I´m letting go

But Heavens knows

I loved you so

Hillsong

Mary did know from the very first moment of her fiat mihi secundumm verbum tuum that what she was doing would change humanity forever…

She knew.

No one realized it, except Elizabeth, but she knew…

There is a huge beautiful mystery in knowing: this is going to change humanity forever… and absolutely no one around being able to recognize so… the same happened when she finally was left with John, after Jesus ascended and the Holy Spirit came: she knew she was the first living Eucharist, with the Holy Spirit she was able to fully realize herself what happened since the very beginning, in ways no other human being could witness…

And she was humble enough to remain silent and let the apostles go through what they must go through to build the Church Jesus taught them to build…

Finally, at that point, Mary was able to understand what she had been doing “blindly” during her whole life…

And she remained completely silent. Humbly silent.

Over and over again, I have done things “blindly” in my life, simply because I was told to do so.

Well, I was asked to do things as I did until reaching this point of my life, and I am completely at peace, in every sense possible…

And now, well, integraction has already begun to exist systematically…

For every time I had done things simply because I contemplated God calling me to do so… I was given a very tender “thank you” from my family of Heaven and Mik. It does mean something huge for them.

My life can move on as I close the “teaching” and “philosophy” stages of my life as I end up writing “Yes, We Can Grow Best!” as a last living lesson —sharing the living lessons I was able to learn thanks to them— for my students. True, this text is technically “unshareable in a personal way”; authorities haven´t recognized yet publicly what happened, nor to me, nor to my students… but I am not exactly doing this to be understood or to be recognized, and that is very important to understand what I am sharing in this post. I am doing it solely upon God’s glory and for, in its due time, my students can understand: you had no fault at all in what we went through, but you do can choose to “keep growing on” after what we have endured.

In the same way, my “personal-intellectual life” can now move on, as I shared “On the Growth of the Human Personal Formation: The Nature” as I was called to. I am not meant to take further action upon that text. I am simply meant to move on to “On the Human Personal Formation”, but in the middle of those two texts, an “intellectual pause” is necessary to complete the text I am currently beginning to share: “Yes, We Can Grow Best!: Keys for a Growthful Philosophy of Education” so my “life stages” both as a philosophy student and as a teacher can end as they should be ended if would be allowed to do so properly, according to my dignity and my student´s dignity.

So, as I have been able to finish all these writings, all the “closing scenes” that I had been sharing in the previous texts, especially the ending scene of “On the Growth of the Human Personal Formation: The Nature,” have become “opening scenes.”

One very particular scene can be applied to my circumstances right now: the opening scene of “My Sister’s Keeper”. You can see it here:

Now I know: the history of my life and my “origin” wasn’t true at all.

I was also born “for a particular reason”, yet pending to be fully understood.

I was also “engineered for a particular reason”, but I don´t mean and engineering in a biological sense… but in the social sense. My progenitors attempted to “socially engineer me” with their long-life abuse and torture…

But, at the very end, now it is clear that who truly “socially engineered me” with an immaculate social conception was God Love himself. At all moments, my progenitors thought they had social control over me, engineering my personal formation “socially” according to their cruelty…

They now realize that God’s Love never allowed them to have such control; he was the one who “socially engineered me.” If you see the meaning of what a “social engineer” is in the text I am currently writing, you will realize what we mean.

I have explained explicitly and very clearly: there is no medical precedent of anyone else being able to survive what you survived. I should be dead, but I am meant to be alive. I am not a coincidence at all. I am meant to “save” many brothers and sisters, to be the “keeper” of many brothers and sisters, but in the first place, you have been immensely loved by God… the first one that matters is you. You are here because He loved you first, and that won’t ever change.

Of course, the contemplation of “My Sister’s Keeper” opening sequence is not a “coincidence” at all: I had also been explicitly warned that the legal drama that is coming is monumentally huge. This is not merely a “the right of a person being able to own her own body” legal case, although it does have that implication. This is also a huge institutional abuse case against my students. Yes, I was successfully able to prove with legal evidence the institutional abuse that my students endured; that fact is very well known, even if not told publicly yet.

I was also clearly explained that this was a murder attempt, and my progenitors attempted it in a way where there are no legal precedents either. In the same way, there are no medical precedents for someone surviving what I did; there are no legal precedents for the kind of legal case and the kind of murder attempt my progenitors have committed. In many, many senses, we are going through uncharted waters, and I had been properly prepared to be able to do so.

And… in the same way I am not expecting nor needing my progenitors to be able to recognize what they did was hugely wrong, I am not expecting either Opus Dei or the University of Navarra to recognize that what they did systematically was also hugely wrong, despite of my family of Heaven assuming direct “spiritual jurisdiction” over me and do recognize that both things were hugely wrong (both what my progenitors did and what happened in Opus Dei-University of Navarra). One was a biological-psychological murder attempt. The other was, technically, a faith-psychological murder attempt; I almost lost my faith, who I am, and who I am called to be because of them. Mik and my family of Heaven’s recognition is enough for me, way enough. Being understood by Heaven is enough.

I do not need either the schools involved in the institutional abuse schemes to apologize directly to my students or me, but of course, one of them has to close its doors for the common good of all, and the other must either evolve or dissolve. The other one I talk about in this text had already closed, directly due to what I am telling here, although the institutional abuse pattern that I demonstrated, as I have already said, has not been publicly revealed.

My life keeps going on… according to what truly matters. The legal battle that is coming is monumental… but I won’t be known in history merely for what happened to me. I won’t even be merely known as a victim or survivor of what I went through.

I will be known for the words I chose to incarnate and live… becoming the living “sign” of God’s love with us, which is what I had always meant and called to be, especially for my students.

Nobody fully realizes yet how what I had been granted to incarnate will change humanity forever… and I had been granted this since very early on in my life. God has prepared me to survive since birth. I tell this part of my life in “On the Growth of the Human Personal Formation: The Nature”, but I will tell it again here. I had been learning to survive since my very birth: I am alive thanks to a “strict casualty.” Doctors discovered in a normal scheduled third-semester pregnancy sonogram that I was so entangled in my umbilical cord that my heartbeats were already lower than they should be. My progenitors were not the ones who meant to save me: the doctors were the ones who realized that something was wrong, so they proceeded to an emergency c-section without my male progenitor being present. I was meant by God to be alive since the very beginnings of my social existence. I had been meant to be alive and be prepared to accomplish what I am accomplishing with Heaven´s help since the very beginning.

Mary knew in her Magnificat that she was the instrument of God’s Love to bring salvation to the whole humanity; she knew since the very first moment that she would change history forever as the Mother of God and Mother of the Church… but Mary´s immaculate conception was not given merely due a purpose… in the first place, God Love immensely loved her in a way no other human being had been… and she did know: this will change history forever. I was born for this. I am alive for this.

The way God does “social engineering” is not merely toward a specific vocation, towards a specific “purpose.” God forms us by Love, with Love, and in Love first. The “vocation” part must wait until consent is given.

I am no accident at all. I am not a coincidence at all. No one is, but in my circumstances, that can be powerfully seen.

As the opening scene of My Sister´s Keeper ends: “But coincidence or not, I am here… [yet, alive and thriving, not merely surviving, but also growing as the best person I can be, thanks to my family of Heaven and the whole New Albor Holy Family. As I say to them when I end “On the Growth of the Human Personal Formation”: You are the reason I am… you are all my reasons]”

There is great bravery in being vulnerable enough to let yourself be “touched” and even “wounded” by what your students must go through. I had never been “immune” to what they had to go through, but I was never allowed or able to give them the lesson I was truly meant to give them. This text that I am beginning to share now, “Yes, we can grow best: Keys for a Growthful Philosophy of Education,” is my last living lesson for them, to be able to properly close the teacher “life stage” of my life as I let them know what should have happened but didn´t, and what should happen but did. Yes, this text began with the nature of a graduate philosophical research, but eventually became a philosophy that is a last lesson for my students and for others to come.

The part of the text I am sharing today is only the first part: the fundaments for a growthful philosophy of education. In this part of the text, I explore and expose with philosophical reasoning two necessary fundaments for any philosophy of education to be able to be applied systematically and successfully: a systemic personal formation model (in this case: integraction) and a philosophically grounded intellectual ethics (in this case: Peircean intellectual ethics). You can consider that this part of the text was what I should have done as a graduate philosophy student, and with achieving this fundament, my “life stage” as a graduate philosophy student is officially over. This was what I was meant to do as a graduate philosophy student if I would have been allowed to be who I am. Now, that stage can remain in my past: a door had been closed, and in a very beautiful way.

There is a second part of this text, which is properly what the whole text is meant to be: keys for a Growthful Philosophy of Education. The second part of this text is currently being scheduled to be shared on November 1, 2024, All Saints Day, because that is what a Christian teacher should always aim to do: that students can become the saints they are called to be.

If when I reach the surroundings of that date, I realize I need more time (there are many parts in this second part, not necessarily all equally long, but it is a wide-ranging philosophical exposition), that date will be delayed to Thanksgiving Day as a thank-you gesture to those students who literally changed the life of their teacher. Right now, I don´t feel I will need to delay the date, but if I need to, the second delayed date has already been chosen together.

My students may not realize this yet. They may believe that I was the one who saved them when it also happened in the opposite direction: they also saved me. My whole life, all that I had been through, prepared me to do what I did and to what I would eventually become during and after what we went through together. The new meanings that they brought to my life are also lifesavers, and my life wouldn´t be the same without them and what they did.

I consider the “intellectual pause” I am taking right now before transitioning to psychology and writing “On the Formation of the Human Person” a blessed duty, a blessed giftedness. This “intellectual pause” is necessary for my own growthful healing after the institutional and psychological abuse I was forced to endure as a teacher…. Above all, it is a necessary blessed duty towards my students to help them heal, forgive, and keep growing on.

Writing this was not planned at all. My family of Heaven had literally surprised me with all this. Trust me, I had not been doing this alone at all, no matter how humanely alone I might seem to be. I do have an unseen community helping me to do this; this is grace and Holy Spirit action, not merely an intellectual journey.

There is a very beautiful instrumental song in the movie “My Sister´s Keeper” that you can hear here. It is called “The Last Goodbye”: https://music.amazon.com/embed/B00KMUK94K/?id=vtEZivk3KL&marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US

For what should have been and didn’t happen, and what shouldn’t be and did happen… We say goodbye as we keep “plasmating” what should have been and, eventually, will happen. There are no reasons why evil happens. God’s Love simply keeps outpouring all. We are not talking about small systemic failures at all; we have faced huge systemic failures besides facing great evil. Both are being outpoured right now by God’s Love.

There is another very beautiful scene in the movie “My Sister´s Keeper” that you can see here:

Well, I pharaphrase now a part of that scene:

“To all my students, who always were very little, I am sorry I let them hurt you. I am sorry I wasn´t allowed to care for you as a teacher should…“

Whether a society recognizes it or not, evil happens, and there is a great evil faced through this text, and it must be faced face to face. Many people, especially little people, have been left behind or wounded; that is a fact. You don´t need bloodshed to happen to wound someone; heart wounds are enough, and conscience wounds are far enough to wound a student, but it wasn´t my fault either. In a certain way, cancer is like evil: it simply happens. Evil did happen; that is a fact… gruesome evil happened… But grace also happened; that is another fact that always mattered most and outpoured all the evil. In the words of Ro 5,20: “Where sin increased, grace overflowed all the more…”

Never more, people, never more. In the same way Auschwitz-Birkenau is “never again,” upon the evil we had faced here, grace´s outpouring tells us: “never more.” No one can be allowed to use schools to wound and exploit children like this, ever again.

The current writing schedule has been amended. During the next week, I will write the wisdom-based version of the text: based on my experiences as a teacher, in what I learned in the Faculty of Education of the University of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras Campus, and in grace… That “wisdom-based” text will be shared on November 1, All Saints Day.

During the following weeks, I will review the book as I read a book I have on the Kindle about key concepts in the philosophy of education… I had no idea until now that I had that book on my Kindle, its title is “Philosophy of Education: the Key Concepts“, by Christopher Winch and John Gingell. I will read the whole book as I revise my own text, ensuring I am not leaving any key concept of a philosophy of education behind.

Then goes the completion of the conclusion, commented and completed as I read the most famous philosophy of education in America: John Dewey’s “Democracy and Education: an Introduction to Philosophy of Education,” which I have on my Kindle also. Peirce was a direct “intellectual influence” of Dewey: First comes Peirce, then comes William James, and then Dewey. Peirce was the founder of the pragmatism that James and Dewey followed.

Finally, the final revision will happen (for that, I need to print the text and re-read everything physically and do whatever corrections are needed to the text)…

And then final version text of “Yes, We Can Grow Best!” will be shared on Thanksgiving Day.

I can not mention the memories that we had in last night’s dream. All I can say is that God knows, everybody in heaven knows, that lots of things that shouldn’t happen did happen. I do not need a society on Earth to recognize that, too… what I am called to do is outpour God’s Love. And we are not talking only about myself as a student, or about my own students. We are talking about a bunch of things that should not happen in any educational setting, including the institutional abuse that faced students who were sexually abused in Catholic schools. The wound of His living Body towards what should have happened and didn´t happen in Catholic educational settings is huge, and His beats ache in pain due to what these kids had to endure, as my own heart pains, sometimes even physically, for what my students endured. It seems they endured it because of me, but it wasn´t really because of me; there was a whole systemic failure involved in what was allowed to happen… in a clearly and very evidently systematic way. I shouldn´t feel guilty either, I always tried my best under every circumstance, and I always tried to love you according to your growthful needs, students, despite what happened around us.

So, here we go, letting go of a career (both a teaching career and an academic studies career) that should have happened in a whole different way…

As the song I quote at the beginning of this blog post says: “I´m letting go, but Heavens knows I loved you so”. This is why this philosophical text is meant to be, first and foremost, a work of Love for my students, so they can know what mattered, what should have happened, and sometimes, due to my personal example and initiative, assuming the costs by myself, it did happen… but for the most part, I was totally unallowed to implement this, either by direct institutional abuse or due the toxic circumstances surrounding us. Yes, when I say “toxicity,” we mean it: what happened around us was literally highly toxic; I had no idea where OSHA had been during this whole time, spending their time in corporative picnics or what.

To those students who may feel “guilty” about everything that happened… we simply say to them: May the peace be with you, be blessed. It wasn´t your fault at all; you are simply meant to keep growing on with all the living learned lessons; you are not meant to remain in the past; you need to keep glowing on and feel redeemed as the living signs of God´s Love you are called to be, as the living icons of God´s Love-with-us you are called to be… and we hope this text may help you to achieve so, as you are able to know how a growthful education is meant to be. This is the last living lesson I am meant to give you; may it serve you well to learn how you are meant to learn and be formed according to who you are and who you are called to be, the best person you can be: yes, we can grow best!

Although it has been clearly learned that no one can expect in the institutional what is not being embraced in the person first… among all the institutional abuses I faced, my personal example had always been the most important lesson I could even give to my students, way more important than any academic content I could be able to teach them, because there is no learning possible if the students are not unconditionally loved first.

So, my beloved students, all this I am writing is for you, as a last living lesson, told exactly like Jesus Charity would tell it to you, because He is the one who had taught me how to teach in a growthful way and how to write the living words I am writing:

The LORD bless you and keep you!

The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you!

The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace!

The text of the first part is being attached at the end of this blog post.

Let´s keep growing together in communion!

Pos Data: Anyone who knows my writing style knows that I usually choose my sharing-a-text date carefully. Well, I should clarify: this is an exception to that rule, because this is meant to be an incomplete text (the actual sharing date of the whole text, as I already explained, is currently November 1). My usual writing style rule is to choose either a holiday or a saint day to share my texts. Well, I choose to share this text today for a very practical reason: I have two medical appointments tomorrow, and I won´t be able to sleep too many hours due to coming out of my night shift at midnight and then needing to go early to my medical appointments… so I will probably be sleeping the rest of tomorrow, when coming back from the medical appointments. I wanted to share this text before the medical appointments… and having a whole free day (Wednesday) to begin Part II, so I chose to share this on Monday.

I had no idea today (Monday) is Columbus Day. I knew last Saturday was the Discovery of America Day (it knew it on the same Saturday), but I didn´t know today was Columbus Day when I chose the share date. I do mention in the text that I deliberately chose Peirce as a foundational ethical philosophy due to being an American like me. I am quite proud of using an American philosopher and not a European philosopher to give a philosophical foundation to a growthful philosophy of education. There are Europeans that have given a great apportation to the philosophy of education scenario, like Maria Montessori… but I wanted to have an American philosopher here. From the very beginning, one of my reasons for studying Peirce is that he is American. You may consider a growthful philosophy of education and its launch of a growthful society a great celebration of what we are called to be as American educators and also as an American society.