means, and in the middle of the life stage I am, in which I am more and more conscious that my biological years of being able to have a biological son or daughter are practically over, well… being called “mother of faith” and being told I would be called “our mother” for generations to come is way deeper than anyone could be able to realize.

What happened last night was not exactly like the annunciation, at least not in the biological sense… I already gave my fiat in that Santiago´s way 20 years ago, and I already contemplated my consecration to charity in Roncesvalles… but as right now my “becoming” is developing, he is right: as we become more and more conscious of the responsibilities we embrace as “full of grace”, our lives change forever according to the living Word of God that keeps being incarnated in us as living Church, as living Eucharist (that second part was explained by Mikhael, not by Gabriel).

My family of heaven, which has accompanied me through this journey, has also been part of this “learning to see”: it is through me that these spiritual fathers have also learned to see what they should have seen long ago, and having men around you who acknowledge that things should not have happened that way is not exactly normal in my life narrative. Through the years, they have told me their many sins, without telling me exactly where or to whom they committed them; they simply reflected with me about their mistakes about their priestly and spiritual fatherhood roles… but last night, it was finally clear, wide clear: I, a woman, was the one who helped them to be conscious of everything they should have been done and didn´t, not due malice, but because they weren´t conscious as they are now, thanks of how I had allowed the Holy Spirit act in me, of how things do should be,

I it’s a very, very, very humbling experience seeing someone correcting himself simply because they are helped properly to see what they weren´t able to see before… because if they would have been able to see it by themselves, their “institutional pride” (understand “institution” as “Catholic Church”) would haven´t allowed them to act as they are acting now, with the whole humility that they should have been able to incarnate since they began their respective ministries.

Men are not meant to be able to see the whole scenario on their own. By nature, they need the help of the being, the help of a woman. It is not normal at all in the Catholic Church to recognize not only the full equality of womanhood and manhood “spiritual parenthood” (just to give a simple, practical example of this: seminarians are not required to have a spiritual mother, but they do are required to have spiritual fathers… and many examples of the lack of ecclesial feminine genius can be given, I am only saying one right now, for illustrative purposes). but also, the explicit need for a woman to make men able to be conscious of how they should act. We don´t think that at this time in human history, there is a need to realize the importance of men to make women realize how they are called to be: history has plenty of examples of women being told by men how they can be. What is needed is a realization that that happens in both ways, not only in one… and as man becomes more conscious and able to see more, their wrong acting will also be corrected. We both need each other because we, both man and woman, were created in His image and likeness. This is how it is meant to be.

I have explained this before: ontologically speaking, men are co-creators of the act, and women are co-creators of the being. Both are equally needed for a personal human formation that is ONE, the one we are all meant to be in unity, not only between being and acting and between all the personal formative processes, but also between our living bodies and the heart of Jesus. Both unities can be fully achieved in their truest way possible only through the infusion and action of the Holy Spirit. Such ontological happens in everyone, including atheists, but it is the Holy Spirit who can grant the fullest consciousness of all the repercussions of such unity, in all senses possible.

We, women, have been granted by God’s Love the amazing capability to help to be, to help to see and become conscious… and no man can be asked to become more responsible for their acts if they are unable to see first. In the same way, no woman can be asked to become more responsible for her words if she is unable to realize the “weight” of her words first.

Now, I am reaching a point in my life where I am starting to become “responsible” for my words. This developmental maturity doesn´t happen at the same time in everyone. As a matter of fact, my whole family of heaven reached in Heaven the maturity to realize what they should realize on Earth… That means: it can happen that the humility must be such that you must realize how you should have been acted or how you should have “palabrized” your life once you reach Heaven, by pure mercy of God, not because you deserve it at all, and because you had such tremendous humility you were able to grasp the fullness of Heaven´s grace in the way you should have done it Earth…

Your humility is more powerful in heaven than anyone can realize. In the same way no one will be able to love more in Heaven than how much he or she loved in Earth, no one will be able to be humbler in Heaven than how much he or she humbled himself or herself on Earth… and the degree of your humility on Earth can be by itself a reason to be granted the sainthood grace state of Heaven. Humility is the beginning of Heaven on Earth: the humbler you are, the more capability of loving like God you have. Even the worst of sinners can be granted heaven if there is enough humility to confess in the proper way that Jesus Charity is God-Love that makes all things anew, and you clearly know how such a huge sinner I am; I don´t need to clarify that further… and Heaven begins to be lived in this Earth, as we let the Holy Spirit inform us, conform us, realize us, project us and connect us in Love, with Love and by Love, loving God, ourselves and everyone as He has loved us first. I will say this in Spanish because I was told this in Spanish in the dream: habemos personas que nos ganamos el Cielo no por haber sido santos, sino por ser lo suficientemente humildes como para dejar a la gracia actuar hasta alcanzar la santidad, porque la santidad es posible para absolutamente todo aquel que acoja la gracia para alcanzarla y se deje ayudar a ver como Dios Amor nos ve… I am one of those, and being granted such kind of grace is also the giftedness of a lifetime

Men in the Church need to realize, in a very humble way, that women are as equally necessary as them for the Church to function as the living Church and the living Eucharist it is meant to be. I have explained this before, too: the living Church is a “she.” She is the Bride of the Holy Spirit, the living body of the Heart of Jesus.

Saint Raphael’s words were powerful, too: No one had been able to see before in the whole history of the Catholic Church what is being granted to men to see now, thanks to a woman, the same way he cured the blindness of Tobit.

It is in the context of what I was explained in this dream that I now share the final revised version of the text “On the Growth of the Human Personal Formation: the Nature” that I already shared for the first on the day of Saint Michael the Archangel. It took me another week to complete the revision. The version I am sharing now doesn´t need further revisions at this point.

To reach the point of sharing that text in the way I am doing it, I have gone through several developmental stages: the beginning of be (school years), finding the freedom to be (Faculty of Humanities), discovering who I am (University of Navarra), unleashing the creative being (Universidad Central de Bayamon), learning to be (faculty of Education)… until finally reaching the “Becoming” point I have begun to reach as my words begin to have the weight they are meant to have and I begin to palabrize them the way I was called to be. I am not still in the stage of “being one”: I am still limited by my environmental parallel realities… but I am in a huge process of breaking all those parallel realities and simply being the one I had always meant to be: one as unity of being and act, one as unity of living body and Jesus Charity´s Heart, one as living Eucharist and the action of the Holy Spirit. That “being one” is the next stage… to finally realize the stage all human beings are meant to reach according to the inherent dignity of their nature: the stage of “I am,” following the image and likeness of our Creator, the “I-am-Who-I-am.”

In the same way, the Virgin Mary asked how such an annunciation could be possible if she wasn´t known by any man, I also asked how such an “annunciation” like the one that happened yesterday could happen without “being known” by any family on Earth; my only family is my spiritual family of heaven. I got my answers, which I am still processing. I, princes of Heaven, will also be called “mother of faith” and forever be “our mother” for generations to come.” You can clearly see this is not related to a biological immaculate conception: this is all being done in a very social sense, not biological. Don´t expect this to be a biological pregnancy; it is an intellectual-social-ecclesial conception, as Jesus Charity, the integraction as a personal formative model, and the theology of light had been.

Yes, I confess I am very, very humbled by everything that happened last night, even if I am not yet able to fully grasp all the meanings I should be grasping, as I was made aware.

Being also called “madre de la Patria” is a very humbling thing to happen. That is another very unusual thing: it is quite often talked about founding fathers in history, but you never read about founding mothers. I have no memory of a single instance of a “founding mother” being named in the whole spectrum of history courses I had been taught, and I had studied a lot of history courses through the decades, besides being a history teacher myself in a period of my life.

You may “digest” everything I have told here in the best way you can. I am simply telling what happened in last night´s dream in the humblest way possible because I have seen the huge power of humility in Heaven.

So, here is the revised version of “On the Growth of the Human Personal Formation: the Nature.” May it help you to be more conscious of who you are and who you are called to be, the same way I am becoming progressively more conscious of who I am and who I am calling to be as I palabrize, share, and confront intellectually what has been shared in that text.

The only detail that is not being mentioned in the text that I could have mentioned but chose to let the text remain as it is and not change once more is the detail that my ex-thesis director was the first one to explain what the expression “being a late bloomer” means. He considered me a late bloomer —you can see another such example in the original Disney movie “Mulan”, in the conversation with the cherry blossom flower— and… among other things, he was quite right when he said that, far way more right than I was able to recognize at the moment he explained me that.

Everything that is essentially needed to understand the intellectual conception of integraction as the first personal formation model ever being known by humanity has been told in this text. In this text I evidently did not explain everything that I have gone through, not that was the intention: I simply mentioned what was essential to understand the intellectual conception of integraction, doing it in the humblest way possible.

We hope reading this text can be as blessing as conceiving it, preserving it, and sharing it has been to me. All this is as epic as Jesus Charity himself has always been. May the moon always remain as a powerful sign of who we are meant to be as humanity, as human family, as… amoreros: viva Dios Amor, viva Jesus Caridad… even unto life, even unto death. As Ro 14, 7-12 says:

None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself.

For if we live, we live for the Lord, and if we die, we die for the Lord; so then, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.

For this is why Christ died and came to life, that he might be Lord [the King] of both the dead and the living.

Why then do you judge your brother? Or you, why do you look down on your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God;

for it is written:

“As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bend before me,

and every tongue shall give praise to God.”

So [then] each of us shall give an account of himself [to God].

The text is being attached at the end of this blog post in both Word and PDF versions. In order to make you able to clearly distinguish between the revised and the non-revised versions, in the revised version I wrote my name only with the initials. The most important parts that changed in content in the revised version are writen in color red. The color red means: either it is new content being added to clarify the text better, or it was already in the original text, but the clarification that has been made there is important enough to be written in red and let the reader be explicitly aware of the change of palabrization. Not all the changes among both versions had been marked with red, only the most important ones in order for the reader to be able to grasp the truest meaning of the text.

Let´s keep growing together in communion and let´s keep becoming who we are called to be!

Today, day of Saint Michael the Archangel, I humbly share the text “On the Growth of the Human Personal Formation: the Nature”… not only as the first quite systemic exposition of the nature of the integractive human personal formation model, but also as an intellectual exposition of the whole process of conceiving integraction as personal formation model. It is not a theory: its a model. I think that a lot of theorical concepts of several theories can be fitted inside the model, if properly conceived intellectually for such purpose.

Right now, I don´t have too many other words to share. I am simply deeply humbled and amazed of I had been granted both the intellect, the body and the grace to being able to share in this text, that was writen in a two-week period. That is amazingly short, both considering the leght and the depth of a text of this nature, besides its undeniable creativity.

What else I can say besides what I can say? I can only repeat the Coca Cola slogan: enjoy!

The text is put as attachment (both as a Word Attachment and as PDF attachment) at the end of this blog post.

Let´s keep choosing to radiate light.

—“It always seems impossible, until it is done.”— Nelson Mandela

Ayer, mientras iba de camino al trabajo, iba literalmente “desrealizada”: es exactamente lo opuesto al proceso de realización de la integracción. Estaba conduciendo viéndolo todo muy pero que muy lentamente, viendo sobre todo las luces pasar a mi alrededor… como si esa persona que estuviera conduciendo no fuera yo, como si esa realidad no fuera mía, sino que estaba “forzada” a estar dentro de esa “otredad”, esa fake reality, de la misma forma que un paciente mental está forzado a estar contenido en un traje de fuerza. En lugar de estar realizándome como persona, todo lo que estaba sucediendo me estaba “desrealizando”, de forma tremendamente atroz, cruel y literal. Aún no sabía lo que me esperaba en el trabajo.

Es muy difícil explicar las circunstancias del trabajo en estos momentos. Básicamente es un concentration camp, versión derealization. Evidentemente ven mis tweets, los mismos empleados y hasta una gerente ha aludido información puesta en mis tweets. La naturaleza del toxic gassing que se está haciendo, y sobre todo, el hecho de que gerentes te envían deliberadamente a trabajar en la zona donde está sucediendo determinado toxic gassing, da a entender que lo que sucede es tremendamente deliberado. Recuerdo al menos dos ocasiones concretas en las que se me envió deliberadamente a trabajar en el lugar donde estaba el toxic gassing mas intenso: cuando la gerente difícil me envió a trabajar a la caja y después tendría diarrea líquida, y el gerente pseudocristiano, que me exigió ir a trabajar en doble zona, una de ellas clarísimamente intoxicada. Lo hacen con todo el guante blanco del mundo: luego son capaces de preguntarte si estás bien cuando toses sin aires. Es un derealization absoluto: fingen una realidad que literalmente es un NO-SER, de la misma forma que el infierno es un NO-SER, literalmente, y luego te fuerzan a limitar todo tu behavior, toda tu dimensión social, a esa falsa realidad, literalmente como se contendría a un paciente mental con un traje de fuerza. La de-realización es inminente, progresiva, atroz, una tortura social en sí misma. Hasta que llega al punto que son capaces de desafiar con su fake reality la verdad que es tremendamente evidente, tal cual sucedió ayer.

Aún tengo los pies un poco sensitivos tras que me sacar la biopsia de las uñas sin anestesia. A veces los zapatos cerrados me molestan un poco, pero es solo un poco, ni siquiera requiere medicación contra el dolor. Lo que sucedió ayer, sin embargo, rompió todos los parámetros de crueldad hasta ahora establecidos.

Es tremendamente evidente que no me puedo mojar los pies. No lo digo por el sentido del dolor –eso no lo supe hasta ayer–, lo digo por lo que es evidente para una mente simple: tengo hongo activo aún y la humedad empeora el hongo. He hablado con todos los gerentes, menos con la gerente difícil de ayer, explicando que no puedo hacer tareas que impliquen mojarme los pies. La subgerente general fue la más intransigente de todos los gerentes: me exigió que restregara el piso porque “no me iba a mojar los pies solo restregando el piso”. A regañadientes lo probé, y tuvo razón: si solo restriego el piso, sin usar la raspa y sin usar los cubos, no me mojo los pies. La gerente general esta muy al tanto de mis problemas en los pies: le envié fotos tras la intervención del podiatra, y no puso objeciones cuando le dije que no podría hacer el piso por algún tiempo, aunque definitivamente el tiempo se ha extendido más de lo que yo misma había previsto.

Con la gerente difícil, que es la que me tocó ayer, creo que nunca me había tocado hasta el momento el tema de hacer el piso. O sea: si había estado con ella en el turno de noche antes, habría habido otro empleado para hacer el piso, usualmente un varón. Si no hay un varón, automáticamente a la que me toca es a mí. Así funciona el sistema de “castas” en el trabajo: el trabajo más duro le toca a ciertos empleados, sí o sí. Puede haber empleados hablando y chachareando, y no se adelantará el trabajo que se puede adelantar. Aunque ya hay empleados más nuevos que yo que tienen incluso más horas, yo sigo siendo de las “empleadas nuevas” a las que le tocan los trabajos más duros entre los que hay. Lo único que yo definitivamente no hago es broiler y campanas, pero incluso en esas tareas sí que se me pide ayudar limpiando gavetas o limpiando piezas de broiler, a veces sin siquiera tener una esponja de metal o detergentes adecuados.

Podría seguir hablando de crueldades sucedidas en el trabajo respecto a usar mis tareas para tortura social, pero solo me limitaré a contar en esta introducción lo que sucedió ayer.

A la gerente difícil la llamo así porque amerita el nombre. Ya me ha gritado y humillado adrede en otras ocasiones. Ayer, viendo que estaba a punto de limpiar el salón solo con dos empleados, ya preví que una “situación difícil” podría pasar. Fui a la oficina. Ella estaba haciendo los horarios. La interrumpí con amabilidad. Le dije: puedo ayudar a restregar el piso del salón, pero no puedo bregar con cubos ni puedo raspar el piso (o sea: usar la raspa para sacar el agua). Dijo un “ok” seco y yo me fui.

Habíamos cuatro empleados en la tienda: una mujer de 19 años que lleva más tiempo que yo, esta servidora, un varón más o menos de la misma edad que tiene menos tiempo que yo en la tienda pero ya tiene consistentemente más horas que yo (en esto hay un factor “familia”: él tiene preferencia sobre mí porque es familia de otros empleados, pero estoy muy segura que tal cual están las circunstancias hubiera pasado lo mismo incluso si no eran familia, la gerente difícil, que es la que hace los horarios, tiene claras preferencias respecto a quien dar más horas y todos los gerentes me mandan siempre a mí más temprano si es que hay que mandar a alguien, siempre son los mismos empleados los que se quedan con las horas, incluso empleados más nuevos que yo), y una empleada nueva. O sea: para empezar no había empleados suficientes para hacer la tarea de limpiar el piso del salón, cosa que se suele hacer los martes, no los lunes, y que se suele hacer con tres empleados, no con dos. Yo solamente había hecho esa tarea una sola vez antes, y había sido entre tres.

Ayer, a pesar de que le dije explícitamente a la gerente difícil que no me podía mojar los pies, posteriormente me ordenó a secas hacer el salón con agua… con la empleada nueva. El alma se me fue a los pies de humillación. Aunque no me estaba ordenando explícitamente mojarme los pies, me estaba ordenando a ser una tarea que definitivamente iba a implicar mojarme los pies.

Al ir a hacer los cubos con la compañera nueva le digo, ad verbatim: no puedo hacer los cubos y no puedo raspar el piso, pero te voy a ayudar a restregarlos.

Ella me pregunta porqué no puedo hacer el piso.

Le digo que tengo hongos en los pies.

Ella hizo algo que por cómo lo hizo se vio tremendamente deliberado: dijo que ella tampoco podía hacerlo porque ella también tenía hongos en los pies.

¿Por qué se vio deliberado? Porque si realmente tenía hongos en los pies, hongos que fueran suficientemente incapacitantes como los míos, definitivamente lo habría mencionado antes.

Reparafraseé lo que dije: tengo orden médica explícita de no mojarme los pies…

Pero ví lo que se venía encima: éramos solo ella y yo, para todo el salón. Era inhumano dejarla sacar a ella todo el agua. Era también inhumano dejarla a ella tirar todos los cubos.

Evidentemente la gerente difícil me puso en una posición de elegir entre ser tan inhumana como ella finge ser, o ponerme a mojarme los pies.

Por supuesto, elegí mojarme los pies, pero aquí hay más contexto aún que explicar.

Lo primero que hay que aclarar aquí es que ella pudo haber tomado, si quería, otras decisiones. Pudo haber puesto a la cajera en board, y poner al varón a hacer el trabajo del salón, puesto que es un trabajo fuerte, o sencillamente pudo haber enviado a la cajera y ponerme a mí de cajera, cosa  que hago bastante bien, salvo el hecho de que no soy capaz de memorizarme todos los números de código de gerente para hacer funciones de gerente, como sí lo hace la otra cajera.

La realidad evidente, y esto no lo está fingiendo porque ha sido bien evidente desde un principio, es que esta gerente difícil tiene favoritismos, y evidentemente tiene favoritismo con estos dos empleados sobre las dos “empleadas nuevas” (yo y la otra empleada que sí es realmente nueva: a mí se me sigue considerando “empleada nueva”, no soy “parte del clan”), no los iba a poner a hacer el trabajo más difícil. No es ni de cerca la primera vez que esta gerente difícil muestra favoritismos. Por respeto y humanidad, no diré nombres específicos, porque sé que toda la circunstancia está siendo fabricada, ella deliberadamente me mandó a hacer lo que sabía que no podía hacer, a sabiendas de que había otros dos empleados que podían hacerlo.

Otra realidad evidente es que a empleada está bien protegida por recursos humanos y la gerencia del restaurante. Se le dio el privilegio de hacer los horarios a sabiendas de que tiene favoritismos, todo el mundo lo sabe, así que eso puede considerarse como consentido por la gerencia general, incluso se puede jugar con eso como excusa para bajarme las horas o darme determinados días libres cuando no estaban programados: “es que ella es nueva haciendo el horario, no sabe”. Pues sí que lo sabe, todos lo saben. La gerente difícil lleva nada más y nada menos que siete años de gerente en Burger King. Sabe muy bien lo que hace, lo sabe muy bien, y sabe perfectamente bien que “Recursos Inhumanos” no va a hacer absolutamente nada al respecto, porque lo aprueban. O sea: la gerente difícil actúa como actúa bien protegida por los de arriba. Ya dije que no es la primera vez que me ha tratado de forma deliberadamente humillante, pero ayer definitivamente rebasó el límite de crueldad que estableció ella misma.

Otra observación muy importante que hay que hacer en este punto, tan evidente como las anteriores, es que esta gerente difícil ha mostrado con toda la claridad que ella sabe lo que posteo en Twitter. Lo sabe perfectísimamente. Sabe perfectamente, porque lo ha demostrado, absolutamente todo lo que escribo y todo lo que está pasando. No es la única empleada que lo ha demostrado, empleados a los que ella ha demostrado claro favoritismo también lo han demostrado, pero ella es gerente, y tiene una relación de abuso de poder con esta servidora. Esto no es nuevo, es un patrón que se ha repetido absolutamente en todos los trabajos tóxicos: se trata de ambientes laborales donde se abusa del poder, donde se usan explícitamente las funciones profesionales para torturar social, psicológica y físicamente; donde se crean conflictos deliberadamente para confundir la percepción de esta servidora y donde se crean circunstancias de extrema crueldad, incluyendo, como pasó ayer, el torturar deliberadamente con dolor físico, pero ayer… todos los límites de crueldad se rebasaron.

O sea: esta gerente difícil, a sabiendas de que sabe lo que sucede, a sabiendas de que sabe perfectísimamente, y desde mucho antes de que se lo dijera, que no puedo mojarme los pies, a sabiendas de que lo pongo todo en Twitter… quiso crear un social scheme de crueldad, y definitivamente lo logró.

Comencé a hacer el piso y a mojarme los pies. Recuerdo que en un momento dado miré a las espaldas de la gerente difícil y raspé el agua del piso literalmente con furia. Además, ayer hice algo que no he hecho absolutamente en ninguno de mis empleos tóxicos de antaño. Al ir a pedirle la llave para poder abrir la puerta y sacar el agua, lo hice deliberadísimamente con un low-tone voice y un excessive pleasing voice tone. Literalmente, explícitamente y deliberadamente le hablé como un esclavo le habla a un amo. Ella no notó la diferencia, o no quiso hacer evidente que la notó. Así era como me sentía mientras hacía la tarea forzada: como una esclava al mando de un amo.

En estos momentos yo no estoy en ese trabajo voluntariamente. La realidad es que se me ha torturado, esclavizado, traficado y abusado en absolutamente todos los trabajos en los que he estado, incluyendo en este. La FBI y las autoridades correspondientes, incluso el Papa, lo han sabido, y han permitido el fratricidio de forma adrede, explícita y deliberada, tan explícito y deliberado como mi slave voice tone. La realidad es que estoy secuestrada socialmente: sea cual sea el trabajo que pida, se me va a traficar, abusar y torturar de la misma manera. Menos mal que esta vez no tengo que tolerar ver a niños y menores siendo torturados por torturarme a mí.

Si permanezco en el trabajo es porque tengo que pagar celular y el tratamiento de los perros en el veterinario. Realmente no creo que pueda decir que puedo pagar comida: me estoy llevando del trabajo comida que sobra para comprar lo menos comida posible, porque realmente no voy a tener dinero para comida. Todos lo saben, incluyendo las personas en el mismo Burger King que sabiéndolo, fingen no saberlo. Incluso saben lo que hablé de pensamientos suicidas: no dejan de bromear diciendo “me voy a suicidar”, lo que en sí mismo es de una crueldad abrumadora…

Pero cuando pasa lo que pasa ayer, cuando una gerente, por difícil que sea, te fuerza a hacer una tarea que médicamente se te ha prohibido hacer, y lo hace con todos los factores contextuales que acabo de mencionar… la crueldad rebasa todo límite establecido, una vez más. Cuando piensas que no puede haber más límite de crueldad posible de romper… sucede: hay una nueva oleada de más crueldad que supera con creces el límite precedente.

Hay otros factores a tomar en cuenta ayer. Para empezar, está la música. La música definitivamente se manipula para “crear películas falsas” en la cabeza. Ayer pusieron varias que repiten constantemente. Por ejemplo: repiten constantemente la canción de Maná que habla de que “es más fácil llegar al sol que a tu corazón… y muero por ti… y lloro por ti (en algún momento que ahora no recuerdo la canción habla de llorar por la persona amada). El grupo es mexicano. Se están refiriendo a Verástegui, y ya están montando toda una “love movie” de una persona que llora por ti y que quiere llegar a tu corazón. La realidad, la cruda y evidente realidad, es que para empezar ningún ambiente de trabajo tiene que meterse en la vida personal de un empleado forzando una relación romántica o siquiera sugiriéndola. Una vez más los personal boundaries son rotos. La otra cruda realidad es que Verástegui ha tenido en todo momento, porque ha hackeado mis devices, acceso a mi celular, a mi email, a mi dirección postal… si se quiso haber comunicado, en lugar de jugar mind games como un criminal, pudo haberse comunidado en cualquiera de los diez largos años en los que he permanecido como esclava social. Sobre todo, pudo haber usado su posición para decir la verdad y evitar el fratricidio. Él clarísimamente eligió repudiarme, y estuvo en todo su derecho de hacerlo, pero lo que hacen constantemente jugando a proyectar un falso futuro, un futuro que nunca ha existido, es cruel, es duro, y es tremendamente inhumano, especialmente cuando se usan tus funciones profesionales para forzar una realidad inexistente.

No fue ni de cerca la única canción que usaron para torturar. Entre las que recuerdo que pusieron, y que han repetido una y otra vez constantemente, hay una que dice “I have been waiting for too long”. Ahhh, ahora quieren proyectar que nadie tiene absolutamente nada que ver con que yo haya “waited for too long”. Es un accidente, es una situación forzada, tan forzada como el hecho de que se me fuerze a estar como esclava social en Burger King. ¿Quién les cree esa película? ¿Quién les cree que quieran proyectar deliberadamente que estoy “waiting for too long” cuando eso ha sido deliberadamente provocado con una guerra sin cuartel que se ha llevado a cabo usando mi vida social, toda mi dimensión social, como “war field”, quitánome y vaciando toda mi dimensión social de sentido trascendental: yo solo existo en sociedad para ser usada como war field, no existo ni para evangelizar ni para ningún otro propósito, no se me concede la libertad de autodeterminar mi propia existencia social? ¿Quién les cree el cuento de que cuando se les ruega, literalmente se les ruega, porque no es pedir, se trata de rogar… que cuando se les ruega para que dejen de meter errores ortográficos y mind games en mis redes sociales, resulta que lo siguen haciendo y de forma tan pero tan atroz que tengo que dejar de usar Instagram por completo y limitar enormemente mi acceso a Facebook, Twitter y You Tube, limitándome al menor uso posible para literalmente –no estoy exagerando en lo más mínimo al decir esto– evitar atrofia cerebral por falta de socialización y aislamiento extremo, un aislamiento que ya es extremo, pero sería aun más extremo sin acceso mínimo a redes sociales, por muy fabricado y manipulado que sea el content al que se me da acceso? Se los rogué con el mismo tono con el que un preso de ETA hubierse rogado misericordia a sus verdugos: “no me maten, tengo hijos…” No funcionó. Se ha seguido usando las redes sociales para manipular contenido adrede, para explotar, para traficar, para abusar, torturar socialmente una y otra vez… vaciando absolutamente toda mi formación personal de toda realización posible que no sea… en sueños.

De ese detalle no me había percatado hasta anoche en sueños. Lo que se está impiediendo al negarme la realidad y al manipularla con social control tactics es nada más y nada menos que la realización. La realización es necesariamente social, es el ayudar a crecer… pero resulta que no se me está permitiendo usar mi dimensión social con el propósito de ayudar a crecer, porque se me está forzando—de la misma forma que se fuerza a un enfermo mental a una camisa de fuerza— a funcionar socialmente como un war field: se usa toda mi dimensión social como social médium. La imagen no es tomada a la ligera. Un médium es una persona a la que se recurre para comunicarse con el mundo de los espíritus. Resulta que mi dimensión social es el “médium social” tanto de terroristas como de autoridades para tirarse bombas sociales unos a los otros. Todo lo que hago, todo mi behavior, todos mis pensamientos, todo lo que digo y todo lo que no digo es analizado, y usado con propósitos que nada tienen que ver con evangelizar. Of course, esto sucede en ambientes laborales too. Entonces… vienen a repetir en el trabajo una cancioncita de “I have been waiting for too long”, como si fueran totalmente ajenos al hecho de que eso se ha provocado deliberadamente.

Lo ordinario e incluso lo más humano en un estado de derecho es que pase lo que sucedió con Nadia Murad, esclava sexual de ISIS: se sabe que hay una esclava, se le ayuda inmediatamente para ser liberada. Nótese una aclaración importante: en el caso de Nadia no había estado de derecho en Iraq, a ISIS no se le puede considerar “estado de derecho”, son terroristas. Pero lo que sí hubo fue humanidad por parte de las personas que decidieron ayudarla. Nótese que ni las personas que decidieron ayudarla ni el gobierno que al entrevistó después se pusieron a jugar mind games con ISIS. No se pusieron a usar a Nadia como esclava social para dinamitar a ISIS, usando lo que se le forzaba a hacer para explotar socialmente a ISIS, o incluso para espiarlo. No se pusieron analizar su vida y hacer de todos sus gestos, hasta los más nimios, un campo de guerra social. Incluso faltando el estado de derecho, se procedió de la forma más humanizante posible: se le ayudó a salir de Iraq y recobrar su libertad INMEDIATAMENTE.

Resulta que el FBI, la CIA, el Papa, el Gobierno de Estados Unidos y también otros gobiernos, particularmente notable como el gobierno de España, en lugar de elegir liberarme inmediatamente se supo que estaba secuestrada y esclavizada socialmente… se eligió esclavizarme más aún socialmente y usar POR PARTE DE LAS AUTORIDADES —ya no hablo solo de los terroristas narcisistas, que ya llevaban haciéndolo toda mi vida sin que yo fuera consciente— toda mi dimensión social literalmente como campo de guerra… a la misma vez que durante más de cinco años han fingido un “fin”, un “rescate” que nunca ha sucedido… y ahora sé, nunca va a suceder. No es solo que se me niegue una vida en libertad. No es solamente haber estado esclavizada por mi propio gobierno durante al menos una década ­—hablamos de los gobiernos de Obama, Trump y Biden, o sea que ni siquiera se trata de algo político: ambos partidos hacen exactísimamente lo mismo— de torturas explícitamente públicas, que han sucedido incluso usando mis funciones profesionales con fines explícitos de tortura, como está sucediendo también en Burger King. En mi caso, no ha sido suficiente con compartir contenido y evidencia explícita de tortura en redes sociales y ser totalmente ignorada. No ha sido suficiente tampoco usar trabajo tras trabajo con fines de tortuta psicológica, social y física, y no estoy exagerando un ápice al decirlo: mis funciones profesionales en Servicios de Terapia Educativa Girasol, en Red Lobster, en Marcos Pizza, en Cemí, en la Academia Santo Tomás de Aquino, en la Academia Espíritu Santo, en el hogar de niñas cuyo nombre ya no recuerdo y finalmente ahora en Burger King… absolutamente en todos esos trabajos mis funciones profesionales fueron explotadas con propósitos de tortura y además de me mantuvo deliberadamente en trabajos underpaid, incluso para mi profesión de maestra certificada. Cuando finalmente tuve la posibilidad de solicitar al Departamento de Educación para tener un sueldo al menos del rango de mis estudios, no aún un sueldo digno, pero al menos del rango ordinario para mi nivel de maestra certificada… resulta que los empleados de la región de Bayamón fabricaron una escena social deliberadamente para provocar una reacción de anger y emotiva para provocar que me fuera de la entrevista: sabían que si me ponían a elegir entre los estudios y la entrevista me indignaría y me iría. Es que mi perfil emocional se analiza y se conoce tan pero tan bien que son capaces de hacer esas deducciones. Se discriminó deliberadamente en mi contra, como se ha hecho en otras muchas ocasiones en la oficina regional del Departamento de Educación de Bayamón… pero no puedo tomar acción legal, de la misma forma que no puedo tomar acción legal ni contra Burger King ni contra ninguno de los otros ambientes laborales donde he sido traficada, abusada, torturada y explotada, e incluso violada en mi dignidad —la sensación de que no puedes quitarte la porquería de encima es permanente, de la misma forma que una víctima de violación sexual se siente sucia, lo mismo sucede con una víctima de constantes violaciones de derechos humanos, además cometidas en masa… — sencillamente porque es el mismísimo FBI y las mismísimas autoridades las que permiten lo que sucede sin aplicar estado de derecho como corresponde. Eso sin contar el hecho de que el falso status de enferma mental de esquizofrenia me hace carecer en lo absoluto de personalidad jurídica para defenderme de las constantes violaciones.

Así pues… se me ha forzado por años a existir solo como objeto de explotación social, ya sea de las autoridades o de los terroristas narcisistas y sus narcisistic monkeys, constantemente jugando unos y otros mind games para confundirme deliberadamente, para tratarme con crueldad deliberadamernte, para negarme la libertad deliberadamente, reduciéndome una y otra vez a esclava social, siempre sujeta a algún social control tactic, de un lado o de otro…

Y resulta que Burger King quiere proyecta con “I have been waiting for too long” que todo este infierno que ha durado una década… lo describí en unos pocos párrafos, pero hablamos de toda una década socialmente esclavizada, de forma deliberada, pública y explícita… resulta que es solo un “waiting”. YO ELEGÍ DELIBERADAMENTE ESPERAR, NO SE TRATA DE ESCLAVITUD, NO SE TRADA DE ABUSOS SANGRIENTAMENTE CRUELES EN EL SENTIDO PSICOLÓGICO, NO SE TRATA DE CRÍMENES DE LESA HUMANIDAD… se trata solo de un “waiting voluntario” que tampoco ha sido querido por las autoridades, ellos no tienen absolutamente nada que ver, sencillamente han elegido dejarme casi morir desangrada psicológicamente…

PORQUE QUE QUEDE CLARO: YO DEBÍ HABER ESTADO MUERTA DESDE HACE MUCHO TIEMPO, YA FUERA POR EL CANCER PROVOCADO POR LOS CONSTANTES TOXIC GASSINGS, YA FUERA POR UN ACCIDENTE PROVOCADO DELIBERADAMENTE COMO DEATH STAGE, YA FUERA POR CUALQUIER CONDICIÓN LETAL NEURODEGENERATIVA O NEUROENDOCRINA PROVOCADA POR EL TOXIC GASSING… O YA FUERA POR SUICIDIO REAL O STAGED. O SEA: PUDE HABERME SUICIDADO POR NO TOLERAR MÁS LA TORTURA Y LA CRUELDAD —SOLO MI IDENTIDAD DE EUCARISTÍA VIVA ME HA MANTENIDO VIVA EN LOS MOMENTOS DE DOLOR EMOCIONAL MÁS ATROZ Y HORRENDO— O SE ME PUDO HABER ASESINADO Y HACER UN FAKE STAGE DE SUICIDIO. AMBAS HAN SIDO LAS FORMAS MÁS PROBABLES DE MUERTE EN TODO MOMENTO.

Really, quieren negar toda esa verdad de un plumazo forzándome a escuchar una y otra vez una canción que repite una y otra vez “I have been waiting for too long”. Corrijo la canción con la realidad evidente y dura, tan veraz como el hecho de que me sangra la nariz desde que soy niña y que he sido torturada y abusada emocionalmente desde que soy niña: “I have been SLAVED too long… way too long… because any time forced to remain in slavery, no matter how short, is always too long… but we are talking here of a whole life, 39 years, of social slavery, the last then being quite public and known by the authorities, who had been allowing and even collaborating with it with their inaction”. En toda esta realidad paralela que están inforcing (lo lamento, no encuentro mejor palabra en español para sustituir esa expresión en inglés) las autoridades y los terroristas, ambos por su lado, frabricando literalmente un fake reality paralelo… se les ocurre proyectar que “I have been WAITING for too long”. Sí, se ha jugado mucho con la palabra “waiting” a lo largo de los años, especialmente con versículos bíblicos que hablan de “waiting”, tipo “dichoso el que espera en el Señor”… como si fuera Dios el que está pidiendo que se me fuerce a permanecer como esclava.

La realidad es que no me caben en la memoria todas las veces que Jesús Caridad y la Sagrada Familia del Nuevo Albor me han dicho en sueños me han dicho: “te queremos libre, no queremos que permanezca esclava aquí, no queremos que se te fuerce a permanecer donde eres torturada. No somos nosotros los que estamos pidiendo esto, solo podemos transformarlo en irradiación de luz”.

En el sueño de anoche lloramos todos, y de qué forma, se me reconoce como Princesa del Cielo, pero solamente ellos saben entender mi llanto, y yo sé entender su llanto también… pero eso no viene al caso ahora.

Todo esto que acabo de mencionar es todo lo que me viene a la cabeza con el solo hecho de escuchar repetidamente, una y otra vez (creo que no hay día en que no la pongan: si estoy en el salón, siempre la escucho) la canción “I have been waiting for too long”.

NADIE EN ESTA TIERRA se puede imaginar la carga emocional y la tortura psicológica que implica escuchar esa canción MIENTRAS ERES TORTURADA EN EL TRABAJO. Y LAS AUTORIDADES LO SABEN Y NO HAY ARRESTOS, SENCILLAMENTE SE TE DEJA DESANGRARTE UNA Y OTRA VEZ TORTURADA EN UN CONSTANTE DESANGRAMIENTO PSICOLÓGICO QUE HA DURADO AÑOS, DÉCADAS, UN DESANGRAMIENTO QUE NO TIENE FIN, Y QUE SI NO ME HA MATADO VIA SUICIDIO ES SENCILLAMENTE PORQUE LA SANGRE QUE LATE EN MIS VENAS ES LA DE JESÚS, NO LA MIA.

Una y otra vez, una y otra vez, siendo desangrada y torturada de todas las formas posibles: en el trabajo de torturas, en la casa de torturas, al transitar en la calle, en los lugares a los que voy a comprar, siempre sometida a social control tactics…

Esto no es vida para nadie. PARA NINGÚN SER HUMANO ESTO ES VIDA, no se trata solo de mí. Ningún ser humano en toda la historia de la humanidad ha tenido que tolerar la tortura psicológica a la que yo he sido expuesta toda mi vida y sigo siendo expuesta. Nadie a sufrido las heridas psicológicas a las que a mí se me ha expuesto de forma deliberada y cruel por las autoridades… y por el mismísimo Papa. Ese detalle no es menor: varios de los empleos en los que fui torturada, esclavizada y abusada, violada y desangrada una y otra vez, forzada a permanecer trabajandon por sueldos tremendamente inferiores a lo que correspondía a mi rango profesional, literalmente manteniéndome como esclava… FUERON EN INSTITUCIONES CATÓLICAS. Eso aparte del hecho que creo que ya van más de cinco años que por lo atroz de las torturas y la persecución de fe me es imposible ir a misa, siquiera dominical, o recibir sacramento alguno. La Eucaristía y la confesión las recibo en sueños, y literalmente eso es lo que me mantiene viva: ser Eucaristía viva. Sin embargo, el mismísimo Papa ha sido cómplice, tanto directa como indirectamente, de las torturas y esclavitud social a la que he sido sometida. Pudo haber usado su lugar en el mundo para proclamar la verdad y detener el desangramiento. DECIDIO NO HACERLO. Esto es un detalle: no hablamos de accidentes, hablamos de acciones deliberadamente tomadas. Hablamos de un Papa, nada más y nada menos que un Papa, cómplice y autor de torturas. Ha ocurrido toxic gassing en parroquias, en más de una de hecho. Se ha jugado con los sacramentos de la Eucaristía y la confesión. Se han manipulado homilías y documentos, y no hablo solo a nivel local y a nivel digital: hablo también a nivel papal. De hecho, en estos momentos ni siquiera puedo tener acceso a recursos mínimos a los cuales todo cristiano debería tener acceso en libertad: no puedo adorar la eucaristía online porque hicieron una movida para manipular el contenido del web site que usaba para hacerlo, savior.org, y esa movida fue tremendamente deliberada… y tampoco puedo accede a NINGUNA meditación del evangelio o homilía online porque MANIPULAN EL CONTENIDO DE TODAS, LLEGANDO AL PUNTO DE MANIPULARAS TOMANDO EN CUENTA HASTA EL ORDEN EN QUE VEO LAS HOMILIAS: SI SE SABE QUE UNA HOMILIA ES LA PRIMERA QUE VEO O DE LAS PRIMERAS QUE VEO, NO SE MENCIONA LA PRIMERA LECTURA. Eso sin contar las manipulaciones visuales (poner girasoles, claro gesto narcisista de mimicking). O sea: no solamente mi vida social se está usando como war field, mi vida eclesial también. En absolutamente todas mis dimensiones sociales, incluyendo las dimensiones sociales que son eclesiales, hay social control tactics in forced.

Léase bien despacio lo que voy a escribir, porque hasta Dios mismo ha llorado por ello: también se ha usado y se está usando la vida eclesial para esclavizarme socialmente. La vida social, la vida de la Iglesia, ha de estar siempre ordenada a dar testimonio de la verdad: Dios es Amor vivo  y encarnado que hace nuevas todas las cosas, todos los corazones y toda la historia. Incluso en la Iglesia, y no solo en la católica, se ha perdido el principio más básico de todos: el dar testimonio del Amor vivo y encarnado, el centrarse en Cristo, en dar testimonio de su resurrección. En su momento pensé que esto era un fenómeno institucional, que pasaba en una sola institución que estaba clarísimamente muy lejos del mandamiento del Amor y de vivir la caridad. Resulta que… estamos ante una Iglesia a la que no le interesa afirmarse como Eucaristía viva, pero finge todo un aparato de “Eucharistic revival” cuyo fin real, para lo que está funcionando socialmente, es como social control tactic. Por supuesto, también se han usado contenidos de homilías y documentos eclesiales para fingir un fin que nunca llegó. Hay una parroquia en Ponce excepionalmente buena en esas movidas con sus misas digitales, cuyo nombre no diré por evitar dejar clarísimamente evidente la blasfemia que a mí misma me ha dolido profundamente descubrir. No hablamos de algunos parroquianos que se desviaron del camino y usaron las parroquias para toxic gassing y para manipular contenido con propósitos de explotación social. Hablamos de toda una autoridad papal usando la Iglesia para propósitos que no ha sido llamada a realizar. Una vez más volvemos al derealization, hablando esta vez de la Iglesia como cuerpo vivo… que también se ha estado desangrando por décadas, derealizándose. Esa es parte de la herida, el estigma de corazón, que compartimos Jesús Caridad y esta servidora.

Todo esto que acabo de mencionar son todas las implicaciones que pasan por la cabeza mientras estás siendo forzada a traajar mojándote los pies, cuando tienes orden médica que saben perfectamente que me impide hacerlo, y sabiéndolo perfectamente mucho antes de que yo lo dijera.

—Raspa el agua, esclava, raspa el agua…mójate los pies y hazte daño tú misma, que la tortura nunca va a acabar. Siempre seguirás siendo forzada, como en una camisa de fuerza, a restringir tu comportamiento social a un fake reality, ya sea inforced por las autoridades o inforced por los terroristas narcistas.

La tortura con la música que me fuerzan a escuchar en el trabajo no ha ha acabado. También pusieron música de tono ochentoso y canciones con alusiones a “home”, en clara alusión una vez más a Verástegui, y música de tono tremendamente despreocupada mientras estaba en los baños ya con dolor (eso lo explicaré más adelante)… pero hay al menos otras tres canciones que merecen mención particular. No las estoy mencionando en orden de aparición en el restaurante, las estoy mencionando en orden de gravedad de magnitud de tortura psicológica.

Hay una canción que tiene en la letra, casi reguetón, la línea “me niego a perderte, me niego a aceptar que nuestra historia se acabó”. Es otra de las canciones que se han repetido una y otra vez mientras estoy en el salón. Al menos con esta canción sí que pueden tener la excusa de que es una canción común en Puerto Rico (el resto de las canciones están clarísimamente fuera de contexto cultural, ya sea porque son muy viejas para ser escuchadas precisamente ahora, o ya sea porque no responden a lo que se escucha en Puerto Rico). Sin embargo, la constante repetición de la canción es exasperante, y hace clarísima alusión a Verástegui también: se niega a aceptar “que nuestra historia se acabo”.

Nunca hubo historia, y esa fue su decisión. El pudo haberme contactado, pudo incluso haberme rescatado. Hackeó mis devices y sabía mucho más de lo que dio a entender. VIOLO LA LEY PARA ESPIARME, PERO NO DIJO LA VERDAD NI ME SALVÓ DE LA TORTURA. PUDO HABER IDO A LAS AUTORIDADES ANTES QUE YO, PORQUE EL FUE MUY CONCIENTE DE TODO LO QUE ESTABA PASANDO, ES POSIBLE QUE LO FUERA INCLUSO ANTES DE ENTREGAR LA CARTA EN LOS ANGELES, EN UN VIAJE QUE NO TUVO SENTIDO EN LO ABSOLUTO, MAS ALLA DE VER EL PASEO DE LA FAMA Y DARME CUENTA DE LO EXTREMADAMENTE VACIA QUE ES VIVIR SOLO POR LA MERA FAMA DE ESTE MUNDO. LA FAMA, BIEN VIVIDA, PUEDE SER INSTRUMENTO DE DIOS, PERO AQUÍ HABLAMOS DE UN ACTOR EN TODO EL MAL SENTIDO DE LA PALABRA QUE LITERALMENTE FINGIO UNA HISTORIA QUE NUNCA EXISTIO, DEJANDOME EN VILO POR AÑOS, Y A SABIENDAS DE QUE ESTABA SIENDO TORTURADA. La realidad es que él también cometió tortura social, pero la de él fue de un tipo mucho más intolerable: sabiendo que jamás he tenido una familia real, fingió que podía hacer una familia con él, cuando era tan deliberadamente FALSO como todos los finales falsos que se han fabricado a lo largo de los años, no pocas veces usándolo a el como SOCIOEMOTIONAL BAIT para que creyeta que de hecho iba a suceder un fin. Así se me desangró psicológicamente una y otra vez durante años. No exagero al usar la palabra “desangrar”: es literalmente un desangramiento psicológico de la peor calaña, hecho de forma cruel usando y explotando tu herida psicológica más profunda: jamás haber conocido una familia humana real. Por alguna razón nunca he olvidado las navidades que fingieron un “falso fin” poniendo un ad en el web site Aleteia (ya no lo veo, desde hace años ya, pero es una tremendamente triste coincidencia que la palabra signifique “verdad” cuando deliberadamente se manipulaba el contenido del website para proseguir el esquema de esclavitud social) que mostraba la habitación de un hotel y decía “privacy, please” o algo por el estilo, aludiedo a una luna de miel con Verástegui. Es desgarrador ser expuesta a este tipo de manipulación de contenido, con explícito fin de manipulación psicoafectiva de la percepción de la realidad, a modo de schizoaffective dissorder provocado adrede… es desgarrador ser expuesta a este tipo de crueldad en cualquier lugar, pero sobre todo aludiendo el tema de la fe (por su naturaleza, toda alusión a Verástegui es necesariamente alusión a la fe, no me refiero solo a lo que hizo Aleteia, se ha hecho millones de veces más) y siendo de forma forzada: no puedo apagar la radio del trabajo al ser enviada a trabajar al salón, a cualquiera de los dos salones, donde se escucha música. No basta con ser constantemente forzada, a la usanza de una camisa de fuerza psiquiátrica, a restringir todo tu comportamiento social a un fake reality, a una realidad paralela, sea por parte de los narcisistas o sea por parte de los autoridades (A VECES, Y NO SON POCAS VECES, LO HACEN LOS DOS LADOS A LA VEZ). No, no basta con eso para torturarme psicológicamente: también se me tiene que torturar psicológicamente controlando el futuro con false future proyections, PROYECTANDO UNA HISTORIA ROMÁNTICA A LA QUE CLARÍSIMAMENTE EN CUALQUIER PERSONA CON UN PERFIL PSICOSOCIAL YO TENDRÍA PSICOEMOTIONAL TRIGGERING EFFECTS POR MI FALTA DE FAMILIA HUMANA, PERO RESULTA QUE DESDE UN PRINCPIO FUE UNA HISTORIA FALSA, SOLAMENTE USADA PARA PROYECTAR FALSE FUTURES QUE JAMÁS SUCEDERÍAN, Y HACIÉNDOLO UNA Y OTRA VEZ, DESANGRÁNDOME PSICOEMOCIONALMENTE UNA Y OTRA VEZ DESDE QUE SUCEDIÓ LA MOVIDA DEL PAJARITO QUE ME DIO A ENTENDER QUE VERÁSTEGUI TENÍA ACCESO ILEGAL A LO QUE VEÍA Y HACÍA EN MIS DEVICES Y CONTENIDO PRIVADO, Y DE ESO HAN PASADO MÁS DE DIEZ AÑOS, PROBABLEMENTE UNOS TRECE AÑOS. HABLAMOS DE UNOS TRECE AÑOS DE JUEGOS PSICOAFECTIVOS CON UNA PERSONA QUE SI REALMENTE HUBIERA TENIDO INTERÉS ALGUNO HUBIERA DICHO LA VERDAD DESDE UN PRINCIPIO Y DETENIDO LA TORTURA Y EL ABUSO Y EL TRAFFICKING DESDE UN PRINCIPIO. NO BASTA CON BLOQUEAR TODO ACCESO A ÉL, RESULTA QUE SE ME TIENE QUE IMPONER COMO ÚNICO FUTURO POSIBLE, PORQUE ES LA ÚNICA ALUSIÓN A FUTURO QUE SE HACE: TODA ALUSIÓN A FUTURO ES SIEMPRE RELACIONADA CON ÉL. SE ME NIEGA DELIBERARADAMENTE NO SOLAMENTE TODA POSIBILIDAD DE RELACIÓN SOCIAL REAL Y CONSENTIDA: SE ME NIEGA INCLUSO TODA POSIBILIDAD DE FUTURO REAL, O TIENES UNA HISTORIA CON ÉL O NO TIENES FUTURO. Esta tortura psicológica de fake future tiene otra versión, igual de macabra: el forzarme a restringirme a un futuro donde solamente puedo existir dependiendo de los hermanos progenitores que se sabe que de familia tienen absolutamente nada y que seguirán abusando de mí y torturándome de todas las formas posibles, todas las veces que puedan… De hecho, la hermana progenitora intentó interrumpir lo que estoy escribiendo haciendo una movida de social stage para causar rage adrede inforcing their fake reality, once again, like a psychiatric restriction shirt… pero ellos ya no me provocan ninguna reacción en lo absoluto, su crueldad, truth denialism e inhumanidad es tan segura como el amanecer de cada día. Sin embargo, con todos los billones que se han desperdiciado a lo largo del mundo para fabricar fake social stages, se pudo haber guardado al menos 100,000 dólares, tal vez un poco más por las cuestiones de logística que se requieren a mi alrededor por unas circunstancias como las mías, para fabricar un falso empleo en Buchanan (la base militar del Army en Puerto Rico) para tener un empleo digno y seguro donde pudiera sostenerme por mí misma de tal forma que no tuviera que estar forzada tolerar la cruentísima y criminal tortura que los progenitores han inforced a lo largo de mis 39 años de existencia. EN SU MOMENTO PEDI EMPLEO EN BUCHANAN Y ME FUE NEGADO. PUDIERON HABER EVITADO TODA LA RETAHILA DE EMPLEADORES QUE ME HAN TORTURADO Y TRAFICADO A LO LARGO DE LOS AÑOS. Entiéndase muy bien y muy claro lo que estoy diciendo: las autoridades han querido y elegido deliberadadísimamente forzarme a permanecer torturada y abusada, no solo yo, también los perros, uno de ellos asesinado con veneno, los otros con cáncer y ceguera parcial provocada directamente por el toxic gassing y la tortura que tuvieron que tolerar conmigo. Si a las autoridades realmente les hubiera interesado, podrían haber evitado todo esto. Hubo muchas formas, esa fue la más evidente. Otra forma tremendamente evidente fue el hacer posible que me mudara con los perros al empleo de Berkshire Farms en New York, donde finalmente no fui aceptada por falta de fondos para mudarme a Nueva York. Las autoridades pudieron perfectamente haber pagado a Berkshire Farms los fondos para darme un moving bonus. No lo hicieron. Una vez más, no lo hicieron. Se me ha forzado por toda una vida a permanecer restringida a un futuro forzosamente dependiente a quienes me han esclavizado y me siguen esclavizando constantemente. En estos momentos lo que sucede en esta casa de tortura es plenamente público, y clarísimamente también tienen voyerimso, entre el amasijo de condiciones psiquiátricas que tienen, porque incluso les gusta exhibir su crueldad, a sabiendas de que todo es forzosamente público y es evidencia en su contra para un caso legal que ya tiene claros matices de un caso de pena capital. Ayer me provocaron latidos del corazón por encima de los 200 exactamente en las dos veces en que me desperté a ir al baño (los social control tactis inforced en esta casa de torturas son así de extremos: se te puede torturar con toxic gassing en momentos muy exactos, solo para incrementar el psicological torture effect, y evidentemente si te torturan recién te levantas vas a desviarte de tu propósito de vivir lo que acabas de soñar y de centrarte encarnar el Amor de Dios… te vas a centrar en lo socialmente evidente, una y otra vez: en la tortura, en como eres torturada una y otra vez). Hoy me provocaron diarrea nada más despertar (esta tortura es tremendamente común, cualquiera pensaría que es un asunto médico y no lo es en lo absoluto. Hicieron lo mismo por años provocando dolor intenso y diarrea explosiva exactísimamente cuando caía en regla, haciendo parecer que eran las hormonas). Los social control tactics en esta casa no se limitan a tortura física, también está el social control tactic más habitual: el gaslighting y el uso de relaciones sociales forzadas para torturar psicolólicamente. Hace un rato la progenitora interrumpió lo que estaba escribiendo porque “quería hablar conmigo”. Evidentemente nunca quieren hablar conmigo, solo quieren usar la relación social forzada para tortura psicológica, y enseguida comencé a grabar (y ellos saben que los grabo, incluso se han exhibido en las grabaciones) para ver exactamente cual era el fake reality inforcement esta vez. A eso se limita todo su contacto social forzado: a inforce un fake reality paralelo, exactísimamente como hacen las autoridades. La movida de tortura psicológica que hizo la progenitora, mientras decía algo perfectísimamente sabido por años y que si ahora le dio la gana de fijarse fue como excusa para su movida de tortura social, fue venir a “hablar conmigo” usando una camisa de la torre Eiffel. Ese era todo el objetivo de “hablar conmigo”: forzarme a ver la camisa de la Torre Eiffel.

Aclaremos explícitamente a qué se refieren con la alusión a la imagen de la Torre Eiffel, porque es una imagen con la que torturan psicológicamente tanto autoridades como terroristas, especialmente durante las Olimpiadas… pero como explicaré a continuación, esto viene desde memorias muy remotas.

En su momento, no hace relativamente demasiado tiempo atrás, si mal no recuerdo los detalles gramáticos y ortográficos, articulé la expresión “live the revolución” o “vive la liberté” en clara alusión a la Revolución Francesa. En su momento fue una contemplación muy bella que aludía a la revolución de la luz como una revolución de nueva fraternidad: “vive la fraternité”. Por supuesto, me refería a mi propia libertad —cosa que nunca pasó—. De forma tremendamente resumida, eso es lo que se piensa que aludo al pensar en la Torre Eiffel… pero hay más.

Mikhael ni Jesús Caridad pueden “pensar por mí”. De hecho, para que Mikhael sepa lo que pienso tengo que revelárselo yo misma y contestar sus preguntas si yo misma no se articular por mi propia cuenta el pensamiento, sea por trauma o por faltas de memoria o por falta de fuerzas psicológicas. Es muy raro que no sea capaz de articular por mí misma una línea de pensamiento, pero puede pasar. Parte de la intercesión activa de mi familia del Cielo estriba en que preserve mi integridad emocional, neurológica y emocional para ser capaz del quehacer creativo-intelectual propio del carisma de la pluma creativa que se me ha dado… pero el respeto a mi libertad y a mi contexto de realidad imperan en todo momento, en respeto al principio de ética social de la realización: todo ser humano ha de desarrollarse de acuerdo a su propia noción de la realidad. Dios no puede violar la naturaleza de un ser humano, es totalmente incapaz, pero sí que puede haber MUY CONTADAS EXCEPCIONES SOBRENATURALES A ESTA REGLA, pasa en muy pocas ocasiones pero sí que ha pasado, en la que se me concede la facultad tremendamente sobrenatural de recordar algo que no tenía ni idea de que estaba ahí, y si se hace es con clarísimos y muy graves fines sobrenaturales. No se hace a forma de violación de la naturaleza: se hace a forma de divinización extraordinaria de la naturaleza humana, se me permite una participación particular en el pensamiento de Dios, que es atemporal. Para que esto pase, ponen su frente en mi frente, cualquiera de los dos, y puede referirse tanto a pensamientos como a emociones (poder sentir como siente el corazón de Jesús en momentos de especial tortura psicológica, preservándome del odio y del rencor, efectos muy humanos en caso de fratricidio y deshumanización sistémica via derealización: me realizo literlamente en Jesús Caridad y en el compartir Su Corazón). Ha pasado con ambos. Esta pasó con Mikhael, haciéndolo directamente en nombre de Jesús Caridad con la potestad de ser mi ángel guardián, no con la potestad de ser líder del ejército celestial.

Hay una memoria tremendamente remota relacionada con la torre Eiffel. Es casi de tiempos del Camino de Santiago, poco después. Verástegui no estaba en lo absoluto en el panorama yet: en ese momento estaba en Granada, y Verástegui comenzaría a estar en el panorama a partir de Pamplona, unos cinco años después de haber vivido en Granada. El detalle no es menor: lo digo para que se entienda que por mí misma no podría haber recordado eso por el daño neuroafectivo que implica la tortura a la que he sido sometida sistemáticamente por años. Hay muchas cosas que sé que no recuerdo, pero es parte de lo que no me corresponde recordar por mí misma.

Esto me correspondía recordarlo sobrenaturalmente por orden del Cielo, y explicaré en breve porqué, porque es una noción que no cabe en la cabeza de muchísimos, incluyendo muchísimos cristianos y por supuesto del mismísimo Verástegui.

En momentos en los cuales vivía en Granada “fantaseaba”, si se puede llamar en ese sentido, con que mi novio de esos momentos me llevara a la torre Eiffel a comer y me pidiera matrimonio allí. Literalmente era una fantasía: no había forma de que eso fuera posible, para empezar porque el novio en cuestión no tenía ningún interés real en casarse conmigo, solo me dio una sortija de pre-compromiso (que los progenitores después robaron) y nunca avanzó a más. Pudo haberlo hecho, y no quiso hacerlo. Años más adelante, muchísimos años después, cuando había ya establecido un no-contact bien claro con él, por una movida fabricada en el entierro de su padre quedó claro que él era parte de los social scheme fabricados por mis progenitores para controlarme socialmente durante mi adolescencia. Me mantuvo durante años en vilo psicoafectivo adrede. Exactamente como haría a distancia más adelante Verástegui: fingir que había un interés romántico cuando realmente los hechos demostraban que no lo había en lo absoluto, ninguna persona interesada en mi sanidad e integridad haría lo que se hizo en estas circunstancias. 

Pasemos a muchísimo tiempo más adelante. Muchísimo, no recuerdo cuando. En un momento dado fue Mikhael quien me dio la potestad sobrenatural de tener este recuerdo de mis años que viví en Granada (comparado con Puerto Rico, la torre Eiffel estaba a un paso de Granada), por una razón sobrenatural muy, pero que muy concreta que se me concede explicar a continuación como lección magistral:

Evidentemente todos juegan con mi inconsciente. O sea, parte de la naturaleza de la tortura psicoafectiva y los social control tactics que son inforced alrededor es que aluden incluso a mi subconsciente, se pretende incluso controlar mi subconsciente. Verástegui ha sido una de las personas que me ha sometido a ese tipo de tortura, muy particular, porque requiere un vasto conocimiento de tu vida pasada, literalmente leer toda tu vida contenida en redes sociales “privadas”, que de privacidad tienen absolutamente nada. Toda mi existencia psicoafectiva ha sido explotada y traficada durante toda mi vida, por ambos lados, no solo por uno. Realmente se podría decir “por los tres lados”, porque Verástegui es en sí mismo todo un side de la historia de mi tortura, que no responde ni exactamente a un bando ni al otro: ambos lo han explotado por igual, como acabo de demostrar con lo que hizo la hermana progenitora. Este es un triage tremendísimamente ilegal y peligrosísimo para la salud mental e integridad de cualquier ser humano.

Mikhael me aclaró en aquel momento lo siguiente:

—No estamos en momentos en los que para ser romántico se ha de forzar a la mujer a ser una naive princess o cosa por el estilo. Al pajarito hay que ponerle freno: manipular de esa forma está mal…

Escúchame bien lo que te voy a decir, algo que ya te ha dicho Jesús Caridad pero yo te lo voy a repetir una vez más. Cuando te vayas a casar, con la persona quien sea, no va a ser en una relación de poder desigual. Hombre y mujer tienen equidad de poder en un matrimonio. Tú no vas a ir a una Torre Eiffel ignorando lo que va a pasar allí y siendo manipulada para creer que no se sabía lo que habías contemplado mientras vivías en Granada. Tienes que saberlo. Porque cuando alguien te pida la mano, va a ser algo bien consciente, ante los hombres y ante Dios. Incluso debes ser tú la que deliberadamente de la cita para citarse en la Torre Eiffel o en el lugar que sea.

No estamos en tiempos de reinas católica siendo forzadas a ser casadas para que luego sean despreciadas por como fueron manipuladas, ignorándose en todo momento su capacidad de consentimiento (en clara alusión a lo que pasó con el Rey Enrique VIII de Inglaterra) y su equidad de poder como mujer. No estamos en tiempos en que una mujer ha de ser manipulada psicológicamente para obtener su “consentimiento” a un matrimonio. Si te casas, será con pleno consentimiento y con pleno derecho, tanto eclesial como civil. No vas a ir a ciegas a que te pidan la mano: es tu opción cuando revelar lo que se te está revelando en estos momentos, pero cuando vayas a la Torre Eiffel, has de saber perfectísimamente a lo que estás consintiendo con plena igual de poder como mujer. Ese poder se te ha conferido por Dios mismo como mujer y no habrá hombre que pueda quitártelo. Te casarás como corresponde: por vocación, no por obligación, ni mucho menos por obligación… Ese matrimonio debió haberse declarado inválido, no por él, sino por ella: ella, por sus circunstancias, no tuvo pleno consentimiento sobre ese matrimonio, se le eligió por ser realeza y no por una elección que fuera parte de una vocación al Amor… pero una vez más, hay todo un contexto cultural que debe ser tomado en cuenta a la hora de asumir porqué el error de la Iglesia al cometer el error que comete… y hubo mártires por ello. Hubo todo un cisma por una guerra de poder de ambas partes.

[Me sonrió de una forma bien particular…] Estamos en tiempos de un nuevo romanticismo. La mujer no necesita que el hombre la conquiste: necesitan los dos conquistar cuanto les impida consumar la voluntad del Cielo para su vocación esponsal, y para eso son necesarios los dos. No estamos en tiempos en que se haya de fomentar que la mujer sea vulnerable, que la mujer sea la “conquistada”, que la mujer sea la “ciega de amor”. Ambos son vulnerables. Ambos necesitan conquistar. Ambos están medios ciegos, evidentemente nadie ha visto esto que tú estás viendo por revelación. Jamás de ha de entender, ni por sentido implícito, que la mujer está llamada por Dios a ser dominada por el varón. Tienes equidad de poder, Princesa del Cielo… tienes que saber muy pero que muy bien lo que haces al ir hacia esa torre, y tienes que saber muy pero que muy bien con qué se está “jugando” porque está terriblemente mal plantearlo como voluntad del Cielo que se juegue con el inconsciente y con la mente de cualquier ser humano de esta forma…”

Usó dos imágenes que son muy claras. Una fue la del sartén con el mango, en clara alusión a la película Tangled: “no es que la mujer tenga el sartén por el mango, o que tenga al hombre sujeto por el mango: es que cuando ambos aprenden a usar el sartén por el mango las cosas funcionan como corresponde en un matrimonio llevado conforme a la voluntad del Cielo”. La imagencita del sartén no es menor. Antes tenía uno. Los hermanos progenitores lo hicieron desaparecer. Por favor, no se pongan ahora a hacer caceroladas por la equidad de la mujer, bastante ya me está costando decir esto. Limítense a no hacer alboroto y poner un iron skillet donde quieran defender la equidad entre el hombre y la mujer en un matrimonio. Esta noción a los hermanos musulmanes les resulta especialmente chocante. Todavía tenemos religiones y una Iglesia interesada en guerras de poder y en dominar a otros seres humanos, solo que esta vez se usan mind games, social control tactics y otras macabridades más modernas.

La próxima imagen, aunque parezca un poco vulgar, debe ser revelada para que entienda todo el tiempo que esta noción revelada lleva en mi memoria. Es relativamente bastante. Una de las bromas que se me hizo por mi familia del Cielo, que tienen un sentido del humor clarísimamente español, fue la siguiente: “tiene el toro cogido por las bolas desde mucho antes de la luna de miel y el toro no lo sabe”. Era un momento dado en que bromeé externamente con esa expresión (tener a alguien cogido por las bolas… me referí a unos cuantos varones que ostentaban abuso de poder…) sin revelar explícitamente porqué estaba diciendo eso. Busquen exactamente donde y cuando lo dije. Eso les da una idea de hace cuanto tiempo está esta revelación hecha. Cuando digo que no digo todo lo que contemplo en sueños, les conviene tomarme en serio.

One example of something I have not shared yet of what we had dreamed, and is related with what we are contemplating right now: I had been revealed in dreams of what a catholic king a catholic queen are called to be and to become. In Mikhael´s words: “What Henry VIII did was horrific upon Heaven´s eyes. What the catholic queen, Katherine of Aragon, had to endure, due him and due the cultural context of the time, was a tragedy. No catholic queen is supposed to be treated that way, and no catholic king is called to behave the way he did. When a royal assumes the throne, is not something that only comes from the blood: comes from a call from God. A royal that embraces his or her royal duties as Catholic royal embraces a call from God, not to power, but to serve their people. The “power” of a Catholic royal is help to grow his people with equal growth opportunities, beginning with the poorest among the poorest. The Catholic royal blood is not blue: is gold, charity gold. Charity is the order of the heart of those called to govern in the name of God, with all the proper preparation in both civil and sacramental order: they are called to incarnate the Eucharist in such a way that their people become kingdom of New Albor, kingdom of Heaven-on-earth, kingdom of God-Love-with us. Blood by itself is not enough to be a Catholic royal: you can have royal blood and choose not embrace the royal duties inherent to your blood because upon God you don´t see yourself called to embrace those duties, and that is perfectly right. A Catholic king and a Catholic queen, like Katherine of Aragon was, knows that she belongs to her people, upon God and upon earth. God doesn´t create royal lineages: God may have a vision for His people, but is “we, the people” who actually create a royal lineage, because a Catholic king and a Catholic queen belong to their people, the same way that a bishop belongs to his people, but now we are talking about civil order. God won´t say to no one: you must fund a monarchy. God will say: this is my vision for my people, what do you, “we, the people”, choose to do?

What I mean is… Monarchies believe that they are created by God. That is false. Monarchies are not created by God. What God creates is a vision of a new people that can grow together as brothers and sisters, becoming together the best person you all can be together, walking together as He walked. How that vision becomes living Word, that depends upon “we, the people”. No Catholic royal, no matter if it is a queen, a king, a prince or a princess, can claim “God told me to create a monarchy” or “God told me to be a king or queen”. What God commands, and this commands is for everyone, is “Mandatum novum do nobis: ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos”… Love one another as He loves you, that is the command. That commands concretes in everyones as a unique call to serve in a way no one else can serve… and yes, for some, that call is a call to be a Catholic Royal, like Katherine of Aragon was. But her power wasn´t hers because she married Henry VIII. Her power came from God, she had a royal power of her own, from her answer to serve her people unconditionally, living her faith heroically faithfully, and what Henry VIII did was absolutely horrific, creating a division in the Church simply due a power abuse war… that the Church didn´t handled as they should neither. They responded a civil power war with another ecclesial power war. Katherine should have been granted the annulment, not him, but she wasn´t for power wars. The thirst of power always corrupts. All what happened to that truly catholic queen was absolutely seen by Heaven [the eyes of Mikhael sparked fire when he said that], even if the Catholic Church was unable to see it then, due the cultural context of the time. This is not a sin that belongs to England as a country. Sins are personal, even when they are committed by a king. These were sin of a man: Henry VIII. He is founder of no church. Jesus is the founder of the Catholic Church, no one else. Can anyone, leaving beside all kinds of nationalistic pride, can see in Henry VIII a saint, a founder of something greater than his thirst of power? England is Catholic, even if they themselves don´t know it.

Right now, in these millenium, in this time of the history of humanity, this can be understood as no Catholic king or queen have understood it before: no Catholic queen or Catholic queen can claim God commanded them to be a king or queen. What God commands is to Love. If your call, upon man and upon God, is to love your people as only a King and a Queen can do it, and if that is a call that you receive from God and from “we, the people”, go ahead. Reing with all the blessings of God… and from your people, from “we the people”. This detail is not minor.

Right now, in order to a Catholic queen or king reign, there must be also a constitutional order that allows it. That means: you don´t reign upon God´s command, you reign according to your own people´s constitution. The “we, the people” is not a minor detail here. If anyone is called to be a Catholic queen or king, there must be a civil constitution that constitutes so in the civil order also. The times of being in a throne simple due “God said so” is over: God Love respects the civil order and even wants it. God is not a dictator. Jesus Charity as real King of the Americas is not a dictator neither. But is He is King, and He is showing He indeed is… all this means something. A King doesn´t come from nowhere. There is a royal lineage there… but you all are understanding Catholic royalty awfully wrong, as historic precedents have shown. It’s a concrete call to serve and love your people… is a concrete call to serve “we, the people”. We are not talking now about kingdoms that come directly from God… We are talking [he made a small reverence when he said that] about a kingdom that comes from the call that God gives to serve in such way that everyone, including you, princess of Heaven, can grow as “we, the people”… in such wat that everyone can have the growth opportunities everyone is called to have to consummate their charity alliance upon God… because this [he kissed my charity alliance] charity alliance does indeed comes from God, but is upon “we, the people”, not only you, to consummate it. A new constitutional order is already needed to create a whole united America… and uniting Anglo-America with Hispanic America with a new continental constitutional order would be the achievement of a lifetime… but this is a call of “we, the people”, is they who choose how this vision of God becomes live as new kingdom of new albor. God Love counts upon his people, the same way Jesus Charity counted and waited for your “fiat mihi secundum caritatis tuam”, He waited all these centuries, from the Spanish conquest times to these days, to be born as a new social order… as a new society, as a new people of new albor, as a new kingdom of new albor, as a new kingdom of God-Love-with-us, reigning as King in both civil and ecclesiastical order… but in the correct way upon Heaven: counting with “we, the people” to also collaborate in the process of plasmating His work of Love, His living icon of God-Love alive and incarnate in His people… because He reigns with Love, with a civil order of charity, with a consecration to charity… His power is not of this world. The power of a truly Catholic queen and king is to serve and love their people. Jesus Charity doesn’t reign in the ways of the world has seen, and no one should understand it that way. That couldn’t be understood in the times of the Spanish conquest nor in times of Henry VIII. Clearly Catholic queens and kings and the own Church have to learn a little bit more about a truly Catholic royalty is [he clearly meant England and Spain, the two kingdoms involved in what happened with Katherine of Aragon].

A Catholic queen or king must have a proper coronation ceremony with a blessing, in which he or she embraces civilly and with all the ecclesiastical blessings the call to Love “we, the people” as only a king or queen can do it. It is not enough to have royal blood: it must be embraced as a conscious vocation of Love or he or she can’t be named “Catholic royalty”. When a Catholic king or queen commits a public sin, he or she will do a public apology as part of his or her confession’s absolution, and proceed fully according to civil order also. With “public sins” the Heaven means sins against the public order or sins committed against his or her family, who will always be their first call of public service. A concrete example of this is: when a Catholic king commits fraud, you will apologize to your people and pay what civilly corresponds to your sin, that is also a civil offense, either in monetary sum or in jail, whatever corresponds in civil order. That humility is part of the disposition of a truly Catholic queen or king: no one is asked to be perfect, but you must be humble in order to be a truly Catholic queen or king. A Catholic queen or king must rule with both right conscience upon God and right civil order upon mankind, upon his or her “we, the people”.

If there is no disposition to serve humbly, there is no true Catholic royalty running in those veins. No one comes to a throne as Catholic royal to boast power, as Henry VIII did. The pride that implies not correcting what Henry VIII did must be something to be a reason of conversion. Also must be learned from this historic lesson: marriage, including a royal marriage, is a vocation of Love. The whole life as a Catholic royal configurates as a vocation of Love, an incarnated God’s Love call upon your family and your kingdom. If you don’t feel prepared, or if you don’t feel called to be a truly Catholic royal, ready to humbly serve your people, making visible to them God’s Love in a way no one else will be able to… no blood lineage will force you to be so, you will simply have another call to serve, and there is nothing less honorable in serving your people in other civil roles than doesn’t involve being a royal. That is why there must be a coronation ceremony: this is a vocation that must be publicly and very consciously embraced, in both civil order an ecclesiastical order. Not everyone can be called a Catholic king or queen.

The blood that beats in your veins has called for a justice that can only come directly from Heaven, as the justice for Katherine of Aragon has come directly from Heaven. What should have happened since the times of the Spanish Conquest, right in the beginnings of the 1500s, is happening right now, and it had always been planed to be so, when the proper cultural context was prepared to embraced what God Love wanted as a true new evangelization project… a true family evangelization project.

However, no matter how this justice comes directly from Heaven, God Love does count in His people to incarnate His plans. He counted on you to incarnate Jesus Charity [he did a little reverence again. He is revering the Jesus Charity that beats in me… we share the same blood, I had been explained that a thousand of times…] in this moment of the social history of the Americas, even when He has really conceived in His mind and plans since the very beginnings of the times of the Spanish Conquest, and now, in this time of the history, is that His kind of royalty can be understood. This, what is happening now, should have been since  the very beginning of the American Conquest… but it wouldn’t be understood in the cultural context of those time… and as you very clearly know, God can’t violate human nature, He accepts the human notions of reality and can’t defy cultural contexts in a way that violates human nature, He can transform cultural context if it can be done so, but He can’t do it violating human nature… so He, an all sovereign God, respecting the growth stages of human evolution, waited all these years since the beginnings of the Spanish Conquest to these times in which His royal message of Love and a charity alliance can be understood as He meant to, and as His mother meant to, since the very beginning of the 1500s…

Hear me right when I say this: one day, princess of Heaven, the whole Americas will be united in a single constitution and as a single Kingdom of New Albor, as it has meant to be since the very beginning, and this royal lineage will come from Jesus Charity and Our Lady of New Albor, as it was meant since the very beginning. All the bloodshed, all the tortures, all the wars, all the colonization cruelty and all the slaveries… will become the birth of a new kingdom of God-Love-with-us… but God also counts upon His people to do this. It will happen, but not as a direct order of Heaven but as a vision of God-Love incarnated that is being progressively plasmated, as you did with Jesus Charity… a vision that will be incarnated by a whole “we, the people” as well [contemplating this was fascinating. All the stars in heaven shone very brightly, all the people in the Americas that has come before us and has given their blood and their lives to become what we are today, both as Church and as continent]”.

Hear me right: I am not queen. I know what you had been projecting, but you must hear Mikhael right: there must be a constitutional order in order to be a Catholic queen or king ruling. Biden was clear in his message of July 1, 2024: “there are no kings in America”. The message was wide and clear to you, “we, the people”, your president has spoken. He knew perfectly well what he was saying and everyone understood very well what he said. Let’s be clear: I have never asked to be a queen neither. As a matter of fact, I am being constantly socially harassed, its clear that “we, the people” doesn’t like me. It doesn’t matter. I doesn’t have to be me, really, I had been a sinner of the worst kind and you know it, I don’t need to give explanations about that… but hear Mikhael right: eventually, when the time is right, it will happen. There will be a new continental constitution that unites the whole Americas as new world, as new kingdom of new albor, as it should have happened according to God’s vision, and Mother Mary’s vision, since the very, very, very beginning of the Spanish conquest and since the very discovery of America as a new world. The blood that beats in our veins is not coincidence. There is royal blood in us, not blue blood, but charity gold, the bloods of generations that have consummated with their lives what is going to happen eventually, and that is a lot of blood: from the taino blood, the blood of the first people to be extinguished by the Spanish conquest… until the blood shed today, September 11, in the most lethal terrorist attack America has ever seen. All those stars shine upon heaven. All the bloodshed, as Mikhael said… everything is becoming a whole new social order, a new civilization of Love, meant to be since the very beginning, but it was not seen, they were unable to see it yet, but they got glimpses… You may not see it neither. It is there. God’s vision is there, as clear as a new albor: no one can’t hide a rising sun, no matter how cruel and brutal the bloodshed had been. And it is a beautiful America, and a bright, living humanity for our children and generations to come, if we choose to walk as equal brothers and sisters, as it was meant to be since the very beginning.

Eventually, there will be an American monarchy that will preserve God’s vision and unite the whole Americas as New Kingdom of New Albor. I mean an American continental monarchy, we are not talking only about USA when we say “America”. Histories like the one of Henry VIII will be left behind as historic lessons of what must never be repeated again. Anglo America and Hispanic America will be united as a charity alliance with a single gold blood lineage with a single call to serve humble the “we, the people” of the whole Americas, not only United States… but undoubtfully to Mikhael, in USA is where the first revolution began, and there is where this revolution of new albor will begin too.. Even if it is not me… it will happen. It clearly can’t be me because I don’t have “we, the people” along me: I am probably the most hated person “we, the people” have ever seen, harassed even when going to the doctor (a car with a broken light was in front of me as I came back from the doctor this morning… I mean, this kind of harassment is a highly social thing, it is not something of a few people)… No matter who will be doing this, I have seen it, like Mary Magdalen saw Jesus for the first time resurrected, and I can give witness of it for the first time, as I am doing as I plasmate all these words… literally in the middle of the most horrific hate. No matter what happens around me,  we are no-hate land: I, once again, have chosen to truly forgive those who have tortured me and still harass me, and those who have allowed it. I choose Love, over and over again. As Martin Luther King said: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” The American Dream that Martin Luther King envisioned for United States become the dream of a whole continent, even in a bigger way than he said it: “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.” That American Dream keeps growing to embrace equality in such way that absolutely EVERYONE can keep growing until becoming the best person she or he can be. It is not enough to be equal citizens: we also consummate the American Dream according to our inherent dignity given by our Creator, always becoming —no matter what we are doing with our freedoms as equal citizens— the best person we can be, growing together as brothers and sisters of a New World, of a new Kingdom of New Albor… walking together as both equal and fulfilled-dignity brothers and sisters of a new American Alliance, served and governed by authorities and a royalty that defend unconditionally both the inherent equality of all and the inherent dignity of all: we all have rights, human, fraternal and civil rights, from conception to natural death. This is such an important lesson to humanity after the holocaust: no government authority, king or queen can call himself or herself Catholic if he or she doesn´t defend human, fraternal and civil rights of everyone unconditionally, from conception to natural death; if doesn´t defend human dignity unconditionally. This social principle of equality and dignity is SO IMPORTANT as foundation of any new civilization of Love that it is the very beginning of a New Constitution conceived as a Declaration of New Fraternization, as a Declaration of Love: “WE, THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF AMERICA, WILLING TO WALK TOGETHER AS EQUAL CITIZENS AND WILLING TO GROW TOGETHER RECOGNIZING UNCONDITIONALLY THE INHERENT DIGNITY OF EVERY HUMAN BEING, FROM CONCEPTION TO NATURAL DEATH, DECLARE:” A Catholic king or queen must rule with both the wisdom given by the Holy Spirit and also with the wisdom of all the scientific knowledge applicable to each circumstance, and he or she must hear all voices with charity and recognizing the glimpses of truth in everyone, including in those who disagree, but there are principles that are foundational, and this one is one of them, the most important of all, the beginning of everything. Abortion is not an option. Euthanasia is not an option. Social abortion is never option: the systematic denial of human rights of some, like is being done right now with the unborn people, was what begun the Holocaust. That historic lesson must be learned: NEVER AGAIN, to no one. A human being is a person, with an ongoing personal formation and inherent dignity, since the conception of an organic body with human DNA until the natural death of the organic body with DNA. No one can steal the dignity of anyone, not even a government authority, much less call yourself “Catholic” while doing it. The human dignity, the human, fraternal and civil rights, belong to all persons, no matter in which stage of personal growth they are, or what they are capable of do or not do. A Catholic queen or king is called to serve all citizens, trying and praying for the grace to see everyone as God sees everyone, living charity unconditionally as it is deliberately chosen to see in everyone a person to serve in the first place recognizing his or her human dignity unconditionally. A Catholic queen or king is called to serve in the first place the person, always affirming unconditionally the integrity of everyone´s personal formation and of course also always affirming the first social structure in which everyone´s personal formation is founded: the family. Everyone has a right to have a family, that is an essential principle of the fraternal rights: if you defend the dignity of all you also affirm the call of everyone to grow unconditionally loved, as part of a family. That is how a Catholic queen or king loves his or her people” in the first place: helping them to grow as family, according to their inherent dignity, as part of “we, the people”.

I think this is the right moment for me to explain how I understand Heaven’s royalty, because it is nothing related to grandiose complexes that I have seen lately projected as another false future distracting-from-the-present-tense attempt. For me, being a princess of Heaven is related to living charity and having always a disposition to serve, no matter what. In the worst moments I have had in my tortures in the works I had been, including the one I am right now, what I focus is in the call to serve those people I am called to serve in that present moment. I do a huge effort to not focus in anything else, because that is how I adore Jesus Charity with my whole growth in that very present moment, no matter how terrible an brutal the torture is around me. I may be in the middle of hell, and tell a Burger King client while I take their order: it’s a pleasure to serve you. I am not idealizing: I am telling very literal exact words I told to a client while all the torture that I am telling in this text happened. I am not projecting fake realities at all: in the middle of literal NOT-BEING, in the middle of the most extreme derealization, in the middle of the most extreme psychological torture, that I am merely describing in this text as a 24 hours tale (I am not telling EVERYTHING that has happened to torture me while I had been there, I am only telling what happened in a 24 hour period)… my choice, and even my pleasure, is to choose to serve who I am called to serve, because no matter what happens around me, that is my call upon God. That is what a princess of Heaven does. No one commands me to do it. Its my deliberate choice upon God, even if upon man, in all the social dimensions, I remain socially slaved.

¿Qué hacer con quien en su momento llamé “Stella Coeli”, a quien han querido proyectar con todo tipo de imágenes de realeza, desde aludiéndolo con videos de “Príncipe Alí” (la canción de la película “Aladdin”) hasta aludirlo con el mismísimo Aragorn, de la película de “The Lord of the Rings”… una realeza tipo Hollywood que no tiene absolutamente nada con el SER en unidad de ser y acto (claramente dice una cosa y realmente hace otra)? Desde el momento en que se habló de lo que dije acerca de coger el toro por las pelotas, y eso pasó hace relativamente hace mucho tiempo atrás, ya desde ese momento, se había acordado que por estricta deferencia sencillamente me limitaría a leer lo que Verástegui escribiera en una carta, porque eso fue lo que él hizo conmigo: leer mi carta, that´s it. Pueden imaginar la escena de Mulán: “a life for a life”. Solamente leeré lo que escriba en una carta que leeré cuando yo me sienta preparada y en la disposición de leerla, y sin siquiera dejarle saber que la leí, porque él no me dejó saber que leyó mi carta. No habrá respuesta a la carta, de la misma forma que él no respondió a la mía, y puedo tomarme la libertad de hacer la carta tan pública como él hizo la mía. Y por supuesto no habrá ninguna cita en la Torre Eiffel bajo ninguna circunstancia, incluso si yo misma no revelo lo que se me acaba de revelar (cosa que estoy haciendo en estos momentos, después de tremendos, sanguinarios, sucios y cruentos juegos mentales con la imagen de la torre Eiffel durante muchísimo tiempo, muy en especial, como ya dije, durante las olimpiadas). Ningún hombre que pretenda dominar a una mujer a la fuerza con social control tactics puede considerarse digno de una vocación matrimonial. Esto lo he dicho muchas veces y de diversas maneras, pero no se me considera digna de tener mi propio futuro en equidad, siempre tengo que estar dominada por alguien, sea por Verástegui o sea por los progenitores. Curiosamente, era lo mismo que pasaba con las reinas y princesas medievales: either they were controlled by their royal parents who gave them in marriage to whoever they wished, or they were controlled by the royal man they were given in marriage as a duty, not as as love vocation. They were never free to act by themselves, in equality to the male kings.

Let´s be clear about a very important detail here: a royal VOCATION is not something that you can fabricate with a huge bunch of social control tactics. As a matter of fact, and Mikhael had been very clear about this, NO VOCATION CAN BE FABRICATED WITH A HUGE BUNCH OF SOCIAL CONTROL TACTICS, ALL VOCATIONS OF LOVE COME FROM GOD, NO MATTER WHICH ONE IS. You can´t play to be God and fabricate vocations simply to be in positions of power, the last angel who tried it ended in hell, expelled from Heavens by Mikhael himself, and hell is very full of people who had pretended to take the place of God for seeking power. TRUE POWER COMES FROM BEING WHO YOU ARE AND BECOMING WHO YOU ARE CALLED TO BE. The caps are mine, all of them, and they palabrize concepts that are very important to be understood. You can´t fabricate kings and queens like ex-nihilo style, without any fundament in truth and reality. YOU CAN´T FABRICATE BEING AND YOU CANT FABRICATE ANY VOCATION OF LOVE, they can only come from above, EVERYONE IS CALLED TO LOVE IN A UNIQUE WAY, TO SERVE IN A UNIQUE WAY THAT NO ONE ELSE WILL BE ABLE OR CALLED TO DO IT. There is always a call from God Love, a unique being, a unique vocation —every being brings a call, a mission—, and a unique social context. Both are taken in count by God Love: the disposition to answer and the social context in which the call happens. Being king or queen doesn´t happen simply because you equal an actor-without-being with fake reality projections as Prince Ali or as Aragorn. Understood? The power games with You Tube in this sense had been gruesome, extended and highly deliberate. You want to impose him by force of social control tactics. NO IS NO.

Definitivamente Dios Amor tiene unas nociones de realeza —entiéndase a la misma vez “realeza” como nobleza y realeza como “realidad” — muy pero que muy distintas a las nociones del mundo e incluso de las nociones de la mismísima Iglesia.

Que quede bien claro lo siguiente: Eduardo Verastegui y Jesús Caridad en estos momentos tienen una mirada muy distinta. La mirada de Jesús Caridad hay unidad de ser y de acto, su mirada tiene creating home sparks veraderos… sparks que no se pueden fabricar con contact lenses, tal cual se ha aludido a lo largo de los años: son creating home sparks que solamente se pueden contemplar como don del Espíritu Santo… y en estos momentos soy perfectamente capaz de mirarle a los ojos y decirle: sal de mi vida. Lo que probablemente pasará, si es que llega a suceder que salgo de aquí, es ley de vida: de la misma forma que yo solo pude verlo pasar de lejos y casi de espaldas en Pamplona, él solo podrá verme pasar de lejos y casi de espaldas. La vida tiene unas curiosas formas de poner todo en su lugar. You can´t fabricate the reality of a social relation when there is no communion and no truth, and of course you can´t fabricate a “royal match”, as it was done in the Middle Ages, and in certain games too, whose ads were inforced in my word games, as if Verastegui could literally fabricate from social control tactics a “royal match”. You are violating the dignity of the person, over and over again, with all those social control tactics, and not only with the Royal Match mind game: I mean everything. Remember that very carefully next time you define a Love Story as a social cript that can be manipulated at will… and good look finding script writers that are not in strike to help you to write that letter. One by one everyone of my social liberties, even the freedom of be in love of who I consent, had been kidnapped. Yes, even the freedom to play word games without being exposed to social manipulation, content manipulation and social trafficking (they won money creating the game that was created to exploit me). I stopped playing digital games at all. First was the manipulation of the game I most loved: scrabble. Progenitors created fake gamers to create sexual content words like “falo” when I played scrabble online. I had to stop playing it completely, because nobody around played it. Then… I began to use word games, until I finally realized that it was being manipulated to, even to create false ending proyections. It was very clear since very long ago, but I didn´t dared to stop gaming it until I had enough respect to myself to deny me that gratification that was hurting more than the benefit of cognitive exercise that the game had. I could play Sudoku, there was no exploitation in that game, but it wasn´t free and I have no money to pay for any other app that is not the Microsoft Office I am using to write this and the Amazon Music app that I am using as background music as I write this. I don´t have money even to pay for Canva, I used it to create great memes and I love memes, my whole mind work in memes… but I can´t allow myself to take out for apps money that should be used in the dogs or in food.

Todo lo que acabo de aclarar va atado a la simple alusión a la canción que se me ha forzado a escuchar una y otra vez en Burger King: “es que me niego a perderte, es que me niego a aceptar que nuestra historia se acabó”. El agotamiento mental, al extremo de dejarte exhausta, que causa todo lo que aluden psicológicamente a veces es abrumador y en sí mismo, en una circunstancia ordinaria, sería incapacitante para hacer siquiera tareas profesionales. Bajo la alusión a una sola canción forzada hay todo un témpano de hielo sumergido de lo que no tienen ni remota idea de lo que aluden. La tortura psicológica implícita en lo que acabo de describir es aterradora, absolutmente aterradora y agotadora y desangrante, hecha una y otra vez, una y otra vez y una y otra vez.

No, no he acabado con la tortura de canciones. No voy a mencionar todas las que usaron anoche, pero voy a mencionar dos más.

Otra de las canciones que se usó ayer para torturar psicológicamente —no es una que repitan tanta como las otras, pero sí que se ha usado en otras ocasiones— es una canción que repite una y otra vez, aludiendo a una relación romántica: “tú eres mi calma”. O sea: están proyectando como fake reality que un mortal es mi calma, en este caso, Verástegui.

Creo que basta, como botón de muestra que no llega ni al 10% de mi capacidad de profundización intelectual, todo lo que he contado para que se entienda que no hay poder humano ni ser humano alguno que pueda hacer posible que pueda mantener la calma en semejante tortura, las veces que la he guardado, porque ha habido otros momentos muy humanos, como durante mi horrendo cumpleaños, en los cuales esa calma se perdió, y es totalmente válido ser humana y ser real: se me está torturando y no lo aguanto, el sufrimiento es insoportable, insufrible, inenarrable, pero como siempre guardo la calma, juran que todo está perfectamente bien con permitir las atrocidades que permiten. Y por un breve tiempo voy a mostrar, solo un poco, el horror del sufrimiento que provocan y sobre todo, que permiten las autoridades. No me canso de repetirlo: esto que está sucediendo, toda esta tortura y todo este horror, todo este desangramiento despiadado y cruento hasta el extremo que la humanidad no ha visto desde tiempos de tortura romana, sucede porque la FBI LO PERMITE Y LO HA PERMITIDO DE FORMA DELIBERADA Y EXPRESA.

No hay ser humano que me pueda mantener en calma si Jesús Caridad no lo hace primero. Esto es tan real que incluso he enfrentado la noción de muerte de frente y no me ha temblado en pulso: hubo un momento en que hubo razones para entender que podía ser asesinada en el servicarro de Burger King, por un cliente. No diré el contexto ni la forma en que se dio el threat de claro matiz terrorista que fue hecho bien deliberadamente por el cliente que lo hizo, porque no le voy a dar manga suelta a los terroristas para aterrorizar a todos los Burger Kings de la comarca de la misma forma, son personas inocentes, pero de que pasó, pasó… y enfrenté la noción de muerte de frente: si va a disparar, que lo haga. I am ready to go to where I belong. No consumó el threat, pero considerando lo que he escrito en redes sociales, el threat fue bien clarísimo y contundente, nadie se fijó que me quedé helada y casi sin voz al atender al cliente en cuestión. Nadie se dio cuenta de lo que pasó y yo no lo escribí, por supuesto… ahora lo digo. En ese Burger King han pasado unas cuantas cosas aterradoras que no se están diciendo. Y no solo me refiero a la tortura física y psicológica por parte de gerentes. También ha habido abundantes movidas por parte de clientes. No pocas con claras connotaciones a la falta de seguridad personal, la más grave de ellas la que acabo de contar: a mí me puede pasar absolutamente cualquier cosa.

Eso es cierto en las circunstancias ordinarias de cualquier cristiano, pero es especialmente cierto en mis circunstancias: no hay ser humano que me pueda mantener en calma si Jesús Caridad no lo hace primero… así que dejen de pretender forzarme a creer que tiene que llegar Verástegui o cualquier hombre a “calmarme” o a “ser mi calma”, o lo que es el sentido implícito de lo que se está proyectando: necesito a otro para que sea mi seguridad. Mi seguridad y mi refugio están primordialmente en Dios. Maldito sea el afán de proyectar que una mujer tiene que depender de un hombre para funcionar como mujer, o que una mujer tiene que estar definida por un hombre para poder lograr definirse como mujer.

Finalmente, explicemos las connotaciones de tortura psicológica de la canción que dice “you gotta be tough, you gotta be wiser”. Esta sí que la han repetido muchísimas veces durante meses. UNA Y OTRA VEZ, UNA Y OTRA VEZ, EN UN DESANGRAMIENTO INTELECTUAL Y PSICOLÓGICO INCESANTE, FORZÁNDOME A ESCUCHARLA UNA Y OTRA VEZ, UNA Y OTRA VEZ, NO POCAS VECES A LA MISMA VEZ QUE SE ME TORTURA FÍSICAMENTE COMO PARTE DE MIS LABORES PROFESIONALES.

No tienen ni mínima idea de lo fuerte que se tiene que ser para sobrellevar la magnitud de los social control tactics que son inforced a mi alrededor —by the three sides of this war— y mantener un mínimo de “homeostasis ontológica”; un mínimo de integridad personal frente a tremendas torturas y poderosísimos mind games cuyo propósito directo es tener control sobre mi mismísma percepción de mi realidad, y eventualmente, de mi propia identidad. Como acabo de mencionar, esto es igualmente válido respecto a los tres sides de esta guerra campal llevada en el war field de mi dimensión social: todos se pelean por dominar mi mente y destruir psicológicamente con sus respectivos truth denialism. Los tres sides tienen poderosísimamente en común usar tácticas narcisisistas.

Yo no necesito “be though”: what I need is rule of law and be allowed to live in freedom and with human, fraternal and civil rights. Lo que verdaderamente necesito es que se deje de estar traficando con toda mi dimensión social inforcing todo tipo de social control tactics, quer se me deje de forzar a estar en trabajos en los que se me está traficando, torturando y coercionando con social control tactics de todo tipo, torturándome una y otra vez, una y otra vez, sin importar si para torturarme a mí se tiene que torturar a niños y a menores y a incapacitados… lo que necesito es RULE OF LAW, NO “BE TOUGH”.

De “you need to be wiser” ni siquiera me voy a molestar en hablar. Cualquiera que cuestione la magnitud de la sabiduría revelada para poder siquiera concebir un modelo de formación personal y un proyecto de evangelización familiar en condiciones de la magnitud de esclavitud social y control de la realidad como han sido las mías a lo largo de los años… Cualquiera que cuestione la magnitud de la sabiduría dada por el Espíritu necesaria para hacer lo que he hecho absolutamente a ciegas intelectualmente merece literalmente cuestionar su propia sanidad mental.

GUESS WHAT? Estas no fueron las únicas canciones que se usaron para torturarme psicológicamente ayer mientras era forzada a mojarme los pies y limpiar el piso cuando tenía órdenes médicas de no hacerlo. HUBO MÁS. Estoy dando un botón de muestra de todo lo que puede haber detrás, intelectualmente hablando, de unas meras canciones que se usan para ser repetidas una y otra vez mientras eres forzada a hablar literalmente en condiciones de esclavitud, porque de la forma que le hablé a la gerente ayer literalmente fue de la forma que un esclavo habla a un amo.

Llevo 22 páginas escritas en un solo día, describiendo la tortura hecha en un solo día. Imaginen el agotamiento psicológico que implicaría escribir todos los días todas las implicaciones de la tortura psicológica que se está haciendo alrededor, una y otra vez, por toda una vida. Esto no se trata de usar Adderall para concentrarme: se trata de toda una vida esclavizada en los cuales hay días, como el de ayer, en los que la crueldad se desborda y literalmente eres aniquilada como persona, reconstruída una y otra vez por la Eucaristía que te sostiene.

Aún no he acabado de contar lo sucedido ayer… pero tengo que parar en estos momentos porque Minnie está llorando: tiene que comer. Son las siete de la noche, y me desperté  a las 12. Solo he tenido un break de 25 minutos para caminar. Eso puede revelar la “incontinencia controlada” de lo que estoy diciendo: todo lo que siempre queda por decirse, pero esta vez, de forma controlada, no me pude contener. No, no me refiero a la diarrea que me provocaron como “incontinencia controlada” por toxic gassing hace horas atrás. Me refiero a algo mucho más siniestro: al afán de restrigir con social control tactics mi configuración de la realidad, de la misma forma que a un enfermo mental se le restringe con una camisa de fuerza cuando es un peligro para si mismo. Lo implícito es peligrosísimo y cruel y sangriento en el sentido psicológico: es peligroso tener una propia configuración de la realidad, tengo que estar controlada por social control tactics inforced by either of the three sides of this war… whose war field is not a physical land, but a social dimensión of a person who is being exploited and reduced through decades to social exploitation object, o como lo dije en su momento con humor macabro: soy un OVNI, un objeto volitivo no identificado. De hecho, se ha jugado con Verástegui y los ovnis también. Los social control tactics inforced over and over again are beyond words in terms of cruelty and psychological bloodiness. By the way, ya estaba planificado que comenzara a escribir hoy, la decisión de escribir lo que estoy escribiendo no tiene en lo absoluto que ver con el desbordamiento de crueldad sucedido en el trabajo. Tengo todo el permiso del Cielo de tomarme el tiempo para escribir lo que estoy escribiendo, porque esta teología de la luz es una teología encarnada; este modelo de formación personal integractivo es un encarnado, no son meras teorías, son palabras que pueden vivirse. “Soy Eucaristía viva” no es un slogan: es la realidad y la identidad que me han salvado, una y otra vez. De la misma forma que la misa se repite una y otra vez, la salvación se repite una y otra vez. Aunque algunos no la acepten y sigan con su ritmo de vida criminal, todos, absolutamente todos, yo la primera, somos necesitados de salvación.

Si piensan que la tortura psicológica sucedida ayer cesó con la música forzada, resulta que no. Sucedió algo que ni yo misma podía prever que podría suceder: comencé a tener dolor en las uñas de los pies por el contacto de los dedos gordos con el constante roce del zapato de goma mojado, mucho más resbaloso que el zapato de goma seco (comumente a estos zapatos se les llama crogs). Sobre todo con esta gerente, que es particularmente difícil, no cabía la posibilidad de trabajar descalza: la norma del trabajo dice que hay que trabajar con zapatos cerrados en todo momento. Hay compañeros que se toman la libertad de quitarse los zapatos en turno, pero yo sé perfectamente que si yo hago eso, incluso por razones legítimamente médicas, se me va a gritar y maltratar deliberadamente.

Tengo que parar de escribir. Se me está torturando causándome dolor intestinal y forzándome a evacuar. Al ir a evacuar el blood oxygen bajó a 93%. Pudo haber bajado más pero no lo quise averiguar, acabé con la gestión lo más rápidamente posible. Ahora sigo escribiendo.

O sea: no solamente bastó toda la tremenda tortura psicológica ejercida hasta el momento. No solo se trató de la tremendísima humillación de ser forzada, a modo de esclava, a hacer una tarea que dije explícitamente que no podía hacer por razones médicas. No se trato solo del esfuerzo físico que conllevó la tarea y de la tortura psicológica resultante de tener que escuchar música forzadamente mientras estaba haciendo en el salón, música que se manipula explícitamente, no es música casual, ni siquiera, como ya dije, es música que corresponda al contexto cultural.

No, no bastó con eso. Resulta que también se me provocó un tremendísimo dolor físico.

Cuando finalmente acabé con la tarea de lavar el salón, tarea que se acabó tremendamente mal, el salón aún estaba excesivamente mojado, pero yo no tenía fuerzas ni capacidad psicoemocional para proseguir con la tarea… me fui —ya tremendamente agotada y adolorida— al fregadero, que es mi tarea habitual.

Creo que debo mencionar otro contexto importante antes de proseguir.

Como ya mencioné antes, esta gerente tiene favoritismos y resulta que hay una especie de “casta” entre empleados: a algunos se les da más horas, a otros se las quitan habitualmente (siempre se las quitan a los mismos empleados), a algunos se les dan determinadas tareas más pesadas y a otros se les deja hacer las mismas tareas fijas todo el tiempo, aunque tengan disponibilidad de hacer otras. Eso fue lo que pasó en esta ocasión. Los dos empleados que estaban en caja y en cocina se pusieron en varias ocasiones a hablar y a dar chiste, cuando pudieron perfectamente, cualquiera de los dos, adelantar la trastera. No, esa tarea, si estoy yo, me toca solamente a mí, incluso si hay otras persona que pueden adelantarla mientras yo estoy haciendo otra tarea, como lavar el salón, algo en sí mismo físicamente agotador, sin contar el factor de que tenía un tremendo dolor en los dedos de los pies.

Al llegar al fregadero la trastera estaba atrasada del turno anterior, además de los trastes asignados al turno de cierre. No solamente eso: se comenzó a poner el broiler para lavarlo también. Nadie quiso hacerse el entendido: me sentía horriblemente mal, psicológicamente y físicamente. Incluso se pusieron a cantar: “ojos que no ven, corazón que no siente… corazón que no ve, corazón que no siente…” Seguían en un tono jovial y divertido mientras yo estaba viviendo un infierno en vida, literalmente un NO-SER: la derealización era completa, tal cual describí lo que pasó antes de entrar al turno.

Ellos, o al menos la gerente difícil, sabe perfectísimamente lo que comparto en redes sociales, y ya había compartido el horror que estaba viviendo, por si acaso las facciones de mi cara no eran evidentes. Quería gritarle dos o tres cosas a la gerente, pero entendí perfectamente que no iba a ir a ningún sitio: la posición de poder la tenía ella, y ya había demostrado que era perfectamente capaz de abusar de ella at will.

Me tomé una medicina contra el dolor que tenía en el pastillero mientras estaba en el fregadero. Estaba intentando aguantar todo: el dolor, la humillación, todas las palabras contenidas, el clarísimo truth denialism que estaba siendo inforced alrededor…que llegó al extremo de person denialism: se me estaba anulando como persona, no podía mas.

The preassure was on. Solamente trabajé tres horas ayer, de las ocho horas previstas. Me mandaron para la casa “por que la labor estaba alta”. Como dije, las horas se las quitan siempre a los mismos, y yo soy siempre a la primera que quitan horas cuando “la labor está alta”. Mi turno de ayer comenzó a las 11pm. En esos momentos eran las 2 am. Una vez más solo podría trabajar tres horas, esta vez de las seis proyectadas. Tengo que pagarle un tratamiento a las peludas, los progenitores les volvieron a provocar infección de oído y de ojos, y eso nada más me sale en 250 dólares en total en pagar, más los 150 dólares de las medicinas que Minnie tiene que tomar mensualmente para tolerar el toxic gassing de los progenitores… más 350 dólares de los preventivos de parásitos del corazón, que cualquiera que tenga perros sabe que son fundamentales para su cuidado integral. No puedes dejar a perros sin preventivos del corazón, sobre todo con dos progenitores que han metido constantemente mosquitos en el cuarto adrede. The economical preassure was also on: ellos saben que estoy forzada a permanecer en el trabajo porque necesito el dinero para los perros y el celular, que cuesta 160 mensuales, iPad e internet ilimitada incluida, más seguros, porque los progenitores nunca se sabe cuando van a mutilar o robar uno de tus devices, así que tienen que estar bien asegurados. Si me iba del turno, literalmente no iba a haber forma de que fuera posible que pagara lo que tenía que pagar…

I was exhausted. I was overwhelmed. I was socially slaved over and over again. No quería llorar delante de ellos. La trastera seguía creciendo más y más y yo no podía con el dolor. Hice lo único que tenía fuerzas para hacer. Realmente no tenía más opción: le dije a la gerente difícil que no podía más con el dolor, le había dicho que no podía mojarme los pies… y me fui del turno, dejando una horrororísima trastera pendiente. Las explicaciones no se las di a ella, más allá de esas palabras: se las envié a la gerente general por Whats App, con evidencia de video de como estaban mis pies para que se entendiera que no estaba exagerando en lo absoluto, pero es bien claro que ella sabe muy bien lo que está pasando y lo está permitiendo. La derealización y la personalización, finalmente, llegaron a su punto total, por primera vez en todos estos años, y de forma simultánea, y además con un dolor horrendo. Me costaba pensar racionalmente. El dolor era terrible, tenía que quitarme los zapatos sí o sí. Inmediatamente llegué como pude al carro para irme, me los quité. Me permití llorar casi a gritos dentro del carro y no encendí el carro para arrancar hasta que me tranquilicé y tenía la cabeza racional funcionando a pesar del horrendo dolor. El dolor comenzó a calmarse inmediatamente me quité los zapatos.

Lo único que podía pensar en esos momentos es que no podía entender el afán de crueldad, el afán de dominio sobre otro, el afán de abuso de poder y de truth denialism… llevado al extremo de person denialism. Clarísimamente eso no era vida humana. Jamás se me había humillado tanto en cualquiera de los trabajos, tanto física como psicoemocionalmente, jamás se me había torturado de esa forma tan extrema… y eso, en mis horribles circunstancias, es muchísimo decir.

Como ya dije… cuando piensas que el límite de crueldad ya se ha topado, cuando piensas que ya no se puede ser más cruel de lo que han sido… te sorprenden con un nuevo límite de crueldad superado, horrendamente superando, con muchísimas creces, el límite de crueldad anterior. Lo dije mientras estaba en el turno en un video y creo que lo mencioné en un tweet también, además de decirlo en el breve live que hice en Twitter cuando tuve finalmente fuerzas para hacerlo: a veces parece que todos compiten por quien es más cruel que quien, por quién es más salvaje que quien y más bruto que quien a la hora de cometer violaciones a la dignidad del ser humano, a modo de mass sexual violations, pero en su versión social: mass social violations.

La FBI sabe perfectamente que esto está pasando. Las autoridades saben perfectamente que esto está pasando. Se me está forzando a tolerar tortura adrede, como ya he mencionado y explicado antes. No hay necesidad de volver a explicar esto, me limito a volverlo a afirmar para que quede claro lo horriblemente claro de mi consciencia al ser violada del modo que estoy siendo violada. No hay anestesia, al menos no esta vez (los progenitores me han sumido en la inconsciencia muchas, pero que muchas veces, hasta han pintado mi cuerpo mientras me provocaban inconsciencia, sabrá Dios que otras cosas más hicieron con mi cuerpo).

El método que se está usando para el truth denialism y el person denialism es implacable, cruel, duro, violento, por todas las partes, no solo por parte de los terroristas. No solo se pretende arrebatarme de mi identidad: se pretende arrebatarme de toda posibilidad de vida social y de propia configuración de la realidad. Para colmo, a esto que acabo de hacer, que es un tremendo acto de valentía y poder intelectual… lo llaman overthinking. She is an overthinker because she has being abuse. Resulta que ahora el poder de pensar no es propio del ser humano: es propio, también, del abuso. No puedo configurar mi identidad como “creativa” porque eso es propio de las enfermos mentales, tal cual se me dijo en el Recinto de Ciencias Médicas de la Universidad de Puerto Rico, nada más y nada menos que por la directora del departamento de psiquiatría: “ser altamente creativo es una señal de enfermedad mental, mira a Van Gogh”… Resulta que la alusión no es casual: yo pinto muy similar a Van Gogh, se quería configurar mi identidad personal exclusivamente como enferma mental, de hecho toda mi vida social giraba en torno al programa “Por Ti” (ya se imaginarán a quien se refiere el nombre del programa “Por Ti”, usando una imagen del camino de Santiago, que es muy poco conocido en Puerto Rico, solamente es una imagen significativa para mí). Lo mismo aplica al overthinking: en el social media se ha proyectado una y otra vez que el “pensar” demasiado es sinónimo de abuso emocional y hasta de autismo. Se me quiere identificar necesariamente según el contexto de mis abusadores. Todo esto que he escrito, por un solo día que he descrito todo lo que pasa por mi cabeza cuando se me tortura como se me tortura, se describe como “overthinking”. Resulta que toda mi vida lo he hecho. Siempre he sido una pensadora intelectual, desde muy niña. So, I am who I am because I was abused, and now because I am tortured? I am describing the torture, not letting it define me. I know who I am: I am living Eucharist, I am princess of Heaven, I am Alma Mía, that is the identity and the reality Jesus Charity, the Holy Family of New Albor and my family of heaven gave me, as real as the moon is real, quite literally.

I am not an overthinker. I am a powerful mind. I am a powerful being as who I am: a thinker, a humanist, an artist, a creative intellectual, a discoverer of the integractive personal formation model structure… and a theologian that has caused more revolts in the Vatican than all the inquisitions and Lutheran reforms together. All are something rarely recognized in a woman. Men are always the powerful minds who make wonders and discoveries, because the only “brilliant intelligence” allowed to be recognices as such is the masculine mind: the analitic-memotechnical one. As a woman, I have an intellectual creative power of my own. I don´t need to deny family life, humanity and feelings when making a scientific discovery, like men do. As any other human being, I have the humility to understand that I may be wrong if evidence shows it… but what you can´t do is deny a human being, especially to a woman, the legit right of configurate her own mind in her own words. YOU DON´T OWN MY REALITY, NO MATTER HOW MANY SOCIAL CONTROL TACTICS YOU INFORCE AROUND ME AND HOW MUCH YOU TORTURE ME PHYSICALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY. None of you do. Only God is the one who has reign and sovereignty over Truth. No one owns me. No human being is property of no one, no matter how many times you try to inforce, de facto, as fake reality that I am a social object to be exploited by everyone.

Hay una razón por la cual nunca hay un atardecer en los sueños, siempre permanece en el amanecer tras el nuevo albor. Nunca la he explicado, y la sé desde hace muchísimo tiempo atrás. La explico ahora: no hay atardecer porque el tiempo no progresa en mi vida, nunca hay tiempo futuro. Todo mi futuro se ha basado en fake futures, hasta Dios Amor ha reconocido ese hecho desde hace muchísimo tiempo atrás, nunca se me ha permitido tener un futuro. My social dimension is always at disposal of other´s purposes. My only future possible, right now, socially, is at heaven. Se me ha negado absolutamente TODA posibilidad de forjar un futuro, como lo he explicado en este texto… y tal cual he podido contemplar con toda su crudeza en estos últimos días, tras mi cumpleaños treinta y nueve, y literalmente tras toda una década de relaciones sociales fabricadas e inexistentes, donde cada trabajo que tuve, uno tras otro, fue con propósitos de tortura y explotación, nunca hubo intención alguna de permitirme ser una aportación a la sociedad y de realizarme como persona. Las autoridades y el FBI tampoco detuvieron la tortura doméstica, como ya expliqué, se me ha forzado a permanecer expuesta a tortura… desde hace una década atrás. En la medida en que comencé a ser consciente de ese hecho, el tiempo se detuvo en los sueños, hasta que llego al full stop. Mi vida social y el progreso del tiempo acabó, técnicamente, desde el momento en que se comenzó a torturar públicamente y nadie hizo nada para sacarme de aquí. Aunque en sueños el full stop se dio hace unos tres o cuatro años atrás, ya no lo recuerdo, realmente se trata de un full stop of time de toda una década. Todos los milestones que una persona debe tener entre los 30-40 años están perdidos. Absolutamente todos: nunca encontré un trabajo, nunca me independicé, nunca me casé, nunca tuve hijos, nunca me compré un carro, nunca hice estudios graduados, perdí toda posibilidad de personalidad jurídica para llevar adelante mi vida como un adulto… y también perdí la salud mental debido a la tortura a la que estaba siendo expuesta durante toda esa década, con complicidad tácita de las autoridades. No me refiero a la esquizofrenia ezquizoafectiva y a la ansiedad, ambos diagnósticos que se inventaron los progenitores como un fuertísimo, inhumano e ilegal social control tactic. Al decir “perdí la salud mental” me refiero a todo el ordeal que pasado por los constantes social control tactics que han sido inforced a mi alrededor… por toda una década.

No, no hay tiempo futuro en mi  vida: solo un constante presente de dolor, de desangramiento, de desgarramiento en carne viva, de tortura siniestra, de un lado, o del otro, o del otro… ahora lo sé, sin que haya un fin a la vista. Todos los “finales” han sido fabricados adrede, y eso no cambiará. Tengo que acostumbrarme a una vida en la que no puedo tener propósito propio de vida: mi vida social será eternally exploited para los propósitos de otro, sea para el dominio de los hermanos progenitores sobre mi vida, o sea para el dominio de las autoridades en mi vida. No tengo derecho a tener derechos. No tengo libertad social en lo absoluto… Por casualidad encendí ayer una vela que es de navidad… y es tan tremendamente raro tener una noción de futuro en mi vida que no puedo ni imaginarme la navidad que evoca esa vela. No imagino mi vida de aquí al fin de semana, mucho menos la voy a imaginar de aquí a navidad. Hoy estoy viva, y con capacidad funcional. Mañana me pueden torturar de tal forma que no sea capaz de funcionar, como ha pasado en otras ocasiones y como pasó ayer al impedirme poder funcionar profesionalmente a causa de lo extremo de la tortura y la crueldad. Mañana puedo morir o puedo perder la conciencia por la tortura. Literalmente no hay futuro en mi vida, no hay libertad social en lo absoluto para autodeterminar mi propósito más allá del día de hoy, más allá de lo más inmediato… por eso es tan tremendísimamente extraño y hasta chocante para mi oler a mi alrededor olor a Navidad. Es un poderosísimo símbolo de como todo mi tiempo —pasado, presente, futuro— está decidido y determinado por la decisión de dar a luz a Jesús Caridad, de la misma forma que en la Navidad se celebra la encarnación y nacimiento de Jesús.

Hasta aquí este escrito describiendo la tortura a la que fui expuesta en las últimas 24 horas. Aún no he tenido que volver a tomar medicación contra el dolor, pero tampoco he expuesto mis pies a ningún tipo de esfuerzo, han estado descansando y sin zapatos durante todo el día. Ni siquiera los he lavado, siguen sucios como salieron del trabajo ayer, porque no los he querido exponer a agua y evidentemente no se me permite bañarme todos los días (la última vez que me bañé se me permitió bañarme una vez cada dos semanas, y eso fue en momento de regla) así que igual no los tengo que mojar. En fin: esto son 30 páginas páginas escritas en Septiembre 10, más 9 páginas más escritas en Septiembre 11, escritas sin doble espacio, describiendo SOLAMENTE la tortura a la que he sido expuesta en un periodo de 24 horas. Imaginen si hiciera todos los días este ejercicio de escribir todo lo que sucede en mi interior y alrededor cada 24 horas. Además, solo tome 5mg de Adderall, la primera vez que la uso en muchísimo tiempo, desde que mis progenitores botaron todas las que tenía durante una de las hospitalizaciones forzadas. Llego a tomar los 20mg o 30mg que solía tomar antes dos veces al día, probablemente llego a escribir cien páginas. Material cognitivo para escribir hay de sobra. Quiero decir: el material que hay dentro de mí es suficiente para escribir, más allá de lo que suceda fuera… y el poder de la palabra es un poderosísimo poder. Lo que yo estoy palabrizando, nadie más podrá palabrizarlo. Absolutamente nadie, en toda la historia de la humanidad, podrá escribir las palabras vivas que yo estoy escribiendo, que a mí se me concede la gracia y el giftedness para escribir.

Conste que apenas mencioné el sueño de anoche, y eso es adrede. En estos momentos no tengo fuerzas para compartir lo que está sucediendo en sueños, no porque no sea bello, sino porque… soy humana, y es válido para el Cielo —solo para el Cielo, no para mi alrededor— ser humana.

Concluyo como diría el gran Robin Williams en Patch Adams: “at your cervix.” At your service people: with these words and this giftedness I am serving humanity as only a woman can do it.

Hablando de cervix… seguramente si me dolieron tanto las citas con los ginecólogos varones (no he vuelto a ir en años) es porque cuando fui me insertaron IUDs sin mi consentimiento… No es normal que un par de paps dolieran tan horrendamente como me dolió a mí, y es horrible ser consciente de que prefirieron ponerme un IUD y exponerme a una violación sexual inconsciente —o a varias— antes de elegir sacarme de aquí… pero de como se manipula socialmente incluso mi sexualidad y la sexualidad de la mujer, como si fuera objeto de posesión del varón y objeto de posesión de la sociedad… de eso hablaremos otro día.

Pos Data 1: I usually only share the finished version of my written texts, but because there were huge and very significant contemplative additions to the original text, this time, as an exception, I shared two different versions of the text: the first version is the one shared in September 10, and the second one is this version you just read, shared today, September 11, 2024. I think this is a gesture of respect to the reader, to let you clearly know what was written in September 10 and what was written in September 11, an let yourself think and judge about the importance of what was written in one day and what was written in the other.

I didn´t knew when I wrote what I wrote today that this day is known in United States as the Patriot Day and as a National Day of Service. I did knew, of course, it was a National Day of Remembrance due the terrorists attacks that happened in the Twin Towers. I was in ninth or tenth grade, in the Spanish classroom of my middle school, when I knew about the attacks. The teachers were terrorized. My Spanish teacher had one son in reserve or in the Army and inmediately though he would be sent there.

The day to add what I added in this text was very deliberate. I choose, according to God´s will, to share this today, not knowing yet the key importance the word “service” has today: is National Day of Service and Patriot´s Day.

On this Patriot Day, we honor not only the lives lost to the attacks on September 11, 2001: we honor all the lives lost along all the bloodsheds the American history, since the Spanish Colonization to this date, doing the ultimate sacrifice for the growth and well being of America, allowing to become the American people we are today. All those lives, millions of Stars of Heaven, shine very bright and very high. May we never forget their courage and sacrifice on this National Day of Service and Remembrance, reflecting on their resilience and strenght shown along our history as continent, showing incredible courage in the process of building the America we are today. We must reaffirm our commitment to peace, fraternity, unity and security along the whole American continent, along the whole American Alliance, standing strong against any threat against our new fraternization declaration. The sacrifice of all these Stars of Heaven will burn bright forever. We honor, we remember and we stand united as Americans, recognicing the importance of true patriotism, today and every day, always paying the due tribute to the giants that come before us in American history, from the Spanish Conquest, through the independence wars, and to the new albor and sunrise of this new fraternization era, using words of Isaac Newton: “if I have seen further [than others], it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” Many giants, true giants, whole peoples, have come before us reaching this point of American history. We pay tribute to all the victims of bloodsheds in America, and reflect in the extraordinary citizens who sacrificed to protect and defend the freedoms that are know today in our continent. The cost of freedom had always been high, but Americans has always paid it. All the American bravery and sacrifice, especially of those who embraced the ultimate sacrifice to allow us to become who we are today, will never be forgotten.

We will never forget. The bravery and sacrifice of so many will never be forgotten. Shine bright and high, millions of stars of Heaven, from the Taino people —the first American people to be extinguished by the Spanish conquest— to our days… millions of stars of Heaven, heroes whose light preceded us and that now beat in our blood, giving us breath and strength to go ahead in this new era as equal brothers and sisters who embrace the human dignity of everyone unconditionally. Together we are stronger and brigther.

Pos Data 2: I did a blood lab work while writing this text (exactly before writing what I added today: the blood work was done in September 11 in the morning; I wrote when I came back from the doctor). As you can see in the photo included at the end of this post data, my TSH was in 12 at the moment I wrote all this. I didn’t had sleeping attacks, or any symptom related previously to high TSH. I simply wrote to share the God Love’s vision that was plasmated in my heart… that definitely it’s not an impossible dream. All this, the integractive personal formation model that unite us as unity of being and act, the family evangelization plan, the building of a new civilization of love, the beginning of a new era of new fraternization, leaving behing the slavery, fratricides and bloodsheds of the colonization era… Everything that we have shared is as possible as the Nelson Mandela’s quote I put in the beginning of this text. T

Technically said, everything that we have shared is as possible as someone with TSH of 12 being able to write amazing 40 pages simply with the help of the Holy Spirit’s gifts and charisms.

This is not an impossible dream, the same way it is not impossible for someone with a TSH of 12 to write an amazing text.

Here you have a screenshoot of the thyroid TSH result.

God bless America the beautiful. God bless our beloved people. God bless this American Alliance.

Imaginen una hermosa mesa puesta en una playa, con toda la mantelería de una mesa de fiesta, color sacramental family orange, con todos los splashes de colores sobre una hermosa tela color flamming Holy Spirit. En esa mesa no están visiblemente todos los que deben estar, pues la Sagrada Familia del Nuevo Albor está ya en el Cielo, pero si está Mikhael, y todo lleno de estrellas de nueva fraternidad y estrellas del Cielo, celebrando con acción de gracias cada vez que hemos elegido crear comunión y decir sí a la nueva vida que resplandece en comunión.

El cielo sigue siendo un hermoso amanecer, lleno de colores vivos, con la luna llena en lo más alto y el sol también, un hermoso sol naciente.

Celebramos juntos (también está el sacerdote de cara de niño que sigue guiándome en medio de este caminar como Él camina) el poder elegir el Amor sobre el odio, el poder elegir la comunión sobre los psycho-social control tactics, el poder elegir el Sí Quiero a Dios Amor una y otra vez, incluso mientras el cuerpo evidentemente languidece y va muriendo poco a poco por la tortura, cada vez con menos libertad para sencillamente existir humanamente. La humanidad sigue decreciendo alrededor, más y más, con el pleno y total aval de las autoridades que también colaboran con los social control tactics.

Mientras escribo esto, los hermanos vecinos del hate house suben reguetón. Les gusta dejarme saber que tienen hackeados todos mis devices y que leen y analizan TODO lo que pienso y escribo. No hay espacio de libertad en este infierno…

Pero mis sueños son literalmente otro tipo de espacio, otro tipo de aire. Literalmente. En el sueño de anoche solo hubo un hermoso acción de gracias. Mi padre espiritual me preguntó si tenía memoria de algún día de acción de gracias que hubiera celebrado en familia. La verdad es que no, no de esa forma. Es decir: todos los días de acción de gracias los he celebrado con toda la familia extendida, nunca ha sido una mesa bien puesta con la familia más cercana, celebrando ser familia sacramental, unida por vínculos que no son de sangre sino de Espíritu vivo. No, le sonreí al responder, nunca he celebrado una comida de acción de gracias así. Curiosamente, una de las cosas que comimos fue lovefull mash, hecho de batata mameya… y más adelante, al despertar, los hermanos progenitores tendrían unas batata chips en el primer piso. Nope, ellos nunca comen batata chips, solo lo hacen por imitar mis gustos. Tanto las autoridades, via digital media, como los progenitores, via psysical environment y también via hacking, están recrudeciendo cada cual en su trinchera los psycho-social control tactics, sin que nadie ejerza estado de derecho como corresponde, porque las mismas autoridades actúan como los terroristas…

pero en el sueño sencillamente celebramos el elegir crecer en comunión, incluso si esa comunión solo puede darse, por circunstancias bien extraordinarias fuera de mi absoluto control, directamente con el Cielo. Quiero decir: usualmente se crece en comunión con hermanos. Ese no es mi caso. En la tierra no tengo hermanos con qué caminar. Todos están muy ocupados intentando controlar la realidad, cada cual por su lado, cuidando el self-image, proyectando falsas realidades… Mis compañeros de camino están en el Cielo, y realmente ya no tengo nada que me ate a esta tierra que no sea sencillamente la voluntad del Dios que literalmente me sigue manteniendo con vida en medio de todo tipo de torturas, crueldades y odios, tanto del lado de los terroristas legales como del lado de los terroristas ilegales.

Yep, soy plenamente consciente de que debería estar muerta hace rato, de que fisiológicamente y psicosocialmente es imposible que esté viva, tanto por lo crudo de la tortura biológica [toxic gassing] como por lo crudo de la tortura psicosocial que se ha ejercido en mi contra, por ambos lados de esta guerra no-declarada públicamente, pero en la que se atenta y se mata —biológica y psicosocialmente— impunemente por ambos bandos. Solo me mantiene viva, y de forma bien extraordinaria, mi dimensión ontológica: ni mi dimensión social ni mi dimensión orgánica debieron sobrevivir todo lo que he sobrevivido a lo largo de estos años. I know. We know.

I know I will eventually die, but I won’t control it. It is not my duty to control God’s Love or to control anyone else. My duty is to remain faithful to His Heart, to keep helping Him grow until my last breath. I am beautifully conscious of my identity as living Eucharist in unity to His Heart, and this alliance is unbreakable. It is even biological, I had been told we share DNA “in the psycho-social dimension”… That means, the integractor is the DNA…

So, we celebrate the beautiful communion that glows in our dreams, the only place this new dawn can shine upon me. Hace tiempo que no puedo ver un amanecer, sea porque estoy en el trabajo o sea porque tengo que estar encerrada en el cuarto de la casa de torturas para no toparme con mis progenitores-torturadores biológicos y sociales.

Como diría My Sister Keeper: planned or not, here I am… here still I am. Wanted or not, here still I am.

Biologically, I am a non-human, being denied every human right, including the right to life, because I am constantly being gassed, Auschwitz style. The toxic gassing had been lethal. I am miraculously alive.

Psychosocially, I am a non-citizen, I do not belong to the “we, the people”, because the constitutional rights are not applied to me and I am not allowed to belong to society as an equal citizen… The psychosocial torture had also being lethal, specially in the sense of the denial of the psycho-social self and the constant denial of my emotions that my progenitors had ejerced through my life. Once again, I am miraculously alive, raised by a Holy Family instead of the hateful family I was forced to remain with by the authorities who also have tortured me lethally in the psychosocial sense, with all kind of psycho-social control tactics and the constant denial of basic citizenship rights. Once again, I have miraculously survived.

Onthologically, I am mother of Jesus Charity, ni mas, ni menos. Fiat mihi secundum caritatis tuam, My Lord and my All. I am because You Are in me. I am who You are in Me: living Eucharist. Our Love is stronger than anything. The bond of our growing-together-in-communion is unbreakable.

So, we celebrate with a thanksgiving feast this communion growth that is an everlasting journey, un hermoso revestirse de un vestido color familia sacramental y también de familia humana. No habrá tortura, ni odio, ni culto a la muerte, que nos pueda expoliar de este crecimiento en comunión que sigue creciendo y resplandeciendo más y más dentro del corazón. De hecho, mientras escribo estas palabras estoy siendo torturada con toxic gassing que causa tener constantes ganas de hacer pee. Ya me forzaron a defecar hace dos horas, y también me pincharon un nervio en la pierna derecha, lo que se alivió tomando decadrón.

Still, here I am, beautifully clothed as the sacramental mother I am called to be, breathing the air that the Holy Spirit grants me to live in Him, for Him and with Him, embracing in my heart the reality where I do belong: a growing-together-in-communion Thanksgiving feast.

I just went to pee, about the fourth time since I woke up about two hours and a half ago. The pee is completely transparent, a clear sign of being tortured by toxic gassing. At the same time, the progenitors get out of their room exactly as I get into mine from the bathroom, another very common psychosocial control tactic, insisting in demonstrate, demonically, how they keep “living” as if the torture they are doing is not happening at all, denying my very right to exist in every way they can.

Of course, psychosocially, this can only happen because the authorities have allowed it for my whole life, the last decade being quite publicly allowed. The torture is always from both sides of this non-told but widely publicly known terror war.

Nowhere before history humanity have seen such attempts to control someone as it has been done with me, by both sides.

I am very conscious of my body being currently controlled and slaved physiologically, causing me to go to pee, to go to poo, to have pain and pinched nerves, just to mention what its being done right now, because the list of torture-caused effects in my body through my life is quite, quite, quite long, from vomits to tachycardia, from diarrea to cefalea, almost anything can be caused to my body by toxic gassing bioterrorism tactics. The fact I have no cancer right now is a HUGE miracle done through the intercession of Charlie and my family of Heaven.

I am also very conscious of being currently slaved and controlled by all kinds of psychosocial control tactics, especially from the government side. What had happened and still is happening in all the jobs I had been is, simply told in very short words, social slavery. What is happening in all the social media I am using and had used is… simply told in short words, social trafficking.

So, I am being currently slaved both biologically and socially. My body is a slave of the effects that are being caused by toxic gassing, and I am also a social slave…

My ontological nature remains as the living testimony of the power of God-Love-with-us that can make all things anew.

I went to the bathroom to pee less than ten minutes ago, and I am already feeling urges to go to pee again. The progenitors do this every time I focus in write and in create and in choosing love and communion instead of reacting to their hate.

I am beautifully conscious, and also humbly conscious, of my mission as His “sociological mother”: to help to grow in communion as the brothers and sisters He means humanity to be. I say “sociological mother” because I am helping Him to be, to do, to grow, to glow and to bloom in this very sociological context of history, the same way Mary did when she helped Him to be born biologically more than 2,000 years ago. We all can embrace that mission, as we let Him convert us through His flamming Holy Spirit in the living sacraments of God-Love we are called to be, in the living icons of God-Love we are called to be.

Yes, I am being conscious of how I am being tortured and slaved, over and over again, by both legal and illegal terrorists… but I am also humbly conscious of the royal dignity I had been bestowed ontologically by Him Himself, noneless…

This is my existence right now: a beautiful dream thar grows inside me, intertwined by all kind of tortures as soon as I wake up, and some times even while I sleep. Yes, my biological and sociological existences are a 24-hour torture… but ontologically, the story is quite, quite, quite different…

Right now it is the third time in an hour that I need to go to pee… and you can smell the coffee my progenitors are drinking as if nothing is happening here, while I need to wake up at four am simply to being able to eat and drink coffee praying the rosary without them interrumpting…

Exactly as I get out of the bathroom, the male progenitor gets out of the room (they are really fond of the social control tactic of getting out of the room as I get out of the bathroom). Como siempre que está ostentando poder social, se pone a carraspear como orangután al salir del cuarto. De verdad, no miento, es tan exagerado que suena como orangután. A la misma vez que voy saliendo del baño, me pongo a tararear para no entender lo que se pone a decir a toda boca, pero en tono bien casual, como si mo fuera fabricado, pero se sabe perfectamente que es fabricado… y como estoy tarareando, no entiendo nada de lo que dice a la progenitora en la cocina. Sencillamente le sonrío a Princesa al entrar al cuarto, la muevo un poco porque se puso en mi lugar de la cama, y escribo lo que acaba de pasar en el iPad que se sabe que está siendo hackeado por ellos y también por las autoridades. No hay derecho alguno a la privacidad, ni tampoco a la libertad de expresión. Todo cuanto pienses, escribas y expreses será controlado y si les da la gana, también censurado, haciendo fallar el device para que no pueda compartir lo que estoy expresando (hacen sonar ruidos de muebles al escribir eso, otro social control tactic muy común de los progenitores, hacer ruidos exagerados en momentos bien determinados).

As I said: fiat mihi secundum caritatis Tuam… hágase en este corazón, Amado, según Tu Corazón… [Beso nuestra alianza de la caridad de la misma forma que lo hace Mikhael en Su nombre en cada sueño…] hágase, Amado, según Tu alianza… yo no soy indispensable en esta historia de Amor, Tú lo eres. No importa qué pase conmigo, Tú reinarás… toda la Sagrada Familia del Nuevo Albor y toda esta familia del Cielo somos Tus amoreros. ¡Que viva Cristo Amor en mí, que reine en mi corazón unido al Suyo! Soy Suya, y eso no cambiará jamás, porque mi corazón ha sido sellado por Su alianza.

Está lloviendo dulcemente más y más gracia que cae de forma incondicional…

Cada latido de mi corazón vuelve a repetirlo: Fiat mihi secundum caritatis Tuam… hágase en nosotros según Tu crecimiento en comunión… como el hermoso sunflower field de nuestros sueños, hágase en nosotros según Tu Eucaristía viva que late en nosotros, Dios Amor vivo y encarnado…

Vuelvo a sentir ganas de hacer pee, a menos de diez minutos de haber hecho pee… ya sería el quinto pee en un lapso de hora y media, tienen el toxic gassing al máximo… a la misma vez que siguen desayunando glotonamente, como el rey al que le chorrea la sangre por la boca mientras come a la misma vez que envía a su hijo a la muerte en Lord of the Rings III, mientras Pippin canta llorando… comen exactamente con esa misma indiferencia emocional…

Comienza a llover más fuerte, más y más gracia que cae de forma incondicional…

Vuelvo a besar mi alianza de la caridad con profunda humildad y asombro ante el hermoso misterio de la Trinidad-con-nosotros que se sigue manifestando más y más resplandecientemente: Fiat mihi secundum caritatis tuam… soy la servidora del Señor, hágase en mi corazón según Su caridad…

Voy al baño a hacer pee una sexta vez en mas o menos hora y media… mientras tanto, en la casa un camión trae una entrega de arena. El hermano progenitor se puso a hablar debajo de la ventana. El perro vino asustado donde mí, porque se pusieron a hacer todo tipo de ruidos furiosos en el primer piso.

Its narcissistic rage.

En todo momento podemos elegir en el corazón crear hogar conforme al plan de Dios, dejarnos modelar por el Espíritu Santo como la custodia viva de Su Eucaristía viva que somos llamados a ser. En cada momento cotidiano podemos decir “hágase en nosotros según Tu Caridad” y seguir formándonos como la ermita de luz que somos llamados a ser para custodiar Su crecimiento en comunión en medio del mundo, transformando toda oscuridad y todo culto a la muerte en luz, y siendo conscientes de que no lo hacemos por las propias fuerzas, sino por pura gracia. Todo, absolutamente todo, es pura gracia. No merezco lo que recibo, pero lo agradezco, porque sin Jesús Caridad no podría siquiera ser. Soy quien soy en Él, por Él y con Él.

En cada momento cotidiano podemos unirnos a Su ofrendar el Corazón, y al ser un solo Corazón con Él, una sola ofrenda con Él, resplandecer como el don del Espíritu Santo que somos llamados a ser: hágase en nosotros según Tu Caridad… hágase en nosotros según Tu consagración a vivir esta nueva fraternidad creando más y más Cielo, creando más y más Eucaristía, creando más y más crecimiento en comunión, pues incluso en medio de sombras de odio y culto a la muerte no deja de resplandecer la inmensa luz de la Trinidad-con-nosotros que sigue creando hogar en esta tierra, que sigue creando comunión viva en esta tierra en la medida en que seguimos respondiendo fiat a la gracia y el poder del flamming Holy Spirit…

Algún día se entenderá que no hay social-control tactic, sea de quien sea —ambos bandos las usan— que pueda contra el poder del Espíritu Santo que no deja de irradiar la luz de la verdad y el resplandor de la fraternidad que viene de Su Corazón…m

Vuelvo a besar Mi alianza: fiat Mihi secundum verbum Tuum… that is the best domestic legacy I can pass on to my domestic church, becoming together the living sanctuary of the Divine Love we are meant to be in Him, for Him and with Him. This is how it has truly being done since the beginnings of Christianism: radiating the peace of His Heart, one home at a time, until becoming together the new Civilization of Love we are called to become.♥️

That is what the family evangelization project is all about, even if only me, along the Holy Family of New Albor, can embrace it for now.

It will be better understood in another moment of history, where there is less truth denialism and more living faith.

Mikhael asked me to integrate in the Thanksgiving fest significative foods of the day. There were two: te Terra Chips and the pizza (today is pizza day). As a matter of fact, the next day we had a whole thanksgiving feast of pizzas! 🙂

Sigamos haciendo vida el orden de la caridad dejándonos transconsagrar más y más el corazón en la Eucaristía viva que somos llamados a ser, para así caminar como el pueblo-familia del nuevo albor que somos llamados a ser, irradiando más y más el esplendor de la verdad con más y más nueva era de nueva fraternidad…

Let’s keep growing together in communion… 🌻

At last night’s dream I received a beautiful spiritual motherhood bouquet (12 sunflowers with the baderas luz wrapped on sacramental family paper) besides a crown of sunflowers… and a domestic cuy, not given exactly by Mikhael… He gave it to my spiritual father, and my spiritual father gave it to me in the name of Jesus Charity. That is how it is meant to be given the domestic cuy: from father to son/daughter. all the stars glimpsed in heaven. I do know: I have a beautiful family in heaven.

After receiving the communion and adoring the Eucharist I was explained that the domestic cuy was a beautiful vocation to be domestic shepperd. I have talked about this before, so I won’t tell now exactly what we talked last night… but it was a very beautiful conversation about out lasting freedoms. No matter what, I will always have in my heart a domestic altar where I can consecrate myself to charity over and over again, the same way I am called to consecrate my home to live charity and my nation to lice charity. I mean, when I have a home a nation to call my own… but meanwhile, I have this beautiful domestic altar in the heart, where I left my bouquet and my flower crown as an offering… because we are all a beautiful gift of Heaven, a gift that incarnates His memory, even if you have no memories of your own sometimes: make everything in memory of Him.

When we talked about our lasting freedoms, you need the context of what I currently have no right to do. The list is not short at all. The list of the rights that are being denied right now to me is very, very long, and I have all the right to say what is not right to do.

I have no right to eat what I want (food can dissapear, or I may not be able to afford it).

I have no right to eat when I want (if progenitors are out the room, I cant eat).

I have no right to drink what I want (the drinks can dissapear, or I may not able to afford it).

I have no right to drink cold drinks when I want (if progenitors are out of the room, I can’t go out to the fridge).

I have no right to wear what I want (progenitors mutilate the clothes and shoes I like more).

I have no right to organize stuff the way I want (progenitors are constantly “reorganizing” my stuff).

I have no right to cook when I want (if progenitors are in the house, I can’t eat).

I have no right to go out when I want (I need to tell them when I am going out, and they may or not may give the gasoline to get out).

I have no right to receive medical services/mental health services when I want and how I truly need them (both SIM and INSPIRA, and even RCM and APS in the past, manipulates the medical service to cover up the abuse. I had been denied systematically labs and psychologists, and given forced medications I don’t need… and at the same time I had been denied treatment for the ADD I do have).

I have no right to go to style my hair and nails when I want (I may or not may be able to afford ir or to find a place where receive the services).

I have no right to take the dogs to the beach (I don’t have car for leisure activities, only to go to job and needs, now wants).

I have no right to take the dogs to the vet and have them healthy (even when the progenitors actually give money to the vet, they also cause the diseases in the dogs, on purpose).

I have no right to communicate (I can’t communicate at all. All social aspects of my life are a transaction. Everything around me is fabricated according to agendas. I can only communicate with the dogs and with mentally disabled persons, the only ones who do not fake).

I have no right to privacy (everything I do, write-think or say is analyzed, seen and monitored. The privacy in my life had always been zero).

I have no right to share when I want to and how I want to (all my devices are hacked/monitored and can’t be dissabilitated at any moment, by hackers that had been doing the same for years).

I have no right to breathe oxygen/pure air (I had been tortured consistenly with toxic air for years, including known cancerigens, and the torture is still ongoing thanks to authorities that doesn’t tell the truth).

I have no right to water (I have to bathe once in a week because is what the progenitors allow me to bathe. I technically don’t have bath of my own because it is not safe. I don’t have regular access to water to clean my clothes. I havent drank water regularly for years because they gave a burning throat water bottle and since then I had fobia to bottled water. Tap water is proven unsafe if not boiled).

I have no right to a legal work with professional and ethical work environment (I had been consistently tortured and exploited in all the works I had been, including the present work. The authorities know it and back it up. The church knows it and back it up).

I have no right to a social life (all the interactions around me are fabricated. I cant connect with no one nor have a life in communion with no one. I am a social object to be lied and exploited, thats it).

I don’t have a right to cultural life nor to an artistic life (everythin I share and develop culturally is manipulated and even sabotaged. None of my work of arts are safe. Some had been stolen. Some had been sabotaged, especially with fungus. Some had been lost or broken or simply thrown away. I can’t be an artist when my materials are stolen and my works are sabotaged).

I don’t have a right to a spititual life (I can’t pray, not even dreaming, without being mimicked and abused, and even tortured, due my spiritual choices. I can’t go to a parish nor work in a catholic school without being harassed and tortured. Even the Archbishop covers up the abuses in the parishes. The Eucharist and homilies had been used for harassment too).

I don’t have a right to intellectual life (my books are stolen or manipulated, my access to WordPress or Microsoft Office depends in if I have the money to get them or not, my writings are stolen or deleted, even if I write by hand. The texts I write on computer are sabotaged with grammar mistakes, if I actually am granted to use a computer or a device to write. I can’t organice thoughts or systems because the intellectual development is delivetately sabotaged).

I don’t have right to personal space (all the places I am are being monitored for exploting and torture purposes. I don’t have a home or a place to call my own).

I don’t have right to private property (My progenitors can move and throw or even steal my stuff at any moment. They pick my stuff to use them for their exploitate purposes. Anything that “belongs” to me can dissapear at any moment, and that includes devices, they stole an iPad).

I don’t have right to financial control (My progenitors can cause at any monent any financial need. For example: if they cause a dog to get sick, I need to have money for that, if they decide to leave me without car I need to have money for that, if they mutilate my clothes I need to buy new clothes, if they cause me with the toxic gassing to need labs I need to have money for that. They have ten thousand ways to control me financially. They monitor my bank accounts when they monitor my devices).

I don’t have a right to independent life (I had been given jobs so underpaid I need my progenitor’s support to merely survive. I had never been given a job paid well enough to have my own appartment, where I couldn’t be tortured. The jobs where I had been as teacher always required a huge investment to actually being able to teach in my style or to even have basic materials to teach).

I don’t have right to access to technology (There were time I was so deprived of resources I didn’t had a computer or access to internet at all. When I do have devices, they are always hacked. Always. What I do in my devices had been monitored my whole life. What I do in my devices is used for psychological exploitation purposes. Even the autorities also show they also know what I do in my devices. The printers had also been hacked so much that the norm is me being printer deprived).

I don’t have basic consumer rights (even Amazon manipulates my search results for psychosocial exploitation purposes. The ads are used for psycosocial exploitation too. Brands play mind games with their ads. If I need to return something I may not be able to do it for the circumstances of the abuse. There were years in which what I bought depended totally on the very limited budget the progenitors gave me. When I buy from eBay I may have packages that are manipulated or if I buy from Amazon packages may be stolen).

I don’t have the right to have my mail delivered (My packages can be returned without my consent. They can also be stolen by my progenitors. I can’t receive mail that is safely given to me).

I don’t have the right to have personal documents (My progenitors have stolen my wallet while sleeping. They have also stolen my medical card. They have also stolen my passport).

I don’t have the right to travel freely (My progenitors stole my passport. I can’t get a new passport without the old one).

I don’t have the right to have personal phone calls (All my phone calls are monitored, by both sides).

I don’t have the right to sleep (My sleep can be deprived in several ways, from loud noises to toxic gassing that causes insomnia, to causing me needing to pee every hour, so I need to wake up to go to pee).

I don’t have the right to legal personhood (My progenitors took by force my legal personhood. I received forced psychiatric treatements based in their lies and tortures, not based in my wellbeing and dignity. I was deprived of every basic sense of humanity while on those treatments).

I don’t have the right to own my body (My progenitors and also my bosses can cause at any moment physiological effects of torture that make me unable to own my body: I bleed when they chose to, I defecate when they chose to, I pee when they chose to, I breathe what they allow me to breath, I eat and drink what they allow me to digest without being vomited, or may be the nausea won’t allow me to ingest anything, I can have attention and memory when they chose to, I can have access to medical attention when the authorities chose to, I can have access to vitamins and supplement if I have the money to afford it, I eat and drink what I am allowed to, I may be caused infections and fungus, especially nail fungus, at any moment, I can remain conscious if they allow it, I can function with a regular heartbeat if they allow it, I can actually walk and smile physically if they allow it, I can think without mood swings if they allow it… my body is controled by torture in ten thousands of ways, it had been so during years and authorities have allowed it on purpuse. The use of torture is also bioterrorism).

I don’t have right to equal protection of the law (The progenitors hace used law 408 to deny my personhood, but I can’t go to cours to defend myself, either from the progenitors nor from the authorities whose negligence is responsible of what is happening here. When I told the free lawyers I was given I was being abused, they told me to take my medicines).

I don’t have right to psychological integrity (Both authorities and progenitors are SO EXTREME in the psychological mind games, narcissistic moves and psychosocial control tactics, including use of toxic positivism, that their constant psychological abuse can be called psychoterrorism. Both authorities and progenitors are psychologically abusive. I can’t go to courts to protect mysef, I am forced to exist as a constant victim of psychological abuse and torture, without never being able to be in a place where I am psychologically safe. If I am at the house of tortured, I will be psychologically abused. If I am in stores, I will be psychologically abused, like being in Costco and having fabricated conversations around me, or being in Walmart and having people with tshirt with toxic possitivity, or even being in the doctor and being toxic gassed precisely in the place I should get medical attention. If I am transtitioning between one place and another, I will be harassaed with broken brake light. In my works I am also psychosocially harassed. I can’t present evidence to any court. I can’t defend myself. Once again, I am forced to exist dehumanized, as a victim of abuse).

I don’t have the right to freedom of information (the information I look in Google is manipulated with ads that are targeted to me for exploitation. When I use social media the posts are manipulated to, in Instagram, in Twitter, in Instagram, in Facebook, in Pinterest, even in Whats App. Notifications in my devices sometimes have to be deactivated because they are played with. Amazon also plays with the search results. I am not allowed to take these social media companies to court to defend myself from their social harrassment, especially with content manipulated with two periods. Either I stop to use the social media for not being harassed, or I must endure forced harassment I have no other choice than to use the social media. There are post that clearly are AI created to manipulate reality).

I don’t have the right to my own reality (Wherever I am, I am forced to “fit” the reality of my abusers. Example: if I am at the house of tortures, I must go to take psychiatric medicines in front of my progenitors, simply due their enjoyment of controling me, because right now there is no legal obligation to do so. At one moment my progenitors actually told me what to say to the psychiatrist about how I feel, I was not even allowed to feel by my own. In the work I know they are social trafficking me and abusing me, but I can’t tell so nor defend me in courts: I must let then abuse me and only tell whatever fits their reality. So on, so on, no matter where I am, I must fit my abuser’s reality, I am not allowed to live according to the truth).

I don’t have right to safety (wherever I am, whatever I do, I am a constant victim of hate crimes, by both my political views and my religious life, or even simple for being me. The progenitors use of covert psychological agression and violence is constant, but it can happen and do happen outside the house of tortures too. I am never safe, not even sleeping).

-I have no right of freedom of movement (wherever I go, I will monitored and even followed. It had happened that the same car appear several times, either in front or in the back of the car I am using).

I have no right to self-care and have a good image (the progenitors can cause image problems at any moment. They can sabotage and steal make up. They can cause my face look full of “psoriatic” flares that are caused due the toxic gassing. They can cause with economic control tactics me being unable to afford going to cut my hair in more than a year. They can cause me being unable to wash my hair, so I am seen greasy. They have played with my face cleaning stuff, so I barely wash my face).

-I have no right to work from home or to have a work space at home (I just got from trash students work thar my progenitors threw away without my consent. They have taken student’s drawings or student’s tests. They have sabotaged my devices, including computers, so I am unable to do my work in the best way possible. In the case of STEG, ASTA and even AES, my own bosses sabotaged or controled what I did in my computer without notifying me, covertedly, in coordination with what was being done at home).

I have no right to hygiene (I may have money to get basic hygienic supplies or I may not. I may have things and alone space to clean, or I may not. My bed sheets are rarely washed, I never have alone time to do it. They have actually mutilated my bed sheets and my blankets/comforters. I may be allowed to clothe with my own clothes or I may be forced to use others if mine dissapear. I may be allowed to bath or not. I may have enough toothpaste to wash my teeth once or not. I may allowed to cook “safely” my food or not, they play with both the gas and the higyene of the food. I may be able to wash my clothes ot not. Where I wash my teeth is always filthy due a clogged pipe my progenitors clogged deliberately more than one year ago. They remodeled the whole bathroom I a way I am unable to use it. The water have fungus and the house is infested with roaches. Everything around me is highly unhygienic. They do play with basic hygienic stuff for their social exploitation purposes. Example: playing with the soap, buying a lavender soap when they have never done so before, doing it simply to mimick my use of lavender in the dreamed contemplative prayers).

I have no right to self-care or to have a good self-image or good self-steem (The progenitors can cause me seen with unclean/spotted clothes. They can cause my hair being greasy due not being able to wash it. They can cause the face being disfigured either with not being able to smile (asynchrony) or with “psoriatic” flares caused by toxic gassing. They have stolen or broken make up, when they actually bought me it. They have played with my face-washing stuff, so it is not safe to use the face soap, so I barely wash my face. They play psychological warfare constantly to belittle my self-image with emotional denialism (they deny my feelings constantly, deliberately, with abuse purposes. They are like a deformed mirror where my self-image is deformed by their narcissism and cruelty. They actually envy my good self-steem that comes from how much God loves me unconditionally, not like them, whose “love” depends on their convenience).

I have no right to love (My progenitors manipulate the meaning of “love” using it to their convenience. At some point the phrase “te amo” was used for social exploitation. Wherever I am, if I love someone, well, he or she will be exploited for exploiting me, or even tortured for torture me, and that includes pets, students and all kind of people, including minor age. I am not granted to even choose a couple by my own, the authorities are imposing Eduardo Verastegui as “love” when I am clearly saying he is not the person for me and he has actually known about the abuse and not told the truth, acting like a “hero” for consenting and allowing torture and hate crimes, besides allowing the social trafficking of minors. I am not interested in people who understand love as manipulation and truth denialism. I can’t choose to love no one, nor have a home and form a family where I am loved for who I am).

I have no right to have a memory of my own (You can understand this quite literally: the toxic gassing does affect my memory and attention, a lot… but there are also other memory factors involved. The progenitors have haved my iPhones, making them unable to connect to iCloud, so I have lost many photos and recordings and videos. I have lost many pictures in myself from albums. I have lost a lot of memory stuff I had from great milestones in my life, like medals and trophies and certificates. I have lost many diaries and intimate writings notebooks, they have stealed them. They have also stealed my very favorite books along the years. They have deleted texts from the Microsoft 365 iCloud, and they have destroyed handwritten poems faking that it was the dog who did it. Above all… the most effective memory destroyer is gaslighting. They gaslight over and over again in such a way that you know that even how they told you were born was fake. They also stole my pediatricians clinical history? which I requested to have to know the truth about my past, although it was highly inconplete, it mainly had growth charts, there was nothing about the many ear infections I had when child. You need to recheck your memory, already affected by toxic gassing, over and over again to be sure the memory that is there is not gaslighting).

I have no right to a human existance, with a home of my own and a family that IS a real family (The progenitors call and project themselves as “family” when they are torturers and narcisistic-sociopaths controlers of my existance. I have no freedom to have a human existance, with a home, a family, and being able to exist peacefully, without being constantly harassed and hated for being who I am).

This is what matters when enforcing agendas matters more than human dignity and rule of law, when “hacer que las cosas pasen” upon your convenience matters more than truth and true justice.

So… at the very end, even when you have so many rights denied… you will always be able to consecrate yourself to live charity, to consecrate you heart to help to grow in communion, to help to grow as the brothers and sisters we are called to be, to help to grow in the state of grace we are called to be, as the domestic Church we are called to be, overflowing with sacramental fraternity. Your heart if the home He, Jesus Charity, need to keep growing in this world (yes, through the Holy Spirit he is still growing)… and we are the living domestic shepperds called to consecrate our hands and heart in unity to His Heart to guide the spiritual family He gives us to joy, to plenitude, to sainthood.

That vocation is as fragant and beautiful as the lavender in the sacramental motherhood bouquet and crown. We have wings that these world can’t see nor destroy. Someday, when I am in heaven, I will have the first bodily intimacy moment in my life, and will be the most beautiful moment ever. Please, don’t understand “bodily intimacy” as “sexual intimacy”, it is even something more basic. My whole life I have been exploited and monitored without my consent, since baby. Even my sacramental confessions had been shared and monitored for exploitative purposes. Imagine the first moment ever I can share heart to heart with someone, in my body in my soul, like the Eucharist, and that moment could only be shared between the two of us. Whatever it can be, a conversation, a poem, a hug, whatever… it would be the first moment ever something is shared only with one another. My first phsysical togetherness moment. In my circumstances, that can only happen in heaven… but meanwhile, I have the lasting freedom of choosing to consecrate myself to live charity, over and over again. So, how did I consecrate to live charity today in my day?

Well, the day began with a contemplative idea about a for-social-profit-only bussiness. Yesterday I contemplated the idea of building all-inclusive bungalows somewhere in Puerto Rico, because we do have beautiful beaches (it can be a for-social-profits-only bussiness too). Today, after reading a news article about dog boxes in Apple News, we contemplated a bussiness called “SatoBox”, a dog box targeted to latino and bilingual homes, whose all profits would go to a sato sanctuary and helping the currently existing non-profits that rescue dogs in Puerto Rico. What happens with street dogs in Puerto Rico is truly a crisis that must be tackled.

Then I went to NUC university in Bayamón. I made a live to test the strenght of my arms. In the highway, in front of me, there was a car with an Apple sticker. That besides the two cars I already saw with broken lights during the live. As I said, no matter how hard is my pain, the social harrassment keeps going on and on. I will probably go heaven of a heart attack.

In NUC University I am scheduled to complete today a CPR course. Really, these courses should be taken in the schools. I am also curious to know how Narcan works. I have heard it can save many lives to know how to use it.

When I arrived to NUC School of Nursings I saw the vending machines and I searched in my purse to see if I got 1 dollar in coins for a drink, because I forgot to bring my Gatorade. I got 90 cents in my purse. A woman that is a maintenance employee gave me the other 10 cents. I NEVER ask for money to anyone outside the house of tortures, but this time I know I have to drink something. I got a Capri Sun juice, but it is for the snack time. Thank you, kind lady who took the money from her lunch box. I bought an Arizona with those 10 cents.

The CPR course I took was designed for medical personel, but I was allowed to remain. I was not asked to complete steps that required medical knowledge, but I did understood what my classmates, all nurses, were doing. The dolls they use for compressions make a click when you reach the required depth. I never imagined you require to go so deep. Its 2 inched, but those two inched inside the chest are like a sink hole. 😯

Here is me taking the course with the doll.

These kind of courses are to be learned with hands-on learning. Really, high schoolers should be required to learn this too. When I practiced the chocking manauver in children it took a lot of time to make the baby cry, but it finally cried.

After going to NUC University I went to a Costco to buy a small shopping of stuff that were mostly in special. Pn the way there was a moving truck. Along the years there had been many times where the false projection of me moving had been made placing moving trucks around me, like now. I had never been able to move, it had always has been a false projection.

This car was in front of me while entering to Costco. Look at the mimicking of the stickers, with colorful scenery and butterflies and all.

The only thing I didn’t found was the spiral ham, and it was because it was in a VERY good price and it was over when I came to the store.

This is what I bought:

Going to Costco requires its special measures after the last time I came, when two persons came by near the food court speaking about never knowing a person that “was going to buy a 1.5 million house in Dorado”. When social harrassment happens, there is always a pattern. That, with the ad game of “I love Dorado” in the highway, can be said is a pattern. Besides that, there was clear mimicking in the Facebook Page of Dorado. So I block the ways they can harass me deleting the Dorado Facebook page and using headphones in Costco, Only due this reason I don’t want to live in Dorado anymore. Anything that is connected to social harrassment in my life will be OUT of my life. Period. Social harrassment is always unaceptable, no matters from where it comes from. Period. So, while I write this, I am eating pizza in Costco in headphones. I had to move once because two woman began to speak too loud, and that always is a warning sign.

You don’t get it. Nobody gets it. Either the truth is being told straight forward, without mind games, without social harassment, without social control tactics, or it is against the rule of law what you are doing. I am not your social exploitation object, or your social marketing object: I am a human being that is being abused, and truth is being denied along justice. You are NO ONE to manipulate the information and videos in your Facebook page targeting me. You are NO ONE to control conversations around me. You are NO ONE to control the timing of the ads I see in digital billboards. Period. Social harrassment and social control tactics are WRONG, especially while you force the person to endure torture and the denial of the most basic freedom.

I always eat two pizzas in Costco, but today I can’t fit the two. Today I snacked a chobani yogurt around 10 am. Snacks matter.

When I was going out from the store I realized I lost my receipt to get out of the store. A couple approached me gently and told me they saw it fall, but I didn’t heard them calling me (due the headphones, that I had quite high, and even being had, I had to move once). I thanked them a lot, prayed grateful for their kindness and went put to the store, to Sams curbside.

At Sams curbside I have had bas experiences with the greetings of the employees, they tell you sometimes “lindo día”, stuff you know is social harrassment… but I can understand that such big stores can’t control what their rogue employees do. I simply am used to the social harassment, I know it is unavoidable to me being discriminated in the way I am being treated, because the authorities had allowed it for so long, without telling the truth, that I can only do nothing about it, until someones tell the truth.

Today, there was no prob in the curbside. This is what I bought in Sams. The shrimps are for lent, thar starts in Saint Valetine’s Day, or as I know it, as the Day of Jesus Charity, the feast of Divine Love and fraternity.

Next, I go to Office Max to print the return label for the Qlink cellphone I do not longer want. I don’t have printer of my own, thanks to the hacking of my devices (they always make the printers fail) so I need to go to the library or Office Max to print anything. Today is more convenient to go to Office Max. I need to wait a little bit because all the functioning copiers are busy. It happens. I simply hear music (Casting Crowns right now). I waited less than 3 minutes. 😁

When I get out Office Max there is another car with broken lights. In total, since the morning, is the sixth car with broken lights around me. That without counting the cars with stickers that are clearly mimicking.

Next stop: Marshalls, to see candles. I have a 15 dollars budget. I need a big candle. Some precautions need to be made when you go to Marshalls. Because you never know if you are going to have a cart or not, and I lost an iPad that way (due not having a cart to put the stuff I was going to buy I left the iPad behind) the iPad must be left at the car when I go to Marshalls. Also, when I am going to park the car, I must do it in a zone where I don’t crash anyone due the traffic.

Here we go, in high traffic hour. As a matter pf fact the traffic is horrible, and while I walk to Marshalls, because I don’t have the headphones, someone yells in a very exagerated voice in a car “hola, mi amor” (another very common social control tactic around me is using the word “amor”).

Other thing that is very commonly done around me is placing people with difficulties walking around me. Here it is, this time a person with a walker besides a dog, while I was walking to Marshalls.

All these social control tactics had been upheld for years. I already know them. As a matter of fact, in Marshalls I must put music in speaker of the iPhone (I dont have headphones for the iPhone yet) because someone is speaking in her cellphone and I don’t want to hear her conversation. That is a VERY common move around me, fake conversations in the phones or between people. But I can’t risk to loose another iPad in Marshalls (I only have headphones for the iPad).

In Marshallls I loved that chest, but I only have budget for 15 dollars. I find a lovely big lavender candle for 14.99 🙂.

Here are the stuff I liked and what I choose to buy.

This is another store where I have had problems with cashiers and employees telling you “lindo día”, even by speakers while you are in the store, while making the announcements in the megaphone. Once again, I can’t avoid that kind of social harrassment that I know it is clearly targeted to me. I simply keep going, knowing that until the truth is being told, I am a social slave without any kind of rights.

The women doesn’t stop talking in the phone during the whole Marshalls line, that was quite long. I had to place myself against a beverages cooler to not hearing her clearly higher voice.

When I arrive to the cashier, the candle has two prices: 14.99 and 19.99 and they cash me 19.99. 23.00 in total.

Here are the pics of both prices. I only saw the upper one. I could never imagined it would have two prices.

That is a scam, but I don’t have time to make the line again. The cashier calls me “corazón”. That is another social harrassment tactic around me: calling me “corazón”. Even the progenitors do it.

I overspend 9.00 dollars. They did the move on purpose. That is what you risk to endure when you are a social slave. I know very well the manager who told me the price was 19.99. She was the one who told me “amor” when I lost my iPad due lack of carts.

Great. Now I need to check if stuff I get has two prices. That is a new move in the social harrasment repertoire of moves. I usually look among the candles that are in special first, but this time there were no candles in special at all.

When I get put of the mall where Marshalls is (Rio Hondo) this car is in front of me. The taino stickers are also a social harrassment sign around me. I am not interested in read what the heart says.

I am a little bit late for my Walmart curbside. I should had been there at 3, it is 3:30 and I am still at Rio Hondo.

The highway is unusually fast for the time (is high traffic hour) and I arrive at Walmart only ten minutes later.

At Walmart there had also been employees that greet you with “corazón” and “lindo día” too. I simply must tolerate the disrespect because the authorities simply deny the truth of what is happening for impossing their agenda.

The Walmart curbside has several things for a girl of the work whose birthday is this Sunday. It is SO beautiful to give amazing gifts to amazing people. She is may he the only girl I am absolutely sure she knows abouts what is happening with me… but at the same time she has many things happenning in her life and she always do the best she can, and I admire her for that, even if she sometimes remain silent.

The Walmart curbside employee arrives. He calls me “amor”. Once again, I must tolerate the disrespect.

This is the last thing I need to do before heading to the house of torture to sleep from 5 to 9 and prepare for tonight’s shift. When I am changing sleeping patterns (I am changing from a nightime sleeping pattern to a daytime sleeping pattern) I use benadryl to change the pattern. The benadryl may work or may not work, depending on the toxic gassing of the room. Yes, sometimes benadryl works, sometimes it doesn’t. Its part of the abuse journey, I don’t own my body.

There is a lot of traffic getting out of Walmart. That is usual at this time. It is 3:48 pm.

I look at a beautiful bird at the Walmart exit (no time to take pics). I am sorry to bot have money to give to a homeless person as I get out of Walmart. I give him my prayers.

There is another car with broken brake lights at the Walmart exit.

Yes, you can see how normalized is the social harrassment around me, no matter what I do and where I go. It had been massive since years. Authorities had allowed it all through the years, everytime loosing more and more freedoms.

I remain with my purpose of the day: consecrate my heart to live charity. I look to heaven, remembering my family up above. Heaven waits for my fiat.

There is another broken brake light while I enter to Toa Alta. Couldn’t take pictures.

Prior arriving to the progenitors house of torture I made a brief stop to arrange the stuff I was going to get up to the room, what I was going to put in the fridge and what I was going to leave in the car until 9:30 pm. I also prepared the iPad with music, because I expected noises.

When I was arriving to the house of tortures I began the usual live I do in twitter every time I get in or out of the house, if the progenitors are around. The live stopped in the moment I pointed a candle they left lit. It is the first sign that the phone is already hacked. They never lit candles: they did it because what happened in Walmart, they are mimicking them.

I took the medicine. They left the medrol pen they had been using for a while for harassment. I was given medrol the last time I went to the doctor (they had been using the medrol pen prior that) due the inflammation that caused me their toxic gassing, this time in the throat.

I went to the bathroom, changed clothes to the work clothes, took four benadryls, and restarted the live while I was giving food to the doggies, before going to sleep.

Right now is 4:55. I need to go to sleep at 5:00 pm. I will sleep four hours before tonight’s dreams.

I began to have flatulences when I entered the room. I haven’t had them in the whole day.

Sweet dreams!

I woke up at 9:30, aproximately. I went downstairs and began the process of put all the stuff that were in the car in their place, eat, take the dogs out, take photos of whatever the progenitors left and put them on twitter, and prepare for going to work. The most llamative thing the progenitors left today was a bottle of their coquito in the fridge that is supposed to be only mine, an a bottle of Johnny Walker. They mimick my “walking like He walked” with the marketing slogan of Johnny Walker: “keep walking”.

Prior leaving the house I create the gift basket I will give tomorrow to the girl that has her birthday on Sunday in the work. I complete the basket with the stuff I bought in Walmart curbside today. She LOVES baking, so her gift basket has baking stuff to make brownies, because her brownies taste amazingly good and it seems to be her favorite recipe.

I left the house of tortures on time to go to work and arrive at 11, when my night shift begins.

Once in the highway, on the way to the work. there was one car with broken light in the highway. Again. The social harrasment around me is non-stop. They have no problem in doing the harrassment in places where is clearly dangerous to take a picture. The picture is blurry because in the highway the speed is not exactly slow, but I actually slowed the speed to take this photo.

Once in the work, I received the shift, and one coworker suggested that one girl that doesn’t sleep through the whole night doesn’t it only with me. I know is not only with me, but I didn’t corrected her, I know that this kind of things will always happen because people see that I am not authoritarian and put the blame of things in me not being authoritarian enough.

They also left this in the bathroom, a coloring book that projects that I am crazy because what I say of the broken lights as social harrasment. It is quite normal to people around me project me as crazy, for a variety of reasons.

Here is the coloring book that they left in the bathroom

As I am finishing the day, I am being toxic gassed in the work, as you can see in the blood oxygen app of the Apple Watch. I made the blood oxygen test because I suddenly felt very high intensity heartburn with a little bit of drooling.

My coworker of today’s shift is new in this shift, ao I am living charity explaining her everything she needs to know to run the shift. It is nice to talk with someone.

This would be, technically, the end of the day. It is midnight. You can see the social harrasment is quite normalized around me. Imagine this very same thing happening over and over again.

Along the day I renovated the consecration of charity over and over again, in the middle of the hate and truth denialism of the authorities. Yes, that is my lasting freedom: choosing to walk like He walked, choosing to consecrate my heart, in unity to His heart, to live charity, to remain in His Love, to remain in His light.

That was an “ordinary” day in my life, so full of social harrassment in every place I go and everything I do… but at the same time, in the middle of all that truth denialism, I am conscious of being learning to conceive Jesus Charity in me according to the Holy Spirit’s gifts, according to God Love’s grace… and that is my everlasting freedom: say to the Lord over and over again “fiat mihi secundum caritatis tuam”, “actualizing” over and over again His consecration to charity in me, His charity alliance in me, in such a way that is His power that is visible in the midst of everything I am and in how I grow… letting Him grow more and more in me.

Yes, Jesus Charity is still growing, and growing, and growing, more and more, because our whole personal formation in unitiy is the canvas in which the Holy Spirit makes visible the Love of God incarnated. That is the lasting freedom in me: the freedom to choose to grow as He grows, growing together in more and more communion… and as we make it through the darkness, we are the living witness of His living memory. As I said before, we are called to make everything incarnating His memory: “hagan esto en memoria Mía”… and so we keep becoming the living Eucharist we are called to be in Him, with Him and for Him.

If you see the nature of the personal formation, it is true, we grow like God Love in our three natural dimensions.

Our body (organic dimension) is capable of growing as God grows, in communion, growing as a gift, and as we incarnate His giftedness with our body, the very human creativity that characterizes our personhood is revealed: we can create communion.

Our being (ontological dimension) is capable of knowing God as we keep embracing His communion, and as we know the Being, the rational capacity that characterizes our personhood, we can contemplate more and more His communion, letting ourselves be known as He knows us.

Our sociability (filial dimension) is capable of relate with other and with God as He relates in the Trinity, in communion, relating as we live charity, so the search outside the self of our being-in-relation that characterizes our personhood becomes a huge living communion net that connect us all, a living fishing net of living charity.

Surprise: yes, can can say to GROW like God… humbly. We will never take the place of God, but as we grow like Him, yes, we can grow best. If you see your everlasting freedom as growing like God, as letting God Love grow more and more in you, we can give ourselves as He does… and so our lives become full of fruits of the Spirit as we fullfill the purpose we have been created for: God Love made us capable of growing like Him; to walk like He walked, through our heart’s unity to Jesus Incarnated. Yes, incarnated. He is not an abstraction: He is an incarnated God in the Eucharist that sustain us as we defend our everlasting freedom.

Yes, Jesus Charity, we will adore You as you want to be adored: with our whole growth… and we will fight for that everlasting freedom, but this is not a fight fought with truth denialism and terrorism, but with incarnated charity, creating home that creates Heaven and that creates Eucharist, creating home according to God’s plan, incarnating the domestic Church you want us to incarnate as domestic pastors that persvere more and more in prayer, offering ourselves as You do.

Years ago I took these pictures as I contemplated how we are called to fight this good fight. The pictures are inspired in the movie Braveheart (you can see the image of Mel Gibson in that movie too).

We will never surrender in this good figh against evil for our everlasting freedom. We won’t let anybody nor anything forbid us to choose to adore Him with our whole growth and letting Him create home in us. So, we become a new Holy Family of New Albor: as we let Him grow in us, we help Him keep growing in this world, in the midst of all our ordinary (or not-so-ordinary, but in the middle of the world noneless) lives.

No matter which is the right that the world and the authorities deny to us, we will keep choosing to give you light (give you birth) in this very moment of history, in this very time, in this very minute… in this very present.

And so, Your mistery is made visible as God-Love-with-us.

Let’s keep living this lasting freedom: to consecrate ourselves, in body, in being, in filiation, to grow like you grow. It is not easy to forget the authorities for what they have allowed during all these years of truth denialism and denial of rights, but as we let God Love embrace us with this “manto de misericordia”, we will receive the grace to heal and to keep walking like He walked in every circumstance, focusing in transforming every present time in a present to His heart. When the moments comes to forgive, we will have the grace to do it.

Let’s keep growing together in communion!

Hoy es el día de la Virgen de la Dolorosa, y también el día de mi renuncia al trabajo sencillamente porque no se me concede aire para funcionar… y ya es hora de move on.

Se supone que hiciera un live en Twitter, como suelo hacerlo, para contar lo que me corresponde contar del sueño de anoche… pero no tengo fuerzas para hacer un live. Aún me estoy recuperando, tanto del toxic gassing de ayer como del toxic gassing de anoche… más el que está sucediendo en estos momentos en la casa de torturas.

No hay odio para nadie. No hay rencor. No hay ganas ni intención de explicar al trabajo, ni a mis progenitores, lo que se hizo mal, porque yo sé que ellos ya lo saben, y mi misión no es convencer o imponerme a nadie. Sencillamente me corresponde… keep growing on.

En el sueño de anoche Mik hizo un gesto muy bello que no puedo contar…

No hablamos de que hoy es día de la Virgen de la Dolorosa porque no tenía consciencia de ello (vi un post de la fiesta esta mañana), pero hablamos de un tema muy particular.

Hay que dejar a Jesús crecer más y más en nosotros. Eso es keep growing on. Y por supuesto, eso nos va a cambiar la vida, como sucedió con María… y hay que seguir growing on, together, dejando que Jesús crezca más y más. En estos momentos, como maestra, me corresponde dejar que Jesús siga creciendo, que mis estudiantes sigan creciendo… they must keep growing on, y se sabe muy bien, me corresponde renunciar. Esto no se trata de un let them go, sino de un let them grow. Ese es el orgullo de una madre: que la familia siga creciendo, sin dependencia de ella… y también debe ser el orgullo de un maestro, que los estudiantes sigan creciendo, sin depender ya de ti. Nuestros caminos ya corresponden seguir separados.

Hay un momento en mi pasado en el cual ya viví esto que estoy sintiendo antes. No, no se trata de una de las escuelas en las que también sucedió lo que sucedió en esta. Es otro momento, mucho mas profundo, y dolorosamente bello, valga la redundancia (hoy es día de la Virgen Dolorosa).

Para entender lo que voy a contar que tomar en cuenta que para mí enseñar es un acto de apostolado, un acto de Amor a Dios y al hermano, no es solo un trabajo…

Durante cierto tiempo vivi como supernumeraria en una residencia de estudiantes del Opus Dei. Luego de un par años en la residencia, dando todo lo mejor de mi en lo que consideraba también mi apostolado y un “apostolado familiar”, me iba por la “puerta de atrás”, totalmente sola, empacando yo sola, sin ayuda de nadie, sin una palabra de nadie, sin ser escuchada por nadie. Eso que pensaba que era mi familia y mi apostolado realmente era… un mero hotel y trabajo a renunciar y cambiar. Yo como persona no tuve valor allí, pero eso se vio al final, cuando ya no había ningún interés en ayudarme ni en facilitar la transición.

Recuerdo aquel último día allí. Me fui con el carro totalmente lleno de cosas, porque para mí aquella residencia era como si se supusiera que fuera mi casa y tenía muchísimas cosas, fue como una mudanza. Nadie me ayudó, tuve que hacerlo todo yo sola. Nadie me habló. Nadie estuvo en la puerta cuando la cerré, como si no existiera para nadie allí, luego de haber dado durante tanto tiempo todo lo mejor de mí allí.

El momento dolorosamente bello pasó al ir al Sagrario a despedirme por última vez.

Jesús me preguntó si le había amado mientras estuve allí, si había hecho las cosas por Amor.

Le respondí, llorando, que sí.

Eso es lo importante.

Me fui llorando, pero feliz y en paz porque estaba consciente de que había amado.

Sí. Confieso, Amado, que te he amado.

Fue un momento bien horrendo de mi vida, tener que volver de la casa que había partido… y confrontar en muy pocas semanas adelante otra mudanza full-blown.

Resulta que ayer por la mañana, sin que yo supiera lo que iba a pasar en la escuela, estaba escuchando la radio y precisamente contemplé como la pregunta más importante de la Biblia a Jesús preguntándole a Pedro si le había amado, las respuestas de Pedro y a Jesús diciéndole “sígueme” una vez más.

En el sueño de anoche Mik me recordó ese detalle: antes de que pasara todo lo que pasó ayer en la escuela, ya Jesús me estaba haciendo exactamente la misma pregunta que me hizo al tener que partir de un apostolado que realmente era Suyo, no de nadie más para controlar. Dios ya sabía lo que iba a pasar y ya me estaba haciendo la misma pregunta, sin yo saber aún lo que iba a pasar al llegar a la escuela.

La vida es una sucesión de “síguemes”. Jesús Caridad nos vuelve a preguntar una y otra vez “¿Me amas? Sígueme…” No se trata de un let them go, sino de un let them grow… y sígueme.

Es hora de seguirle por nuevos caminos.

Mientras escribo esto estoy llorando exactamente de la misma forma que lloré al irme de aquella residencia. Enviaré a la escuela la carta de renuncia en un par de horas, aún la estoy escribiendo. Tengo que alternar de tareas y de posiciones del cuerpo para poder lidiar con la debilidad del toxic gassing.

Me corresponde seguir growing on, consciente de que este es un nuevo sígueme, no un final. Me corresponde dejar a Jesús seguir creciendo en mí… y dejar a mis estudiantes seguir growing on.

Sí, confieso que te he amado, Jesús Caridad, en esos niños.

Confieso que he amado.

Una de las cosas que hizo Mik en el sueño fue afirmarme en una roca, como un faro. En medio del caminar de la vida somos llamados a ser como faros vivos que irradian conversión siguiéndole más y más de corazón a Corazón: una canción que en su momento fue My Heart Will Grow On… se convierte en una canción nueva: Our Love Will Glow On (solo recuerdo el título de la canción, pero él me la cantó entera… algún día la escribiré como cántico nuevo). Aunque parezca que ya no podemos amar más de lo que hemos amado, en la vida, en la medida en que seguimos diciéndole “sí” a Jesús Caridad, siguiéndole más y más, nuestra capacidad de amar crece más y más, más y más, más y más… y a este faro le queda por brillar más, si elegimos keep growing on, parafraseando el sing along de Pete de Cat del libro con el que pensaba hacer la última lección planificada: I Love My God Love… and I keep growing, I keep singing, because it´s all good.

Yes, I choose to keep growing on, to keep glowing on… porque confieso que he amado.

Hoy elijo seguirle una vez más por nuevos derroteros, sin vergüenza de mí misma, de quien soy, ni de quien soy llamada a ser dando más y más a luz a la Palabra, dándole más y más a luz, dando a luz a Su reino del nuevo albor, a Su pueblo-familia del nuevo albor… con más y más fraternal pride, haciendo más y más familia humana, eclesial y civil según Su plan, como la Eucaristía viva que somos llamados a ser, como la iglesia doméstica que somos llamados a ser en unidad a la Trinidad, ofrendándonos haciendo más y más vida nuestro bautismo, como los sacerdotes, profetas y reyes que somos llamados a ser siguéndole más y más, amando más y más al hacer más y más vida la consagración a vivir la caridad, esta alianza de la caridad que también es alianza de nueva vida que resplandece en comunión…

Our Love Will Glow On.

Jesús Caridad, te adoramos con todo el crecimiento…

Let´s keep growing together in communion!